A/N: song is "Easier to Run" by Linkin Park. hope you like it!
Easier to Run
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Buffy ran blindly to her room. That was it. She'd had enough with the Slayer gig. No longer would she let everything and everyone she loved or cared about be destroyed.
Something has been taken
From deep inside of me
A secret I've kept locked away
No one can ever see
Wounds so deep they never show
They never go away
Like moving pictures in my head
For years and years they've played
All my boyfriends….gone, my parents….one dead and the other one God-only-knows where, my friends…..gone from normal to freakishly weird in the short period of time I've known them, my sister….not even really my sister, my life….full of apocalypses, death, chaos, and destruction, all because of my being the Slayer.
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave I would
Spike paced his crypt, thinking about what had happened to Buffy's mother. Life sure is fragile. I wonder how the Slayer is taking it……..
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all my shame to the grave
He finally got to the point where he couldn't take it anymore and walked out of his door for a patrol he knew Buffy wouldn't be on. Least I can do is take up her responsibilities while she's going through a rough patch….
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
Buffy gathered up her belongings. She was sick and tired of everyone dying because of her, because of her destiny. She packed quickly, wanting to leave as soon as possible. Suddenly she heard the front door open and Willow's, Tara's, and Dawn's voices. Since she couldn't get out the front way, she opened her bedroom window and tossed her things out onto the roof. She climbed out after them and closed the window behind her, hoping it would help give her more time to get out of town without interference.
Sometimes I remember
The darkness of my past
Bringing back these memories
I wish I didn't have
Sometimes I think of letting go
And never looking back
And never moving forward so
There would never be a past
She grabbed her duffel bag and her backpack before jumping lightly into the adjacent tree. She climbed down a few feet before jumping to the ground, landing soft and cat-like. She got up and started walking toward the bus station.
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all my shame to the grave I would
Spike was walking around Sunnydale when he saw her. She was cutting through a cemetery, carrying a duffel bag and backpack. She was moving quickly as if she didn't want to be seen or caught. As the realization that her way of coping was running hit him, he began to run after her.
If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
I would take all the shame to the grave
He grabbed her arm and forced her to look at him, "Buffy, where are you going?"
She looked back defiantly at him.
"Where do you think you are going?" he repeated.
"Why should I tell you? It's none of your business," she snapped, jerking her arm away. She began turning away from him.
He came up behind her and grabbed her round the waist.
Just washing it aside
All of the helplessness inside
Pretending I don't feel misplaced
Is so much simpler than change
She fought him furiously. In her mind, she was full of rage. How dare he try to stop her?
It's easier to run
Replacing this pain with something numb
It's so much easier to go
Than face all this pain here all alone
He tried to calm her down, "Buffy… Buffy… Look, I know you're hurting, but you can't just pick up and leave because you don't like what happened! What about Dawn? Do you think she wants to be known as the girl whose mom died and her sister left her with friends because she couldn't deal? The girl with no close family around to help her with her problems all because of one event, tragic as it was. Do you want her to live her life like that?!?"
Buffy shook her head slowly and bit back her tears. No, she couldn't do that to Dawn. She couldn't-- wouldn't become like her father.
It's easier to run
(If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would)
He held her close, letting her soak his dark T-shirt in her tears, "Look, Buffy, I want you to understand. If I could fix everything, I'd take all the pain away even if it killed me."
It's easier to go
(If I could change I would
Take back the pain I would
Retrace every wrong move that I made I would
If I could
Stand up and take the blame I would
If I could take all the shame to the grave)
He held her for a long time in that graveyard, comforting her to sleep. At about 4:00 am, Spike picked her and her belongings up and carried her to shelter. Since it was too close to dawn for him to take them to the Summers house, he took her to his crypt. He placed her things by the door in case she wanted to leave during the day when he could not. He carried her over to his sarcophagus and laid her down, covering her with his only blankets. He looked at her briefly before going over to his favorite armchair and getting comfortable. It was a good thing he had learned how to sleep tied up in one of them at Giles's apartment. He soon fell asleep.
Buffy awoke at noon and looked about her. This was not her room…. Then the events of the night before slowly came back to her…. She was in Spike's crypt, but where was he? Suddenly she saw him in an old ratty armchair, fast asleep. She looked at the bed she'd been sleeping on. It was Spike's, no doubt about it. Seeing the blankets pooled in her lap, she could tell he'd made sure she would be somewhat comfortable. She could see her things piled up neatly by the door, as though he expected her to leave as soon as possible. Well she had news for him….he thinks he knows me so well….. She got up and staggered groggily over to his still form, trying not to waken him. She situated herself clumsily in his lap, head on his chest. She kissed him lightly before falling back into slumber.
Spike smiled in his sleep and wrapped his arms around the petite girl lovingly.
They stayed that way until nightfall when they both woke up and, in a good many crashes, screams, and yells of alarm, realized their position, ruining the scene many a demon saw while passing through, curious as to why there had been no patrol that night.