Chapter Four – The Black Bachelor

A/N – ARGH! I have to go to school in 5 minutes and my Dad still hasn't gotten out of bed... Grrr... Sure he had to wake up at 2 o'clock this morning but hey! I have needs too! He he he.

Disclaimer – No matter how many pennies I throw down the well, Harry's world will never be mine... of course that plan might work better if we even had pennies in Australia... of if I'd ever seen a well before... Do a creek and a 5-cent coin count? Oh and I didn't invent Sirius' dramatic interlude – they are the immortal words of William Shakespeare from his play Romeo and Juliet... well most of it is...

James watched Lily climb the stairs that led to her dormitory. He didn't care that he had dirty water dripping into his eyes, but apparently the other Marauders did.

"What did you do? Roll around in a puddle somewhere?" Remus asked, staring at James' appearance.

"Nah, more like rolled around in a puddle with Lily. She's just as soaked as he is!" Peter laughed.

Sirius dragged James over to a nearby couch and sat across from him, grinning like a maniac.

"You little horndog, you! Bet she had to pour that water over him as a substitute for a cold shower!" Sirius howled.

"She slipped," James said quietly, still staring at the staircase that leads to the girls' room... the staircase that could lead him to Lily.

"What? As she fell head over heels for you?" Remus snorted.

Sirius stood up on the couch, and dramatically placed one hand on his heart, the other reached out to James.

"But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks! It is the east, and LILY EVANS is the sun! – Arise, fair sun, and snog my mate James!"

Remus laughed softly, "Sirius, stop butchering Shakespeare."

However, this only encouraged him. Putting on a ridiculously high voice, he continued.

"O Jameo, Jameo! Wherefore art thou JAMEO?"

James tackled him back down to the couch, desperately hoping that Lily couldn't hear Sirius' ridiculous ravings.

"Can we just drop the subject?" he asked desperately.

"If I must," said Sirius with all the air of a reluctant child.

"So, what do you guys think of Meg?" Peter asked.

"Meg? Meg Boman? As in Lily's friend?" Sirius asked.

"I thought we had dropped the subject of Lily!" James groaned.

"We have, but you never said we couldn't talk about her friends," Sirius grinned manically.

"Remus? What do you think about Meg?" Peter said, a knowing smile on his face.

Remus blushed deeply, his eyes flickering over to where Meg was sketching by the fireplace

"You're not serious Moony!" Sirius cried.

Remus flashed him a half apologetic smile.

"What's wrong with Remus liking Meg?" James asked.

"Moony promised me that we'd remain swinging bachelors this year, that no girl was going to tie us down!" Sirius announced.

"Hey, you never promised me that!" Peter exclaimed, a look of hurt on his face.

Sirius snorted.

"Sorry Wormtail, but you're not exactly swinging bachelor material."

"Fine then, what about me?" James asked, thoroughly annoyed now.

The other three Marauders looked at each other momentarily before bursting into laughter.

"Oh, come on James, you've been a done deal with Lily ever since fifth year," Remus said, wiping tears from his eyes.

"Have not!" he protested.

"Signed, sealed, delivered, Prongs!" Peter laughed.

Not even the infamous Potter glare could get them to shut up.

"Hey, I CAN be swinging bachelor material! James Potter ain't tied to nothing and nobody."

"Err... are you sure, Prongs? I mean, I thought you and Lily might have actually been going somewhere," Remus said, uncertainly.

"Silence, Lupin!" said Sirius, holding up a hand to Remus. "If the man wants to swing like a bachelor, let him swing!"

James' eyes flickered over to the staircases once more.

"Lesson number fun!" Sirius announced. "In this lesson you must simply watch and learn my friend. Watch and learn."

Sirius strode over to a group of sixth years that had been eyeing him off all night.

"Ladies, may I?" he could be heard saying from across the room.

A chorus of high-pitched giggles echoed around the common room causing Peter to wince slightly.

Several minutes later Sirius emerged from the circle of girls, looking flustered. His tie was at an odd angle and Remus could have sworn that Sirius had a lipstick stain on his collar.

"Owl me!" cried one of the girls to Sirius' retreating back.

"Looks like I have an entire entourage escorting me to Hogsmeade next weekend," he said coolly, sliding his hands behind his head as he sat down.

"So, Prongs, are you ready to swing with the Black bachelor?"

James hesitated, thinking of the moment that had passed between him and Lily. But it wasn't like they were dating or anything? Right?

"Sure, what have I got to lose?"

"So, what about Sarah?" Sirius asked at breakfast the next morning.

"She's Lily's friend! I can't do that!" James protested, now regretting his vow to become a Black bachelor.

"Oh, picky picky picky. Fine... erm... Meg?"

James nearly spat out his pumpkin juice.

"She's with Remus!"

"Right you are, Potter."

Sirius stroked his chin thoughtfully.

"Well, in that case what about Imogen?"

James looked over at Imogen Sweet, a pretty Ravenclaw who was known for her quick wit.

"Well I – "

"GREAT!" cried Sirius, clapping James on the back. "Your first target has been identified!"

"First? You mean there's more than one?" squeaked Peter.

"Exactly why you wouldn't be good Black bachelor material," Sirius replied.

Severus was not happy. It wasn't like he wasn't usually this way but all the same, he was not a happy camper. The previous night he had dreamt some disturbing mental images involving Professor McGonagall and a lacy slip; his owl had pecked him in the nose, causing it to swell to twice its size and his pride prevented him from seeing anyone about it. Severus Snape not being able to control a mere bird? NONSENSE! Besides, his owl did not peck like some barnyard chicken.

So Severus decided to slip out of the Great Hall, hoping that he would not have to ward off anymore uncomfortable questions. He was walking up the staircases when...

"Severus!" a voice called.

Severus didn't need to turn around to know who it was. He didn't even have to guess as to why they were following him. What he didn't know was why Lily Evans, Mudblood-extraordinaire, was again calling him by his given name.

"Yes, Evans," he muttered.

Lily ran a hand nervously through her hair. Despite her time with James, she couldn't help thinking about what had happened in the detention. Why did he close off like that? Could anyone make him open up? Could she? And why did she even care?

"I just wanted to say that I'm sorry if I pried too much last night and that I'm here if you need me, that's not to say that you need anyone but if you do just remember that – "

Severus whipped around and grabbed her wrist.

"I do not need sympathy from the likes of you," he spat.

Lily's eyes were wide. But unfortunately not for the reason that Snape was hoping for.

"What happened to your nose?"

Severus swore silently to himself.

Lily grabbed hold of his chin and held her wand to his nose.

"Hold still and I'll fix it!"

"Get your hand off me, Evans."

"It won't hurt a bit! Just hold still."

"You CAN'T fix it!"

"Oh yes I can!"

"Nu-uh."

"Yeah-huh."

"Nu-uh."

"Yeah-huh."

"Nu-uh."

"Yeah-huh."

"Nu-uh."

"Nostralis Immendo!"

Snape backed away quickly, still slightly reeling from the spell. He could feel the pain in his nose lessen, and, raising his hands slowly to his face, felt his nose return to its normal size.

Lily looked shocked with herself and almost embarrassed, but those who knew her well would have been able to see the glint of pride evident in her eyes.

"Thanks," Severus mumbled, almost incoherently.

"Don't mention it," Lily replied softly.

Severus' sneer quickly replaced the look of amazement and in the blink of an eye he was back to his evil self.

"Wasn't planning on it."

And with that, he stormed away.

Sirius stared out of the window, wondering if butterflies ate butterfly cakes and the butterflies had liked them so much, they had decided to share the recipe with people.

After spending a few minutes drooling over the thought of butterfly cakes, Sirius was aroused from his stupor by James, who appeared very excited about something.

Perhaps the house-elves had made butterfly cakes?

"Padfoot, listen to McGonagall!"

Listen to McGonagall? Was the man on Firewhisky? Sirius voiced his opinion, earning a sharp glare from Professor McGonagall.

"As I was saying, this year, a Halloween Ball will take place Halloween night and is open to fourth years and above. You are all asked to dress in costume and..."

But whatever McGonagall was going to say was drowned out by the excited whispers that broke out.

After trying, and somehow failing to regain the attention of her class she merely trudged back to her desk.

James had a huge grin on his face and was staring at none other than Lily Evans.

"Don't even think about it, Prongs," Sirius said.

"Sirius, this is the perfect opportunity to make a move on Lily. I can't pass it up!"

Sirius grabbed James by the shoulders.

"James, focus! Look at me, James, look at me!"

James reluctantly turned his eyes away from Lily.

"James, do you realise how perfect a move this could be for both the Black bachelors and you and Evans?"

Not even Sirius could miss the blank look in James' eyes.

"If you rock up with Imogen Sweet, then Lily would get jealous, snog you and then live happily ever after. Then Miss Sweet, thoroughly annoyed at you, would run straight into the soothing arms of the Black bachelor. Ba-da bing, ba-da boom, the Black bachelor strikes again."

James had barely muttered an 'alright' when Sirius had gotten out of his seat and walked straight over to Lily.

James couldn't watch. He had seen Sirius operate before and he didn't want to imagine those moves being used on Lily. But if that was the sacrifice he had to make, then he supposed that he could get used to the idea of his mate cracking onto a girl he had loved for years.

And what about Imogen?

James broke out in a cold sweat at the prospect of asking Imogen to the dance. What if she said no? She couldn't say no! What about the plan?

He looked up again to see Sirius walking back to him.

"The deed is done. All you have to do is convince Imogen," Sirius said, sliding back down into his seat.

"Yeah, convince Imogen," said James, sounding slightly hysterical.

"Don't worry, Prongs," said Sirius, clapping him on the back. "With a mug like yours, it'll be easy as pie... or butterfly cakes..."

A/N – Did any of the Aussies spot the blatant Kath and Kim quote? And if you are extremely deprived, butterfly cakes are little muffins made out of buttercake mixture. Then you cut off the tip of the muffin and cut it in half. You put cream on top of the muffin and then you stick the two bits of muffin on either side, in the cream, thus making the butterfly wings! Mmmm... so yummy.