Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter or any of the works by JK Rowling. I, like so many others, am merely borrowing them as a basis for my own work of fanfiction.

Insanity

Chapter Two – The Plan

November 3, 2001, 5:00pm The Great Wizarding Library of Jerusalem

The ancient crypts housing the library were chilly and dry. Though torches and candles were not allowed, in case of fire, they were at least well lit due to numerous wall sconces charmed to emit an even, white light with a modified lumos charm, as well as magical lamps that sat over each study table. The ancient scrolls and books contained in the vaulted rooms were stacked on close-tiered shelves that lined the stone walls. Thousands of years of wizarding knowledge was contained in these scrolls and books, and Harry had been steadily working his way through them for the past two months. Hermione had joined him a week ago to assist in his search, and had a week left before she would have to go back to work.

"Harry, this is crazy!" Hermione said as she looked at Harry in complete astonishment.

Harry's eyes closed in frustration as he retorted, "Maybe ... but it might work!"

"It's too risky!"

"It's a chance, 'Mione. A chance I have to take."

"They'll never agree to go along with it, you know that."

"Even if it means getting Ginny back?"

"Not if it means losing you, Harry."

Two years of frustration and exhaustion were reflected in his voice as he replied to her argument. "'Mione, I can't do this much longer. And from what Molly says, Ginny isn't going to last much longer either."

Eyes glistening with the beginnings of tears, Hermione Weasley urged her best friend not to give up. "You can't give up hope, Harry."

"I'm not, 'Mione, I'm hoping that this will work. Look, 'Mione, I'm not saying its not a risk, but it's a risk I am willing to take."

"But it could kill you ... she could kill you."

"I can't go on living without her, 'Mione, you don't understand that living without her is just not a possibility any longer. I just can't do it any more."

Hermione's voice was scornful, almost harsh as she retorted, "So you're going to give up? I thought you were stronger than that ... braver than that!"

Harry's voice held two years of accumulated weariness, stress, loneliness and desperation. "I'm strong enough to take the chance of getting her back to normal ... even if it means I am not there to see it.

"Besides, if I am not there any more, and she knows it because she did it to me, then maybe she'll come back on her own anyway." The stress of the past two years was etched on his face as they argued back and forth.

Hermione's voice took on a pleading note that went with the plaintive expression on her face. "Harry, please, there has to be another way."

"'Mione, I've looked, we've looked in every library we could think of ... this is the only thing we have found that even seems to offer a chance.

"Look, 'Mione, let's copy this and go back home. We can discuss it with everyone else and see what they say. If I cannot persuade them to try this, then ... I'll keep looking. But if they cannot come up with a valid reason not to try this ... then I will try this ... on my own if necessary."

November 5, 2001, 8:30pm The Burrow

Harry looked around the crowded, familiar room from where he sat in a chair next to the fireplace. "Well, everyone, 'Mione and I found something on this latest trip. That is, I found it and argued with 'Mione about it until she gave in."

Everyone present, Ron, Fred, George, Bill, Charlie, Percy, Molly, Arthur, Remus, Albus, Fleur, Tonks, and Neville, with the exception of Hermione (who was also present), looked at Harry with curious expressions on their faces. Ginny had been given a sleeping potion so that she would not be disturbed by Harry's presence at her home.

Harry stood up from his chair and paced in front of the fireplace while he spoke. "It is called the Atonement Bond. It was apparently used by the ancient Israelites when a wizard or witch had been so injured by another witch or wizard that there was no possibility of repairing the damage or making restitution. They came up with the Atonement Bond so that the injurer would be forced to make direct atonement to the victim.

"The bond forces the one making atonement into complete subjugation to the victim. From the moment the bond is invoked, until the victim releases the subject, the subject of the bond exists at the pleasure of the victim. Anything, and I mean absolutely anything, that the victim chooses to do to the subject is absolutely legal – torture, deprivation, abuse ... death."

At this last, the room erupted into chaotic noise as everyone started arguing with him at once.

After a minute of listening to the loud talking and yelling that was going on, Harry gathered their attention.

"SILENCE!"

Mouths agape, they all turned to look at the young man standing defiantly in front of the fireplace. Looking at them with incredibly weary eyes, Harry continued his explanation. "Let me finish, please.

"Aside from the subjugation and legal portions of the bond, there are two other aspects of the bond. The first is that the victim feels the emotional state of the subject, their deepest and truest emotions. This is so the victim will know if the subject ever truly repents for the acts done to the victim. The second is that the subject feels the emotional state of the victim, their deepest and truest emotions. This is so that the subject understands fully what they have done to the victim.

"In our present circumstances, I propose that I enter into the bond as the subject, and Ginny enter into it as the victim. I am hoping that once Ginny has irrefutable evidence of my deepest and truest emotional state, she will realize that I truly love her and could not have hurt her."

Molly's voice betrayed her shock at what her seventh son in all but name had just said. "But Harry, you never hurt Ginny!"

Harry's voice was brittle, betraying the emotions that had been plaguing him for the past two years. "I know that, Molly, you all know that, but Ginny doesn't know that. She thinks that I hurt her ... tortured her ... raped her. She thinks that the person she loved most in life, that she had planned a future with, that she was engaged to be married to, did the most horrible, vile, painful, and degrading things to her ... over and over and over again. And that is what has driven her to her current state of insanity.

"In her mind, I am a demon that continually haunts her. Whenever she hears my name ... or sees an article about me ... or sees a picture of me ... or sees a child wearing a Boy-who-lived Halloween costume, she is confronted by her demon and she tries to attack and destroy it.

"This situation can't go on. You've all told me how thin she is getting, how little sleep she gets at night. How much longer can she last? It's the same way with me. I'm not sleeping but an hour or two at night unless someone slips me some Dreamless Sleep potion, and I'm not eating much either. If this can help her put her demon to rest, even if that means I am dead, it will be better for her.

"You have told me how she has almost hurt people, even children, who she thought were me. You have told me how she has to be escorted everywhere lest she get out of control. You have told me how she breaks down or flies into a rage at the least mention of me anywhere, in any form. This has to end. She has to be healed. I believe this bond can heal her."

Rubbing his eyes in weariness and frustration, and wiping away that tears that had spilled as he spoke of the current situation, Harry gathered his thoughts before continuing to talk.

"While Hermione and I were in Jerusalem, I told her that I would do this on my own, if necessary. Further research into the bond has shown me, unfortunately, that I cannot do it alone. For the bond to be established properly, it needs at least six wizards or witches involved in the casting. The more there are, and the closer they are to the victim, the stronger and more stable the bond is.

"I have thought about nothing else than finding a way to help Ginny for the last two years. I want nothing else in this world than to have her whole again ... even at the cost of my own life. I am begging you, her family, her friends, to help me to do this ... to help me try to help her."

Hermione eventually broke the stunned silence that followed his impassioned plea. Her voice was calm and serious, and yet it held a note of triumph as though she were sure that once everyone heard the risks they would never agree to perform the ritual. "Harry, you did most of the research on this ... tell us what you think are the possible outcomes of this course of action."

Harry didn't miss the nuances he heard in Hermione's voice. He stood there for a few seconds, looking in her eyes before he turned towards the others gathered there and began, once more, to speak. "There are eight possible outcomes that I have been able to come up with as a result of creating this bond.

"The first outcome is that Ginny, as soon as she understands my true feelings towards her, is healed. I am figuring that this one has a very slim chance of happening – maybe a 5 percent chance.

"The second outcome is that Ginny, as soon as she enters into the bond, kills me, and is healed when she knows that I am dead. I am figuring that this one also has a very slim chance of happening – also maybe 5 percent.

"The third outcome is that Ginny, once the bond is established, tortures me until she realizes that the emotions she feels from me are real and true. Once she understands that, I think she will be healed. I am figuring that this one has a much better chance of happening – maybe 25 percent.

"The fourth outcome, one that I am not enthusiastic about, is that Ginny, once the bond is established, tortures me until I am insane, but is healed once she has cleansed herself of her pain, anguish, and rage. Knowing how much rage and pain has built up in Ginny over the last two years, I am figuring that this one also has a 25 percent chance of happening.

"The fifth outcome, also one that I am not enthusiastic about, is that Ginny tortures me until she kills me, but again, is healed like in the prior one. I am figuring that this one also has a 25 percent chance of happening.

Harry looked at the people arrayed around the room and stopped his recitation. Molly and Hermione had tears streaming down their faces as a result of his matter-of-factly telling them he fully expected to be killed as a result of the bond.

"I'll just lump the last outcomes together, since, from my point of view they are the bad ones. The ones where Ginny is not healed as a result of the bond. The ones where she continues as she is now. In one of them, I am alive and healthy, and in the other two I am either dead or insane. The last three outcomes together, I figure, have a total of about a 15 percent chance of happening."

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT OUTCOMES WHERE YOU DIE ARE DESIREABLE, HARRY!?"

"Molly, I-"

"DON"T MOLLY ME! YOU TELL ME HOW YOU DYING IS A GOOD THING!"

Harry sighed to himself, hating that he had been lying to his friends and family for the past two years.

"Molly, everyone, look at me." Harry waited until all eyes were upon him and then slowly drew his wand, pointed it at his body, and performed a complex movement as he uttered two words. "Aperio Veras."

Everyone in the room gasped as the concealment charms faded away, and Harry's true appearance was revealed. His face was gaunt, and drawn with pain and worry. His formerly brilliant green eyes were sunken, bloodshot, and dull. He was thinner than he had ever been in their memory, even after being delivered from the Dursley's after a particularly hard summer. His robes hung loosely on his emaciated, almost skeletal frame, and his normally unruly black hair was lying flat and dull against his head and across his pallid, sweaty forehead.

When he spoke next, his voice reflected his current appearance, sounding lifeless and dreary. "Molly, everyone, please, just listen to me for a few minutes. When Ginny and I got together in my seventh year my outlook on life changed completely. Before then, before Ginny I was basically marking time until Voldemort killed me. I really didn't have any hope at all of surviving my next encounter with him. She changed that ... she gave me renewed hope and a new purpose in life ... to be there for her ... with her ... loving her ... for all eternity. With Ginny by my side, I felt like I could do anything ... there wasn't any problem that the two of us couldn't overcome ... no situation that the two of us couldn't face together. The day she agreed to marry me was the happiest day I had ever had ... and I fully expected there to be only a few days that brought me equal happiness ... the day she and I got married ... and the days our children were born. She made it so that I could see a future ... beyond Voldemort ... beyond the war ... a peaceful future where we could be together and raise our family."

For a moment, a trace of a smile played across his features, and his eyes brightened slightly as he thought about the future that could have been ... and might be again. Then the smile faded and his eyes went back to their dark, lifeless state as he continued.

"That future is broken now ... has been broken ever since Ginny was taken from my side two years ago ... and the only way that I will survive is if I can somehow get that future back. It has been two years of hell on earth for me ... two long years during which I ... we ... have all tried to help Ginny recover ... two long years of the failure of one attempt after another. Two years of my heart slowly dying inside as hope faded ... two years of not being able to sleep because every time I close my eyes I hear her anguished screams of pain in my head ... two years of not being able to eat because every time I try I wind up throwing it all back up. Two years of dying slowly by inches because I am watching her die slowly by inches at the same time.

"That bastard Malfoy knew exactly how to hurt me ... by hurting Ginny ... by destroying her ... he has destroyed me. Of course, I'm guessing he didn't think that I ... we ... would take each and everyone one of those animals down first. He probably figured that I would be so grief stricken that I would fall prey to the first Death Eater that crossed my path. He had planned on me being rendered powerless ... probably his fondest dream. As fate would have it, the opposite happened to me ... I became empowered ... and driven to achieve my goal of finding and rescuing Ginny. I became focused on one thing to the exclusion of everything else, including my own survival ... finding her. I guess that is why I was so successful in those two weeks ... I just didn't care about living any more ... I just wanted Ginny back ... and for that to happen they all needed to be eliminated.

"And now that they are gone, all I want is Ginny healed. Even if it takes my life ... my pain ... my torture to accomplish that. I've told you what I think will most likely happen ... you all talk this over ... think about the possibilities of what might happen with her.

"But remember this ... without her by my side again ... I won't see another year. And based on your descriptions of her ... I would guess that she is in much the same shape as I. Have any of you tried an aperire veras on Ginny recently? She is perfectly capable of casting concealment charms on herself, you know. She is still a witch ... still has her wand ... can still do magic. And she wouldn't want you all to worry about her ... for the same reasons that I didn't want you to worry about me.

"So you see, it just doesn't matter to me if I die in this attempt ... the only thing I don't want is to wind up a vegetable ... living in the ward at St. Mungo's. The only thing I would ask of you is that if that happens to me ... that you end it for me. And make sure that she knows I am gone ... if she isn't herself again."

Unable to stand any longer, Harry slumped down into the chair behind him and leaned back with his eyes closed.

His audience sat in silence, stunned by what Harry had just got done saying, and also by his wretched appearance. Several times Ron opened his mouth as if to speak, and then slowly closed it again. Molly sat huddled against Arthur, clutching his jumper with one hand while she held a handkerchief to her face with the other. For his part, Arthur simply sat thinking about the implications of what Harry had just said about both he and Ginny, and held his weeping wife in his gentle arms. Albus Dumbledore, the most famous, knowledgeable, and powerful wizard of the age (next to Harry, that is), sat silently, his almost legendary twinkling eyes dim with worry. Hermione, typically, was the first to collect herself enough to speak.

"Harry, how can you be so selfish?"

Harry rubbed his face with both hands and sighed wearily before responding. "Don't play the selfish card on me, Hermione. I'm sorry if I can't be as strong as you want me to be, but I just can't go on without her. You all have each other ... but once I had her in my life ... something happened ... she became everything to me ... everything ... and I can't go on without her ... I've tried ... I just can't do it any more. I'm just not strong enough to go it alone any more."

Harry pulled himself out of his chair and walked over to the door leading outside.

"Look, I'm going home. You guys discuss this among yourselves, and let me know what you decide. But remember ... take a good long look at Ginny before you make a final decision ... and think about how she is doing. I'm not telling you I want to commit suicide ... if I did, I would just show up in front of Ginny one day and make sure she saw me off myself. I want her back ... I want her with me ... and I am willing to go to any lengths to make that happen."

He opened the door and walked outside, gently closing the door behind him, and then proceeded past the apparition wards and went home to his new home near Godric's Hollow.

It was several minutes before any of the gathered Weasley's and others moved or made any sound other than the quiet keening of Molly, Hermione, Tonks, and Fleur as they wept into the chests of their respective spouses.

Author's Notes:

Many thanks to my first four reviewers: Anabel28, Silver Warrior, Hermey, and Fantasizing-Lady-Knight.