Title: Letter of Regret
Author: Secretkeeper
Rating: PG-13/Rish in parts
Summary: A letter reveals pain, and offers hope.
Pairing: Maeglin/Ecthelion implied
Warnings: references to rape and violence
Dear Maeglin,
I started this note to you on Namo's suggestion. Since none of my efforts to reach you have worked thus far, I find myself forced to this last-chance method of communication.
But now that I have started this message, what can I say? I would most like to take you in my arms and kiss you breathless while whispering apologies with each kiss. Yet you refuse to see me- or anyone, for the matter.
I still manage to ask myself how it was that I did not realize your pain. It mattered little that you were several weeks behind schedule in returning from Anghabar. I was joyous at your arrival, but you pulled out of my embrace and fled to your forge instead. I wondered why you were so cold to me- yet I did not ask, never inquired as to what disturbed you. I still believe that if I had simply spoken to you and persisted in my questions, you would have revealed everything to me, all of your shame at what you did and the horrors of your imprisonment . And how you survived- with a terrible price.
Yet, even that night I allowed you to slip away. My attempts at foreplay were met with a look of fear, even as you pushed me further away with words. I understand now- you were afraid that I would see the marks on your flesh, and loathe you for it (if I did not hate you for your betrayal, that is).
Until the end, every night after that, you slept in the forge. You spent your days there as well, and lied about several projects you had to finish. But you never completed anything- you merely worked on fragments, pieces that never were intended to be finished.
The attack was dark, and I cannot describe how I felt when I learned the truth. I was angry, and I did hope that you suffered for a time.
Then I died. And I learned how you went mad after that, and tried to kill Idril and Earendil. You realized that the fancy you felt for your cousin was nothing to the love you had for me- and you had led to my death, although you begged them not to harm me. Yes, I know of that now- I asked to see why you had done such a thing.
See I did, and wept when I felt your pain, your hopes for rescue, your feelings of terror as you were harmed in every way imaginable. It was little wonder that you refused intimacy after barely surviving such an ordeal.
You thought you had betrayed me with the forces of darkness. You truly felt that I would condemn you for your violation, and despise you like all others.
My mind is no longer able to produce the words I wish to tell you. I will end here with a simple statement: I love you, and I forgive you.
I hope I will see you at my place in these Halls, and be permitted to say this to your face.
With much love,
Ecthelion, Lord of the Fountain