Really happy because Queen got into the UK Music Hall of Fame and because I've just been to visit one of my best friends up in Coventry. Yay!
Really sad because my house-rabbit had to be put down just over a week ago ::sniff::
Really pissed because I've been trying deperately to make this chapter longer but it refuses to co-opperate ::grr...::
Disclaimer: Seriously, how much do you think it would take to convince Takahashi-sama to sell me Inuyasha...?
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Scroll Seven – Little Black Dress
Men the world over cower in fear when females come together and perform the torture otherwise known as a makeover on some poor unsuspecting mortal. Kagome was about to add herself to that list as the only honorary female member. Sango and her sisters were positively terrifying, especially when they huddled together and whispered conspiratorially, occasionally giving voice to a witch-like cackle or two, such as they were doing now.
Kagome wished she'd had the same forethought as Sango's younger brother and made herself scarce as soon as possible. Maybe in some padlocked and bullet-proof room on the other side of the world. With a personal troop of security guards and an early warning system. Better get the army and air force in on the act as well, although even that might not stop Sango at her most determined.
Kagome sighed. She might as well just face it; she was doomed. Perhaps an appropriate wail of despair was called for? Or a prince in shinning armour. Come to think of it, where was Inuyasha when she needed him? Probably watching cartoons and stuffing his face full of popcorn while she remained in front of the dreaded vanity mirror, tied to a chair by her own conscience.
There was no justice in the world.
That was her last coherent thought before Sango and her sisters descended upon her in a flurry of make-up, curling tongs and hair spray.
Now, standing at the foot of the steps of the sumptuous five-star hotel that was the location of 'The Dance', Kagome, again, had to question her wisdom in letting Sango pick her dress for the night. Sure it was a nice dress, very nice. A little, black, slinky number. But somewhat more 'little' than she was comfortable with. She tugged the hemline down again for the tenth time since getting out of the taxi four minutes earlier. Did it have to be so short? You could see halfway up her thighs, for Christ's sakes. A few more inches and her underwear would be on show for all to see. She was not an advocate of the street-corner-harlot look.
Oh God (you listening up there?) There was Inuyasha, looking all suave and dashing in a tuxedo and accompanied by a leering Miroku. 'Thank you, Sango. Thank you sooo much. I notice you are wearing a full length dress without a hint of leg to be seen. Traitor.'
Sango gave no sign of noticing the row upon row of daggers Kagome was staring at her. Either that or her talent as an actress is seriously underrated. No-one should be able to stop the slight perspiration brought on by fear when faced with the pointy end of several hundred metaphorical knives. Unless that person is a) somewhat lacking in the danger recognition department, b) safe in the knowledge that they have had all their sweat glands removed, or c) dead, in which case a metaphorical death won't bother them much, in fact it may provide a welcome distraction from the monotony of life after death (unless they happen to be a believer in reincarnation, in which case they can look forward to being reborn as an amoeba and passing the time forming temporary cytoplasmic extensions as they swim about in the great primordial soup of the petri dish before performing cell division. Damn amoebas have got it all sorted. None of this searching for a suitable partner in order to move the circle of life on one more notch.)
The joys of amoebic life aside, Sango's lack of response to the metaphorical Daggers of Death was proving to be a little boring. Especially in light of Inuyasha's wide-eyed, open-mouthed look of surprise. Surprise may be a little too bland a word for what the hanyou was currently experiencing but words failed to describe it.
He knew he had thought she would look pretty in anything but pretty didn't even begin do her justice. Incredible might. And she was all his for tonight. He couldn't wait to see the look on Kouga's face. If only he'd thought to bring along a camera to capture the moment so he could use it as future blackmail material. …Seems Inuyasha has a few more things in common with Sesshoumaru than most people think.
Miroku on the other hand was in dire need of a drip tray before his drool collected into a puddle at his feet. Lip curled up in distaste, Sango whacked him over the head with her evening purse, voicing a muttered "Pervert" under her breath as she dragged him up the steps. Inuyasha and Kagome watched his less than comfortable assent and then turned to gaze a little awkwardly at each other.
Kagome eyed Inuyasha's dinner jacket, mentally calculating the difference in length between it and her dress. After some mental abacus work she concluded that the tails would provide adequate cover for the back of her legs but the front would remain at the mercy of her dress. Besides, she was sure Inuyasha was quite enjoying the show and would only lend her his jacket if Hell froze over.
(If only he knew. Hell has been suffering from global freezing for the past couple of decades and the fires are slowly receding, put out by the increasing amounts of snowfall and encroaching ice sheets. The demons' volatile tempers mean that little scientific progress has been made in determining the cause of this phenomenon.)
But since Inuyasha was none the wiser about Hell's predicament and Kagome had forgotten the headlines plastered all over the Heaven newspapers in her little black dress induced stress, the pair made their way up the steps with an air about them of a pair attending their own funeral.
Whoa, big thunder storm happening outside. Excuse me while I go do my singing in the rain act. Back soon, unless I get hit by lightning.
So this is what humans did for fun. It was…strange. Drinking oneself silly and then throwing it all back up the following morning. More often than not it was a communal activity that usually involved what could loosely be termed as dancing and the age-old pastime of single (and sometimes married) people the world over; flirting.
Kagome took it all in, trying not to grimace too much as she took a swig of the cherry vodka a passing waiter had handed her. She probably wasn't in any position to comment, her idea of fun until a few months ago being a good old sing-song round the harps. Even so she still found herself questioning the whole point of it all. Especially when you woke up the following morning with a small earthquake going on inside your head and a mouth tasting like the bottom of a cesspit, and then no memory of what you'd been doing prior to falling unconscious.
Maybe they just feed you all the bad stories in Heaven…
She looked around for Inuyasha, having the hanyou at her side was comforting and a good way to disperse the overly interested gazes of some highly-strung males. Unfortunately he was nowhere to be seen and Kouga was bearing down at her on her left like a freight train in a bow tie and a cummerbund.
'Urk…'
Fortunately rescue was at hand in the form of a tall, black haired man, a couple of years older than herself.
"What man would leave a tasty titbit like yourself all alone?"
Or maybe not.
Kagome offered him a weak smile, handed him her glass and made a bee-line for the one safe-haven in the whole place; the ladies toilet.
She breathed a sigh of relief and sagged against the door as it closed behind her. What had she been thinking, agreeing to plunge headfirst into a horde of hormonal men? Even the ones with a date for the night hadn't been above giving her the once over. It was the dress. She was sure of it. This little minx of a black dress. It was enjoying this, the sneaky collection of synthetic fibres and stitching with the sparkly rhinestones. Never trust clothing that thinks for itself, because clothing like that will have doubtless developed a cunning streak and give you more trouble than it's worth. Get rid of it. As quickly as possible, before it inspires the rest of your wardrobe to think for itself.
Unfortunately for Kagome, short of stripping there and then, she was stuck with the dress until she managed to find her way home, if she didn't break an ankle tottering about in the unfamiliar heels Sango had insisted went with the dress. 'Ah ha! Partners in crime!' So all three were in on this little fiasco, six if you included Sango's sisters as well.
Mutilating a paper towel probably wasn't going to help her though, although it was a less violent way of stress relief than other possibilities. Like taking it out on the hand dryer. Do you know how lethal those things are? And they'd snap off your hand without a moment's hesitation if they thought they could get away with it.
Inuyasha eventually found her sat on the steps outside, planning sweet revenge on Sango and her co-conspirators. Luckily he interrupted her before she could get to the point where she would have let out a maniacal laugh, bringing fear to the hearts of those who heard her and a sense of foreboding to those who had conspired against her. Which is just as well because manic laughter and violent revenge are not fitting pastimes for angels, temporarily made human or not. And even if she did manage to fulfil the task set before her, it is doubtful as to whether she would have been accepted back into Heaven after a laugh like that.
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Geh, several things conspired against me in writing and posting this chapter, so sorry for the wait, mina. Had actually got this bit written about a month ago but I was trying to make it longer but just gave up in the end.
And whoa! The 50 review mark has been and gone. Sugoii! Thank you all.
-- Reviewer's Corner --
(my God, there's a lot!)
BloodyKitsune - So does that mean I've scared you off completely? P
Lady Netri - Hello! ::does happy regular dance:: Um, I was possessed by some satrical force? Really, I have no idea what prompted the interlude, although I'm not exactly the world's most reverent person. Maybe that had something to do with it...? Glad you enjoyed it :)
kokoro - No, no sofa's, or monkeys in fez hats (although my friend has a nice red one- fez that is, not monkey.) Well, glad you enjoyed it. I have absolutely no idea how I manage to write this or make it funny... Many thanks for all the kind words (hope you weren't too deprived!)
NefCanuck - Hiya ::does happy regualer dance:: Well, you see, that's irony of it all ;) and I'm hoping to do Destiny in the next interlude. Urk, please don't hold me responsible for the brain breakage (though I hope you're all okay now) Glad you liked it.
Niamh Tyhara - Yeah, most people don't get my humour either. You're not from England are you? I'm told that English humour is different from American humour so that might account for it. Actually how many people reading this are American? Just to satisfy my curiosity and see whether or not we do find different things funny. Anyway, glad to make you laugh :)
Izayoi - Hello! ::happy regualer dance:: I'm gonna try and get as many denizens of Heaven in the interludes as possible! So St Peter will most likely be making an appearance sometime soon :) Glad you enjoyed it.
A Fragmented Tale - Hello again! Glad you enjoyed it. And now I'm going to confess my ignorance and ask, what on earth is Pocky? I've heard of it but never actually found out what it is, except that it's edible. Sad but true. My education is sadly lacking. Please, give me enlightenment! (I'm serious btw)
pinkjingling - Squee! ::happy regular dance:: Um, yeah, they don't teach you this side of God in RE or Alpha, that's for sure.
Elfin Kagome - Four days a week? ::shudder:: And a test as well? Poor you ::gives chocolate:: better? Thankfully I no longer have to endure maths or I'm sure I'd be spending most of time with the men in white coats. Glad you enjoyed it and hope you like this chapter too.
aya - Is that a bad thing? Or is it just hard to make you laugh? I'm guessing you liked it though ;)
NefCanuck - Hello again! Ah yes, the joys of maths... Don't even get me started on long division. Glad you enjoyed it in spite of the algebra ;) Hope you like this chapter too.
Kuroi Tamashi - Ah ha! Thank you! Good, now that won't bug me at inappropriate times.
code-wyze - I'm agnostic, but I'm pretty sure it's not God for me. Besides I just love poking fun at things and religion is a prime target (provided I don't get angry devouts knocking on my door) Glad you like it.
Kumoritora - Glad you like it :) I'm the opposite, I don't like most things I cook but my family do! I'm getting better though ;) Um, not sure if people really write poetry about maths. My Dad (a mathmatician) says it's a very poetic subject though, does that count?
pinkjingling- Hiya again! Thank you!
Izayoi - Hello again! Ah yes, the gummy bears. Sorry about that. I had a hard time thinking of a chapter title and decided to use them. I think they were going to have a bigger part but it didn't quite turn out that way... Yeah, I've got the 1st movie too. I think he does like her cooking (he eats it all and fights Shippo for that sausage) but is too macho to say so. But that's only my opinion :) Hope you liked this chapter.
Lady Netri - Hello again! Come join in the communal hating of maths ;) It's just another one of those things I like poking fun at. Actually I like taking the mickey out of most things! Glad you enjoyed it and here's the next chapter.
Queen of Comedy - Wow... That was some sugar high! I've recently had a thing about squirrels, they kept on randomly popping up in various art projects. So yes, random squirrel-ness, all good P No fair, you get Kenshin on TV. Damn you. Ooh, new word to add to my vocab. But still, that's some sugar high you got there! Thanks for making me laugh ;) Just one thing, what did poor Bob do to deserve the chainsaw? Poor Bob.
annie...o.0;...molly - Unusual pen-name you got there P Have no fear, I won't be sinking your cherrio. I will continue. See, next chapter is here :)
KittyLynne - Hello! How's it going? Urk, must email you ::sheepish look:: Sorry! Glad you enjoyed it, hope there weren't any accidents! I'm glad you liked the interlude, I was waiting for a whole load of irrate Christains or whatever to flame me! But, touch wood, so far so good :) Minnesoteans, huh? I'll have to go check out Fargo. Don't think I actually know what a Minnesotean accent sounds like...
When did David Beckham move to Spain? Ooh, sometime within the last year. He's playing for Madrid now. Although his wife and kids still live here. I'm assuming he can still 'bend it', although the news has been more full of tales about an affair than his footballing skills of late!
::shudders:: Stats at uni level. That just gives me the heebie-jeebies. Poor you, and I don't blame you for throwing the book out the window. Although, going down five flight of stairs to pick it up and then going back up must have been annoying!
Kouga the Friar! Somebody's gotta write a fic about this, that would be absolutely hilarious! ::snickers:: Oh boy. I can see it now :D
Well, thank you for the reviews and I hope this chapter, and the dress, live up to expectations :) Hugs Xx
Wow, so many reviews. And so many regulars (now I sound like a bar or somethingP) Arigatou mina. You guys seriously ROCK.
Until next time, ja!