Draco-Luver - Thanks for the review – as you can see, there is more!

Goblinfool – I will try and update as often as poss ;-)

Padma - Ah, but you did v well in it! As for the hand, stop reading this and carry on with the story! Now, I command you! Oh, and why are you Padma? Don't you want to be Parvati so you can be with the sexy Dan Radcliffe (wink, wink) at the ball? Oh, and say thanks to mmm...Mr Darcy for me! Hey! Why did you just read that? I told you to skip ahead! You bad girl, tut tut. Skip ahead, skip ahead! Jesus.

Dark fairy fan – Thank you! I'll keep updating as long as you do ;)

Tikvah Ariel- Thank you! And some good guesses there! But that's all I'm saying! Glad I poof red it vell ;)

Irulan Corelli – Mucho thanks! (jumps up and down on bed with glee!)

Chute-ing Flamingos

"Aarrgh!" Screamed Harry.

"Woooo!" "Wahee!" Shouted the twins.

"Help!" Hermione tried to cry, but the ice-cold palm clamped against her lips muffled her plea.
Harry was certain he was going to die. There was no way anyone could survive such a fall. He was in a perfectly circular chute, the sides composed of what appeared to be copper, stained nastily with a multitude of unidentifiable substances. It stank of dirt, sewage, and a whole cocktail of scents it was better not to think about. The air tasted fetid and metallic. An additional surge of fear rose in his throat as he thought of the labyrinth of pipes weaving through the chamber of secrets. Voldemort won't even have to Avada Kedavra me...

The air rushed past him, like angels pushing him firmly on toward heaven, then suddenly, miraculously, the pipe was levelling...hewas horizontal... thank God.

Or maybe not.

He was flying through space once again...

"Oof!" His journey was cut short rather swiftly. And painfully. He was waist deep in an Olympic swimming-pool-sized dustbin. Great.

Harry wiped potato peel of his glasses and looked up to see the twins clambering onto a narrow wooden walkway spanning the vast cavern. He quickly followed suit, desperate to free himself of the cloying rubbish and chased after them, only dimly recalling the purpose of this mad escapade.

"What was that?!" He hissed at George who was wrestling with a small door.

"Rubbish chute of course." He replied, kicking the door viciously when it failed to yield to alohomora, forcing it open and ducking through. "House-elves use them. You didn't think they lugged everyone's litter all through the castle, did you?"

"Never really thought about it," responded Harry. "How come they aren't on the marauder's map?"

"Too many of them. We reckon you could get anywhere in the school if you could get up them."

"From what we've gathered", joined in Fred as they hurried up a large flight of steps, "rubbish keeps building up until every few years a teacher remembers its there and vanishes it."

"Its always exciting, hoping just that hasn't happened..."

"... And that you'll have a nice big pile of crap to cushion your fall."

They burst through another doorway into the kitchens, the pots and pans glittering in the bright light, through the fruit bowl portrait and up to the entrance hall.

Several floors up Hermione was lying frozen upon the cold stone floor. Her brown eyes roamed, terrified, over her captives. Drace Malfoy stood above her, lazily twirling her wand in his long fingers as he surveyed her, flanked by three other Slytherins. "So what do we do with her now?" Grunted Goyle. An evil smirk spread languidly across Malfoy's icy countenance. "Wouldn't you like to know?" He smiled, eyes fixed upon Hermione.
The twins and Harry skidded to a halt at the end of the passage, staring at the scene in front of them. Pansy Parkinson, Theodore Nott and Blaise Zabini were each tied to a stake firmly impaled in a giant barrel filled to the brim with glistening shrimps, their gentle rose bodies sparkling in the torchlight. Pansy was screaming as they squirmed against her, and Nott was tinged with a delicate green, but the crowning glory of the bizarre set-up was the flamingos. There must have been fifty of them, all jostling, honking and flapping in their desperation to reach the shrimps. Pansy shrieked still louder as one extended his handsome beak toward her, and quickly snapped one of the writhing creatures from her hair.

The crowd were crying with mirth, Colin Creevy in an elevated state of rapture, clicking away so fast his finger was a blur, capturing the moment from every possible angle, ensuring no Hogwarts student (or teacher) would miss out.

When one of the birds ungainly scrambled onto Blaise's head, claws scratching his shoulders and wriggling its bum firmly against his scalp in order to get comfortable, George collapsed in hysterics, crying against the floor. And when the furious Slytherin's unusual headgear swiftly dilated its perfectly round anus, releasing a foul-smelling stream of liquid downBlaise's cheek, Harry and George swiftly joined him.

AN- WAVES ARMS ABOVE HEAD JUMPING UP AND DOWN. OK now I've got your attention (hopefully), please hit that little review button, pretty please with sugar on top :-) Merci bucket! (Oh I love that bit where Hagrid says "Bong-sewer" in GoF, tee hee).

P.S. Sos it's so short! I PROMISE I'll update tomorrow.

P.P.S. When Harry and the Weasley twins come flying out the tube I just have this picture from The Goonies going through my head (fantastic film).

P.P.P.S. Its hard for me to update both this and The End regularly so which would you prefer to see with the most updates (although I will try and keep up with both)?