Sezzi: We're back and delving into the realm of Harry Potter. Yes, it is still both of us writing, it's just that I normally end up typing up the chapters.

Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter, nor the song that appears somewhere in the fic. Readers who spot it and tell us get a plushy of #rummages in bag# Hedwig!

Blah Hermione

Blah Ron

Blah Harry

Blah Remus

Blah Professor Dumbledore

Chapter 1

Mr and Mrs Dursley of Number Four, Privet Drive, Little Whinging, Surrey, are, at first glance, completely normal. But if you look a little deeper, you will see that they are about as normal as a flock of bright blue pigs flying across London.

One of the reasons is the giant blob, roughly the size of a killer whale, that they called their son, another is their refusal to accept anything different from their ideas of the world. A final reason is their nephew, who is a wizard, and a pretty famous one at that.

His name, is Harry Potter.

Harry Potter is sitting on his bed, wallowing in angst as only a teenager can. His reasons being the death of his Godfather, the absence of his friends, the disappearance of his owl and the lock on the outside of his door. More than the usual teenage angst, but as aforementioned, Harry Potter is not normal.

An owl appears outside his window. He goes to open it and let the bird in, but it drops a note and flies off. The note says:

Harry,

Sorry for the silence mate, no time as you know – have you heard about our OWL results yet? Can you meet us at Diagon Alley on the thirtieth? – Seeya at school mate.

Ron Hermione.

P.S Have you heard about the new pupil and teacher coming in September?

Harry smiles as he reads it, then pauses as he reads the postscript. 'New student? Wonder who that could be…? As long as they're not related to Malfoy…ditto for the teacher. I wonder if they'll be in Diagon Alley…' he wonders.

As he is thinking, another owl appears and taps on the window. He lets it in. It is "Hedwig!" and she is carrying a note from "Professor Lupin?"

He reads the note, it says:

Dear Harry,

I don't know when this will reach you, so Happy Birthday if I missed it (full moon then). Are you okay? Feel free to write to me if you ever want to talk (please do, I'm so bored!). Oh, and no more of that 'Professor Lupin' stuff, I'm not a professor anymore (Hey, that rhymed!) Remus or Moony is fine.

Remus

P.S The book is our Ultimate Guide to Pranking, password is the same as the map's.

P.P.S Did you hear about the new teacher and student?

Harry looks bemused. "Why does Pro, I mean Remus, sound like Ron?"

Just as he is about to reply to the letters, Fawkes appears with another.

"Hello Fawkes," he says as he takes the note, "What's wrong with using a normal owl? Ah well, he is the headmaster…better see what he wants."

Harry,

I am writing to you for several reasons. The first being to inquire about your welfare, the second being to congratulate you on your OWL results which as being sent by owl post this evening. I will not however disclose your results, you will receive them at the same time as your classmates. Talking of classmates, the third reason for letter is your new classmate, Miss Jonnson, will be joining the Gryffindor sixth years in September, she is a sixteen year old bluenette from Japan. I ask you and your friends to aid her learning about the school.

Have a good holiday,

Albus Dumbledore.

P.S Warn your classmates about her hyperness

"What the fuck's a bluenette?" Harry exclaims. "Maybe 'Mione will know." He sits down to write his letters.

Ron n 'Mione (no, I will not stop calling you that!)

'S'ok mate, I know, n it don't really bother me, that much. No 'Mione, I haven't heard about the OWL results, other than we're meant to get them soon. I'll have to ask Dumbledore about Diagon Alley, but probably. Apparently, I have to show the new student round. She's in Gryffindor, our year.

Harry

P.S What's a bluenette?

Satisfied with that one, he starts on the next.

Dear Unca Mooy (bet you thought I didn't remember that)

Thanks, it got to me on 18/8. I'm fine, you? I shall owl you constantly to eliviate your boredom. Thanks for the book, I can think of someone to use it on already #coughMalfoycough#. Yes, I know about the new student, I'm not that out of the loop.

Harry

P.S Did you know you sound like Ron?

Dear Professor Dumbledore,

I'm fine, thank you for asking. As of writing this letter I have not yet received my OWL results, so I don't know if I should be congratulated. Hermione probably did better than me.

I would be honoured to show our new student about our humble school and have Hermione explain its magnificent history, and, with the help of Ron, we shall explain the wonders of Quidditch. By any chance does she have a first name? And does she speak English? I'd assume so from her first name, but you never know.

Harry Potter

P.S I think I'm hyper, is there any way to tell?

P.P.S I want my sword!

Harry sends these off and waits. About an hour later the replies come.

Hi Harry

'Mione says to stop calling her 'Mione (heh, like that'll ever happen). She's not here as she's helping Gin with her Herbology homework. The results are soon, that's good, then Mum can give up hope and get on with disappointment. Ask Dumbledore ASAP. Another girl in our year? Damn, most girls are no fun (I added the most 'cos 'Mione came back for a bit.), Gred n Forge's Jokes (or something similar) are doing well.

Cya soon

Ron

P.S Blue haired dummy, why do you ask?

Harry

I do not sound like Ron!

Remus

P.S How the hell do you remember that? You couldn't even talk then!

Harry,

Thank you for the swift reply. Your results are highly commendable and no small matter. You sound in a very Gryffindor mood at the moment. Miss Jonnson speaks excellent English. I do not believe she has yet experienced Quidditch. Yes, she does have a first name, what it is she would not tell me, but everyone calls her Sezzi. Yes, you are hyper. I advise declining any offers of confectionary from Messrs Weasley, they may be bad for your health.

Professor Dumbledore.

P.S Do you want to be back on the Quidditch team?

Ron 'n' Mione

Damn right I ain't gonna stop! (don't stop, don't stop the beat can't stop…sorry,got carried away). Yes a new girl in our year. Tell the twins good luck with their shop.

Seeya soon,

Harry

Remy,

You're right, you sound like Hermione, not Ron. And I could too talk! …just not very well.

Prongs Jr (I remember that too)

P.S I think you should find some chocolate, you're in denial…that makes no sense.

Professor Dumbledore,

Yes, I an in a very Gryffindor mood, I expect I shall soon be in a Slytherin mood instead. We shall be sure to educate her thoroughly in the details of Quidditch. Sezzi is a rather…unusual name. Being hyoer is fuuuuun, and I haven't had anything off Fred and George, I had a bag of Mint Imperials.

Harry Potter

P.S YES I WANT TO BE ON THE QUIDDITCH TEAM!

Harry sends these off and goes downstairs.

XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD XD

The days continue with many letters. One thing leads to another, and somehow Remus ends up escorting the Gryffindor Trio into Diagon Alley. Harry tries his best to annoy Remus, to Ron and Hermione's amusement.

"Unca Mooy?"

"Shut up."

"Unca Mooy?"

"Shut up."

"Unca..."
"Harry, shut up or I will turn your hair blue."

"Cool."

Remus' eye twitches.

"Hey, Unca Mooy…"

"GYAH!" Remus waves his wand. His cry of rage attracts the attention of two others.

"Sezzi, is that guy related to you?"

"No Reene, that guy over there is related to me #points to a laughing Draco# why?"

"Oh, well, that guy has blue hair, and has been annoying people."

"Not everyone in my family has blue hair Reene. Now come on," Sezzi drags Reene towards Harry. Draco is still laughing and Mr Malfoy is tormenting Harry, who is scowling. Mrs Malfoy spots them coming and waves. Sezzi indicates for her to be quiet, and throws herself at Mr Malfoy, screaming "UNCLE LUCIUS!" All present stare as Mr Malfoy catches her, grinning. Ron faints. Harry swears. Hermione looks confused. Remus looks bemused. Draco looks blank. Mrs Malfoy is giggling. Reene slaps her forehead. "Oh ye gods, there's more of them." She groans. Draco looks insulted, as does Sezzi.

Remus looks at them and blinks. "You can definitely tell you're related."

Harry groans and starts banging his head on the side of the nearest building. Sezzi hovers over his shoulder. "Banging your head on the wall burns 150 calories an hour." She chirps. Everyone blinks (Hermione included).

"Err, Harry, what's with the headbanging?" Ron asks.

"Unless I'm very much mistaken, she #points at Sezzi# is the new student I have to show round, but she's related to Malfoy."

"True," comments the blond, "I can't believe my cousin will have to hang round with Pothead and Weasel."
"Shit…" comments Ron.

"You're Harry Potter!" Sezzi squeals, "COOL!"

"Uh-oh." Comments Reene, grabbing the bluenette's shoulder, "We better go- you do still want one of those pointy magic stick things, don't you."

"Wands Reene, and yes I do."

The silver haired girl shakes her head. "I really don't get you sometimes, c'mon, we're going."

"But…"

"Now."

"C'mon…"

"Now."

"Meanie." She pouts as the silver haired teen drags her off. Lucius and co. head off in the opposite direction.

"Harry, what just happened?" asks Ron

"I have no idea."

"Great, another Malfoy."

"Her last name's Jonnson, and Sirius was related to 'em too, and he is, was okay."

The trip ends on a subdued note.