" Stand Beside Me " Part Nine - A New Beginning
The words were telling her to do it. It was almost as if this song was commanding Peyton to follow her heart, to do as the song says and "dare to move". She listened to the last few seconds of the Switchfoot song and then shut the radio off. She hadn't bothered to turn any lights on in the guest room and was sitting in the cold darkness trying to console her sorrows.
Her actions that night had even surprised herself. She noticed that outside it looked like the sun might be starting to come up and she thanked whatever powers above that the night was finally coming to an end. She couldn't believe everything that had happened. All in one night, she had almost kissed her best friend, slept with someone, and then lied and pulled back from said friend when she tried to kiss her.
Peyton had never been fond of change, ever since she were younger and having to deal with the fallout after her mother's death. Brooke was the only constant in her life since then and now even that was changing. She couldn't understand all these feelings and she didn't want to bring Brooke into this hormonal meltdown she apparently was having.
Her mind was a mess of thoughts, mostly though of Brooke and the hurt look on her face when she had pulled back from the second attempt at a kiss. She had looked deep into the brunette's green eyes and wanted to give her everything she wanted. She wanted to press her lips against hers and see how magnificant that kiss could be. She wanted her so badly. It felt like her heart was literally aching when she wasn't around Brooke. Is this what real love feels like?
At first light, Brooke had thrown on some shorts and a tank top and hurried out of the house, hoping that Peyton was still in bed and that Carson was as far away as possible. She hadn't slept at all during the night and though her body was tired, she couldn't allow herself to sleep and possibly dream about Peyton and all the mess that had happened.
The morning was unsually warm and the salty sea air hit her like a brick when she opened the door and jogged out onto the beach. She had always found that being near the water cleared her head and helped organize her thoughts.
She thought back to the three times she had sought the ocean's help, once when she and Lucas had broken up, once whenever Peyton was going through her coccaine withdrawls and the two had sit up all night by the sea, and then once in the summer between ninth and tenth grade when she had been at cheerleading camp and had done something really stupid.
It definatly hadn't been one of Brooke's most happy moments, she and a friend had been drinking out on the beach and things had gotten a little strange. Jenna Franklin had always been a "cheerleading camp" friend since at least the sixth grade and while Peyton hadn't never attended the camps with her, it gave Brooke a friend to hang with during those summer weeks away from home.
Jenna lived in Charlotte and the only time the girls would see each other was a camp. Brooke thought that Jenna could have been her missing twin or something, the two girls were very alike, both boy crazy and unafraid to say anything that crossed their minds. Jenna had hid some of her parent's vodka in a suitcase and brought it out with her on the beach when she and Brooke had snuck out one night.
They were mixing the vodka with fruit punch and it was surprisingly good and they were having a blast. They were huddled next to each other under a warm blanket next to a fire that Brooke had made. They spent hours laughing and having a great time. A great time that was, until Brooke had done something stupid. The conversation had taken a more mature turn and both girls were talking about sexual escapades. Jenna hadn't done anything provoke her, but Brooke was suddenly very interested in the redheaded girl and longed to kiss her.
Within a few seconds, Brooke's lips were pressed against Jenna's and the two girls were enjoying a long kiss in each other's arms. They were both very much into the kiss when Jenna pulled back, a look of disgust forming on her face.
" W-What is it? " Brooke had asked.
" I'm not gay Brooke. God you are sick! " Jenna had replied, grabbing the blanket and running off as fast as she could from the beach.
Brooke had spent the rest of the night cursing herself and looking out at the ocean. When she returned to camp the next day, Jenna had ignored her and continued to do so for the rest of the summer. It was the last time Brooke had went to cheerleading camp, she told her parents and Peyton that she was too old for it and it was for kids. She hadn't ever told anyone, not even Peyton, about what had really happened.
Now, as the wind circled around Brooke as she jogged down the beach, those memories of Jenna were flooding over her. She had wondered then if she might be a little different, but immediatly thrown herself at some Senior guy and pushed those feelings back. Everything that was happening to Peyton had brought those feelings back and she didn't know how to deal with them.
She had wanted to kiss Peyton so badly the night before, she had convinced herself to take a chance on this and see where it went, but everything had went to hell and was beyond repair now.
Brooke had did her best to avoid Peyton all day. She spent most of the afternoon downtown window shopping, ignoring her phone whenever it rang. She met a few old friends in town and had lunch and then dinner with them. It was almost ten when she returned to the condo.
She noticed that Carson's car wasn't in the driveway and she assumed that he was either out at Nightshade or had left after all the turmoil. She smiled at the thought of him being gone and quietly let herself into the house.
All the lights were turned off and Brooke found her way up the stairs and to her old room. She closed the door behind her, getting out of the clothes she wore and slipping into pajama bottoms and a tank top. She slid under the cool sheets on the bed and tried to close her eyes and get some sleep.
It was nearly an hour later when Peyton stood outside Brooke's bedroom door. She had been outside for ten minutes, trying to go inside. Trying to make her hand open the door. She just couldn't seem to move it seemed.
Just get it over with Peyton, you'll find your answers and then it will be done.
She forced herself to open the door and step inside the room. Brooke wasn't asleep, she slowly sat up, looking at Peyton across the dark room.
" What do you want? " she asked softly.
" We need to talk Brooke. " Peyton said. She crossed the room and sat next to Brooke on the bed.
" Yeah I guess we do. " Brooke replied. There was silence between them for a few seconds until Peyton spoke again." I'm going through something really big right now. " She started.
" I know and I'm not helping right? " Brooke said.
" Oh God no Brooke, you've done so much for me. " Peyton said.
" Yeah but my wishy washy attitude over us hadn't helped at all. " Brooke replied.
" That's what I wanted to talk about, us. " Peyton said. She slid her hand across the sheets and took ahold of Brooke's.
" I love you Brooke, you know that. " She said.
" I love you too Peyton. " Brooke said with a smile.
" You've been my best friend for so long, there isn't anything that I couldn't tell you. " Peyton continued.
" I like you for more than a friend. " Brooke suddenly blurted. She seemed shocked at her own words and Peyton felt herself blush.
" I appreciate your honesty. " She said jokingly.
" Um yeah. " Brooke replied. She tried to avoid looking at the blonde.
" I like you for more than a friend too. I think that's the problem. " Peyton said.
" It doesn't have to be a problem. " Brooke said. She finally looked up at Peyton with pleading eyes.
" I don't ever want to loose you as a friend. I'm not sure we should risk anything else between us. " Peyton explained.
" We're never going to know if we don't try though Peyton. " Brooke said.
The brunette leaned in closer and brushed her away the curls from Peyton's face.
" I - I'm really scared Brooke. " Peyton whispered.
" Me too. " Brooke replied. The two girls looked at each other for several seconds before finally moving closer, allowing their lips to touch.
Even though they had once kissed before back in Junior year, this kiss felt like the first one. It was pure magic. They slowly let their lips dance with one another as they wrapped their arms around each other, intensifying the kiss. Brooke tilted her head up and sighed as Peyton kissed her chin and then brought her back down again.
" Wow. " Brooke said breathlessly.
" You can say that again. " Peyton joked. Brooke smiled and let out a soft laugh. This was usually the part where awkwardness would set in, but both girls felt at ease with each other. This was comfortable and felt like something they should have always been doing.
" So what now? " Peyton asked softly. Brooke smiled devilshly and raised an eyebrow.
" Now you lay down here next to me... " She started.
" Arn't we taking things a little fast here? " Peyton asked as she slid over and next to her friend.
" .... and hold me. " Brooke finished. She smiled and let Peyton's arms wrap around her.