Chapter 39 of "Breaking Though"

A/N - Okay guys! Thank you all SO much for the great support and reviews I've gotten. I really appreciate them and it makes me so happy to see that email saying "REVIEW ALERT!" sitting in my inbox. I'd also like to apologize for the long time in between each of these updates...I've had some RL issues that have hampered the muse...and yeah. So I'm trying! Honest. ;) So yeah. I'm trying to find a way to wrap up this story in the next couple of chapters...because I don't want it to drag on and on and on. So keep reading, it may be nearly the end for this story...and then I'll start a new one!

A/N #2 - Okay, yeah...I know I'm skipping the funeral. I just...didn't feel okay writing it. It wasn't working out for me. So this chapter takes place two days afterwards. Keep that in mind when reading. Thanks!!!

Okay, now on with the fic!!!

----Chapter 39----

--Nigel--

I'm ready to go back. I miss Boston. Miss my friends. I miss Garret, Lily, Bug, Peter...miss my dog and my cat.

Nigel stood absentmindedly at the sink and stared down at the water dripping from the leaking faucet and trickling down the drainpipe. Sighing deeply, he slipped out of his clothes and turned the shower on, and waited patiently for the water to warm up to the way he liked it. After it was warm, he stepped into the shower and ducked his head beneath the spray, then stood and let the water run over him while he tried to relax.

I always thought that London was my home...that when I left, I'd always come back. But now that I am back I really don't want to be here. I don't consider this home anymore. Sure, I've got memories, loves, and times here that I'll never forget and I'd never want to. But London has hurt in it. Painful stuff.

Boston is my home. Ever since I landed there, fresh out of the service, black eye and all, I've stayed. Never saw a reason not to. Nothing else appealed to me. Do I regret not looking farther than the airport?

He leaned up against the cold tiles and a shiver ran down his spine as he wiped the water out of his eyes, but made no effort to stop the shower.

I've almost died - twice - in Boston. I've watched a woman that I had feelings for meet a man who I now know was perfect for her. I was happy for her. Hell, I set them up.

I helped find him after he was killed. I carried his body from the rubble of that house.

I watched a Garret perform an autopsy on him.

I saw Jordan. I saw the look in her eyes. The expression on her face. I heard her sobs. I felt her heart break.

I saw her at the funeral. I saw the way she was looking at his body.

I know how badly she was hurt.

Nigel ducked his head back under the water to wash the tears that were threatening to spill from his eyes. It didn't matter to him that the water was now cold and he was shivering uncontrollably. He couldn't let anyone see him crying. No one.

But there's no one here to see you cry. You're alone.

Alone. That was the truth. He was alone. He muttered the word softly, the sound of his voice covered by the rushing water and the sound of his heart beating in his chest.

You're not alone.

The voice in his head scared him and he jumped. Looking quickly through the frosted glass doors to the shower, he made sure no one was in the room with him before leaning back up against the tile wall.

You're not alone.

There it was again! He turned off the water to the shower and stood silently, dripping, listening to the noises of the house. Nothing. No one. Grabbing a towel, he dried himself off and stepped from the shower, then pulled on his boxers and a pair of sweatpants, then realized he didn't bring himself a clean shirt. He wrapped the towel around his shoulders and slipped out into the hallway, shivering at the cold air that met him as he walked down the hall towards his room.

He walked into the room and saw Jordan standing at the window, her back to him.

He coughed gently to get her attention, which she did and she briefly turned around before looking back out the window. Nigel noticed that she was crying after a few minutes of standing and watching her silently. He crossed the room and stood behind her a few feet before he gently laid a hand on her back, trying to find something to say to try to calm her down.

--Jordan--

I'm alone. He's not here. No one is here for me. I have no one.

The world was crashing down on Jordan at this very moment. The loss of Woody was finally hitting her, and now with the stress of what Nigel was dealing with...it was just all falling into a tailspin. There was really no one...even in the house, that could console her. Nigel's aunt had gone with Bret and his family back to their home, to spend a few days away. Only Nigel could help her, but she wasn't about to lay her crap on him right now.

I saw the look in his eyes at the funeral. I know how much this hurts him.

Both his parents are gone now. I at least still have dad.

At the feel of his hand on her back, she jumped slightly and then lowered her head to her chest, wiping the tears from her eyes as she looked away from the setting evening sun.

He wrapped his arms around her waist and stepped closer to her, resting his head on her shoulder gently.

She managed to squeak out the words "he's really gone..." before she broke down into tears again and clung to him for dear life.

He said nothing.

--Nigel--

She's talking about HIM and I knew it. It's my fault. Why is it just hitting her now?

Nigel gently rubbed her back with his free hand while keeping the other firmly wrapped around her. "I'm here. I know he's gone...and I'm sorry baby." He whispered softly and pulled her closer to him.

She sniffed back tears and tried to speak. "Need...need...you...just..."

He nodded. "I'm here. I'm never letting go."

Shaking her head softly, she turned and wrapped her arms around him, pressing her head into his chest.

"Jordan it's alright...I'm here. I'm here." He whispered softly and moved backwards so he was sitting on his bed, her sitting beside him. He held her close to him and tried to get her to relax.

"No...Nigel...I..." She opened her eyes and stared into his for a moment before moving and suddenly kissing him deeply on the mouth.

Surprised, Nigel wasn't sure how to react, but he pulled away from her and shook his head in confusion. "Jordan. What is it? Why...?"

"I need...you." She felt tears well up in her eyes and then she kissed him again, deeper than before.

He was shocked, and he didn't return her kiss. He pulled away and shook his head again. "No...Jordan...we...why...?"

"I need to know I'm alive. I need to know you're alive. I need to feel...loved again." She ran her fingertips down his chest and kissed at his neck. "Please...just...need you..."

Sweet....dear god...I...this...isn't... His brain tried to process everything that was going on. Nigel was confused as all hell, but deep down he knew that he needed this too. But...Jordan? She...she...was Jordan.

She was Jordan. That was exactly it.

"I...Jordan...this..." He shivered as she lowered her lips to his collarbone. "...are you sure?" He reached and pulled her chin up so she was looking him in the eyes.

"I've never been more sure of anything in my entire life." She pushed him so he was lying on his back and she laid next to him, then kissed him softly. "Anything. Ever." Jordan kissed at his neck and then looked him in the eyes. "Aren't you?"

Nigel merely nodded and reached up, pulling her close to him, then kissing her softly on the lips. "Yes." He whispered softly. "God yes." He raised his head and kissed her deeper.

She moaned softly and ran her hands across his chest and then rested them on his hips, pulling at the elastic band on his sweatpants.

They feverishly kissed at each other, pent up feelings and emotions finally getting a chance to express themselves in a way either of them never thought would be happening.

No words were shared, only glances and gazes that communicated everything that needed to be said. It was like it was meant to be. Each of them knew what the other needed, what the other wanted. And in reality, even if it was the emotions or the stress, or the pain and the hurt, neither of them cared.

This was real. This was alive. They were alive.

They needed to know that the most.

TBC...

A/N - Yeah. Chapter 39 is finito. Review.