This is purely a whim to amuse myself. Review responses are down the bottom btw.

Disclaimer: Not mine, none of it. Otherwise I could be filthy rich and the leader of a worldwide religion.

Interlude

There are some who say God is male, there are others who claim God is female. There are some who say God is black and there are some who say God is white. It would probably come as a surprise to these people that God is in fact none and all of the above. Meaning God is a s/he of no determinable racial background. (It is perhaps wise to point out at this juncture that God is not an it. God doesn't take kindly to being called It. Something to do with connotations of inanimate objects with no ability to think for themselves, much like a good politician.)

At this point in time God is sprawled out on a sumptuous chaise lounge in the Garden of Eden, watching a large widescreen TV, complete with Dolby Digital 5.1 stereo surround sound and enhanced picture quality. God is also in the form of an eight year old girl with pigtails. (And that's going cause a heck of a lot of confusion with the pronouns, so from this point on God will be referred to as a she, in spite of the fact that is not biologically correct.)

The Archangel Gabriel heaved a sigh as the sounds of a Pokémon battle reached his ears. Why was it always his turn in the reception when she was masquerading as an eight year old? Angels who had appeared to the Virgin Mary should not be reduced to babysitting a petulant child, even if she did happen to be the Almighty One. He had a busy enough schedule as it was without having to find time to pick out the bits of food from his hair after another one of her tantrums. Normally he would just grin and bear it but last time she had thrown a dish of melted ice-cream and mashed up banana at him. Getting that out had taken hours.

He shook himself from his inner rantings and went to organise the small mountain of paper that rested below a slot suspended in midair. Eventually he stood back and admired his hard work. Seven hours and twenty cups of tea later and he had a nice, neat, tidy pile with each prayer in chronological order with the most recent on top. He placed the last sheet on top and watched as the pile wobbled dangerously. He breathed a sigh of relief as it remained upright.

A sheet slipped through the slot and floated gently down onto the pile. Gabriel held his breath. The pile swayed like a drunkard swiftly loosing the battle against gravity. Gabriel prayed. Another sheet fell from the slot; his prayer. He covered his eyes and whimpered. The sound of a thousand sheets of paper cascading to the floor reached his ears. He risked a peek between his fingers. The small mountain had appeared again.

"Fishhooks!"

(Due to the taboo surrounding swearing, the denizens of Heaven have had to come up with new words to voice their displeasure, ranging from the relatively mild 'fishhooks' and 'fiddlesticks' to the frowned upon 'souffl'.)

Gabriel eyed the fallen stack and decided it was about time he brought this to his boss's attention. He sidled into the Garden and hesitantly cleared his throat. God was singing along to the English theme tune of Sailor Moon in the way that only an eight year old can; badly. Very badly. Not that anybody was going to point this out and Gabriel certainly wasn't going to risk another bowl of melted ice-cream and mashed up banana in the face by telling her. He was very protective of his shiny, golden curls. He did have an image to maintain after all. He couldn't exactly appear to some cowering mortal with bits of food stuck in his hair, what kind of impression would that give?

God looked up and caught sight of him dithering in the doorway. She began to glow, her body growing taller, until a tall, unisex figure stood in her place. Gabriel straightened slightly. This he could deal with. For some reason he found her scarier as a young girl than when she was practically dripping with all her awe-inspiring omnipotent-ness. Raphael had called him silly when he'd mentioned this. Perhaps it had something to with the fact that she didn't stoop as low as to throw food at him in this form.

"The prayers are building up again, Almighty One."

The Archangel cringed at the sound of his voice. Stood to reason that he'd be dubbed as some surfer dude from Southern California. Just because he was blond. Given his druthers he'd much prefer to be left in the original Japanese and subtitled. At least then he didn't sound like he was completely out of it while high on salt water.

God rubbed her eyes and sighed. "You take a day off and the work piles up. What have we got?"

Gabriel shifted through the small armload he'd brought with him. "Well, there's the usual. A President and a Prime Minister hoping they make it through the next election. There's an old man with a fetish for purple slippers and an Irene complex asking if people would stop giving him strange looks, one from a well-known manga artist who wants people to stop subjecting her characters to torture in fanfiction. She also wants fans to stop trying to kidnap her characters, at least until they finish the series. One from some bloke praying the bullet won't hit him -hey!" He looked closer at the prayer. "Poor guy, I saw him come through the Pearly Gates while I was talking to Michael the other day. Guess he didn't make it."

God sighed. "These were the ones they thought merited my personal attention? Send them back to the right departments. Oh, and re-direct any from David Beckham, I've lost interest in him since he moved to Spain."

"Anything else, your Awesomeness?" asked Gabriel, wincing again at the sound of his voice.

"Yes. I want you or Raphael to keep an eye on Kagome and that hanyou she's guiding. I've got Destiny breathing down my neck and it'll be my fault if anything goes pear shaped. I don't care how you do it; just make sure she finishes that task properly."

She shrank back to an eight year old girl. "Now, on behalf of the Moon, I shall banish you!" She struck a Sailor Moon pose and went back to watching the TV. Gabriel sighed, back to the petty tantrums and food in his hair again.

Uriel had it so much better; she was normally a sullen teenage boy when it was Uriel's turn. That meant endless hours locked in the Garden with some music on loud and only the occasional grunt when spoken to. Compared to being horsie and having her dinner regularly thrown at him it was bliss.

He shook off his discomfort and went to check up on their errant angel and her charge.

.:.:.:.:.:.:.:.

I can't believe I wrote this… ::sweatdrop:: I can't believe I actually posted this. Damn, where did Common Sense run off to?

Review responses:

Aamalie – I'm very flattered, especially if you don't normally read Inu/Kag fics. Kikyo shouldn't be making too many appearances here though. I think… Possibly…

Geminia – Surprisingly I'm incredibly un-religious so I totally understand you not liking religious fics. The fire thing and the face recognition will hopefully be explained a later. I'm a bit amazed at myself for thinking that bit out already. Normally I go on the spur of the moment… Us nutcases must stick together, ne?

KittyLynne – You're making me blush here, with all those kind words ::hugs:: I love the review that never ends ::snickers:: Just think how long you could go on for… on and on and on and on and on and- you get the idea, ne? Aw, nasty heavens with their frying pan ¬.¬ ::puts plaster on KL's head:: better?

Sashlea – Glad I can make you laugh :) Did you know that if you laugh, properly, 15 times a day, you can add something like a whole extra five minutes to your life? Something like that. Or so they say anyway.

Chellek – You likey? Wai, wai!

Maru-sha – Thank you! ::sheepish look:: Sorry I haven't had time to check out your fics yet, gomen.

Bluefuzzyelf – 'Pure brilliance'? Honto? ::blushes:: Thank you very much :)

KittyLynne – Ah, cherry pie missiles? Another idea I'm storing for future use . Definitely have to get that in somewhere. Poor Kouga, I almost feel sorry for him. Almost.

Izayoi – Thank you! Veggie Sess, he's going to be so much fun when he has a few more appearances.

Pinkjingling – Short and sweet :) Thank you

face (an: for some reason certain characters won't show so I couldn't do your face) - Like the face! Kaede was just passing on orders from on high. Irene guy will be back too!

NefCanuck – I know. Poor Kagome's gonna need all the help she can get. Damn, I missed out "Do you want fries with that?" Hmm, maybe I can work it in later… ::ponders::

Kagome Sengoku – Thanks for pressing the button! And see, updates!

KittyLynne – I think I should have just done one great big reply to you :) I can just see Sess doing the shopping at the supermarket. I love your reviews; you always give me such great ideas to work with (as demostrated by the last chapter) ::big, big hug::

Empress Inuyasha – Glad you like it, and the summary –I'm not usually very good with those things. Maybe I could offer tours for people wanting to see Kouga working in McDonald's…? Earn a bit more money. Next chapter is up.

Kirah – Took me a while to work it out too, I normally stick to those ones that go 'another word for…' Aw, Puss-in-Boots! I LOVE him :) What can I say? I'm a cat-person.

Shamanic Destiny – My cats also like to chew my hair… First thing in the morning, followed by a wet nose and a loud meow in my ear. See, I actually updated!

Lady Netiri – Dogma? I haven't actually seen that, though I'm told it's very good. I shall have to go and see it sometime. Hope you like this story as much too!

Izayoi – Veggie Sess is very popular, ne? I didn't think many people would like it but you and everyone else has proved me wrong! Of course Buyo understands Inuyasha, cats are smart like that. One of my cats comes running the moment anyone mentions bacon.

Bloody Kitsune – Run away! And with good cause too. Welcome to the insanity.

Ayama Nyoko – Maybe they like the whole strong, silent thing? ::shrugs:: The Irene guy was actually one of my spur of the moment things –I'm next to useless at planning ahead ;; Glad you like it

Goddess-of-Anime – Eep, sorry you got confused! Yeah, I keep on forgetting to mention this is AU ::sheepish look:: I'll put that on the summary once I've posted this. I think kneading is something to do with being very content, so I tend to try and think of it as a compliment, although I think my cats sharpen their claws especially to do this.

Amber Tinted – Thank you! Whee! Yeah, I try and I try to make Sess a bit meaner but I can't. But if you like him like this, that's great. Actually I do too, so everybody's happy! Just out of interest, were you hyper when you reviewed? Or is my craziness affecting you?

Kikyou-san – Strange is what I do best, just look at this chapter!

Helenium – Thank you - I really thought it would just come across as weird, not funny. I want to see where it goes too, cos aside from a few ideas for the next couple of chapters, I have no idea. It's bit daunting really…

Me – Eep! I'm so glad you were just kidding ::sigh of relief:: You like my 'little' digressions and stuff? Wai! I actually do that kind of thing in real life… can lead to trouble sometimes

NefCanuck – Hello again! Heh, Inuyasha is made of stronger stuff than that - although I certainly would faint in his shoes!

Pinkjingling – Thank you!

Obsessor-of-Inuyasha – I wrote more! Glad you like it :)

Lady Netiri - ::grins:: Me too - And I updated!

Single White Rose - ::blushes:: Honto? Thank you very much. I continued.

Izayoi – Hello again! I have a regular! ::does little dance:: Glad you enjoyed it, it was fun to write. I've been thinking and I think it is his tail, cos when he transforms he has two tails and when he's human he has one bit that goes over his shoulder and another bit that goes down. But then again, like you say, who knows. Wonder if Takahashi-sama knows…

Niamh Tyhara – You must be as crazy as me if this makes sense to you, welcome to the madhouse - you don't have to be mad to live here but it helps!

Pinkjingling – Wai, another regular! ::does little dance:: I'm glad you like this :)

A Fragmented Tale - ::blushes:: You really are too kind, thank you, thank you. I'm glad you found it and you like it so much :)

NefCanuck – Wai, yet another regular! I love regulars (as if you couldn't tell) ::does happy regular dance:: Funniest scene in a long time? Honto? Thank you, that means a lot to me. I like making people laugh. Who knows, maybe we'll all live to 150 or something with all this laughter!

Kag of the Sengoku Forest – Another chapter, another dose of madness. Enjoy :)

KittyLynne – Wai! You're back! ::hugs:: Really, really sorry I missed the chat, I was on holiday. But I've been meaning to email you for ages ::sheepish look:: Bad me. I do however have one slight grievance with your review and I'm sure we'll never agree on this; YOU rock, I don't. Maybe I pebble or I stone, but I don't think I'm up to rock status yet ;; I will email you soon ::sticks large reminder on screen:: say hi to The Bandit for me! (…must stop being so cheeky…)

Arigato mina. You guys are simply the BEST ::group hug:: FA lives because of you .