I'm back! Yippee! I don't own Ranma ½. If I did, this wouldn't be fan fiction. It would be "what actually happened fiction". On with the story. Poor P-chan. BTW: cranium head bones (not counting jaw or teeth) skull.
"Oh boy! Dinner! While I eat, I can't talk! When I don't talk, I don't embarrass myself! I can't wait. Kasumi makes such great food. Might as well enjoy it while I can. If she moves in with Tofu, I'll end up training Nabiki how to cook, or maybe even my fiancé. I hope Ryoga gives my book back. I think Dr. Tofu might want to study it thoroughly before the wedding night time is almost here! Can you believe it?! In a few short hours the sun will be gone and the moon will be out and dinner will be all done and the crickets will be, ummmmmm, cricketing, and I'll take a bath then go to sleep and..."Ranma was obviously trying to make Akane ignore the book part, and she saw this.
"You have a book? I've never seen you voluntarily read anything more difficult than a manga. What's it called?" Akane was curious. If he hated reading in school so much, why would he want to read outside of it?
"Uh, well you see, it's not really mine. It's my fathers. I found it one day while looking for the Pocky he stole from me. He was trying to teach me something about being too used to yummy things. Back when he was training he was lucky to have pickled radishes, or so he says. I don't really remember because after I found the Pocky, I immediately hid it in the gardening supply closet, where he would never ever look for it."
"Stop trying to change the subject Ranma! What was the name of the book?" Akane wasn't angry yet, just a little annoyed.
"..." Ranma blushed and mumbled something, but it was too soft for anyone to hear.
"Could you speak up please?"
"Anything Goes Marital Arts Special Manual # 2: Dance of the Flashing Fingers to Flying Trapeze Mount." Ranma's blush continued to deepen.
"Marital...you have a book?! About THAT?! Why would Ryoga...no! They can't! They may be dating, but they're not married! Ukyo would never do such a thing!" Akane was ranting as fast as her tongue would allow.
"Would you stop thinking like that? Ukyo and Ryoga would never ummmmmm...practice the Flying Trapeze Mount or anything like that, but there are plenty of other things that can be done while not doing that. With my knowledge of the Chestnut Fist, I'm sure I can combine its speed with some of other techniques in the book. Why am I thinking about that? I mean, I've read it cover to cover out of boredom one day and I'm sure I'll have nothing to worry about when it comes time to have fun. I'm sure you'll be able to withstand ohmygodAkane'sgonnamalletme! Now she really does think I'm a pervert!" Ranma started to back up into the corner farthest from Akane.
"You have ONE second to start talking about something else!" The color on her face was the result of both being embarrassed that there is a special manual about, well, you know, and the fact that it sounded like Ranma had considered Akane as a candidate to test the techniques on. 'Well, maybe he didn't think about it in as explicit detail as I just did...but then why would he think I'd be able to tolerate' her thoughts were cut off by Ranma's next words.
"Ryo I mean P-chan! What are you doing back here so soon? Weren't you and Ukyo getting acquainted? This is the distraction I needed! I really didn't like the path our conversation was headed down just now. If I didn't get clobbered immediately, maybe I could've...we could've...NO! Good thoughts in! Bad thoughts out! Good thoughts in! Bad thoughts out! Good thoughts in! Bad thoughts out! It's just a hormone-induced mood I'm in all of a sudden. It will pass. With the help of Ryoga I will make it out of this mood alive! P-chan, I'd say you have three seconds before Akane has your head mounted on the wall."
Akane called the little black piglet over, which caused him to drop the backpack he was carrying and leap from the doorway into her arms. "Don't listen to him my little baby! Ranma's just jealous I'm hugging you and not him. He's been cranky all day." She gave him a kiss on his cheek, which caused P-chan's eyes to enlarge. Akane placed the stunned pig on the floor. "I'll be right back P-chan, I have a present for you! Ranma, not a word about ANYTHING till I get back, you hear me?!"
"Yeah, yeah, I hear ya'. After all this, you have a present for the little pork chop? I would've punted him into Mongolia if I were you, but if you say so. She never gave me a present for no reason before. Although, I have a feeling I may not want this gift. Ryoga, I can't tell you why, but be careful. Akane's been acting kinda moody lately. Today she told me she wouldn't mind it if I kissed her after a date. In fact, yesterday we went out to the movies then went out to grab some ice cream. That sounds like a date to me. That means I'm cleared! She can't hold it against me if I finally went for it! She didn't say just how long after the date I could wait! I sound like Nabiki. Speaking of which, Nabiki owes me big time. Since pictures of my girl form somehow wound up on a nudie website, she's been apologizing and trying to figure out how to make it up to me. She swears she didn't do it and doesn't know who did. If I can convince her to make Akane give Kasumi the antidote recipe, I can go for the kiss with only the very good chance of getting the beating of my young life! But, that would kinda be forcing her and I absolutely can't do that. Wait! I'll just ask her if yesterday was a date or not! If she says yes, then I'm sure nothing bad should happen. I mean, it's not like she'd forget something she said that important that quickly, would she? Did that make any sense? I don't know, this has been a long day. Oh, by the way, what were you and Ukyo doing yesterday? It looked like you were choking on something and she was trying to move it out of the way with her tongue. I'm assuming she saved you and you're gonna give up on Akane?"
P-chan blushed as much as his black hide would let him as he slowly nodded. Meanwhile, Akane made it inside and was on the phone.
"Hello, Azusa? This is Akane Tendo...no I don't want to challenge you. I heard it was your birthday soon and called to give you a peace offering...that's right, Charlotte...oh, no reason...k', see you in a few!"
I know it's been a while. Things have been, well, not too good. If this update was kinda hard to follow, I apologize. I plan on posting a revised version when I eventually post the next chap. Till then, R&R!