Chapter 14

No one forgives someone that quickly, Noelle thought as she angrily scrubbed yet another filthy cauldron. Stacking it precariously onto the leaning tower, she reached for another. Not that she wasn't grateful, because she was, it was just something about how easily Sirius had let her indiscretion go bothered her. A horrible thought entered her mind. Maybe he was hiding something. She frowned to herself. It's not like you were totally honest with him, that annoying voice in her head whispered.

She shook the soapy water from her hands and pushed her hair off of her forehead. She sat sullenly on the bench behind the table and bit her lower lip. She glanced down at her watch. It read nearly midnight. With a flick of her wand, she sent the clean cauldrons into the store cabinet, then lined the cleaning supplies next to them. She reached for a towel, methodically drying her water wrinkled hands.

The nagging feeling wouldn't go away. Why should he have forgiven her? In her opinion, the only time you would forgive someone so easily was because you were guilty of the same crime. Why else would he have forgiven her? Had he done the same thing, yet been able to hide it from her? And Sirius Black could hold a grudge; this she was well aware of. Well, he did pop you a good one, right in the face, she thought wryly. Her navy eyes clouded over. Crossing her arms over her chest, she pursed her lips and pouted. Why couldn't she just let this go?

Up in the tower, James was lying on his back on a couch, releasing and catching a Snitch that he had filched from the equipment room. Sirius was hunched over in his favorite armchair, brooding like he had been for a week now. James sighed in frustration.

"What is it now, Padfoot?"

Sirius shook himself as if from a trance. "Hmm?" he said absentmindedly.

"Nothing, except the fact that you've been moping around here like you've lost your best friend for the past few days. No need to worry, mate. I'm still here." James joked.

Sirius managed a weak smile. "Nah, I'm fine, really. Just a little worried about exams."

He sat up straighter. "By the way, have you seen my Charms notebook? I've looked everywhere, and I just can't find it."

James shook his head. "Sorry, haven't seen it."

James glanced at him oddly. "I've never seen you worried about exams. And you're great in Charms."

Sirius was shaking his head. "No, that's not it. I'm worried about what's in the notebook."

He had an apprehensive look in his grey eyes.

James' eyebrows went up. "Such as? A steamy love note to the French one?" he said with a suggestive smile on his face.

"Not hardly." Sirius scoffed.

"So...what's in the book?" James said, his attention slowly drifting away.

"Notes. About something we'd rather keep to ourselves."

James caught the snitch and stared at it. "Please tell me that you're more responsible than to leave a notebook like that lying about for anyone to read? A notebook that contains enough material to get both of us expelled? Sirius, you're kidding me, right?" James said, still not looking at Sirius.

When he didn't answer, James swung his feet to the floor and sat up straight, staring his best friend directly in the eye.

"You've got to be joking."

Slowly, Sirius shook his head.

"It has to be upstairs, mixed in with your other school stuff."

Sirius was already shaking his head again. "Already torn the room apart. Twice."

James stood so fast he nearly knocked the couch over. Using both hands, he pushed his messy hair off of his face.

"I can't believe you. I cannot believe you! How could you leave something that important out in the open?" James roared.

Sirius stood up as well. "It's not like I intended to lose it, James!" he yelled back.

"You are aware that what we do is completely illegal? Do you want everyone to know about us?"

James' voice thundered through the tower, causing Sirius to hang his head.

Outside the portrait hole, Noelle heard the voices.

"Unicorn horn, unicorn horn!" she said impatiently.

The portrait swung open to reveal a very red and angry James facing off with a completely flustered Sirius. Lily was rushing down the stairs, as well as a few other Gryffindors.

"What's going on down here?" she said testily. "Some of us are trying to study, you know!"

She looked at Noelle, who raised her hands and shrugged.

"Well?" Lily persisted, her hands on her hips and her foot tapping impatiently.

"It's nothing, Lil. Go back upstairs." James said, still staring down Sirius.

She made a small noise of disbelief and he swung his gaze to face her.

"Please, Lily. Go back upstairs." He said in a much gentler tone of voice.

Slowly, Noelle began to creep around where the two boys were still head to head. She was almost at the stairs when he called to her.

"Noelle, have you seen my Charms notebook?" Sirius asked, the anxiety thinly veiled in his voice.

"Non, it was not my turn to watch it." She tossed over her shoulder as she paused in the stairway at Lily's side.

"Come on, let's go." She murmured to Lily, tugging slightly on the girl's arm.

"What the hell is going on?" Lily asked from between clenched teeth.

"I'll tell you upstairs." Noelle mouthed to her.

With a scathing glance at the boys, Lily stomped up to their room, sighing dramatically every few stairs. Noelle masked a smile and began to follow her.

Once in her room, she found Lily sitting on her bed. "So. What's wrong with them now?"

Noelle arched her eyebrow. "Sure, Lily, you can sit on my bed." She teased playfully.

Lily waved her hand dismissingly. "Yours is made. Tell me."

Noelle sat at the dressing table and idly began to pull her jewelry off.

"About what? My detentions? Oh, they are quite unremarkable."

She was cut off when a pillow smacked her in the face.

"Come on, Noelle!! You said you'd tell me! Oh my Lord, I'm whining." Lily said, a dubious look on her pretty face.

Noelle laughed. "D'accord, I will tell you."

She spun to face Lily.

"Remus is a werewolf."

She faced the mirror, and then quickly turned back.

"Oh, and James and Sirius are Animagi. I suppose that's what they were arguing about."

Lily gaped at her. "How did you know that?" she asked incredulously.

"I saw them one night. When they transformed. And I simply asked Remus about it." Noelle said.

"Why didn't you tell me?" Lily asked.

Noelle tucked in the corner of her mouth and studied her hands. "It was not my secret to tell." She said softly.

Looking into the trusting green eyes of her best friend, she smiled gently.

"But I should have told you. I am sorry."

"It's alright. Really, it is. But why are they fighting?"

Noelle shrugged. "That, I do not know. But you know Sirius. Nasty temper, that one's got."

Lily shook her head. "I heard James yell first. Something about Sirius being irresponsible. Not a huge shocker, didn't need to be told that one. But he was furious. Madder than I've ever heard him be."

She paused and Noelle used this opportunity to cut in.

"Lily, I honestly do not know what they were fighting about. I have stopped trying to figure Sirius out at all, or James for that matter."

She rubbed her temples gently; the bruise surrounding her eye was still pretty painful.

"But on the bright side, tonight was my last detention. So, now I am finally able to study, and have some nights to myself. Starting tomorrow. I have some serious thinking to do."

A flicker of pain drifted across her eyes, but as Lily started to mention it, it disappeared. Lily sighed heavily and rose from Noelle's bed. Noelle yawned hugely and quickly sank onto it herself. She pulled a pillow into her arms and rested her head on it, lost in thought.

"What's wrong?" Lily asked as she tugged a nightgown on.

Noelle thought carefully before she spoke. "Do you think I have done the right thing? Telling Sirius, I mean?" she questioned.

Lily gazed intently at her. "Don't you think it would have eaten you alive if you hadn't?"

Noelle slowly nodded and Lily peered at her even more. She could tell that Noelle wanted to say more, but the girl was so secretive that it drove Lily nuts. By now, she knew better than to press her. It was easier just to give her time. Finally, Noelle spoke.

"I mean, I do not regret telling him, because you are right, I would have felt horrible. But Lily, why did he forgive me so quickly? It makes me very suspicious."

Lily could tell that it had taken almost all of Noelle's trust for her to say what she had. Lily shrugged.

"I don't know. Maybe he realized that you're only human, and you really did make a mistake."

Noelle looked skeptical. "I think he's hiding something from me." She said darkly.

Lily began to laugh, but managed to choke it back. "What could he be hiding from you?"

Noelle raised her navy eyes to meet her friend's face. "I did not tell you everything about that night, Lily."

She felt the blood slowly drain from her face at she stared at Noelle. "What are you trying to say?" Lily managed to ask.

"What do you mean, you didn't tell me everything?"

Noelle raised an eyebrow.

"You're kidding me. You've got to be. Noelle!" Lily scolded, and Noelle looked down.

"What?" Noelle said in a falsely innocent voice, then let out an exasperated sigh.

"Lily, it is not like I meant for that to happen, it just did. I got swept up in the moment." Noelle's gaze went serious. "But it can never happen again."

Lily raised an eyebrow. "Obviously. Sirius would kill him. I mean, really kill him this time."

Noelle's navy eyes turned even darker. "You knew? This whole time, you knew about what Sirius did?"

Lily looked at her shoe and nodded slowly.

"How could you not tell me? How could you keep something like that from me?" Noelle asked in a tight voice.

Lily looked up and there were tears in her emerald eyes. "Noelle, I wanted to tell you, I really did. But James made me swear. And I knew it would make you furious, and that you would never forgive him, and besides! It wasn't mine to tell!" Lily yelled angrily.

Taken aback, Noelle's hand went to her throat. Lily had never lost her temper with her before. Noelle took a deep breath and thought hard before she spoke.

"Still, that is something that is so significant. It says so much about his character. I would never have held something like that from you."

Lily shook her red hair and stamped her foot in frustration. "Noelle, there is so much that you have kept hidden from me, from all of us! It's like you don't trust anyone, even me! Haven't you figured out that we're your friends?"

Tears poured unrestrained from Noelle's eyes and she swung her gaze away guiltily.

"You don't let anyone get close to you. What are you afraid of?" Lily demanded.

"You really want to know why? You want the truth?" Noelle screamed, her voice choked with sobs. "I'm dying, Lily. Oui, dying. Are you happy now?"

Noelle quickly turned to wipe her cheeks. Lily stood still, her mouth agape at what Noelle had just confessed.

"Dying? But how?"

"I'm very sick. I have Cystic Fibrosis, and I probably will not live past my mid-twenties. I was diagnosed two years ago, and the healers are not very optimistic."

She spun to face her friend. "Now do you see? I didn't want anyone to know, I didn't want anyone to get close to me, because I will die and leave them. It is safer that way."

Now it was Lily who stopped to wipe tears from her cheeks.

"That can't be true. It can't be. You're too young to die!"

Noelle laughed bitterly. "It is true. So you see, it doesn't matter. That is the true reason I left Beauxbatons, well, one of the real reasons. I didn't plan on meeting anyone like Sirius, or like you for that matter. Eventually, I will have to say goodbye, and I just cannot bear to think of it."

Lily's arms were instantly around her. "Noelle, I had no idea."

Noelle swung her gaze away again. "No one was supposed to have an idea. My parents and I decided that it was best that I keep it hidden. Madam Pomfrey knows, and so does Professor Dumbledore. And Remus."

"Remus knows? But how? You told him?"

Noelle was quick to shake her head. "Nicolette told him. And he asked me. He caught me off guard, and I could not think of a lie to tell him."

Noelle covered her face with her hands. "I also told Severus. Remember when I was very sick, after the Quidditch game?"

Lily nodded.

"He was the one who had to make my Strengthening solution. He kind of figured it out. He is determined to find a cure or at least a treatment for me. That is why we were in the dungeons so late."

Lily was still in shock. "You have to tell Sirius, Noelle. He deserves to know."

Noelle shook her head vigorously. "Tell him? I cannot. And I will not. And neither will you. He will treat me differently, and so will everyone else. I will tell him, when the time is right."

Lily looked doubtful, and Noelle sighed.

"I will tell him Lily. I promise. But not now. Not for awhile."

She rubbed her forehead. Her head was pounding. "Please, can we just go to sleep? I am so tired, I cannot even keep my eyes open."

Lily nodded. "I can't sleep right now. I'm going to go for a walk."

Noelle's eyes hardened. "Promise me, Lily. You will not say a word of this to Sirius. Promise."

Lily sighed and shook her head. "I won't say anything, but I don't think you should hide this anymore."

Noelle's gaze remained steady. "Promise."

"I promise." Lily said grudgingly.

"Bon. Thank you." Noelle pulled back the covers on her bed and crawled inside. "Thank you, Lily. I am sorry that I yelled at you. I was just frustrated."

Lily smiled half-heartedly and hugged her. "I'm glad you finally told me. And I won't say anything."

Noelle smiled at her with relief. She was asleep before Lily had closed the door.

Lily rapidly descended the staircase, her mind reeling at what Noelle had just confessed. They had been friends for two years now, and that was the most Noelle had ever told her about herself. She strongly disagreed about not telling Sirius. He loved Noelle so much, he deserved to know.

Then again, maybe Noelle was right. Sirius would treat Noelle like a fragile piece of china. He would never leave her side. Noelle was such a private person; she hated being protected, and Sirius already did enough of that, Lily thought ruefully. She turned the corner to enter the common room. Sirius was curled up on the couch, looking like a little boy that had been punished. His head came up when she approached.

"Hey." He said in a small voice.

"Hey yourself. Why are you down here? It's nearly two in the morning!"

"Me and James had a fight. I can't stand him when he's like this, so I came down here. Why are you down here?"

Lily sat on the couch across from him. "Just couldn't sleep. Besides, your girlfriend snores."

Sirius laughed weakly. "I wouldn't know. She barely ever touches me, never mind comes close to staying in the same bed with me."

Lily blushed slightly.

"Oh, you know what I meant." Sirius said, tossing a pillow at her.

She deflected it with her hand. He sat up quickly.

"Does she even like me anymore?" he asked.

Lily looked surprised. "Of course she does. Why would you think otherwise?"

He blew air out of his mouth and pushed his hair off of his forehead.

"She seems so distracted lately. When she kisses me, it's quick, like a stamp or something. She used to..." his voice trailed off.

"Not be able to keep her hands off of you. I remember." Lily teased.

Now it was Sirius who blushed. "I just miss it, that's all." He said wistfully.

Lily reached over and took his hand. "She still loves you. I know she does. But you're right, she's not herself lately. I don't know what's going on." Lily lied, hating herself for it.

Sirius turned his grey eyes to her green ones. "Really?"

Lily smiled gently. "Really. Now what are you and James fighting about?"

"It's stupid. I lost a notebook that had all my Charms notes in it, and he was going to use it to study. So he's pissed at me."

Lily rolled her eyes. "He'll get over it."

Sirius snorted. "Yeah, right. James Potter, not hold a grudge? Fat chance."

Lily laughed. "Just go back to your room. He's probably passed out anyways."

Sirius stood and stretched. "You're probably right." He yawned. "Hey, don't say anything to Noelle, alright?"

What do I look like, a damn secret keeper? Lily thought to herself. "I won't. Now go to sleep."

She herded him toward the boy's staircase. He chuckled and headed up.

She turned back to the couch and sank onto it. Staring into the fire, she tried hard to keep the tears from forming beneath her eyelids. It was useless. Burying her face in her hands, she started to cry. Really cry. Her shoulders shook with her sobs and she lay on the couch, clutching a pillow to her chest.

Her best friend was dying. Noelle was the best friend she had ever had, and Lily couldn't begin to imagine what life would be like without her. She had already day-dreamed about what their lives would be like after they graduated. Noelle would marry Sirius, and she would marry James, not that she would admit that to anyone. In fact, she'd punch anyone who said that to her in the nose. They would have houses next to each other, and they would raise their children together.

Now, Lily knew that it was truly a day-dream. She sobbed harder, burying her face in the pillow. Her sides and stomach began to ache and she howled into the pillow. A hand touched her shoulder. It was James.

"Lily? What's wrong?" he looked slightly frightened.

She shook her head and he pulled her into his arms, holding her tightly. "What is it, Lily? Tell me." He pleaded.

She slowly pulled away, pushing her hair off of her cheeks. "It's nothing. I swear."

She gasped as she tried to catch her breath. He gazed deeply into her green eyes and her breath caught again. Placing a finger under her chin, he tilted her face up. Their faces were inches away. She was mesmerized by the nearness of him and unknowingly she was squeezing his hand.

He slowly brought his lips to hers and kissed her gently. Her eyes closed and she kissed him back. He pulled away from her and touched her face.

"Lily, I'm sorry, I didn't mean..." his voice trailed off when he saw her expression. "I mean, I wanted to kiss you, but..."

Somehow his brain was going to fast for his mouth to keep up.

"James, shut up." She whispered.

His black eyebrows shot over the rims of his glasses. She reached up and carefully took them off. Placing them on the table near the couch, she turned back to an astonished James and slid her hand behind his neck. She smiled as she pulled his face back to hers.

In the morning, Noelle yawned hugely and stretched her arms over her head. She stared at the ceiling while she gathered her thoughts. She grabbed her shoulders and heaved a sigh. She couldn't believe that she had told Lily everything last night. She knew eventually her disease would have come out, but the fact that she had slept with Severus was something she had planned to take to the grave.

She sat up groggily and pulled the curtains back. Her eyebrows raised. Lily's bed was empty. She quickly swung her feet to the floor and scurried across the room to the door. She hurried down the stairs and peeked over the balcony.

Lily and James were curled up on the couch together. Lily's head was tucked against James' chest and his arms were around her tightly. They were sleeping soundly and peacefully, and Noelle smiled to herself and covered her mouth with her hand. She reached up to her hair and tucked it behind her ear.

A slight movement across from her startled her slightly. It was Sirius, and he was gazing at the couple on the couch, with an almost longing expression in his grey eyes. He looked up and saw her staring at him. Self consciously, he crossed his muscular arms over his chest. Swallowing nervously, she came down the rest of the stairs and met him at the bottom.

"Good morning."

His deep voice made her melt all over again.

Her face curved into a smile and she replied, "Good morning. You look as if you slept well."

He nodded, his eyes traveling over her shoulders and down to her legs. She crossed her arms over her breasts and turned her shoulders inward, suddenly aware that she was only in a tank top and cotton shorts. She smiled shyly and looked up at him.

He stared at her in disbelief. There it was. The same adoring gaze that she had always given him. He reached for her slowly and she went willingly into his arms. He lowered his face into her blonde hair and held her tightly. She pulled slightly away and turned her face to his. He kissed her softly and hugged her again.

"It's very early." She whispered into his chest.

"Oui, c'est vrai."

She smiled again. It had been so long since he answered her in French.

"Do you want to go back to bed?" she asked.

"Only if you come with me." He said flirtatiously.

She playfully pinched him. "Fine. But only if you behave."

He wiggled his eyebrows. "I always behave."

He took her by the hand and they sneaked up the stairs, careful not to wake his other roommates. She crawled across the large bed and tugged the comforter over her legs. He slid in beside her and pulled her next to him. She quickly fell back asleep, until he nudged her awake. She picked her head up and looked at him questioningly.

"Lily was right. You do snore."

She elbowed him and flopped back over on her side. He smiled to himself and snuggled closer to her warm body. Having Noelle in his arms felt so right and so perfect. At that moment, everything was the way it should be. He suddenly realized that if he wanted to keep Noelle in his life, he was going to have to take the good with the bad. Like it or not, he knew he would never truly possess her, she would just let him think he did. She sighed in her sleep and he brushed hair off of her face. She smiled and stroked his forearm softly.

Leaning down, he kissed her gently on the temple. Her skin was scented faintly with lavender, as it always was. He didn't care about anything but having her with him forever. With this thought, he settled down next to her and peacefully drifted off to sleep.