A Step Away
I. A Step Away From the Darkness
His Choice
Carth put down the blaster he was tinkering with and ran an oil-smudged hand through his hair. He'd only been on Coruscant for three days and already he'd grown tired of it. While it was the planet that never slept, Carth didn't have anyone to go out and make trouble with. His military associates, while older, still hadn't changed much from their youth and had wanted a stag night to celebrate the Republic's victory over the Sith. Carth couldn't, in good faith, join them because his priorities lay elsewhere. He had Dustil to think of and…and Revan.
He was a real idiot sometimes. He had been given ample opportunity to whisk her away from the clutches of the Jedi Order – had even been asked to do that…but for all his ability to give orders in the heat of battle, Carth Onasi couldn't take the initiative in his own life. No wonder Dustil had said all those horrible things at Korriban. While they were convoluted with Sith malice, his words had rung with a hint of truth. Morgana had been stretched too thin and he didn't blame her. He just didn't want that to happen to Revan, he didn't want a repeat of the past. She deserved more than that.
It was all just a matter of putting his priorities in order. Carth had served the Republic all his adult life and would continue to do so until he retired or was shot dead by enemy fire. His conscience couldn't just let him walk away from his commitment in its service when there were still evil out there to be fought. Not to mention he was being promoted to Admiral later on in the week. High Admiral Forn Dodonna would have been very disappointed in him if he backed out. Hell, it wasn't even a high position in the Admiralty. Still, Carth was obligated to grin and bear it. How bad could Rear Admiral be?
She was a good woman, Dodonna. She'd helped Carth acquire fairly permanent quarters near the Republic High Commission's Building. From his window he could see the Jedi Temple. He had tried using hyper-oculars to see into the courtyard and the various glass panels that denoted the individual rooms of the Jedi. Yet they had not been powerful enough for him to see anything and knowing his luck the Jedi would have used some Force enchantment to prevent this type of spying. Behind one of those quiet, dormant windows, Revan must have been watching the world turn without her.
Beep. Beep. Beep.
He'd almost forgotten, Dodonna had said that she was going to drop in anytime that week for an inspection. Since he hadn't had any visitors, it must have been her.
"Enter!" he called, hastily wiping his hands on a rag that lay near the bench. The door opened and he stood to attention.
"At ease, soldier," prompted Dodonna.
Carth relaxed into a more comfortable, yet still formal stance. This High Admiral was not Saul, despite her reputation for being good-natured.
Dodonna gestured to a seat. "May I?"
"Sure, Admiral," Carth nodded his head, surprised that she had even asked to sit down. He continued to stand, wondering
"Come, Carth, sit down. Only politically appointed personnel feel the need to rank drop. Former grunts like us don't need to use such pretenses." Dodonna pointed to a seat in front of her.
The pilot gave a small grin and took the offer. He'd never worked in close proximity with her before and was finding that she was a very agreeable person, but he had the feeling that she wasn't so considerate on the battlefield.
"There," the woman smiled, "that's better."
"Politically appointed personnel?" Carth gave a skeptical laugh, "I thought the Admiralty had it's own High Council."
The Admiral looked surprised. "I thought you knew all about this. The military gets its funding from the rich sons of Senators who buy commissions and the endorsement of certain lobby parties that wish to see certain courses of action taken. The High Council is comprised of good individuals, true, but considering the ratio of wealthy people to from the ranks promotions, well, you can get the general idea."
"Yeah, I think I got it," letting out a disappointed sigh, Carth leant forward, his elbows on his knees. "But you seem to be handling it pretty good."
"Well, Carth, I suppose it's just a matter of knowing where my own priority lies in contrast with the rest of the Admiralty. Everybody serves the Republic, that much is true, but whether we serve it out of a desire to do good or a desire to further our careers is another thing." Dodonna smiled. "Doubtlessly you must have seen the statistics about rank advancement."
Carth shook his head, "I can't say that I have, Admiral."
This made the Admiral frown. "No? Well, I suppose I can understand given your recent mission with the Jedi. I hope those medals we gave you aren't gathering dust in a box like I'm told your Mandalorian ones are." She gave him a stern look. "I expect you to be wearing all of them at your promotion ceremony, do I make myself clear?"
The pilot nodded. "Its clear, Admiral, but let me ask you this, why do I need physical evidence that I'm supposedly a 'hero' when everyone would believe it anyway?"
Dodonna smiled, "because politically appointed personnel feel the need to rank and prestige drop."
"You said the High Council was a decent bunch," countered Carth politely.
"There'll be more people there than the High Council, Carth. Senators, well-wishers, the media…everybody's there to see the hero of the Mandalorian Wars become what he should have been a long time." High Admiral Dodonna touched one of her own stripes fondly. "Good men died for you to receive those. Every time you wear them, you honor their memory."
Carth couldn't argue with her even if he wanted to do. "I suppose you're right. So what brings you here, Admiral? I would've expected a call to your office if all you wanted to do was talk." He shifted uncomfortably in his seat.
"The Senate is a paranoid group, Carth, always wanting their hands in everything the military touches," she gave a small bark of laughter. "My office has been bugged and debugged countless times over the years and the Admiralty has had its problems picking its members over the years."
"Rank promotions based on wealth and paranoia," Carth sighed. "I don't know if I want this job anymore, Admiral."
"A shame if that's the case," Dodonna gave Carth a stern look, "considering all the hard work that's been done on your behalf."
"Wait a minute, Admiral, so you came here to tell me that I was getting a promotion you had already made official? It doesn't make sense."
The Admiral folded her hands in her lap quietly. "I can't show favoritism among my officers as it's a breach of protocol. I can, however, get to know my staff. I like to know how they live, their attitudes, what their own motivations are for fighting the Republic's battles. I need to know that I can count on them to do their duty, even if they don't like it. A lot can be said about a man's military service by the look of his living quarters. I've found it the most reliable way to get a…second opinion. An expected, yet impromptu visit as you are experiencing."
"So you came here to see if I cleaned my room, Admiral?" Carth did his best not to laugh at her. "Well, I suppose I should be grateful. It could have been worse."
"I did say that I would appear here for an inspection and I am going to do just that for my own sake of mind." The Admiral stood, Carth following her motion to stand at attention, and made an impersonal tour of the space, inspecting the pile of papers on a desk and paying extra detail to the kitchen units. Carth was a fairly neat man…with some strange eating habits. Very similar to his superior commander…she came back into the main room. "You appear to have things in order, not completely ruining the place as a younger man would have done…but," something black on the wall caught her attention, "your communications console is smudged with oil." She took a look at Carth's hands, "you were expecting someone?"
Carth gave a terse nod of his head.
Dodonna gave him the typical, secretive smile of a woman, "it wouldn't happen to be one of your assignments, a member of the Jedi Council even?"
Carth again nodded his head.
"Revan?"
The pilot nodded silently.
"These are some pretty thick stains, Carth, you must have jumped at every call," Dodonna gave a small click of her tongue at the mess. "I hope that it cleans up." The Admiral gave a sigh and took her seat again. "At ease. Sit, Carth."
Carth did as ordered.
"Tell me, for my own sake of mind as well as yours, what are your feelings towards Revan. Oh and," she gave a small smirk, "permission to speak freely granted."
Carth, while still confused about the whole visit, had to comply with Dodonna's wishes. "Its, to tell the truth, its like I'm being eaten alive from the inside out. I just can't stop thinking about where she is, or what's she doing, what the Jedi have done to her…its like my mind is permanently glued onto her. I don't know whether its because I…I love her or because she's made some sort of Force connection…"
Dodonna filed away this information. The Force connection part was especially interesting. "Revan doesn't appear the type of woman to let something she wants pass by her, that's for sure."
"You're certainly right about that, Admiral, she's very pushy about what she wants. Even if it is me."
"Well, Carth, I can't claim to be an expert about the Jedi, I've only met with them briefly on occasion, but I do know that a Force connection can be a very dangerous and difficult thing." It could have meant influencing someone within the Admiralty and if Revan was up to her old tricks again than Dodonna would have none of it. Carth would have to be watched for such subtle signs of treachery.
"The bond with Bastila," Carth nodded his head in agreement. "But, but I think this is different. I'm not 'Force Sensitive' or whatever the Jedi call it, so I think that whatever link we have is much weaker than a typical Jedi-Jedi bond."
"Perhaps distance is a key?" mused the Admiral. "Its much like long range, terrestrial communications. The further two soldiers move apart, the weaker their communication signal becomes but the closer they are, the better it is. Fascinating thing."
"Are you sure the military was the right career choice?"
Dodonna laughed. "Are you trying to steal my position, Admiral Onasi?"
Carth managed to smile. "Wouldn't dream of it, Admiral Dodonna, wouldn't dream of it."
The Admiral gave a half-smile. Carth wouldn't function properly without Revan; she could see that now. Yet she was also very aware that Revan had committed a terrible transgression against the Republic – and her ties to Carth could help her do it again. She had to speak with Revan before she made up her mind. "I'll pull some strings for you, Carth."
Carth, while thankful, couldn't help but feel a cold shiver run down his spine. He'd been down this road before.
The day of Carth's promotion came quicker than he expected. Few would think that the new Admiral would be nervous about such events, but his mind was on other things. He thought of Revan, of Dustil: what they were doing, where they were, what the Jedi were doing had to do with their lives. He feared for Revan, truly, after her display earlier on the Rakatan beach, he knew that this was not what she wanted despite her final choice. If the Jedi did anything to hurt her…well, he didn't know what he would do. He knew Revan's wrath was worse than his own and she was selfish enough not to leave him any flesh on the bones.
As Carth donned his dress uniform and straightened his hair, he began to wonder about the future. Was marriage there for him? Another child? Was Dustil going to forgive him? Would Revan prove to be who she was? All these things and more crossed his mind as he felt the newest burden of his life fall upon his shoulders. He pinned on his Mandalorian War Veteran medals and couldn't help but think of Saul. Carth knew that Admiral Dodonna was a pleasant sort of woman. His conversation with her earlier on in the week demonstrated that she truly cared for those under her command. She had proved herself through service, like him, and knew what the day to day in a common soldier's life was like. But he knew that no one became a High Admiral because they were a nice person.
One had to have a certain sort of ruthlessness to gain such a position. In the greater scheme of things, High Admirals sacrificed planets, lives and treaties to further the Republic. Carth found this monstrous, as he had told Revan upon her interrogation by the Star Map on Kashyyyk. Revan sacrificed a planet because she knew she could save more lives. In war, there were no compromises and Carth wasn't sure if he could make such decisions. Everything was passed politically in front of the Senate, but on the battlefield, in the height of the fighting, Carth knew that Dodonna would easily sacrifice a ship and its crew if it could win the war.
But she was not Saul. He had made that very plain to himself. Just because she held his desired title did not mean that they were of the same mold. Dodonna would never betray the Republic, but he had said it himself, he didn't really know the woman or serve under her command. This time he would not make the same mistakes as before – even if he was falling love again and putting himself at risk. This time, he would not make that personal connection with his superior officers; he wouldn't get so close. Dodonna may have been a good woman, but she, or any other of the High Council, might have been biding their time. The conspiracy theorist in him would make him extra alert now that he knew what to look for. No one could be trusted but himself, Carth could have that luxury now.
He also had the luxury of his own ship, perhaps a fleet if he was really good. That put more responsibility on him as he had to manage captains, lieutenants and all other forms of rank, put people up for promotion when they deserved it and continue to say the funeral rights over dead comrades in arms. Some things never changed. Still, it should afford him a wealth of leeway in his time spent off ship and away.
Heh, don't kid yourself, Onasi. You're too much a stickler for the rules to leave your command ship for too long.
Damn, he had a less of a break then he thought.
His chronometer beeped several times. This was his five-minute warning signal. He had less than ten minutes to arrive at the Republic High Commission's Banquet Hall before the ceremony started. He had delayed his arrival for several reasons: 1. He didn't want to shake anymore hands or have anymore pats on the back. 2. He didn't want his face all over the data papers. 3. He didn't want to give any interviews or answer any questions. 4. He wanted to be there for the shortest amount of time possible without seeming rude.
A last minute slick of his hair (to keep those messy tendrils Revan loved in place) assured Carth that he looked every bit the respectable Republic pilot, allowing him to exit his apartment and enter the cab car with relative confidence. He could have walked the distance if he had wanted to, but being mugged by late reporters was not high on his priority list. It was just like routine retrieval mission, get in, get the formal promotion, then get out as fast he could. It wasn't going to hurt him in the long run.
As the car sped through the air, Carth could make out rows of people lining the streets, some with banners and others frantically waving their arms. Carth slumped back from the window and groaned. Military intelligence? Somebody had obviously leaked this story to the press for a hefty price. The media were desperate for all the information and events concerning the "Heroes of the Republic." Nobody was interested in the missing Wookie, Twi'lek and Mandalorian, no, just as Mission predicted, Carth Onasi was the popular favorite being the good citizen that he was. It was so lucky that Telos was only a colony, because if they dredged up his past then Carth Onasi "Honorable Republic Soldier" would become "Telosian Flyboy Extraordinaire." Thank the Force for the Outer Rim.
The cab rose several feet in the air and came to land by the High Commissions 'special' entrance i.e. no screaming woman. Carth nodded to the driver, the fare already taken care of by the Admiralty and got out, blinded by the sudden illumination of several large, neon lights.
"None of that out here!" barked Dodonna, striding forward to push the media man out of the way. "My apologies, Carth, but they got up here long before we did. Speaking of which, you're lucky to have made it on time."
Carth blinked a few times to clear his vision and took, what he hoped, was her hand. "To tell the truth, Admiral, I didn't really want to come."
Dodonna nodded though she knew he was still blinded. "With all your publicity, I wouldn't want to be here either." She led him quickly through a group of security officials and into the building. "We're not allowing civilians inside, only those with invites are allowed into the hall. Select press will be present for ceremony and your speech, so make sure it's a good one."
"Heh, well, I've never been much of a speech writer, Admiral." Carth's eyes had adjusted to the dim light and he noted that they were in a very plush hallway.
"We only keep the media who make us look good around," assured the Admiral. "Besides, if I know anything about the people who'll be watching, your speech won't matter to them, Carth."
Carth's eyebrows raised. "I guess that's relief to hear, though I can't shake the feeling that something's wrong with that scenario."
Dodonna merely smiled. "Millions of women watching you galaxy wide, I've never known a man to think there's something wrong with that."
"Heh, when you've got Revan on your trail, you're lucky to keep your eyes in your head." Carth was fidgeting with his cuffs as they walked. The gold clips on the white uniform were a much-needed distraction.
The Admiral moved up a flight of stairs, obediently trailed by Carth. "Yes, she does seem the type not to share. I'm worried for all those poor girls who ask for your autograph."
Now Carth was mildly alarmed. No one had been treated this way after the Mandalorian Wars, why the celebrity status all of a sudden? "I'm not that popular…am I?"
Dodonna sighed and looked sideways at Carth. "If my office receives another declaration of marriage from an alien nation of some unknown world, I'm likely to send our new ships to the planet and allow them target practice."
The pilot gave a nervous laugh. "Heh, well if it gets them off my tail…"
"Carth, I need to go over some quick things with you," the Admiral stopped him right before a bend in the corridor. Her voice was soft, "if you want this ceremony to quickly and smoothly, you'll do what I tell you."
Carth raised an eyebrow in surprise. "Very well, Admiral, what do I have to do?"
Dodonna's gaze was stern; she was in order giving mode. "I'll try and make this quick. One, don't wander off alone. Two, stay away from the Newma Eight Circuit reporters, they're a nasty breed but they work for the Senate so we have to invite them. Three, socialize. You've become an admiral and we have to be a social breed. We control the fleet; therefore ships and troop pay are within our care. These things are not cheap and the best ways to make connections are at gatherings like these. Four, we know about your friendship with Saul Karath…its not held against you, but you have to get over any hesitations you have about this job as it will only hinder you."
"You make this sound like some big conspiracy, which it probably is, come to think of it. Why help?" asked Carth. "Anyone else would have left me cold."
"Because I've been in your position, Carth. I wasn't the first person from the ranks to rise to this position, but women typically don't make it this far." Dodonna sighed and Carth noted gray strands in her red hair. "I know you'll make it in this world, Onasi, I have a good instinct about my subordinates and you in particular. You've had a tremendous amount of combat experience and probably learnt a few skills from your Jedi friends that you don't know about yet." She gave a grim smile. "Soldiers stick together, Carth, remember that."
Carth didn't have a chance to answer as Dodonna had moved around the bend and he heard a roar of people asking questions. He quickly checked his dress uniform, making sure the white material was free of smudges and took a deep breath. The kath hound's den awaited him.
Luckily, Carth hadn't had too much trouble passing by the long line of reporters and making his way into the banquet hall. There he found more press, but they did not appear to be a nosy breed. In fact, it was pretty damn hard to spot them among the well-dressed elite of the Republic Command and Senators. He couldn't tell who were the Newma Eight reporters, which was fine, because it gave him an excuse not to answer any questions under the pretense that they could be anyone and anywhere.
He did what Dodonna had suggested; he tentatively made his circuit of the room. A few of the Admirals he had met when assigned to Saul, they were the true 'lead the charge' type of men in their tidy, overly pressed uniforms. They took no sass and led by their own example. Carth could spot the commissioned officers; they were the ones cluttered around the drink table with the good looking serving attendees. He passed by them once, acquainting himself with his peers and they appeared to be a jovial sort…at least to his face.
Dodonna didn't give him time to make another round of the room before she commanded the podium. This caused quite a stir of movement as people moved to get into place. Carth was taken to the front of the seating by Admiral Vik, Dodonna's right hand. He took the seat to Carth's left and upon Carth's right there was an empty chair. He presumed it belonged to Dodonna, who was just starting to speak.
"Ladies and Gentlemen," she began, "it is a pleasure that you be here to recognize the fruition of one man's hard work and never ending dedication to bravery and the Republic. If you will bear with me for a moment, I would like to make a few remarks about him before he takes the stand himself.
"Carth Onasi is a man of brilliant integrity and solid heart. Those who know him have only the highest opinion of him and those who don't have at least heard his name mentioned from time to time. We first saw this bright young man as a raw recruit from the outer worlds some twenty years ago. I have been told that the man he is now and the man he was then are two completely different people. On the one hand, you have a handsome, young man who's itching to fly a fighter craft and on the other you have a well matured, honest man who's itching to get command of a starship."
The audience laughed politely at this. Carth was glad she had wasted no time.
"Now I know you must be thinking," continued the Admiral, "how did such an eager, trigger happy youth become the hard working and dedicated man that he is today?" Dodonna's voice became grave. "Such a thing can only be done by a great change. War is such a change. Carth has seen much of it, serving both on and off the field as an advisor or star pilot. He is as versatile giving orders as he is carrying them out, so his former superior once told me. He has never left anyone behind and has always completed his assignments to the best of his abilities, despite all the odds. A gifted marksman and talented planner, he is able to see all points of an enemy's attack and improvise a good counter-offensive on the fly.
"The Mandalorian War was this generation's true test at military prowess. This was a real conflict, not a bread and milk skirmish with some space pirates. The Mandalorians were a dangerous breed, pragmatic to all ends and ready to do anything to get what they wanted. As we know, Commander Onasi was heavily decorated for his bravery in these wars. From rescuing fellow squad members from Mandalorian fire to holding heavily fought space quadrants, there is no doubt that Carth is as loyal and as true as they come.
"We all know the story of Saul Karath, how he became a turncoat and walked out on the Republic. A smart man left us, threatening to pull Carth, one of our greatest assets, with him. But do you know what Carth did?"
Carth closed his eyes. He had done nothing and he prayed that the Admiral wouldn't say anymore.
"Carth knew where his loyalties lied and stayed behind. For this true test, he suffered, losing his wife in the destruction of his homeworld and his son to the Sith. Yet he persisted and dedicated himself even more fully to the Republic. And then one day," again, Dodonna used her secret, feminine smile, "we assigned him to advise the young Jedi Bastila Shan and the rest…the rest is history. I give Carth Onasi my full and most complete trust. He will make us all proud." Dodonna stepped back from the podium to a loud round of applause.
Reporters were talking quickly amongst themselves and comparing notes as Dodonna gestured for Carth to take the podium. He did so reluctantly, pulling out his speech cards from a back pocket. Dodonna had never once looked down at the podium – she hadn't used anything to help her along. Carth was impressed and though slightly nonplussed, he made ready to speak.
"Admiral Dodonna said a great many things about my past exploits, about my bravery, my loyalty, so I'm just going to skip that part of my speech and cut right to the chase." He was greeted with the same round of polite laughter that Dodonna had received. "I want to talk about the Mandalorian Wars for a bit, not my part in them, but of the good men I saw fight and die by my side." He paused, looking down to gather his thoughts. "I wouldn't have made it this far without them and its their doing that you see me here today, not my own.
"I had a friend, whose name was Lieutenant Jorn Darkan. He was a good looking guy, all the girls at port loved him, but he had his own sweetheart back on Chandrila, his home world, so the girls never got very far with him. The biggest thing I remember about Jorn was his love for poetry. I shared a bunk with him on many occasions and he did not shut up about it at all!" This was greeted with a more natural laughter. "When I think of all the times I've heard someone recite one of his favorite poems, I begin to remember that even though we risk ending our lives, there is something worth dying for.
"Jorn died while acting as my wing man. He didn't stand a chance against the Mandalorian Corvette; we were both pretty mangled from cruiser laser fire. He was just blown apart; one minute there and with a flash of red light his ship was debris in space the next. There…there was nothing left." Carth took a steadying breath. "I miss him. He was a good man and by the time the Mandalorians attacked, he had a wife and a daughter. They didn't take the news so well.
"War creates widows and orphans, it rips apart planets and families. Those who order their troops into battle but must remain behind, knowing their squadron might die…its not an easy job to handle. At least as a squadron commander, I was there with my men and had just as much risk of dying. Now Jorn…" Carth glanced down at his notes and then back up.
That's when she entered.
The woman was clothed in a matching dress and jacket set of a glitzy ivory fabric, a feminine hat of the same color resting upon her elegantly braided hair…and a short, white veil concealed all but a sliver of her pale face. The high, angular collar touched the lower extremity of her hairdo, showcasing a long and delicate neck. The small stones of the mesh reflected its creamy tone. It was a popular outfit of the nouveau rich with its Old World flair. Even the homeliest of women could appear mysterious and alluring with the flattering high cut jacket accentuating both lines and curves and the veil allowing for any deformities to be hidden.
This was proved true by the attention the woman commanded as she walked down the center aisle, her heels clicking softly on the hard floor and her white-gloved hands gently grasping a slightly bulging purse. She made no comment to any of the people she passed, her gaze fixed on Carth as he continued on with his speech.
Carth looked down at her as she came closer, her face invisible but for half of one very blue eye and a diagonal slice of dark red lips. She took the seat he had presumed was Admiral Dodonna's, crossing her legs and folding her hands gently in her lap, very serene. She looked just like anyone else, but the movement was almost…almost Jedi like.
And then it clicked.
Revan had come to see his promotion.
A/N: A few minor edits due to Prisoner 24601's spot on comments – flashes from recording equipment in Star Wars. Also tried to modify Revan's outfit per the suggestion. I knew I shouldn't have described what she was wearing in detail… ;-) Also taking Xenzen's comment into consideration, the conversation between Carth and Dodonna has been modified.