For some reseaon known only to the computers and staff at ff.net the formatting on the last chapter was completely ignored. Again. Is it my evil sphere of influence over all things technological at work again?
Disclaimer: Bleh.
Scroll Four – Maths and Questionnaires
This is so unfair. Kagome muttered as she turned her key in the lock, trying to keep hold of a pile of textbooks in one arm at the same time.
Well I'm not exactly over the moon about it either. Inuyasha pointed out from behind her. I've got way better things to do with my time.
Kagome gave a disbelieving snort and jiggled the key again. Look, you stupid lock She dropped her books into an untidy heap on the floor and tried the key again. Okay, I'm calm I am not locked out of my apartment just a slight technical difficulty, that's all. Kagome pounded the door in frustration. Oh for God's sake, let me in! She shoved hard on the door for emphasis but it remained stubborn to the core and refused to budge an inch.
Shaking his head, Inuyasha elbowed the black-haired girl out of the way. C'mere, let me do it. He shoved his shoulder against the door, nodding in satisfaction when it grudgingly shifted slightly. Right, the trick now was to get it open but not to fall through when it did. It's one of those male ego things. And through sheer fluke he managed to pull it off.
Picking up her mountain of assorted books and notes, Kagome followed Inuyasha through her now open door, nudging it shut behind her with her foot. Don't you dare lock me in here either. She muttered at the door and turned to find Inuyasha watching her with an amused smile on his face.
Y'know, they say talking to inanimate objects is a sign of madness. He drawled, casually inspecting his claws and grinning when Kagome glared at him and stalked past.
Why of all men did it have to be him?' Kagome mentally grumbled as she dumped her stuff on a low coffee table in the living room and carried on to the kitchen. More to the point, why did Sensei pick him to be my maths tutor?' Actually there was good reason why Kagome was stuck with Inuyasha to help her with her maths: the alternatives were much worse. Considering the other options were Miroku and a boy called Hojou, who reputedly had a crush on her even though he'd only known her a day tops, she couldn't really complain.
Do you want a drink? She asked as she put the electric kettle on. I'm making a tea for myself, if you want one.
Inuyasha looked up from where he was ensconced on her sofa, stroking her cat, Buyo. That'll do me. Then in an awed tone, This is the fattest cat I've ever seen!
Kagome carefully looked at Buyo who was still happily purring while Inuyasha tickled his tummy. He might hear you.
Inuyasha looked from her to the cat and back again.
He doesn't take kindly to being called the f word'. Kagome whispered conspiratorially as she went back to making two mugs of tea. Inuyasha shrugged and turned his attention to the rest of the room. Or would have done if a bright glow hadn't caught his eye. It grew larger and larger, almost blinding in its light until it disappeared altogether leaving a plump, elderly angel in its place.
What the fuck?!
Two bright eyes looked at him over a pair of half-moon spectacles. Mind your language, Inuyasha. And close your mouth. He shut it with an audible click and folded his arms across his chest in a huff.
Kaede, you have such impeccable timing, I've just made a cup of tea. Would you like one? inquired Kagome, leaning over the breakfast counter and not looking the least bit surprised to see the angel in her living room reprimanding Inuyasha.
Well, since you are making one The older angel silently congratulated herself; she had timed it just right, down to the exact second and sat down in the armchair opposite the sofa. While I'm here I need you to answer a few questions for me. She added as Kagome set down a steaming mug front of her.
Uh, sure. Kagome nudged her school stuff out of the way to make room for hers and Inuyasha's mugs. Fire away.
Taking the lid off her pen, the older angel brought out a clipboard and opened a several page booklet. It's just really a formality, the Council needs to know that we're providing a valuable service to the community and that they should continue to give us financial backing for another year. After which we have to fill out yet more forms. She smiled tiredly. Okay, the first one is easy; your name.
Kagome gave it and took a sip of her tea, trying to surreptitiously read the questions upside down and failing miserably. With a sigh she settled back against the sofa and sank into its welcoming embrace. Her cloud hadn't exactly been the most comfortable seat in the world, what with the constant feeling that she would fall right through any minute, and this sofa beat it hands down. No way was she going to part with this little treasure.
Name of your charge. That would be you, Inuyasha. The hanyou jumped at the mention of his name and tried to look as though he'd been listening the whole time and not staring at Kaede's wings and halo. Fortunately for some reason Kaede seemed to already know all about him and he was saved from admitting he didn't have clue what was going on. With people like Inuyasha one always finds that their reputation travels ahead of them. Of course, it could also be that Kaede had looked him up on the Heaven database beforehand.
Time spent on Earth. Kaede was saying
Does that mean time in total spent on Earth or time spent guiding on Earth? Kagome asked, halfway through counting the months out on her fingers.
Well, it doesn't say here. Let me just look it up in the instructions. Kaede mused and pulled a book even thicker than the form out of her robes. Let's see, section one Question 1a? No, that's not it. She flicked a couple more pages over. Ah ha, here we go, question 3a part 2. And no. It doesn't say there either.
Well that's bloody typical, isn't it? Inuyasha muttered, blatantly ignoring the reproving look Kaede directed his way.
I'd say it's the total time spent on Earth. It's the most logical thing. She resettled her glasses and took a swig of her tea.
Yeah, but the people who think up these forms aren't exactly renowned for their logical thinking or common sense. Inuyasha pointed out, giving a cat-like stretch before sinking down even further into Kagome's sofa and wondering if Kagome would notice if he took it home with him.
Just put down the total: six months. Kagome said, proving that indeed women can do two things at once by sipping her tea as she ferreted around under the coffee table for a sheet of notes that had just made a bid for freedom. In fact she was doing three things at once; sipping her tea, fishing out her notes and keeping track of the conversation. Women really are multitalented.
Six months. Kaede ticked the correct box and went on to the next question. Reason for becoming a Guide. Kagome went still, hoping that Kaede wouldn't spill the exact nature of her task. Although the way her luck had been recently, she would probably inform the entire neighbourhood. The options are a) Destiny, b) you are already a Guardian Angel, c) you are a mortal set a task by the Gods, or d) you are an angel set a task by the Gods to redeem yourself. I'll tick option D then.
Yup, her luck was just plain unlucky. At least Kaede hadn't shouted it out for all to hear. It wasn't much of a blessing, but it was a blessing nonetheless. She only hoped Inuyasha hadn't been listening at that point.
You're redeeming yourself? What did you do? Oh well, so much for that. Seriously, what did you do that needs redeeming? the hanyou pressed, alert and interested (a deadly combination.)
Don't tell him, don't tell him. Please don't tell him'
Kagome sat up and shook her head and mimed cutting her throat for added emphasis. She set God's robes on fire. What? Kaede added when Kagome spluttered indignantly. He has a right to know. Besides he won't tell anyone, right? Kaede turned to the blinking hanyou. Will you?
Inuyasha burst out laughing, clutching his stomach and doubling over, muffling his continued laughter.
Kagome put her head in her hands. It was just like the incident with Kouga all over again. Only much, much worse.
.
.
So how come you set God on fire? Inuyasha asked out of the blue some hours later as he tried to figure out what would have caused the normally cool headed Kagome to do such a thing. Maybe if the deity had pissed her off enough
Kagome looked blank, trying to equate his question with the quadratic equation she was in the middle of working out.
I said, why did you set God on fire? Inuyasha repeated, leaning over the coffee table and tugging a lock of her hair. C'mon, spill. And don't play dumb either. He added.
She shot him a glare. I didn't set God on fire, it was only his robes. Completely different. She sniffed and went back to her x's and y's that did not make 2z.
Uh-uh, none of that. Inuyasha singsonged, grabbing hold of her maths book and biro and holding them out of her reach. Not until you tell me why.
Kagome pouted and after a while, gave up trying to reach her book and pen. It would only make Inuyasha feel superior about his height anyway. I don't know how I did it. One minute I'm talking to Him and the next, poof! Up in flames. Simple as that. Now give me back my stuff.
You must have done something. Inuyasha hurriedly handed her book back when she reached out to tweak his ears. God only knew how she'd found out about his pet hate. Maybe that Kaede had told her seeing as she seemed to know everything about him. He was pretty sure he hadn't inadvertently dropped any hints.
His internal musings were rudely interrupted by a rather computerised impression of cow mooing. There must be a good reason why I can hear a cow in the middle of His query trailed off as Kagome rose and answered a black and white splodged telephone.
It's for you. She held out the piebald handset for him. Don't ask. She said when he gave it a funny look. It came with the apartment.
He took it from her and was greeted by the tones of his half-brother.
Are you planning on coming home at all tonight, Inuyasha? Or were you planning on camping out on that poor girl's sofa? Sesshoumaru asked dryly.
Inuyasha gave Kagome's sofa a longing look, trying to work out if it would fit in the boot of his car or whether he'd have to fold down the back seats.
Are you listening, Inuyasha?
Huh? What did you say? Inuyasha turned his attention away from all thoughts of the sofa and back to the matter at hand. In the slight silence that followed he could almost hear his brother rolling his eyes and shaking his head.
I said, Sesshoumaru paused to make sure the hanyou was still paying attention. I have a new recipe for a casserole that's got soya beans and Inuyasha's mind wandered during the ensuing list of ingredients. By the time Sesshoumaru had finished he didn't have a clue what this casserole had in it, not that mattered because he didn't hold much with his brother's vegetarian-friendly food. One bite of that vegetarian ham had put him off for life. Nothing edible should taste of old dishcloths.
I'll just pick up something on the way home. He said when Sesshoumaru paused for breath.
Oh. Okay. Don't be late.
Kagome gave him a questioning look as he replaced the handset back on the hook. Who was it? She was leaning over the back of the sofa to tickle Buyo's rotund stomach as he reposed among the cushions.
Sesshoumaru, my half-brother. He didn't add his opinion that Buyo was definitely the fattest cat he'd ever seen because the cat was giving him an incredibly threatening look. Never mind the fact that in fair fight Inuyasha would win hands down, Buyo was a cat who defended his shape in sneaky ways. Like kneading on the tenderest spot he could find. Inuyasha wasn't about to take that risk; he wasn't smart, but he wasn't that stupid either.
.....
Trust me, when a cat kneads, it hurts. A lot. Especially on your neck, right next to your jugular. ...I think my cats are trying to tell me something. Vampires, d'you think?