She
May be the reason I survive
The why and wherefore I'm alive
The one I'll care for through the rough in ready years
Me
I'll take her laughter and her tears
And make them all my souvenirs
For where she goes I've got to be
The meaning of my life is
She

x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x-x

Friday/Saturday 1.30 am Luke's POV

After saying good night to Rory I walked the rest of the stairs up to Lorelai's bedroom. I quietly opened her door suddenly feeling nervous and anxious.
She was lying on her back with an arm over her head. A frown was visible on her face and I asked myself if I was the cause for it. I wondered if I haunted her in her dreams like she haunted me in mine.
I walked over to the chair near to her bed and sat down remembering all the sleepless nights since our break-up. As hard as I tried to ban her from my thoughts I was never successful. Lorelai was in every corner of my mind. Even leaving the town was no help at all. I really thought leaving was the best solution to forget everything but it only made things worse. I looked from her to the empty bedside - which looked very tempting - and back again to Lorelai noticing for the first time the shirt she was wearing. It was the shirt she slept in everytime she spent a night at my place. It was the shirt I had thrown away or at least Ihad tried to throw it away. The night of our horrible fight and break-up I was furious. Walking around the town and later pacing in my apartment didn't help me calm down. I had spotted her favorite mug on my kitchen counter and felt the strong desire to throw it out of the window. Instead I took an empty box and wrote trash on it. Then I walked around my apartment and threw in anything in that box that was hers or reminded me of her. I was disturbed by the phone ringing and I had put down the box on the kitchen counter. Despite my fury I had hoped that it was Lorelai calling me but it had only been Liz. After a short talk with my sister I had gone to bed and fell asleep with the clothes on.
The box had remained on the counter. A few times I had tried to to throw it away and a few other times I had tried to place back the contents on their previous places. I never managed to do either and the box never left my kitchen.
Now as I watched her sleep I wondered what her thoughts were upon seeing the box.

I looked at my watch and when I saw how late it was I remembered Rory and the talk we had only minutes before. I was surprised but also flattered at her warm welcome. It felt good to know that she was defending my and Lorelai's relationship to Christopher.

Christopher.

It was like I've told Rory earlier – he did help a bit. I didn't allow myself to think thatat first.For two days I had tried to avoid thinking about the things he had said. Then tonight I was no more able to hold the thoughts back. As much as I hated to admit it - Christopher had a point.
After he had left Wednesday night I had felt even angrier at him than before. I thought he had no right to come to me and tell me what to do…"go back to her, forgive her"
Like I needed his permission or needed him to tell me what to do. I thought he treated Lorelai like a doll. Like she was a toy that he got tired of and handed it back to me. It was a harsh thought but that were my feelings then.
The anger made me blind and it took me two days to recognize the importance of his words.
"Don't wait too long." – Two days later his words echoed in my head. It were the same words Rachel had said to me before she had left my life for the last time.
When Rachel had said those words I was caught off-guard. How did she know? How did she see it when I was so successful at hiding my feelings from everyone even from myself? Rachel saw something that I didn't want to see. I don't understand why I didn't want to see it. Was it out of fear or cowardice? Uncertainty or just good old denial? Maybe all of them.
All I know is that I continued avoiding thoughts and feelings that went beyond friendship. I was so successful that for a short time I really believed that she wasn't the one for me. I thought I found the one in form of a lawyer. Nicole. The relationship with her was my proof to everyone and to myself too that I wasn't in love with Lorelai.
I convinced myself that when I felt jealous of the men in her life or had not-so-friendly-thoughts about her that it was only because I cared for her as a friend. And it meant only that. Nothing more, nothing less.
I was genuinely surprised when I saw that same jealousy mirrored in Lorelai's eyes everytime Nicole was mentioned. Unconsciously I had distanced myself from Nicole. I didn't even realize it until Nicole called me up on it. The stubborn person I am I of course didn't admit anything. That the marriage ended wasn't a huge surprise to me. I was just disappointed in the way Nicole choose to end it.
After the divorce was final thoughts of Lorelai and my feelings for her returned. Slowly things started to change. All of a sudden Lorelai and I found ourselves in the right place at the right time. For once change was welcome and it didn't make either of us run and hide. Life was great then. I never believed that things could go so wrong. I was so sure of our relationship that I even promised Taylor to sell my diner, so sure that I had spent time with her parents.
How I ended so many miles away from home didn't make any sense anymore. The more I thought about everything none of it made sense. Our insecurities, the fear, the fight, the break-up.

"Don't wait too long." – the first time that was told to me I had waited too long. It took me three years to tell Lorelai. I decided that I wasn't going to repeat the same mistake. I wouldn't wait another three years. That's why I packed my stuff again and left the dinky hotel room. I was determined to save my relationship with Lorelai. I was ready to face my mistakes and to fix them. One of those mistakes was that I waited for her to tell me that she loves me. I waited for months. It only occurred to me on the drive home that the whole time I waited for her to tell me those three words that maybe she had waited for me to make the first step and tell her. I realized that I had never told her how much she meant to me, how much I loved her. I decided that I definitely needed to change that fact.

Hours later I was back in Stars Hollow, back in her house and I prayed that she'd let me back into her life.

I saw her get restless in her sleep. She tossed and turned a bit before she found a position that was comfortable for her. She lay facing me and I thought she was asleep but a frustrated "Oh, boy." from her lips told me otherwise. Slowly she opened her eyes and they immediately locked with mine.
I held my breath not only because her look caused a warm jolt of electricity to run through my whole body but also because I was unsure of her reaction. She stared at me intensely before turning on her back again and mumbling "Great, now I'm even hallucinating."

"If you are, then I'm too." – She shot up in a sitting position.

"Luke?" – She asked incredibly. I nodded and got up. Lorelai watched me get closer to her without breaking eye contact with me. I sat down on the bed next to her and her hand found its way up to my cheek and caressed it. I leaned in to her touch feeling alive again.

"You're really here."

"I'm really here." – She pulled me into a tight embrace and I was relieved that she was happy to see me.

"I missed you so much." – I whispered into her ear and she just hugged me tighter. When we pulled away I took her face in my hands and looked into her beautiful blue eyes before leaning in and kissing her. Lorelai eagerly returned my kiss and I just wanted to get closer to her. I had almost forgotten how amazing it felt to be in her arms, to feel her lips on mine.
When we pulled away we were both breathless but had smiles on our faces.

"Don't you ever leave me again." – She said and I repeated her words.

"Don't you ever leave me."

"Deal." – Lorelai said and then kissed me again. Although I couldn't get enough of her I needed to tell her a few things. I pulled away and tried to clear my head.

"Lorelai, please listen to me for a moment….I'm so sorry for everything. I know that with that apology things won't be instantly alright again but…"

"But it's a start."

"Yeah, it is."

"I'm sorry too. There are so many things that I want to tell you but for now I'm just happy that you're back." – I smiled at that 'cause it were the same words Rory had said to me.

"I am happy too. I know we have to talk about everything and I promise you that we will…tomorrow. Now I just want to hold you."

"and I want you to hold me." – She told me and I kissed her one more time before getting up to remove my shoes and clothes. With a shirt and boxers on I climbed into bed and under the covers with her. She waited for me to lay down on my back before putting her head down in the crook of my arm. My arm wrapped around her and she let out a long sigh before nestling even closer to me. She rested her left hand just above my heart clutching my shirt a bit.
I looked into her beautiful face before whispering "I love you Lorelai." – I know that she wasn't fully awake but I needed to tell her and needed to hear her say it.
In response she mumbled in a sleepy voice "love you too." - Ikissed her forehead and put my hand on top of hers before closing my eyes.
"I'm finally home" was my last thought before I joined her in sleep.

TBC

AN: I'll post the final chapter til friday. I hope you enjoyed the story so far. Thanks to everyone for the reviews and the encouragement to write more. You guys rock!