Please don't kill me. Look at it this way, if you do kill me, I won't be able to write anymore. (Insert nervous smile here.) Anyway, I love all of you for supporting me in this tiny writing endeavor. As for where I've been, I'll give you the short version.

My parents got evicted, we had to move everything into storage, they had to cram into my one bedroom apartment, I graduate from USC in May 2005, I've been working on graduate program applications, and trying to deal with my parent's oftentimes unhealthy marriage and our seemingly perpetual economic (i. e. we are broke as hell) problems.

Despite all of this, I'm still surviving and I'm still unbelievably blessed. After all, it could have been worse. Thanks for hanging on.

This chapter picks up where Spike and Faye and their intimacy without strings agreement left off in the last chapter. Some things have happened since we last heard from these two. This chapter will catch you up.

Warning: A little bit of lemon content! 18 years or older only!

Disclaimer: If I owned Cowboy Bebop, I seriously doubt my family would have been evicted. That goes for the lyrics to Michelle Branch's song "Something To Sleep To" as well.

Something To Sleep To

In my mind

Everything we did was right

Open your eyes, I'll still be by your side

How could I ever have been so blind,

You give me something to sleep to at night

Since the night in his bedroom three days ago, Spike had taken to avoiding Faye at all times possible. Intimacy with no strings attached…right? In his eyes that meant that he did not have to interact with her outside of physical intimacy. He had no one to answer to and that was the way it was supposed to be. Faye had agreed to that, so it had to be fine with her as well.

Yet, avoiding her wasn't all that easy. In fact, it was damn near impossible. The ship wasn't big enough, first of all. But the second reason had absolutely nothing to do with space. Nope. It hinged on the fact that Spike wanted her. Badly. He wanted her to want him. He wanted her to want him to want her. He wanted her to …. Oh hell, you get the point.

He sighed in frustration. Who would have known that he would have been the one to break first?

Hell, the very definition of their verbal agreement, (the one he had been so damned insistent upon) was the fact that neither one of them were supposed to impose any feelings on any of their actions. Sex was just that. Sex. But somewhere along the way, the line between physical gratification and the actual enjoyment of her company started to disappear. Sex wasn't enough anymore.

He wanted to hear her scream his name.

He wanted to hold her afterwards.

He actually felt good when she fell asleep smiling in his arms.

He'd actually stayed up the entire night placing kisses on her face after their one intense encounter.

Yeah, that had been the last straw.

Love… He didn't know if that was what it was. He was all too aware of his inclinations towards romantic notions. Indeed, he'd thought that love was what he'd experienced with Julia. That intense, wild feeling of need for another that was heightened and made precious by the threat of constant danger. That was love. Right? Lately, he wasn't so sure anymore, and perhaps that bothered him more than anything.

His relationship, he shook his head of the word, or whatever the hell it was he had with Faye, wasn't supposed to inform him on his past …"love" with Julia.

Besides, Faye epitomized everything he'd always hated. At the least, Faye was supposed to be his comrade. The word "friend" carried way to much sentiment. Yep, comrade was just fine. If you die in battle, you throw some whiskey over the shrew's grave and you move on. Jet was his friend. Faye. No.

At the most, she was supposed to be an attractive sexual release. All this mumbo jumbo about love and seeing how gorgeous and funny she was had no place in any of his plans. Damn it, this was Faye!

He blew some smoke into the air, and sighed again.

Where the hell was she anyway? She hadn't even come in yesterday from their bounty.

It couldn't be that. Was the shrew avoiding him?

Faye tiptoed and made her way out to the shower. She was trying to be as quiet as a mouse. Ever since they'd had sex in his bedroom three nights ago, he'd been avoiding her. Her pride ruthlessly forced down the urge to rail at him for using her, or pitifully question why he didn't love her. If he wanted to avoid her, she would make it very easy for him. Thus, she'd been avoiding him for the last three days as well.

After they'd caught the last bounty, they'd split the differences, shaken hands like the two comrades they were and actually went grocery shopping. That night found them both acting on their previous emotional agreement in Spike's bedroom, and Faye had willingly given a little part of her soul to him.

She quietly peeped into the den area. Nope he wasn't there.

Spike was damned good at everything else. Some part of her had always secretly suspected that he would be good at that as well.

She went to the window at the end of the hall and looked out. His ship was gone. Faye allowed herself a small breath of relief. All the adrenaline stored up in her body from an expected confrontation with him left her, and the deep emotional sadness took its place.

She'd be damned if her instincts hadn't been correct.

She shuddered as she turned the doorknob to the bathroom, entered and shut it behind her.

The experience…one couldn't even call it sex…had been amazing. Yet he had been unnecessarily cruel.

She took off the robe and listlessly adjusted the water temperature, then she stepped into the shower. She released a small sigh of pleasure as the water washed over her.

Spike pushed her against the wall of his bedroom and pulled her earlobe between his teeth.

She reached for the soap

"If this is what you want, Faye," he paused to grind against her, "then I suggest you tell me."

She trembled and dropped her head to his neck.

Faye absently watched the suds form on her bath towel.

His hands seemed to touch places on her body she was unaware existed.

She scrubbed her arms.

Faye moaned helplessly and Spike carried her to his bed.

She winced when she scrubbed the same place a little roughly making it temporarily a sore spot on her shoulder.

Spike lowered his head to hers and kissed her slowly. So slowly. Almost as if she tasted good.

She continued to scrub the rest of her body.

Spike's hands moved lower until he could gently rub between her legs. Faye

groaned and hid her face in his shoulder. Every part of her was trembling.

She was scrubbing harder now.

Spike smiled and continued to stroke her appreciatively until she was way past ready for him. Two orgasms later, just from his fingers, Faye was shuddering uncontrollably and Spike was gently whispering incoherent phrases in her ears.

Faye caught herself and stopped. Surely she wasn't that dirty. There was no need to scrub her skin off.

Spike used one hand to position himself and the other hand laced with Faye's hand.

Faye sighed in frustration and wiped the shower water that ran down her face.

She looked into his eyes, and gasped as he eased his way into her. He kissed her hard and stroked into her fully.

Wait, those were tears.

Then he began to thrust. Over and over again he thrusted, all while whispering her name.

Faye wiped her face and continued to rinse her body.

She was sobbing from the sheer beauty of it. He was making love to her. Almost as if…

More tears came down.

…he thought she was beautiful.

She wiped these away.

When the climax hit her, she'd screamed his name. If only she'd stopped there.

In the shower she shook her head at her own stupidity.

The climax had left her shaking uncontrollably and she'd whispered she loved him over and over again.

She turned the shower off and blindly reached for her towel.

She must have imagined him saying those words back to her in his quiet whisperings in her ear. He'd held her until she'd fallen asleep.

Wrapping it around herself she made her way to the bathroom door.

Yeah. He'd been unnecessarily cruel.

She wrapped her hand around the doorknob and opened it.

How dare he act like he loved her? He shouldn't have given her anything to have faith in.

Spike was standing in the doorway.

Nice little cliffhanger there. Ahem. Sorry. Anyway, these two have got a lot to talk about. I'm willing to wager that none of it is going to be pretty.

Next chapter: You have to learn to love yourself before you can love someone else. Both of them need to take this lesson to heart. But what if loving yourself and someone else means leaving them behind? More Spike and Faye angst and drama ensues.

Thanks again for all the support and love I've gotten for this essay.

Read and review

Bye

Deondra