Chapter Twelve – Macho Man

A/N – Sigh. I have just returned back to school after a blissful holiday that went too fast for my liking. This chapter is dedicated to everyone who just returned back to school and is sick of it already.

Disclaimer – (Yawns) This disclaimer is such a tiresome affair. Not mine, never will be.

By the way, Edward Norton has been inserted for my friend's sake as a favour. If you have any suggestions or anything you find privately hilarious that you want to see in the remaining chapters – just ask! I'm always up for a little bit of extra nonsense.

James surveyed the scene before him. Everyone had returned from Christmas holidays, and the Great Hall was once more filled with noise.

Ahh... blissful noise.

He could see Sirius making fun of Peter and Remus trying to put an end to it in front of him. And he could hear Lily laughing at some joke a handsome Hufflepuff had made. How James loved her laugh, so natural, so...

Wait a minute. Some Hufflepuff was scamming on his territory?

Yes that's right. James' territory. Although Lily wasn't yet aware of the fact, she was now officially James'.

Kinda.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand. Some cocky brute was trying to get into Lily's good books.

Not while I'm around, pal.

He slid down next to Lily, laughing loudly to get attention and draping his arm over her in a possessive way.

"Hi I'm James Potter, Lily's BOYFRIEND!" James said loudly, holding out his hand to the sandy-haired Hufflepuff.

Lily felt a little flutter in her heart at these words, regardless of how annoyed she was at James for interrupting her conversation.

The boy raised an eyebrow, clearly amused and shook James' hand.

"Hi, I'm Edward Norton, Lily's EX-BOYFRIEND."

Lily winced. She hardly thought that one date in fifth-year made him her ex-boyfriend. And even though they were just good friends she doubted that James would see it that way.

James put on a fake laugh.

"Oh reaaaaally?"

Desperate to break the tension, Lily spoke.

"Edward and I were just discussing rugby."

The blank look on James' face told Lily that he was clearly uneducated on the Muggle sport.

"Rugby Union," Edward said slowly, as if speaking to a child, "It's a pretty brutal game though, probably why you've never gotten involved."

Lily could practically see the testosterone flowing through James' veins.

"Not until now," James muttered.

"Is that a challenge, Potter?" Edward asked, standing up to tower over James.

James stood up also to stare Edward in the eye.

"Yes I do believe it is."

Edward smirked.

"Excellent. This weekend. On the Quidditch pitch. I'll be the captain of one team, you the captain of the other. We organise our own players."

"Well this shouldn't be too difficult," James said to Lily as Edward walked off.

Lily groaned. Clearly, James had no idea what he had gotten himself into.

Two days later Lily stood in front of James' "team", her mouth hanging open in shock.

"This is all you have?" she asked, gesturing towards the group of boys in front of her.

They were in the Muggle Studies classroom, having asked Professor Goodall if they could use is to meet and James had just presented his team to Lily.

"What do you mean 'all'? Fifteen's plenty!" James said defensively.

"James," Lily sighed exasperated, "Fifteen players go on the field and then you need a further six reserves! If you play with no reserves, you leave no room for someone to get injured!"

"Get injured? Hold on just a second! No one said anything about getting injured!" Peter protested.

Lily rolled her eyes.

"Shuddup Peter! Lily, just put on the tape!" Sirius cried.

Lily slid the borrowed rugby video into the VCR and sat down next to James.

An image came onto the screen of a green field and two teams facing each other. One was clad in white and red, the other in green and yellow.

"England vs. Australia," Lily whispered to James.

The boys sat in disbelief as they watched the players violently tackle each other, with nothing but their jerseys to break their fall. The entire room winced at the sight of a scrum, no one except Lily having seen one before. It had turned out that all the boys James could recruit were born in the Wizarding World. Edward, one step ahead of him, had recruited all the Muggle-borns he could find that could play rugby.

"I can't believe I agreed to play rugby! Look at how brutal it is!" Peter whined once again.

Sensing the uneasiness of his team, James spoke up.

"You know what? I don't know what the big deal is. I'm man enough to play this sport."

"James, you're not even man enough to not wince at the sight of a tackle," said a voice at the door.

Jeremiah Jacobs stood at the door, a smirk on his face.

"Get out of here, Jacobs!" Sirius heckled from the back row.

"Look I'm just here to help! You need someone to teach you how to play rugby, and I need to find a way to get back at Norton."

"Edward? What did he do to you?" Remus asked casually.

"My girlfriend left me for him. Said something about preferring blondes..." Jeremiah said, looking into the distance.

James looked up at Jeremiah warily, but it was Lily who spoke first.

"Finally I get some help around here!" she said, clearly relieved.

"I'll take that as a yes," Jeremiah said coolly.

"Well then, no time to lose!" Lily exclaimed. "Everybody outside! Your first training session has just begun!"

She waited for everyone to leave the room and was just about to lock up the room when she saw Peter crawling along on the floor as if looking for something.

"Peter? Hurry up I need to lock up."

"Just a minute Lily, I'm looking for my man bag."

(A/N – Sorry... couldn't resist.)

The next few days passed in a flurry of heavy training under the careful watch of Jeremiah. It turned out that once they had grasped the basics, many of them weren't as bad as originally anticipated. James found that his experience as a Chaser worked to his advantage when it came to handling the football.

However, despite the steady progress they had made, the game came up too soon for comfort and James' team soon found out just what they were up against. Half an hour prior to the game, they walked out onto the Quidditch pitch, which had been temporarily marked out as a rugby field with transfigured goal hoops made into goal posts.

And there was Edward Norton's team, warming up with a particularly complex drill. Swallowing the huge lump in his throat, James ordered his team to do a few laps before forming a huddle. Lily and Jeremiah joined them.

"Ok lads, remember your training. And try not to cry too much," Jeremiah said, looking pointedly at Peter.

"What a speech," Sirius muttered as Jeremiah strode over to join the crowd that had gathered.

Lily pulled James aside to talk to him.

"James, they're going to kill you!" she said worriedly.

"Lily, don't worry about me! I'll just run around and stay away from the ball!" James said casually.

"Fine. Just stay away from that guy," she said, pointing to a massive sixth year on Edward's team. "And that guy, and that one – oh my gosh! They're all huge!"

"They don't look any bigger than me..." James said uncertainly.

A whistle sounded to signify that the players should take the field.

James gave Lily a nervous thumbs-up and ran onto the field.

Lily walked to the sideline and was surprised when Severus joined her.

"Severus? I didn't expect you to be here. You do realise that rugby is a Muggle game don't you?" Lily asked innocently.

"I'm not here to watch a bunch of boys in short shorts run around pouncing on each other, Evans. I came here to speak to you," he said sharply.

Lily raised an eyebrow.

"Talk to me eh? What about?"

"First of all, thank you for the book. It has several useful potions that could assist me in revenge."

Lily frowned. Three guesses whom that could be directed at.

"And second of all..."

Severus stopped speaking as the Three A's came running past them, clad in cheerleading outfits. Alice had 'SI' on her top, Anna had 'RI' on hers and, not surprisingly, Angela has 'US' on hers. However in their present formation they spelled 'USSIRI'.

"Perhaps we'd best speak in a more private location," Severus said, thrown off by the enthusiasm shown by Sirius' private cheerleading squad.

"Well it'll have to be some other time because I have to stay and watch this... being the assistant coach and all," Lily added hurriedly, seeing the look on Severus' face.

"Fine."

And with that he was gone, his black cloak billowing out behind him.

Lily turned her attention back to the game, immediately wincing at the sight of the scoreboard.

They were getting killed. It wasn't five minutes into the game and already Edward's team had scored. Twice.

By half time their situation hadn't improved.

"Did you see me? I wasn't half bad!" said James to Lily as he limped over, covered in mud.

"You do realise there's more of this, don't you?" she said tentatively.

The team whimpered in union.

Lily looked back over at the scoreboard.

52-0

It would take a miracle.

"James... I think I might know what could help you... Edward has a weak ankle... And... Liam's got bad knees! One swift kick and they'll both go down for good!" Lily said eagerly.

"But I'm on your team!" Liam whined.

"Oops... sorry," said Lily sheepishly.

"Ok! Let's go team!" yelled James before running back onto the field.

Lily watched them go and hoped for the miracle that might get them a try.

And it came.

At the end of the second half James broke through the other team's defences and was making steady progress to the try line when he felt a pair of arms grab him around the legs. Desperately he threw the ball to Liam who started to run but only got a few steps before his knees collapsed. In a last ditch effort to kept the play running, Liam threw the ball over to Remus who ran like a madman to the try line. He was a step away from scoring when he felt two sets of arms come around his waist. Remus lunged for the try line and stretched his arm out to get the ball over.

The whistle sounded.

They had scored a try.

Jumping around like lunatics, the team clapped each other on the back, swarmed around Remus.

After failing to convert the try, James' team ran around with renewed enthusiasm.

Then the whistle sounded once more to signify full time.

And even though they had lost the game 93-5, they came off the field grinning.

"You really enjoyed yourself didn't you?" Lily asked James, handing him his water bottle.

"Are you kidding? I made a guy twice my size cry. I haven't done that since I was five and set fire to my dad's broomstick!" James laughed.

"I think you've got concussion."

"It was worth it," James replied, looking at the jealousy on Edward's face as James talked to Lily.

"It was worth it," he repeated, looking down at Lily.

A/N – Awww! Lily's worth a concussion!

Just so you know, this chapter was heavily influenced by a particular episode of Friends where Ross agrees to play rugby in the park. HILARIOUS!