" Stand Beside Me " Pt Eight - Broken Hearts
Peyton was still in a state of shock. She hadn't moved since she had seen the look on Brooke's face and knew what she was thinking. Carson hadn't let this bother him and was still kissing up and down her shoulders.
" God Carson, stop! " Peyton said finally, giving him a push.
" What the hell Peyton? " He said as he swung his legs over the side of the bed, pulling his boxers on.
" This was a mistake. " Peyton said. She put her head in her hands and tried not to cry in front of him.
" It was just some harmless fun. " Carson said. He stood, pulling on his jeans and shirt.
" I've ruined everything again. " Peyton mumbled.
" You girls are crazy. " Carson said as he left the room leaving Peyton alone.
She honestly didn't know why she had let Carson kiss her, touch her, make love to her. She was confused and upset and just like old times, there was a willing body there to comfort her. It was all she had ever known to do. She was insane thinking that Carson was the answer to what had happened between her and Brooke.
She kept seeing Brooke's face over and over again, this time the look of hurt as she found them together. Peyton started to cry and she felt like she might never stop.
What kind of fool am I?
Brooke paced back and forth on the shoreline. The cold ocean tide kept creeping up to cover her bare feet. The image of Peyton in bed with Carson was on a loop in her brain and it hurt more and more each time.
It wasn't supposed to be like this, it was supposed to be easy.
She glanced up at the condo as she heard the back door open and saw Carson walking out. She felt the anger rise up inside of her and silently hoped for something bad to happen to him. Above anything she had felt for Peyton, she was the most angered at the fact that he had brought that deadly drug back into her life. They had worked so hard before to get Peyton through it and he had brought it back to her in a moment of weakness.
I hate him. I hate her. I hate these feelings.
Brooke cursed herself over and over again for allowing herself to feel. She had made a promise to herself after Lucas had hurt her so bad that she wouldn't let herself fall in love, she wouldn't let herself feel anything except pleasure. Love just messed everything up and sex was so much easier with no strings attached. You have to protect your heart.
Back inside, Peyton was pulling on some shorts and trying to think of how she would make this right. She prayed to every higher power to give her the strength to talk to Brooke. To explain what she was going through. To tell her the truth.
Not only does she think I'm a slutty bisexual, she also thinks I'm back on coke.
Thinking of the cocaine, she looked over to the bedside, noticing that Carson had left the plastic bag. It took all the energy she had not to go back to the old habit, to try and make things better by feeling nothing at all. She wanted to feel numb again so badly.
Focus Peyton, don't go near that shit again! You have to fix things with Brooke. You can't let her down, you can't deny all that you are feeling.
" Brooke! " Peyton yelled from the backdoor of the condo. Brooke turned and saw her friend dashing across the beach towards her.
" I can't believe you'd go back to that! " Brooke yelled as she approached.
" It was a mistake Brooke, I swear. " Peyton replied. She looked as if she'd been crying just as much as Brooke had been.
" You worked so hard last time to get over that stuff. " Brooke said.
" What? Oh you mean the cocaine? " Peyton asked.
" What else would I be talking about Peyton? " Brooke asked.
" I thought you meant Carson. " Peyton replied.
" Look I don't care if you wanna swing back to boys, that's your deal. " Brooke said.
" It's not what I want. He was just comfortable and a bad habit that I feel back into. " Peyton explained.
" Yeah boys and coke huh? " Brooke asked angrily.
" That's a long story, but I didn't use any. I swear. " Peyton said.
" I want to believe you, but it was right there... " Brooke started. She began to tear up and Peyton reached out, pulling her into an embrace.
" It's okay Brooke, I'm not going back there. " Peyton said as she stroked the brunette's hair.
" I was so scared last time. I don't want to loose you again. " Brooke said as she sobbed.
" You'll never loose me Brooke, never. " Peyton said. Brooke pulled back for a second and they looked at each other for mere moments.
" Don't freak out okay... " Brooke said as she leaned in, almost touching her lips against Peyton's.
" B-Brooke... " Peyton said breathlessly.
" I said...don't....freak...out... " Brooke finished.
" We can't do this! " Peyton yelled, pulling back away from Brooke.
" God Peyton what the hell is your problem? " Brooke said. She crossed her arms and glared over at the blonde.
" What happened at the club was a mistake and what happened with Carson was a mistake, but what you were about to do would be so much more than just a mistake, it would change everything and I'm not ready for that. " Peyton explained, tears welling up in her eyes.
There was a moment of eerie silence between the two women and finally Brooke sighed, rolling her eyes and turning to walk off, leaving Peyton alone as the roar of the ocean drowned out her desperate thoughts.