Disclaimer: I own nada, sorry to spoil your fun. Ah!!!!! I forgot my spanish homework!!! Oh cripity crappity crop! And yes, I just made that up off the top of my head. So you can't sue me!! MUHHAHAHAHAHA

A/N: THANK YOU JULES AND NIKKI FOR HELPING ME FIGURE OUT THE COMPLETE STORY PLOT FOR THIS FIC!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS FOR LIFE!!!!!!!

A/N II: Special thanks to all my reviewers, responses will be at the end of the fic. And just to warn you, this is more of a filler chapter than anything else, so it's going to mostly just be chaos, chaos, pervy thoughts, and more chaos. Sorry about that, but I promise that I will make up for it in the next chapter, which, hopefully, will be 50 times better than this chapter. Anyway, ON WITH THE FIC!!!!!!!!!

::bla bla bla:: thoughts

:::bla bla bla::: song lyrics

XxxxxxxXxxxxXxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxXxxxxxxxXxxxxx

:::And said, 'Wish I could prove I love you:::

:::But does that mean I have to walk on water?:::

:::When we are older you'll understand:::

:::It's enough when I say so,:::

:::And maybe some things are that simple':::

XxxxxxxXxxxxXxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxxxxxxxxXxxxxxxXxxxxxxxXxxxxx

And so the weeks at Hogwarts for Draco Malfoy commenced. The days were pretty much the same, the blond would wake up at exactly 7:29, spend fifteen minutes combing his hair back before applying his trademark gel, then quickly brush his sparkling white teeth and rush into the Great Hall.

Once there he would sit down diagonal from Blaise, so that he could have a good view of a certain specific raven haired Gryffindor, and in between his hired thugs, also known as Crabbe and Goyle. He then would reach to his right to pick up a nearby milk beaker, stealing a quick glance at Harry in doing so of course, and then fill his goblet full of the ever-so-healthy drink (a/n: Sarcasm, anyone?). Upon obtaining his nurturing drink, he would then grab a large piece of toast and smother it in raspberry jam, all the while stealing glances at Harry and pretending to listen to Blaise talk about his newest conquest. All in all, your typical breakfast for Draco Malfoy.

It was on one of these days that the unexpected occurred. No, Voldemort did not run into the Great Hall dressed as a hooker singing I'm A Slave To You, and no Ginny Weasley didn't start giving Snape a lap dance, and while though those two events may be very unexpected, they would also be very mentally unhealthy for those in the vicinity. What happened was Dumbledore rose from his chair, and, cue suspenseful music, gave a speech.

This unexpected occurrence happened while Draco was in the process of downing his nutritious beverage while raising his eyebrows suggestively at a certain green-eyed boy, who at that time was attempting to seduce the blond by licking a jam-covered spoon. Which, considering the two suspects, wasn't a very hard feat to accomplish. And so because the two were so completely engrossed with their sexual fantasies towards one another the news Dumbledore announced to the innocent (a/n: cough cough) students of Hogwarts took them completely by surprise.

"I would like to announce that many of the teachers and I will be going off to Hawaii for a relaxing week in a few moments, in which we will spend our time re-acquainting ourselves with one another."

And now we return to the wonderful place known as Draco's mind while he chokes on his milk. ::WHAT?!!?!?!?!??!?!:: was all Draco managed to think as he concentrated on swallowing without suffocating at the same time.

Draco saw that across the hall Harry had managed to stay in his seat, but at the same time almost swallow his spoon. ::What the hell is re-acquaint themselves? That sounds dirty. Wait...never mind that IS dirty. Ewwwwww Snape getting it on with McGonagall. Bad thoughts! Bbbaaadddd tthhhouuuugggghhhtttssss.::

Blaise looked at his friend in concern. "Is the milk sour or something? Cus you look like you're going to throw up at any second." ::I wish it was just the milk that was sour. Ewwwwwww Dumbledore, Snape, and McGonagall in a threesome. Gah!!!!! I'm scarred for life!!! Ok, calm down Draco, play it cool. Think of something good, like...umm...Harry dripped in raspberry jam and you get to lick it all off. Mmmm good thoughts good thoughts. Ok, I'm happy now.::

"Oh don't worry, I won't puke. I'm happy now." ::Mmmm happy place. I'm in my happy place. Oh look, there's Ron getting tortured! Yay!!!!! Yup, this is definitely my happy place.::

"That wouldn't have anything to do with you imagining Harry dripped with jam or something, would it?" ::Oh my god he's a mind reader! Again! Ok Zabini, get the hell out of my head! NOW! This is an NC-17 rated mind, no one under the age of 17 enters without parental permission.::

"Are you a mind reader or something?" ::Wait a minute, is he seventeen? Ok, that could prove a problem there. Umm...what's the highest film rating?::

"No, you just keep looking at him while licking your lips while your hand reaches for the jam." ::Oh. Gotcha. That's fine then. Back to happy place.::

But Draco was never to see his happy place again for a long time, also known as five whole minutes, as Dumbledore continued his speech over the muttering students. "Now I'm sure you all know that Halloween will be in two days, and I'm sure you also know that you can not have your schedualed Halloween Dance without chaperones, so Mr. Filch, Hagrid, and Ms. Talers will be remaining to keep you children in line." ::TOPAZ is chaperoning us? Haha, that's a laugh. More likely she'll be smuggling in booze. Sweet!!!!!::

"What's more, Ms. Talers has arranged for a close friend of hers to arrive here at Hogwarts to assist her in her duties for the next week. The girl's name is a Ms. Amadea de Lafyette from Venice I believe, and while our guest is here I expect you all to be kind and courteous." ::Foreigners are taking over!!! Foreigners are taking over!! If this Italian girl hits on MY Harry I'll have her head!!!! Grrrrrrrrrrrrrr, the mighty Draco is a very menacing beast when angered.::

"In lighter news, classes for today and until the Monday after next are to be cancelled. So, enjoy yourselves kids! Happy Halloween to all, and to all a good week." And with that Dumbledore and all the teachers save Filch, Hagrid, and Topaz Disapparated. ::Um...ok that was interesting. So...now what? I'm confused.::

The Great Hall was left in a stunned silence after the professors' departure. After a moment Topaz rose from her seat and jumped on top of the staff table. "Well, what are you all waiting for? PARTY AT HOGWARTS!!!!!" she screamed at the top of her lungs.

At this cue the entire student body threw up their arms and cheered as loud as they could, causing Filch to cover his ears and howl in pain. Blaise jumped up on top of the Slytherin table and started to do a weird jig, also known as "the happy dance."

"Woohoo!!! Come on Draco! Lets go kidnap Harry and Seamus and drag them back to our dorm and have our wicked way with them!" yelled Blaise to his friend over the cheering students.

"Blaise, that's the first intelligent thing you've said all month!" yelled Draco back as he jumped out of his seat and over the table. ::Oh yeah this is gonna be fun. Harry, you're MINE!!!!!1 MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA::

"Muhahahahahahahahahahaha," cackled Draco evilly as he and Blaise began to stalk towards the Gryffindor table.

"Um, Draco? You might want to cool it with the whole Wicked Witch From The West thing, it's kinda creepy." ::Muhahahaha never! Muhahahahahaha::

"Muhahahahahaha never! Muhahahahaha."

"Ok whatever. Now, how are we going to do this? I say, we duck under the table while no one's looking and grab them by their ankles and pull them under the table. After that we cast invisibility charms on them after knocking them out and then levitate them back to the common room." ::Umm...how about NO.::

"Blaise, how about this plan. You follow my lead and trust me with your life. And if the Gryffindors attack, you jump in front of me and guard me with your useless body. How does that sound?" ::I think it sounds good personally.::

"Um...fine, up until the whole sacrificing myself so that you can get laid part. That part just isn't going to happen, sorry." ::Damn. It was worth a shot I guess.::

"Ok, I guess that was worth a shot. Now, while you distract them by jumping on the table in front of Seamus and dancing for him, I'll go over and get Harry. If Frizzy Lady and the Human Weasel get in the way, grab Seamus, pull him up on the table, and snog the daylights out of him. But only if they get in the way, ok?" ::Tehehe this is going to be so much fun!!!!::

"Sounds like a plan to me. And if that doesn't work, then what?" ::Always with the critisicm!!!! Jeez, why can't people just give me the benefit of the doubt when I say that I'm the evilest boy at Hogwarts and can formulate a good kidnapping plan for the Boy Who Lived To Get Screwed By Me off the top of my head?!::

"Then I'll improvise. Come on! Quick! Before they move!!!!" ::And now, we begin. MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA::

With that Blaise jumped on top of the Gryffindor table, making all the Gryffindors gasp while the rest of the school went on doing their own versions of the happy dance and the funky chicken dance in celebration of their teachers' sudden departure. Draco slipped past the confused Gryffindors to approach Harry from behind while Blaise literally strutted around on the table until he found himself directly in front of a wide-eyed Seamus. "Hey sexy, what's cooking?"

Draco used all his willpower to repress a revealing snort as he came closer to a gaping Harry Potter and Co. ::Nice Blaise, very nice. Now they'll hall have heart attacks. Maybe I should let him plan one of these sometime. Either that or use him as a distraction more often.::

Unfortunately, The Weasel Man happened to turn around just as Draco moved into his crouching-tiger-ready-to-pounce-on-prey imitation a foot behind Harry. "What the hell are you doing Malfoy?" ::Noooo...crap.::

This statement, of course, caused Hermione and Harry to turn around as well. Draco pouted as Harry's sidekicks scowled at him while the green-eyed boy just looked plain confused. ::Well, so much for subtlety.::

"I have an idea WEASEL, how about we play a guessing game. You get three guesses to figure out what I'm doing, and if you don't guess correctly then I get a prize. Sound fair? Good, because those are the rules and they aren't changing. You have exactly one minute to start guessing, and that minute starts...now!" said Draco while summoning a clock and levitating it in mid air. ::Tehehe this is almost as fun as jumping Harry!::

"What the hell?! Oh, fine...Umm...you're trying to hex us into oblivion."

"Nope. 45 seconds."

"You're...trying to steal our raspberry jam because you ran out at your table."

"YOU HAVE RASPBERRY JAM?! Givi!!! Oh, and no. 20 seconds."

"WHAT THE HELL?! 5 SECONDS AGO YOU SAID I HAVE 45 SECONDS!!!"

"Oh, I did? Yeah well whatever. This clock is off. 10 seconds."

"Um..."

"9"

"Wait!"

"8"

"I'm thinking here!"

"Well that's a miracle if I've ever seen one. 7...no wait. 6 now"

"Argh!!!"

"5"

"Stupid ferret..."

"4"

"You're...um..."

"3."

"Oh! I know!"

"2"

"You're going to..."

"1"

"Attack Ha..."

"And zero! So sorry, but you lose. Now I get my prize," exclaimed Draco as he grabbed a still confused Harry and sprinted towards the door, tugging the stunned boy behind him. ::And now the best part! The great escape!::

"Come ON Blaise! It's time to go!"

Blaise looked up from kissing Seamus while sitting in his lap as the shocked Gryffindors watched, enjoying the view. "Huh? Oh yeah! The whole kidnapping part. Right, forgot there for a second. Come on baby, we're going to kidnap you and take you to our common room so we can have our wicked way with you."

Draco rolled his eyes and continued dragging Harry towards the door. ::Some people just don't understand the concept of subtlety. Myself included. Oh well, this is still fun.::

The blond looked back at the black haired boy he was pulling on. "You know, if you don't run faster I'm going to carry you."

"Huh?"

"Urgh!!! Fine! Be that way!" yelled Draco as he scooped the still very confused boy up into his arms bridal style (a/n: they do this a lot don't they? Tehehe). ::This is so much fun! I feel like we're escaping our wedding reception and going up to have a wicked sweet night of screwing like rabbits also known as our wedding night! Weeee!!! Happy thoughts!::

And it was because of these happy thoughts that Draco managed to not notice the Great Hall doors slowly creak open and then blow forward forcefully in a very dramatic fashion. Of course this managed to hit the blond smack in the forehead, sending him careening backwards onto the floor with his burden also known as Harry Potter sprawling on top of him. ::Owww...why does this ALWAYS happen to me when I'm about to get laid by Harry? WHY?! WHAT HAVE I DONE TO DESERVE THIS TORTURE?! On second thought, no one answer that.::

"Ow! Jesus Christ! Who the hell opens the door like that?!"

A soft spooky feminine voice with a slight accent answered his rhetorical question. "I do." ::Woah...talk about spooksville. Ok who broke out of Hogsmeade cemetery and why are they haunting Hogwarts?::

Draco looked up to see a tall, pale girl with blue eyes and dark blue hair pulled up into high, poofy pigtails dressed in a skin tight black leather dress that was accompanied with black fish net stockings and, you guessed it, black knee high leather boots. ::GAH! IT'S A GOTHIC GHOST! RUN AWAY!!!!::

But before Draco could act on his escape urges, Topaz's voice echoed through the hall. "Ah, I see our guest came earlier than expected. Boys and girls, I would like you to meet my very good friend and partner in crime, Amadea de Lafyette."

A/n: Yes I know, I keep adding in weird characters, changing my writing style, and make Harry and Draco act crazier than the probably ever would. But what can I say? I like doing that. And just for the record my character Amadea is in the story for a reason, though will only be present in a few chapters. She is also based on a good friend of mine, Kit, so that's why she looks so weird. Tehehe sorry Kit, don't hurt me, ok? It's just that I usually don't have gothic characters in my fics. Anyway, it's time to respond to my favorite people in the whole wide world, my reviewers. I love ya guys!!!

Olean: Yay!!! I'm glad that this fic is getting to be your type of story, it's my type too. I mean, how can you NOT love crazy and slashy? It's just too good a combination. I hope you like this chapter as much as chapter 3!

Clarissa: Tehehehe don't die on me ok? You sound like you're hyperventilating. But that's ok, I do it all the time and I somehow don't die from suffocation. Tehehe. Yes, screwing the daylights out of each other is gross, but what can I say? I'm a pervy little slash fangirl who can't get enough of pervy humor. Hope you like this chapter too!

HieiSakeBaka: YAY!!! NIKKI FINALLY REVIEWED ME AGAIN!!!! And three times too at that. Tehe, love ya nikki! Hope ya review me again on your own free will or I'm just gonna have to nag you to do it again. Tehehe I'm so greedy, aren't I? Anyway, thank you SOO much on helping me with the story plot, but I changed part of it again so I'll tell you about it on aim soon.

Br Lr: Heya Bea! You know I can't tell you what Topaz is planning, that just wouldn't be fair! Tehehehehehehe but I can say this; if I manage to write chapter 6 right, then it'll be hella funny. OMG! How could they not have those books?! Ok then, you'll just have to go to Barnes and Noble, I know for a fact they have them there in the Teen section. If not then just go on Amazon, it's probably cheaper there anyway.