A Step Away

I. A Step Away From the Darkness

Madness B

Revan's counting did not last for more than an hour before she succumbed once again to the dreams.

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Revan had started to gather Jedi to her cause openly. The Mandalorians were an increasing threat and the Republic had asked the Jedi for help. The Jedi were sworn to serve the Republic and now was the time to make good on their oaths. The older Padawans of the Order and newly appointed Jedi Knights were eager to take action against the savage warriors that were sweeping across the galaxy. The Masters, however, did not see it the time to lend assistance. To many senators and generals, this was looked upon as Jedi cowardice and abandonment.

The small group of eighteen Jedi that Revan had assembled at the Senate Hall was only a portion of the total Jedi she had convinced. There were maybe a hundred more willing to join. She couldn't be sure of the exact numbers; the Order was divided in half; the younger members wanted action while the elder tried to deny that there was a conflict. She knew it was dangerous for such a division within the ranks to exist, but it served her purposes well.

The Council's consent she did not have, but that would not deter Revan from her quest. It couldn't. There were other factors at work here and what was a poor night's sleep to the promise of a galaxy filled with peace? There was less and less sleep to be had these days so it mattered little. The Senate would hear what it wanted to hear from Revan's supplied Jedi, that's what mattered.

"So explain this further, Jedi Revan, you will aid the Republic against the Mandalorian invaders?" asked a senator.

Revan knew the senator's name, biography, homeworld and darkest secrets. She knew them about every senator there. They would do well to just accept her answers, no questions asked.

"And you have the leave of the Council to do it?" questioned another.

"Those Jedi not preoccupied with matters elsewhere will make good on their oaths to defend the Republic, you needn't worry about that." She was the picture of a perfect Jedi: eased yet regal posture, serene and orderly. "The Council is aware of the situation and has chosen…not to comment on such actions."

"So you do not have their leave?"

Revan did not look at the Jedi behind her; she already felt their trepidation through the Force. Raising a level stare on the senator, Revan smiled. "Many Jedi are not currently working on assignments and are sitting about the Temple waiting for a chance to shine. Jedi are not idle, Senators, and it is our sworn duty to defend the Republic. If we sit about doing nothing, we are not doing what we have been trained to do."

"How do we know that you won't back down when the fighting gets at its roughest. Jedi are peacekeepers, so I'm told, not warriors."

This was Revan's forte, the political arena. It was here that she was the most at home and it would be here that her reputation as the strongest Jedi of the Order would be sealed. She would not reassure them with her answers; instead she would have to make it personal. The other Jedi bristled with anticipation. Revan in action was a beautiful thing to behold.

Revan turned off her microphone. Her voice was strong enough without adding the enhanced volume. She had to prove to the senators that she was far more powerful than they were. As a consequence, the other Jedi would have to leave the senate car. She ushered them out silently, shaking her head at their protests. They would have to watch and learn from the railing. There were a few minutes of hushed silence as the senate car was maneuvered to the center of the vast hall. She stood with her head and shoulders held high, her hands folded before her so that she could make easy of use them. The lights that fell across Revan outlined her figure in a golden aura. She looked absolutely awe inspiring and godly.

The hush continued for an agonizing amount of time and when the tension in the room was finally about to burst, she spoke:

"We give up everything," said Revan, "to protect you." She opened her arms out wide. "This is our world. We have sacrificed everything that makes life worthwhile for the greater good and glory of the galaxy. For the Republic. Do you know what that means?" She paused, waiting for the answer to the rhetorical question. "Do you? Can you even begin to understand the loneliness that some of us feel? It is a deep, dark despair that we fight because duty is more important.

"We aren't allowed to love because the Republic must always come first. We can have no children because the Republic must always come first. Emotional attachments are forbidden because the Republic must always be our number one priority." She paused, the blue fires in her eyes mesmerizing the Senate Hall. "The Republic is my lover, its people are my children and its enemies are my own. The same can be said for any Jedi. The Republic is the embodiment of all that we have forfeited and that makes it even more paramount that it remains intact. That others should suffer as we because of war or poverty is unbearable.

"Those Jedi who fall to the darkside are those who do not understand the reasons why we give up our emotions. We do this so that we may better value them. We only know the importance of something until it is lost. Abuse is something that sentient beings are good at. We abuse transportation, homes, holovids…we think nothing of them now, but if they were to go, we'd understand just how much they means to us. The emotions of a Jedi are the same. It is a lonely life we lead, but it is one that must be done.

"Now, the Republic has asked us for assistance. In good faith, we can not deny it. If we do, our sacrifices have been in vain and our existence has been a lie." She made sure to catch the gaze of the Chancellor with her own, "I would die for the Republic in order to see it safe." She slapped both her hands onto the control board. "The Mandalorians will be stopped by any means necessary." She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. She waited for a response.

The applause was deafening.

Revan allowed herself a private smile. A few well placed words and they were eating out of the palm of her hand.

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A thump in the hallway outside made Revan jump to consciousness. She didn't move from her bed, knowing that the sound was muffled and therefore not in her room, but her heart still fluttered wildly in her chest. She awaited the familiar whirrr of the door sliding open, but nothing happened. She would have no visitors for the moment.

She sighed. A little bit of combat might better put her in the mood to sleep.

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"I want to see this slaving block," commented the leader. Her head was cocked to one side and her blonde hair was swept back out of her face by several thick braids. The Jedi's blue eyes were frosted at the edges, displaying her impatience and ire at the present situation. There were slaves on the planet? Well, that would be taken care of immediately.

"The Lady Jedi must pay," cooed the doorman. His oily hair was the brightest thing in the room next to his grin. The false whiteness of his teeth sickened the small group that congregated about him. "Or if she doesn't have credits, there are other ways of bargaining…"

Revan's eyes darkened and her hands lovingly caressed the lightsaber hilts at her waist. The other Jedi were put on edge by the dangerous aura she was projecting. Revan's moods were never the same these days, she was edgier and her charm now had a more menacing spin to it. They could see from the circles under her eyes that she was no longer sleeping at night. The only person who had some idea of their leader's condition was Telra, but she never told them, as she herself didn't know. Revan slept fitfully and often awoke screaming or in a cold sweat. It had been that ways for years and was the basis for the nickname that Telra gave her: dreamer. Telra had often asked her friend about the things that made her cry out in the night, but Revan had just given her an absent smile and turned away. Revan was the most fearless person Telra knew; it must have been something terrifying if it invoked such horror in her.

Today, it was not the Nubian that stepped forward to curb her friend's rising temper. Much to everyone's surprise, it was Malak. He laid a soft hand her shoulder, giving it a small squeeze to let her know he was near. The doorman took a step back at his towering height, but Malak was actually very gentle. He was not looking for a fight; he simply wanted to help the person he admired most in the galaxy. His relationship with Revan was not the same as hers with Telra, nor should it be, but the two had a good understanding of each other's personalities. Because of this, it was often that she consulted him on matters of importance first. He was deeply honored.

Revan felt Malak's warm hand upon her and checked her desire to have the man's heart on a plate. She suppressed her irritation and tried to muster some calm in her voice. The Force knew what she'd do if it weren't for the individuals at her back. "Ways of bargaining?" she asked. Her eyes glittered in the dim light. "Open that door, no bargain."

The doorman didn't budge. "Sorry, sugar, but it just ain't gonna happen."

Revan had never been forced to use the mind trick so many times in her life as she had on Taris. It was a planet filled with weak minded, greedy individuals. This doorman was not the first person to put Revan in such a position…and she had a strict standard of punishment for those who delayed her for too long. "You want to let me in." Her hand gave a subtle wave below her waist. She smirked. She would have some fun with this one. "You want to give all your money to the Outcasts and live among them, you will be polite to all women you meet, become celibate and castrate yourself when the urge becomes too great. Oh, but before you do all that, take a bath. You smell. And get rid of the greasy hair. In fact, shave your head. Don't forget to - "

"Revan," warned Telra.

Revan grit her teeth at Telra's reprimand. "Don't forget to live a happy, healthy life." She turned and gave a pointed stare at her friend, "happy now, my lady?" she taunted.

Telra was about to open her mouth with a retort when the man's vacant stare began to focus. He gave Revan a charming smile and opened the door for her and the rest of the group. "Ladies first!"

Revan smiled and motioned for the rest of her fellows to follow her.

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Revan rolled onto her back and adjusted the pillow so that her head was comfortably supported. The chink was back, but its source was indeterminable. She wished Carth was sleeping next to her, hell she'd settle for Canderous, anything but the sound of her own breathing and the chinking noise. She had a sneaking suspicion the Mandalorian would appreciate a few bruises in the morning. She'd be quite comfortable in his strong embrace…but it wouldn't quite be the same as Carth's. She could melt into Carth. At least, she thought she could. A few stolen hugs and a spin along the beach, that's all she had to remember his physical presence by.

Its like he was afraid to touch her. Revan studied her forearm. Last time she checked she wasn't covered head to toe in scales or feathers. Where was her reward for being a good girl? Where were the soul searing kisses, the senseless groping before going into danger and the 'Ebon Hawk Tango?' Not even a peek at the goods or a glimpse of bare chest.

Damn that man. The thought of him sent her body into overdrive.

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Revan stepped over the smoking carcass of the slaver. She had no time or patience for simpletons. What was it with this planet? She gave everyone ample warning that if they interfered, they wouldn't like the consequences. Did she attract idiots or something? They were too stupid for a mind trick to work so obviously they fell beneath her lightsabers. It pained her to say it, but they were all just necessary regrets at the end of the day. Actually, it didn't pain her at all. There was no use in crying over the foolish dead.

The others of her band made quick work of the remaining guards. Revan had taken it upon herself to open the cages. The first one she moved to was only half her body size. She suspected the occupant to be larger than three feet and thought it best to open their cage first. To be honest, it wasn't so much a cage as it was a box with a few strips of open air. The durasteel walls were solid except for the bars at the front. They allowed air and food to be placed within but offered little else. Her lightsaber made short work of the lock and soon the door was open.

There was a girl inside the cage.

"Come out," whispered Revan to the child. "We're here to save you." She reached a hand forward in the darkness, hoping that the girl was not hostile.

The girl gave a small hiss of disapproval and reached out a clawed hand in defense.

Revan hopped back and gave a silent curse, the scratches in her hand stinging. She hadn't been expecting that. The lights were incredibly dim in this shady building and she had to rely on the Force to guide her movements for the most part. She took a few steps away from the cage and again beckoned the girl out. "I'm not going to hurt you," she knelt down so that the girl in the box could look at her, if indeed she could at all see. "The slavers are dead, we killed them."

Still the girl did not move.

"I swear on my word as a Jedi that I will see you safely out of here," stated Revan calmly, her face etched with determination. "You will not be touched while under my care. I swear it."

At the mention of Jedi, the slave tentatively crawled out of the cramped box. Her back legs were weak from the constant crouch she was forced into and Revan did her best to help her to her feet. The girl shied away. The Jedi noted with some distaste that those bastard slavers were imprisoning innocent children. The poor Cathar had been kept in a space that was too small for her growing body. Revan made sure she was steady before releasing her grasp.

"Are you ok?" she gave the first genuine smile since she had been on the planet.

The Cathar's eyes widened considerably and she stammered out a meek 'yes.' She was obviously embarrassed about the situation. If it were Revan, she would have been too. She could sense through the shame the girl felt. Revan didn't know how long the slaves had been there, but the stench of various excrement was now only hitting her senses.

"There's no need to feel ashamed," cooed Revan. She took off her cloak and wrapped it about the girl. The skimpy outfit she wore did little more then cover vital parts. "The Force knows we'd all feel the same if placed in your position." She gave another smile. "You're very brave, you know that?"

The Cathar did not give any verbal cue back, but Revan could sense that she appreciated the gestures.

"Do you have a name?" prompted the Jedi.

"Juhani," whispered the Cathar.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Juhani. My name's Revan and I'm taking you to freedom."

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"It's a pleasure to meet you, Revan. My name's Carth Onasi and I'm taking you to freedom. Damn it, Carth, why didn't you say that to me instead of, 'its good to see you up!'" Revan gave a frustrated kick at her blankets. They fell off the bed and down to the floor. Did he know what he did to her? Perhaps it was just the delirium that was pushing her mind down this road, but it brought up some things Revan had to consider. The man turned her life upside down and when she needed him the most, he backed down. Honestly! He wanted her to stay with the Jedi? What did he think she would do, follow him around the galaxy in the Ebon Hawk the rest of her life? Or perhaps party away the credits they had so meticulously acquired?

Oh yes, her life was just one big festivity with the Jedi Council dancing to their own tune. "It's my party," she grumbled, "therefore I'm kicking out all the party crashers. Yes, Canderous, that means you."

Madness.

Chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink chink.

Madness.

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Revan sketched out a few lines with her console wand onto the digital map before her. Malak stood patiently by her side, waiting to be addressed. She ignored him for the moment, focusing her attention on the battle strategy before her. It was the fifth of fifteen tactical moves Mandalore might choose to make, considering his previous skirmishes against the Republic. While the leader of the Mandalorians was a fine tactician, Revan was a better one and she quickly caught a pattern with his attacks. The battle over Malachor V would be long and arduous for both sides, but Revan had some very interesting maneuvers up her sleeve.

To defeat Mandalore, one had to think like Mandalore. But to think like Revan? That was damn near impossible and everyone knew it. She pulled off the unbelievable because that's who she was, that's what the Force had destined her to do. She had one focus: stop the Mandalorians, for the past three years that's all she had lived for. As she ate she thought of battle plans, as she stepped into the refresher she was plotting where the next battle would be, as she slept…she dreamed.

The computer saved the new additions to the plans and shut down. Revan let a few seconds slip by before turning to face Malak. "I take your meeting with the Admiral and his staff went well?"

Malak nodded his head. By the lines and red marks on his face, the war was taking its toll on him too, but Malak would never admit to it. "Admiral Karath has nothing but faith in your strategies. He is a good man, Revan. He has good subordinates too."

Revan nodded her head and sighed. The rest of her Jedi were not aboard the Siren, they were on the Avenger and the Triumph awaiting her orders. As soon as she had finalized battle plan nine, the transmissions would be sent and the ships would fly into formation. She was preoccupied with thoughts of the battle; she didn't really want to talk with Malak at the moment.

"Have you met some of his staff?" pushed Malak. "After this war is over, they are all due for hefty promotions. The Republic has lost many of its best commanders in hopeless battles."

"Then its lucky we came along, right?" Revan gave a slow, sardonic smile. It was lucky that she came along. Without her, hundreds more Republic ships would be hunks of wreckage and thousands of new coffins would have to be made. And, imagine that, she did it all for free. "But to answer your question," the smile disappeared, "I haven't. Why, is there someone of particular worth you have spied?"

"I know none of them by name," responded Malak, "but I have a…a feeling about a few of them."

Revan quirked an eyebrow. "Oh? Humor me."

Malak laughed. "I won't go into all of them at length, I'll just do one. Sound fair?"

"Fair," agreed Revan.

"He's smaller than me by a few inches," started Malak. "Brown hair, brown eyes, stubble, strong build - "

Revan stopped him with an outstretched hand. "He's very handsome, I'm sure."

"If you came to eat with the rest of the officers, perhaps I could point him out to you," Malak favored Revan with a triumphant stare.

"No, I'm quite happy eating my meals in the relative peace of my quarters." Revan strode to her desk chair and languidly dropped herself into it. "Why are you interested in him?" She gave a weary sigh.

Malak shifted nervously, Revan was not acting as he thought she would. "Remember when I told you that I experienced unusual Force surges? This is one of those times." The excitement rose in his voice. Malak had never been strong in the Force, only physical might. This new affinity for it pleased him immensely and he hoped that it pleased Revan too. "It's the strangest thing, I can actually feel the strings of the Force around him, pulling him on into something vast and great. Its like the Force is telling me - "

Revan turned a dark stare on him; a mercurial mood swing was on its way. "Don't be so foolish, Malak. I expected better of you than to tell me that some common grunt has a huge destiny before him." She sneered at him and turned to organizing some papers on her desk. "Can't you see that I have more to worry about than your prophecies? Get out of here, you're wasting my time."

Malak opened his mouth to speak again but Revan gave him an irritable wave of her hand. A soldier always knew a dismissal when he saw one and yet it made Malak's blood boil. He would get her back for that.

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Chink chink chink.

Sleep eluded Revan the rest of the night.