A Step Away
A Step Away From the Darkness
A/N: Well, after a few months of idleness, I finally churned out Chapter 9! Forgive me for the wait, this is the last part of Section I.
The Best Outcome
Revan threw herself into the chair closest to her bed and leaned back, scrubbing her face with her palms. It had been a long night for her and even though she was now free of her costume, she still felt the lingering effects of the party on the edge of her senses. The heavily perfumed air lingered in her nose and the feel of Carth's hands on her waist and back remained. She knew that if she stood, her feet would probably continue to carry her in a waltz and she had the urge to twitter in laughter. Despite her best mental defenses, the night had gotten under her skin just like she was afraid it would.
"And yet it was all worth it," she said dreamily…
Carth had insisted they return to his apartment and Revan had been excited to finally get some quality alone time with the man. She was not surprised to find it larger than her own quarters at the Jedi Temple. She had a bed, a desk and several chairs. If she was hungry, she went to the Main Hall for food. Carth, however, had a kitchen, a bedroom, a living space and a dining space; the living space at least appeared to be clean and orderly. Revan would be lying if she said she hadn't wanted to inspect the bedroom.
Eerily similar to their time together on Taris, he poured her a drink. Yet instead of it being brownish water from a rusty faucet, it was some potent brandy. The burn down her throat reminded her of long hyperspace jumps between Corellia and Deralia. False memories, but realistically soothing and she had settled back on the sofa comfortably and waited for him to return. Carth sat down beside her gingerly, placing his drink on the caffa lounge next to some datapads.
It had been a tentative silence, reflected Revan, edged with the unknown spoken question of Deskal's earlier comment. She closed her eyes and sighed. She was proud of how she had handled the situation with Carth and yet felt just as guilty that she couldn't reassure him…
"You don't have any answers, do you?"
Revan shook her head, smiling sheepishly. "Flyboy, if I did, I wouldn't be so angry with the Jedi for wiping my mind."
"What's a monster like Deskal doing with the Jedi anyway?"
She shrugged in response and stretched out an arm behind Carth's shoulders, yawning all the while. "I don't know, Carth." She pulled him towards her, resting his head against her shoulder. "The Jedi circulate with the Senators if there is something to be gained. Jolee would say we're hypocrites."
Carth's hand stroked the fabric on her thigh as he thought of what to say. "I don't know what to think anymore, Libra. I mean, I knew people like him are out there, and there are people like you out there too…I just…heh." He sighed. "I just can't figure out where I am."
"In all the shades of gray, Carth, that's where you are."
"Shades of gray?" He laughed. "Don't get metaphorical on me, beautiful, I'm just a pilot from Telos."
"Metaphorical indeed," replied Revan with an air of mock indignation. "You have Jedi, who are white; Sith, who are black; and everyone else in between that make up the gray."
"So you're white, you're saying?"
"No," Revan rubbed her cheek against the top his head. "I'm not really white, at least, not anymore. I don't think anyone can be purely white…that would make them very naïve and innocent. People like that die."
Carth lifted his head and raised an eyebrow. "Would you mind if I told you that I prefer to see the world in color?"
"Then I'd have to say you're colorblind." Revan gave him a wink and then tilted her head to a peg by the door that held an orange flight jacket. "Orange, Carth?"
Carth rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Damn it, woman, how many times do I have to keep saying its regulation?"
"Ah, but not regulation anymore." Revan shifted towards him, her hands crawling up his chest to finger the new badges lovingly. "My little pilot has become an Admiral." She smirked. "Does that mean you graduate to red now?"
"You're going to turn into one of those wives who are embarrassed to see their husband in his old flight clothes." Carth gave her a look of long suffering. "You're killing me, gorgeous."
Revan sat back for a moment and studied his face, processing that he had used the 'w' word. Wife. Would she become his wife? Or more appropriately, could she? "I'd rather see my husband sans clothes," she said pointedly, covering her momentary hesitation. "But when you're married to the most handsome pilot in the galaxy," she smoothed a finger below his chin, "no less should be expected…"
Finding herself not in the company of Carth and alone back in her room, Revan stood and paced for a bit, wondering about the future. She checked her chronometer, made a circuit about her room, checked the chronometer again and did another lap, all the while her mind analyzing and cataloging appointments, visits and, if anymore, promotions. Later on in the day the Jedi Council would decide if she would revert back to her Jedi Knight status or remain a master-less Padawan.
If she became a Knight once again, Revan knew she would stay on with the Jedi Order and try to combat any of the remaining Sith. If she was forced to continue on as a Padawan, she was walking away a free woman. She did not have the time for extra training, did not have the patience to wait and be taught things she already knew. The techniques of the Jedi were in her blood, they were instinctive now. Perhaps she did not have her full memories, she never would, but the knowledge was in her subconscious mind.
Justice was waiting to be done; so many innocents had to be protected. Taris had shown her smuggler-self enough of sentient hatred and discrimination…and her memories walked a parallel path. In order to re-forge herself, if there was any chance she could ever feel complete, she would have to embrace the similarities without regret. Revan and Libra both wanted to do good things…but something had twisted Revan. Libra was not yet without hope.
(((((((((()::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::>
Beep.
Revan buried her face into her pillow at the response of the nagging door buzzer.
Beep.
Beep.
Be-b-be-be-be-b-b-beep.
She reached for her lightsaber on the nearby table and groggily threw off the covers, stalking to the door in her loose robes to kill the annoying insect waiting on the other side.
Beep.
Pressing the button, Revan ignited her saber and stood in the doorway, the blue highlighting her haggard face to the Twi'lek who stood on other side.
"It is good to see you again…my friend."
It took a moment for the synapses in her brain to fire and recognition to set in. "Yuthura? Is that you?" The lightsaber hissed shut.
"Yes, it is I." The former Sith looked relieved to see her. "I was told you would be here."
"Hehe, well you uh, you caught me at a bad time," Revan stood aside and motioned for Yuthura to enter. "I was out late."
"Oh?"
"My crew member received a promotion," she lazily ran a hand through her hair while Yuthura took a ginger seat and crossed her legs. "So why are you here?"
"My shuttle arrived yesterday," explained the Twi'lek, "and I have been gathering information," she laughed, "my apologies, I have been acquainting myself with the Temple."
"Gathering information about the Jedi?" Revan waved away the apology by taking the seat across from her. "There wouldn't be much to learn, I'm afraid. So how do you like it?"
"It is strange…I feel at peace here."
"Well, at least that's one of us," responded the blonde slyly. "I always feel like there's something missing here."
"When you have lived in a Sith enclave and a slave quarters, this is a most welcome change," said Yuthura quietly, purple eyes hovering over Revan's red and sleep-marked face. "Did I disturb you?"
"I was sleeping, if you hadn't guessed," Revan shrugged, "but I suppose it was only a matter of time before I woke up to see the Council. I'd have dreamed myself awake though."
"You suffer from dreams?" Yuthura placed an elegant hand to her chin. "Though, that is not unusual for ones as powerful as you. Many of the students at the Academy dreamt."
"Ah, but not all the same dream."
Yuthura shook her head. "Not so. When we…" she looked sheepish, "when we took the information from them, they all had the same patterns."
Revan laughed. "Can I guess? Big green shaft of light, feeling of wrongness, haunting voice, no control over body and slow, painful death when the voice's offer is denied?"
"Yes."
Revan looked at her, nonplussed.
"Does that make you feel less…unique?" teased Yuthura.
"That sounded like one of your Sith lines," replied Revan bitterly. "And it also takes away my excuse."
"Excuse for?"
"Are you my counselor now?" Revan looked at her darkly.
Yuthura's brow raised and she gave a rueful smile. "I am sorry, my friend. The habits of a teacher take many years to fade. If you do not wish to tell me I will not ask."
"Thank you," said Revan gratefully. "I've still got to get over the idea that there are possibly other Jedi n the galaxy who experienced what I did."
"You will find them."
"Do you really think so?"
The Twi'lek smiled and gave a knowing look. "Oh, I have no doubt that you will succeed in this task. You are quite…resilient."
Revan nodded. "Yes, I've been called that before."
"Among other things," added Yuthura slowly.
"Ah yes," Revan rocked back and forth in her chair, "other things. Blind, arrogant, selfish people who don't know what they're talking about."
"Do they?"
"You are very prophetic today, you know that?"
Yuthura settled back in her chair, eyes attentive on Revan. "My old master said something to me long ago that I did not fully realize until today. 'I may guide the blind with my words, but it is they who help me walk the path.'" Her fingers steepled in front of her face. "We help each other with our wisdom."
Revan was very touched by these words and knew she would remember them all her life.
(((((((((()::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::>
Wearing the robes she had acquired from the Star Forge, mended by the versatile T3-M4, Revan made an ostentatious arrival into the Temple Gardens. Here beneath the lush green canopy of the biosphere, the Jedi Council had decided to meet. It was a symbolic reference to the decision they were about to make, one of rebirth and new growth. As she walked in, her had brushed against several hanging flower vines, the blue and gold petals crumbling as she hit them. Life was so very fragile.
"Welcome, Padawan Revan," greeted Relanai softly. She and the rest of the Council were sitting by a small synthetic waterfall, the spray of the water shrouding them in a very fine mist.
"Hello," said Revan warily.
"Will you sit and join us?" Morio sat the edge of the group and patted the space on the ground beside him. Upon seeing Revan's incredulous gaze he laughed and folded his hands in his lap. "Padawan, you can not intimidate us by standing. Come, sit and let us begin."
On the other side sat a rather nasty looking Cathar, her face narrowed and a very palpable aura of dislike pulsing from her brown body. Revan decided to take her chances with the Master from Alderaan. Arguing with the Council, she was beginning to understand, was just a waste of her time. She would have to wheedle and work them into where she wanted them, and with Jolee's help it would hopefully be much easier.
You clever bastards, she thought upon noting that Jolee was kept cloistered between the rather ugly Trandoshan and the Ryn. You've kept him locked away from me.
The Iktotchi gave a polite cough, indicating that her emotions were spilling out into the open. Revan quickly imagined building a wall of durasteel about herself to hide her thoughts. When the Iktotchi nodded discreetly, Revan stopped reinforcing it with ferrocarbon.
Some moments passed in silence and Revan tried not to shift uncomfortably. The garden's temperature had been raised to support the blooming plant life and Revan was dearly regretting wearing the heavy, long sleeved robe. It was useless now that she had drained it of energy in her battle against Malak, more ceremonial than practical. She could hardly move in it and had nearly lost her life to her former friend when her legs had become tangled in the long skirt. It stuck to her body as she began to perspire.
"So, are we going to start this interrogation?"
Vrook shook his head. "It is not an interrogation, Revan."
Revan frowned. That's what you said last time, and look who ended up on the floor?
Once again the Iktotchi coughed.
She gave a sigh. "I am trying, all right?"
"It is not a matter of trying but of doing," he responded quietly.
"Perhaps if I wasn't being provoked," suggested Revan.
Morio placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. "You are not being provoked."
"It feels like it."
"So much has not changed with you, Revan, you are still the child I knew, the child who could not control herself." It was the Cathar.
"Master Dahartha," said Relanai quietly, "let the past lie in the past. We are Jedi Masters, we are above this."
"Your Padawan," said Dahartha slowly, "listened to those wiser than her. That is why she is still a serving member of the Jedi Order."
Revan titled her head to one side. "Your Padawan followed me?"
"To her death," replied the Cathar sharply. "Followed you to her death."
Another sleeping ghost. Revan gave a mild bow of her head. "I am sorry for her loss."
"As are we all," Je'roth, the Ryn, interjected shrewdly. "Telra was a promising Knight."
Revan's eyes became guarded. "Telra?" Telra…from the battleship. My friend. She feigned a spell of indifference. "Was that her name?"
"You do not remember Telra?" Dahartha's eyes became slits.
"I did have my mind wiped," reminded Revan.
Master Vrook scowled. "We could not salvage your mind from death."
"I retain nothing then of my former life due to circumstances out of my control." Revan swept her eyes over the Council. "I get tired of repeating this."
"Padawan, you can not afford to be tired." Vrook's sigh was long and rang through Revan's ears.
It was Revan's turn to frown. "You are stalling."
"I am not," he said simply, "it is just that this unresolved issue will determine your fate as a Jedi Knight. The Force is guiding you on a path we can not see."
If Revan hadn't learnt anything from her mind and her time searching for the Star Forge, she might have said, 'then let the Force guide me and be done with it.' But she had a more tempered hand now and was perhaps, a little wiser. So instead she replied: "then let the Force guide me, and let us track my footsteps in the sand."
(((((((((()::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::>
Carth's footsteps sounded too heavy on the stone path in the garden. He and Admiral Dodonna had been summoned for an impromptu meeting with the Jedi Council, but impromptu by Jedi standards was a day's notice. He had neglected to mention to Revan the night before about this meeting, thinking it best to find out just what the Jedi wanted. He did not want her to incur their wrath anymore than she had to, if indeed she even cared about such things.
The came around a bend and into a separate grove of flowers leading to another entrance into the Temple. Seated by the nearby waterfall were the members of the Jedi Council and one very surprised looking Revan. But she was not surprised to see him it seemed.
He noted that within the Jedi Council there were certain cliques. That information hit him almost immediately. It was strange to realize that the Jedi were not a bipartisan group, but actually did have their own social circles. Seated together, hands touching one another, were the Ryn, Trandoshan and Rodian. It looked innocent enough, but none of the other members were making physical contact with each other, which was oddly suspicious to him. Then again, everything was suspicious, but he couldn't shake the feeling that they were passing along some form of mental gossip to each other. He didn't know; he had no idea how the Force worked. He was just amazed that the Jedi Order didn't collapse in on itself during times of crisis.
Upon seeing them, or more likely sensing them, the Jedi stood and gave small bows of acknowledgement to the newcomers.
Carth looked to Jolee who gave him a wry smirk and then did a double dart with his eyes towards Revan. Carth followed the look, watching the Jedi next to her say something and seeing her laugh. The Jedi was fairly handsome in Carth's opinion, his smile was white and his hair appeared to be blond. He was probably too old for her.
"You summoned us, Masters?" asked Dodonna, returning their bows with a stiff nod of her head. Carth followed suit.
"We have asked you to come so that we may discuss an arrangement," said Vandar, hands holding on to his small, carved staff.
Dodonna moved forward with determination in her steps, Carth trailing at her heels. "Then let us speak…and openly."
Morio and Relanai exchanged amused glances.
Revan caught Carth's gaze and shrugged her shoulders, as if to say 'they haven't told me either, flyboy.'
"The Sith are still hiding on the outer regions of the galaxy," explained Vrook. "Malak may have been defeated but their threat has not yet been eliminated."
"We are working on repairing our current cruisers before returning to the fight," Dodonna folded her hands behind her back. "Is there something you are asking of the Republic Military?"
"The Jedi fought the Mandalorians but it was not with the consent of the Jedi Council. This must be rectified," he continued. "We gave some aid to the struggle against Malak, but with the Star Forge on his side and on Revan's side, there was little we can do. This time, our chances of eliminating the Sith fleets are greater." He paused, his face grave. "There are many Jedi who wish to join in this fight. Rather than have a second experience with a talented, brash young Knight, we have decided to open the conflict to the Jedi…but only in support of the Republic Military."
Dodonna raised an eyebrow in question. "Are you suggesting, Master Vrook, that we are to have Jedi Officers aboard our ships?"
The Council nodded in response.
"They will be in direct communication with us," added Relanai, "and if the time comes, the Jedi will leave the ship to perform their own tasks."
Revan filed this information away.
Carth's eyes darted from master to master. "What type of tasks?"
"That, Admiral Onasi, has yet to be specified by the Jedi Council." Vrook's tone indicated that the topic was off limits, confirming both Carth and Revan's beliefs that they Council had something up their sleeve.
"I will need to discuss this with the other Admirals," returned Dodonna. "They may not see the benefit in having a Jedi aboard the ship."
"Jedi can turn the tide of battles, can command troops, can sense when other forces are nearby…they can be unobtrusive." Morio gave Dodonna his wisest smile, teeth flashing as the sun filtered through the glass and tree canopy above them. "It is always wise to use resources when available."
"You needn't explain yourself to me, Master Jedi, only to my fellows." Her look was eloquent. "Master Vrook, Master Vandar, if you might accompany me somewhere private, we can call the other Admirals and get their general consensus."
Revan looked to Dodonna curiously. "Will they not be doing other things?"
"They should be awake by now," the irony not lost in her tone, Dodonna let Vrook and Vandar lead her away, leaving Carth to remain in the presence of the Jedi for however long it would take her.
And so Carth sauntered casually over to Revan's side, trying to look very calm and collected. Revan gave him an amused smile.
"Admiral," she nodded her head in polite greeting.
"Libra," came Carth's clipped response.
"Carth," Jolee's grumbled, walking over. "How've you been, sonny?"
"Good enough, I guess. Hey, look, Jolee, what're you doing here?"
Morio looked over Revan's shoulder at him. "He is replacing Master Vandar."
"No way!" Carth's mouth gaped open. "Jolee, is that true?"
"Yup, I'm afraid so." Jolee scratched his beard thoughtfully, "though I can't see what good I'll do here. It's not as if I'm some young gun with a full head of hair anymore."
"So what happened before I got here?" he asked.
"We were just discussing whether or not I was fit to be a Knight again," explained Revan. "It was a rather long, boring conversation."
"What's the verdict?"
"It seems I am to be reinstated as a Knight," Revan leaned forward, her voice dropping low, "if I am successful."
"Successful?" Carth sighed. "Heh, why didn't I guess…"
"It seems the Council wants me to - "
"Admiral Onasi!"
Carth turned around to find the red Twi'lek Master slowly walking his way. He glanced back to Revan and gave her a look of confusion. She just fluttered her hands in a shooing motion. He moved forward to greet her.
"Admiral Onasi, what a pleasure to meet you finally in person!"
Carth inclined his head towards her. "Likewise, Master…"
"Relanai," she prompted. "Master Relanai." She placed a slender hand on her hip.
"How many Pada…Pado…" Carth struggled for the word.
"Padawans?" suggested Relanai.
"How many Padawans have you trained?"
The Twi'lek thought about it for a few moments. "I have had ten students."
"Wow, pretty impressive." Carth couldn't quite wrap his mind around having that many cadets under his wing to train personally.
"We do what we can for the young," she replied pleasantly. Her smile caused the lines around her eyes to crease, giving him some indication about her age.
"I suppose we do," agreed Carth, suspicious of why he'd been singled out.
"Admiral Onasi, I have one more question to ask of you." Relanai leaned forward, the glittering purple of her eyes suggesting more than just womanly persuasion was at work. "But I must talk with you in private for a moment.
Carth heard Revan snort behind him and he tried to stifle his laugh. He shook off the sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach and steeled himself. "Lead on, Master."
Relanai took him a little beyond the waterfall. The group was still in sight but the various conversations were muted from the distance. She watched him for a few moments before leaning close, standing on her tiptoes to stand eye-to-eye with him. "Tell me, Admiral Onasi…what is it like to love a bright star of the Jedi Order?" Her gaze was intense and challenging, accusing even. "Are you a man who seeks to harness her power to further your career? Do you seek to smother her light so that you can shine instead?"
Carth took a step back from her, angry that she would even suggest thing. "I would never do that!" he hissed at her. "Not even if I was going to be demoted and sent to work in the darkest mines of Peragus. I am not Deskal!"
"Ah," she nodded sagely. "You have met him. But are you so sure you will not become him?" Relanai looked at him with all the power of the Force. "How do I know that your word is worthy?"
"If you want some sort of proof, some confirmation, then you can ask Libra herself instead of cornering me like some wild animal." Carth stood straighter, his back totally rigid and he glared down at Relanai now that he had the height advantage. "I only want you to leave her alone. Sometimes I think I don't want her anywhere near you Jedi, regardless of what I told her earlier. You'll make her bleed a hell of a lot more than I ever could."
The Master shook her head. "You're wrong, Admiral."
"Yeah? Then prove it." Carth let the challenge hang in the air.
"You don't want that to happen," murmured Relanai, stepping back. "None of us want that to happen, you know."
Carth wasn't quite sure he believed her, but she had moved away from him before he could respond back. He muttered a curse under his breath and went to rejoin Revan and Jolee. It would be three standard hours before Dodonna returned and when she did she sought his gaze. He knew that the other Admirals had agreed and the deal was as good as done.
As soon as his flagship was ready, Revan would be assigned as his Jedi Adviser.
(((((((((()::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::>
A/N: Should have done this earlier but I will be more diligent. I end up writing one of these for every chapter and yet as soon as I go back to edit they disappear. 'Tis very disconcerting. But thank you all so much!
Arrowmaker & Janeta Siri – I'm so happy to hear that you're enjoying this; your vote of confidence in the characters makes my day! I'll try and update more frequently.
Firera – Yes, its lucky that Revan seems to be able to sense when Carth's going to get himself in trouble. Just think of the scandal that could have happened!
Gear152 – You like my Revan? Well, she likes you too…and what protagonist doesn't have an internal struggle?
Krazed Kaioshin Fangirl – Yes…zee romance. Revan's fate really depends on Carth and Carth's depends on how he handles his new job. They're not a 'love at first sight' pair, but more of a 'working partnership blossoms into something beautiful.'
LunaticPandora1 – Naturally it sucks to kill your best friend, especially when said friend's former Jedi Master just happens to be sitting on the Council…and Deskal is a bit of a creep, but he's…a benevolent one. Unpaid debts often mean 'favors' of the lascivious kind but if Deskal likes you…
Pallas-Athena –Well written and entertaining? Thank you so much! But Carth becoming a politician? Hmmm, that will be quite a feat, but then he won't see much more political action for the rest of the story. : )
Prisoner 24601 – Well, JVJ, I know that I can always count on you to provide some great critique on each chapter. You're a huge asset to any writer and very, very helpful. I'm glad that ASA is keeping you interested!
Xenzen – Thanks for picking up on the errors. I still say watch out for the first copy to head into your inbox one of these days! ;) Carth is a good boy and you're right, far too honest for politics. His paranoia, however, would serve to aide him. He'll never be able to persuade the Senate on anything but then he's got Revan, and she's a very powerful tool if used correctly. Though she'd hate to be thought of as such! (And your suggestions are, as always, noted and implemented!)
LtSonya – Ooooh, thank you! I didn't want to try a game-verse story, because I'd get hung up on Taris and it would span 20 chapters or more. And I hated Taris after the twelfth run through, so imagine how others might feel. The Jedi Council is the rather decisive factor of the storyline, because they're always around pulling strings and makings things happen. Carth and Revan will get what they want soon enough, but they're going to have to work for it a bit. Like any relationship really. But the words of encouragement are really appreciated!