Disclaimer: Those who are not familiar with the infamous Disclaimer song are about to have a first hand demonstration.

::clears throat and starts singing like a banshee:: IIIII DDOOOOO NNNOOOOTTTT OOOOWWWWNNNNN HHHARRRYYY PPOOOTTTEEEERRRRR OORRR THHHEEEE SSOOOONNNGGG SSIIMMMMPPPLLEEEE AAANNNNDDDD CCCLLLEEAAANNNN.

There, happy now?

A/n: Tehe gotta love the disclaimer song. IMPORTANT! is being...annoying right now so the italics are not always working correctly. If this is the case then please remember that thoughts always begin and end with this symbol ::. Just a little reminder to avoid any further confusion .

Anyway, special thanks to my reviewers, and because my bud Bea asked an important question I'm answering your reviews in the beginning of the fic rather than at the end, which is where I will normally put up my responses.

Olean: Tehehehe cool!! I'm glad you like their thoughts, especially Draco's. Gotta make that boy at least a little weird, right? Hope you like this chapter too!

Not A Homicidal Maniac: Yay! Two people like what I'm doing with their thoughts! Lol, of course Harry's rational, he's Harry. Though that may change. Cue suspenseful music! Duh duh duh duuuhhh. Tehehe. By the way, I love your pen name, it rocks.

Br Lr: Hey Bea! Glad you liked it! Ok, this goes out to EVERYONE READING THIS FIC. Tehe sorry bout the capitals, just wanted to get your attention. The title of this fic is called Simple and Clean because I open up every chapter with a few selected lyrics from the song Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru, the opening song for Kingdom Hearts. I chose this song because one day when I was listening to it while reading Draco/Harry slash fics I realized how the song could apply to their supposed relationship. And to answer your other question Bea, no, Spanish Class guy didn't go to the dance. BUT on the bright side I did get to tease one of my guy friends mercilessly, which is always fun. Tehehe I'm so evil.

And with no further ado, on with the madness of Simple And Clean, this time with Harry's crazy, irrational thoughts to add humor in our otherwise boring lives. And if your life isn't boring, then it just got a little stranger.

::bla bla bla:: thoughts

:::bla bla bla::: song lyrics

##bla bla bla## Japanese (may not apply, haven't decided yet)

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:::The daily things:::

:::Like this, and that, and what's what:::

:::That keep us all busy are confusing me:::

:::That's when you came to me:::

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Harry grumbled while rubbing the lump on the back of his head as he walked with Hermione and Ron to their next class, Defense Against The Dark Arts. And who were the Gryffindors going to be spending the next hour and a half with? (a/n: I'm not sure exactly how long periods are in England or are supposed to be at Hogwarts, so I made up this time. If anyone knows how long class periods are in England please feel free to tell me!!) If you guessed the Slytherins then you are correct. Please feel free to collect your prize of a free sparkly pencil at the end of the page. ::Yeah, I'm definitely going crazy. Though with this second head of mine, it's no surprise,:: thought Harry as he entered the familiar classroom. As he sat down at his desk, he couldn't help but blush as he recalled the reason for the fall that gave him the lump on the back of his head.

-Flashback-

"What's with all the interrogating Potter? Is it really that important?" ::Hehehe. I love getting him all riled up, he's so cute when he's annoyed. Oh my god I did NOT just think that Draco Malfoy is cute. Nope. Didn't think it. Lalalala. Wait! No singing, gotta make a whitty come back.::

"Maybe it is, maybe it isn't. Why do you want to know?" ::Ooooh yeah. I'm the bomb. Try to beat that pretty boy! Wait. You're not pretty! Didn't think that!!!!!::

"Because you're acting like a prosecutor, that's why I want to know!" ::Urgh. He did beat that. Ok then. Round 2! You're going down cutie. I really need to stop thinking these thoughts, I'm going to get brain damage. Speaking of brain damage, why is he looking so happy? Did he just get high off the potion or something? Interesting...I didn't know you could get high off a polyjuice potion. Sweet! I gotta try it some time!::

"Um...hey, Malfoy? You ok?" ::Cus I just gotta know why you look like that! You're adorable!! Ok, I'll pretend I didn't think that, but just this one time!!::

"Eek! I mean, yeah, why?" ::Did he just shriek?!::

"You got this weird happy look on your face, that's why. You never do that." ::He just shrieked! He sounded like a girl!!! Hehe, I wonder what would happen if I screwed the daylights out of him. Bet he'd sound like a girl too. Oooh that's so hot.::

"Whatever. I was thinking about something, so just drop it. Lets work on this potion." ::Damn, so he really didn't get high off the potion. Hmmm...wonder what he was thinking about. Curiosity is about to kill the Harry.::

"Really? What were you thinking about?" ::Cus if it's anything like what I'm thinking about right now, then you'd better get on your hands and knees and start begging me to f...::

"Oh nothing special, just you lying naked on a judge's table ready to be taken." ::Ok, not exactly what I had in mind, but that works too. Wait...him...me...naked...judge's table...HOLY CRAP!!!::

"Wh...what?!" ::Hey look! On top of being pervertedly obsessed with the idea of a naked Draco shrieking like a girl, I've developed a stutter! Go me!::

"You heard me. It was a damn good image too. Mmmmmmmm..." ::oook then. I don't think that it would be half as good as you on your hands and knees begging me for mercy, but I'll take your word for it. Witty comeback time!::

"Ooookkk then. I'll take your word for it. If you don't want to tell me, then you don't have to make up lies or anything. Sheesh." ::Bad come back!!! Noooo I'm loosing my touch!! Ok why does he look like he's high again?::

"You have that weird look on your face again." ::Adorable, yes. But it's still freaking weird!!!!::

"Do I? That's cus I'm singing the 'I'm alive' song in my head cus you don't believe me about what I said I was thinking about earlier." ::Interesting...I think it's time to change the subject. I just might be rubbing off my insanity on him, which would NOT be a good thing.::

"Right. Ok then. Back to the potion." ::Beautiful change of subject! Maybe I'm not loosing my touch.::

"Yup, and back to me fantasizing about you in leather. You know, you'd look good in black leather." ::Really? Cus I always thought that I looked better in dark red and you would look super sexy in black. Wait...OH MY FING GOD HE JUST SAID HE THOUGHT I WOULD LOOK GOOD IN BLACK LEATHER!!!! MY DREAMS HAVE COME TRUE! I...I feel faint...::

-End flashback-

And that was how Harry came to sport his beautiful lump on the back of his head. ::Great. Not only did I manage to actually believe that Draco thinks of me as a kinky sex kitten, I also managed to become a mutated two-headed kinky sex kitten!! I'm never going to get laid by him now!!!::

Just as Harry had this passing thought, Topaz stepped out of the teaching room that adjoined the main classroom and cleared her throat, hoping to direct the other teenagers' attention to her.

"Welcome Seventh Year Gryffindors and Slytherins. I suppose you are wondering why you are being taught by me instead of Professor Kanno. Though why you would prefer being taught by him instead of me I can't for the life of me imagine," she added, winking at Seamus Finnigan, Dean Thomas, and Blaise Zabini, who happened to be in the front row looking like love sick puppies. ::Hahaha those losers. She's so totally out of their league. I mean, she's related to Draco Malfoy!! She's only going to go for the disgustingly wealthy, or a kinky sex kitten like me. Too bad I'm saving myself for Draco, she is pretty hot.::

"As it is, Professor Kanno has that inhibits him from teaching during the day. This is the reason for the need of two Defense Against The Dark Arts teachers, as well as the reason why you have altering classes. If any of you took the time to look at your time-tables for the coming weeks, you will notice that next week your class will be held at 6 in the evening, while the class the week after will be held at the present time. I will be teaching the late morning classes while Professor Kanno teachers the early evening ones, so I expect everyone to be rushing into this classroom the moment your previous class is over." ::Can anyone say vain? I can! And everyone always takes a kinky sex kitten's word.::

"Now, just because one of your teachers is your age if not a year younger does not mean that this class will be an easy high grade. If anything you will be working harder in this class than any other subject, mostly because Professor Kanno and I love to be evil and torture teenagers." ::Wait a minute. Have I been referring to myself as a kinky sex kitten for the past 5 minutes?!::

"Our expectations of you will be very high, and you will be forced to learn many spells and charms that are normally taught only in Auror training camps. Also, you will be facing many of the most feared creatures in both the Wizarding and Muggle Worlds, as well as view many graphic pictures of what happens to an unfortunate witch or wizard who comes across these beasts or are tortured by a Dark Lord. So I would highly suggest not eating anything before this class or you will risk loosing your lunch and, contrary to popular belief, teenagers who throw up constantly do NOT look attractive." :: Oh my god I've been calling myself a kinky sex kitten for the past 5 minutes!!!!::

Hermione looked over at Harry, whose eyes were currently as wide as sauce pans, his mouth slightly open. "You know Harry, I doubt it will be all that bad. She's probably just trying to intimidate us," she whispered to her friend. ::Huh? What's frizzy girl talking about? Oh yeah, Draco's cousin's trying to scare the crap out of us. Ok, back to previous thoughts. WHY AM I THINKING OF MYSELF AS A KINKY SEX KITTEN?!::

"Yeah mate. No need to get all freaked out. Besides, you've probably seen and dealt with a lot more shit than Topaz or Kanno will in their entire lives," Ron agreed::What are we talking about again?::

"You guys? I have a really important question to ask you two, and I need a straight forward, truthful answer." ::WHAT AM I DOING?! Ok, I'm crazy. It's official. I make absolutely no sense.::

"What is it Harry? You know you can ask us anything, that's what best friends are for," stated Hermione worriedly. ::Well, here goes nothing. St. Mungo's mental ward, here I come.::

"Do you think I'm a kinky sex kitten?" ::I can't wait until I get to be tied up in a straight jacket! Those things are so cool!::

"Hell yeah you are! I'm glad you finally came face to face with reality, Potter," said a deep voice enthusiastically from behind them. ::Wait wait wait. I've heard that voice before...::

Harry, Hermione, and Ron all spun around in their seats to gape at a certain eavesdropping blond behind them. "We're having a PRIVATE discussion here Malfoy! Now sod off!" yelled Ron. ::He thinks I'm a kinky sex kitten! YAY!!! MY LIFE IS COMPLETE!!!! Hey! Stop yelling at him Ron! He thinks I'm a kinky sex kitten for crying out loud!!::

"Well, I'm sorry if I interrupted your PRIVATE time with the kinky sex kitten, Weasel, but I was just stating the obvious. It's not my fault that you can't hold a low-key conversation to save your life." ::Ok, maybe I should defend reddy.::

"Stop it D...Malfoy. You're going to get us all detention, and I for one do NOT want to start off this year with scrubbing tables!" stated Harry while glaring at the Slytherin behind him. ::Whhhaaa forgive me!!!!!! But I really don't wanna have detention with that creepy Asian guy!!!!::

"Ah, the kinky sex kitten speaks. And you said something besides 'ah', 'more' and 'f...'"

"Mr. Malfoy! Mr. Potter! I will NOT stand for you interrupting my very important opening speeches! You will both be reporting here at exactly 9 o'clock tonight for your detentions. And should you speak another word that doesn't relate to this class you will be coming here for the next month!" shrieked a very undignified Topaz. ::Gah!! Rabid banshee attack!!!! Draco!!! Save me!!!::

"GAH!! RABID BANSHEE ATTACK!!!! DRACO SSAAAAVVVEEEEE MMMMEEEE!!!!!!" shrieked Harry like a girl as he somehow managed to jump out of his chair, over the desk behind him, and land in Draco's lap while wrapping his arms around the blonde's neck, pulling himself as close to the other boy as possible. ::They really should have a cheerleading squad here. I'd definitely make the cut::

Ron and Hermione fell out of their seats at this nimble show of acrobatics while Draco sputtered and Topaz half sputtered, half snickered. "Well, now that we all know that Mr. Potter has indeed lost his marbles, please take out your textbooks and turn to page 25, chapter 4, titled 'Vampires; Facts and Myths.' Mr. Potter, if you cannot find it in you to remove yourself from Mr. Malfoy then you two may share his textbook," she said to the class of shocked seventh years. Harry blushed at this last comment and hid his face in Draco's chest. ::Urgh!! This is so embarrassing!! Why did I do this again? Oh right, because I've gone crazy. How could I have forgotten.::

Draco somehow managed to maneuver his arms around the dark haired boy in his lap to put his textbook on the table in front of them and open it up to the correct page. "So, Potter. Remind me again why you're sitting in my lap begging me to save you from the rabid banshee also known as my second cousin?" ::Isn't it obvious? I'm just a poor, lost little boy who needs a brave, mighty pretty boy like you to save me. Oh yeah, and I've officially lost my mind, but that's really not important.::

"Isn't it obvious? I'm just a poor, lost little boy who needs a brave, mighty pretty boy like you to save me. Oh yeah, and I've officially lost my mind, but that's really not important." ::Memo to self; NEVER repeat thoughts out loud.::

Silvery-grey eyes widened for a moment, and then Draco smirked. "Why Potter! Who would have ever guessed that you would need to be saved by the likes of me?" ::Hey, how come he's coming up with good comebacks? That's my job!!::

"How could they have guessed that you turn into such a handsome man, love." ::Hehe lets see him beat that.::

"And how could anyone guess that you'd become the girl in our relationship." ::I win!!! Wait...WHAT THE!!! I'M NOT A GIRL!!!!!!::

"I'M NOT A GIRL!!!!" ::Whhhaaaaa such an abusive relationship. Wait, we have a relationship? Since when?! And, more importantly, when do we got to snog the hell out of each other!?::

"Really? Because I was under the impression that you were the kinky sex kitten, and, in case you didn't know, girls are kinky sex kittens and boys, like myself, are sex gods. So obviously you are a girl." ::Argh!!!!!!!!! He's being such a prick!! And the only time he gets to be pricky is when we're alone in the heat of the night in my bed!!!!!!::

"Hmph. I'm not a girl and I don't need to prove that to you," stated Harry while crossing his arms across his chest and pouting.

"Whatever you say Potter. Now move your head a little ways to the right, I can't see the top of the right page." ::He is so NOT getting any action tonight.::

"You are so NOT getting any action in bed tonight, Draco." ::Whoops, spoke my thoughts again. I really need to stop doing that.::

"I was getting action tonight? REALLY?! Ok, I apologize for calling you a girl. Now, what's say you and me get out of here and go up to my room, eh?" ::I say hell ya!!!::

"I say hell ya!!!" ::Oops, I did it again. Hehe. Oops, I did it again. I played with your heart! Hehe. Who ever said that the thoughts of the insane were full of pretty flowers and fluffy clouds? Cus whoever they were they were crazy themselves.::

"All right! By Cuz! I'm going to go get some action with Potter now, don't bother expecting us to come back any time soon!" yelled Draco as he scooped Harry up in his arms bridal style and started sprinting out the door.

Topaz's response to this outburst was to roll her eyes and shout out "STUPEFY!" at her cousin and a very startled Harry Potter, causing them both to fall to the ground unconscious.

Hermione gaped at her teacher. "Ms. Talers? Was it completely necessary to knock them out?"

Topaz rolled her eyes at the girl. "Of course it was, or else they would have actually left and screwed the daylights out of each other. And, knowing how those two behave around each other, they would deny anything ever happened tomorrow. Hmmm...I think I'm going to need some back up for this case."

"Back up?" questioned Hermione.

The teenage teacher grinned evilly. "Yes, back up. Granger, is it?"

Hermione nodded her head slightly tentatively.

"Well Ms. Granger. How would you like to help me make the best couple Hogwarts has ever seen?"

Hermione smirked a smirk that would have made Draco proud if he had been conscious to see it. "What exactly do you have planned?"

Topaz smirked back and leaned over the desk to whisper her plan into her new friend's ear.

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A/n: Tehehe how was that? So, now Draco's not alone in the world of insanity! Yay! Lol. Oh, I shamelessly stole the sex kitten and sex god references from the Angus, Thongs, and Full Frontal Snogging series. I literally worship those books, and if you've never read them get your ass off your chair or whatever your sitting on while reading this and go to the nearest book store or library to get them, because they're freaking hilarious!!!

Yes, we are slowly but surely getting closer to actual slash instead of just complete random insanity on Harry and Draco's part. It probably won't happen in the next chapter, or even in the chapter after that, but it's closer! So review, review, REVIEW, and the slashy goodness will come faster. Reviews=inspiration, and inspiration=fast updates. Also, please feel free to give me constructive critisicm, plot ideas, anything! I love helpful reviews! I also love reviews saying how great of a writer I am, but I'm not picky. ddc out!