Evocation 02

• Confusion •

Draco's voice cut through the fog of memories. "Mother?" he asked, and Harry could tell he was much closer to the center of the room, and likely wasn't planning on leaving. The poor sod was digging his grave by waking Narcissa now, while he was standing in the center of the room. She wasn't going to be happy about him intruding on her privacy.

"Mother, are you awake?" he asked.

There was a slight shifting on the bed, the silk sheets sliding across each other. Harry wished he'd covered her before he'd entered the bathroom. At the moment she wasn't wearing any clothing at all. In fact, other than a small bit of the sheet that was covering her waist, she was completely exposed. However, Draco wasn't supposed to be there, and it made Harry angry that he had come so deliberately into her room.

It was almost as if the man was looking for something, or someone. Harry wondered if Draco had any idea that his mother was sleeping with Harry Potter. It was likely, while sometimes he was a complete sod, he wasn't an idiot. The two had been sleeping together on and off for a long time, so there must have been some clues.

Still, unless somehow he managed to get the elves to talk, something Narcissa had forbidden them to do, he couldn't know. During the day, outside her room, they were completely different people. They barely seemed to know each other, even if they knew everything about one another. They were polite, and strictly business.

"Draco?" Narcissa's voice asked groggily. Harry could hear her snap awake the next instant, and knew what was forthcoming. He smiled, waiting for it.

A growl rose from her throat and she started to repeat his name again, in anger this time. She paused though, and Harry was sure she was looking to see what time it was, or possibly check to see if he was around. Of course, she'd disguise it in some manner; blame it on her waking state perhaps.

"What are you doing here this early?" she demanded. "When we spoke you said you'd be here at ten, it's barely past seven."

Harry didn't even have to see it to know what Draco's face looked like as he spoke. He'd been around Draco enough in his life that he knew the man's every mood. "Yes," he sneered his face filled with malice. "I had hoped to find you awake, perhaps in a slightly more receptive mood. However, I find you alone, as always."

Something about the words that were said triggered a second memory. He knew that Draco was implying that he had been present in Narcissa's bed, or that someone had been.

•

"You're not yourself," Luna whispered as they sat at The Three Broomsticks, Harry sipping Firewhisky while Luna sipped butterbeer. "I've never seen you forget money for drinks."

Harry looked up at her, his eyes bloodshot, and straining to stay open. He'd been awake for two days now, unsure what he was doing and why. "There's something important I need to talk to you about," he said quietly, deciding that sipping wasn't enough, instead he just gulped down the glass of Firewhisky.

The waitress who had served them earlier was at his side almost instantly, filling his cup again. He knew why, he was Harry-bloody-Potter and he always got top service no matter where he went. At least it was good for service sometimes.

Glancing at the retreating figure, Harry raised his wand and muttered a silencing spell. He really didn't want people to hear what he had to say, because it would end up as headlines on every wizarding newspaper. Well, except for the Quibbler, which was ironic, since Luna owned the damned thing and that's who he was talking to. Still, it was much easier to talk in the open, talking about it was uncomfortable enough, but doing it alone in a room was not something Harry wanted to do.

"I've been sleeping with someone," he said cautiously. He'd been unsure how to delve into the subject, so he did it the easiest way he knew how, jumping right to it. Nervously he glanced around again to see if anyone was staring his direction. Of course, anyone that recognized him would look, but the staring could mean someone was trying to read his lips, a muggle thing, but not unknown in the wizarding world.

Muggle things were becoming more and more commonplace in wizarding households lately. It was a trend that he'd set when a witch had caught him shopping to stock his place with muggle electronics. Some witch had gone and developed a way for electrical objects to work in magical households, and though it wasn't perfected, it was sure doing a job on the magical world.

Luna gave one of her rare smiles, something that Harry had seen twice in the past year. "And you feel as if you're betraying the memory of someone who died," she stated, not making it a question.

Throwing back another triple shot of Firewhisky, he slammed it into the table and looked Luna in the eyes.

"I loved her, even if I never told her," he said awkwardly. "…and now I betray her by sleeping with someone else, just because it feels good."

"Of course you loved her," Luna said quietly, reaching forward and slipping her hand into Harry's. No tears came to him, but they were there, buried underneath a face school in passive emotions. "Just as she loved you. But sleeping with someone else isn't going to betray her memory. She'd want you to find love somewhere else."

The waitress approached again, starting to pour more. Harry glared at her, and reached out, taking the whole bottle. She nodded and then slipped away, half frightened, half reverently. She didn't know how to take Harry and his mood, just as no one did anymore.

"It's not about love," Harry growled. "I can't love the woman. She's good in bed, that's all."

He took a swig of the alcohol, letting the burning in he throat sooth him. "Why'd she have to go?" Harry asked finding it hard to breathe. "I never could say it, not until it was too late. I wanted to tell her so much, but it made everything so much more real and I didn't."

Luna looked at him and sighed. She stood, and moved to his side of the table. He heaved a long sigh as she wrapped her arm around him tightly. He started sobbing on her shoulder, no longer able to fight the feelings off.

Several minutes later, when the tears were gone, Harry drew back slowly. Luna didn't fight, didn't push him to talk. She was there, offering to hold him if he still needed it and that's how he kept his strength. She was the only one left, the only one he still trusted. "You know if things had been different we could have been together," Harry said, staring into her eyes, looking to see if there was any response to his words.

She smiled again, softly, then leaned over and kissed Harry on the forehead. She drew back and looked at Harry, but it wasn't a look of love. "Tonks was meant for you, just as Ron was meant for me," she said in an understanding tone. "You and I were not meant to be a couple, nor could that ever happen. You're my brother Harry, or the closest thing I have to one, and though siblings have fallen in love before, I do not believe it is our destiny."

Harry couldn't help but smile, Luna was so frank that it sometimes made him wonder if she knew how to act any other way. Of course, he knew she could, he'd seen other faces she put on. During the war she'd been sharp as a tack and quite good at retrieving information as an undercover operative. No one put a second thought into a ditzy blonde wandering around.

"She'd be happy for you I think," Luna said, changing the tone of the conversation. "Tonks, she'd want you to go on without her."

"I know," Harry said quietly, bowing his head. "I just can't forget her though, she and I…"

"…had something special," Luna finished.

Harry knew she understood his feelings. She hadn't been out with anyone either. Not since the war had ended and Ron had died. Not that she'd ever gone out with very many people to start with, but she wasn't exactly the ugly step-sister sort. In fact, a lot of guys thought she was quite beautiful. If it wasn't for her wandering attitude and love of Ron, she'd likely already be married.

It wasn't as if Harry's date book was empty either. Everyone wanted to talk to him, have a chat, see how he was doing, or go out with him. He'd quit responding to owls unless it was official business. Between donations and pictures, he was sure he could have hired a crew of elves and they would have taken years to sift through everything he had received.

"So who is it?" Luna finally asked. The curiosity was getting to her, which wasn't something that often happened. Harry supposed that it was because that it was so difficult for him to have chosen someone. He supposed that had she been at the ball that night she would have known. But she'd left before Harry had spoken with Narcissa, and since they hadn't spoken since, it was easy to not know who.

Harry sighed and looked at her, the tiny blonde oddball who had saved his life on more than one occasion. She'd been injured in the last battle and almost died herself. She probably would have if Harry hadn't needed her, needed someone to stay at his side. After his wounds had healed he'd sat next to her for a full month, leaving only when it was absolutely necessary. She had gotten well, slowly. However, his presence had formed an even stronger bond, one that would never be broken. He did understand her when she referred to him as a brother, because that's all he could see her as, a sister.

If it had been Ginny, and the feeling hadn't been mutual, then it could have progressed to something else. Perhaps even Hermione, the dedicated friend who had been with him for ten full years, never once wavering. Susan, whose quiet smiles made him smile back. So many people he could have loved. So many people who died.

"It's Narcissa Malfoy," he finally responded.

"Her efforts to seduce you finally played out then," Luna commented.

Harry stared at her, blinking.

Until she had dragged him into her bed he hadn't even realized she was there most of the time. He definitely hadn't thought that she was trying to seduce him. He didn't really understand why should would either, she was a very confusing person.

The first time they'd had sex was for her son's life. As if the dimwit should be living anyway. She had priorities, and he was near the top, under herself of course, the woman was cold about how she prioritized her life.

The second time had been for the same reason, but Harry had been the one to initiate it, he knew he could get it from anyone, but for some reason she'd been different. She hadn't offered it because he was Harry Potter. After all, Harry had murdered her husband, she wouldn't swear her loyalty to him simply because he'd defeated Voldemort. Instead of Harry feeling used, it had felt as if, for an instant, that he was using her. He realized it that night, what he was doing, how he was being something he hated. It had been one of the few moments of clarity in his life since the war had ended.

So, after the second time he'd ended it, told her that her debt had been repaid and that he would not return. When she'd asked him why he simply left without an explanation, he hated himself for what he'd done and hated admitting it even more.

So, he had been surprised when a week later she'd invited him to return again. That was five days ago, and he hadn't slept since that night. He'd been awake, fighting against the demons in his mind, trying to understand why she would want him to come. She hadn't asked for anything, hadn't tried to pawn a relationship off on the media. She was well off, having inherited the Malfoy estate, she didn't need or want fame. There was nothing he had that she couldn't get elsewhere, and yet she had still asked him to return.

"I don't know if I can do this," he said finally, looking at the marred corner of the table, he dug at it with his fingernails, trying to think of something other than Narcissa, something that wouldn't make him confused.

"Have you considered that she may just want to be with you?" Luna asked simply. "I know you've considered every reason why she would try and bring you close, everything from resurrecting Voldemort, to gaining notoriety. It's just as likely that you've thrown aside every explanation you can think of – or else you wouldn't be here with me, because then it would be a simple answer. But, I think the one thing you refused to believe was that it could be something that you both need."

Harry stared at the chipped mug in front of him, then poured himself a drink. "Luna," he said quietly even though no one else could hear him anyway. "Sometimes you're too smart." She smiled again and stood up, leaving Harry to think about his feelings.

It was an hour later when he found himself standing on the doorstep to the mansion, unsure what he was doing, and afraid to consider that it was anything more than just sex. The door opened and a little elf let him in, he gave the creature a smile before it disappeared, frightened.

"I hoped you would come back," Narcissa said softly, taking his hand and leading him to the bedroom.

• Edited 2004.11.10 •