Disclaimer: I honestly don't own Harry Potter your Honor

Judge: Good. We know that. What we don't know is why you tried to get away with stealing the contract for the characters and story plot.

Ddc: Because I want to own Harry Potter. Duh.

Judge: But you don't. Do you understand that stealing is wrong young lady?

Ddc: No...

Judge: WELL IT IS!!!!

Ddc: Awwwwwwwwwwwww

Judge: -.-;;;; Jury, I think we can let this one go. She won't do it again in the future.

1 week later

Ddc: Muhahahahahahaha ::sneaking off into distance with contract::

A/n: Ladies and Gentlemen, boys and girls, but mostly importantly readers and reviewers, I, your humble authoress, would like to make a little speech. We've gone through so much together in these past 3 and a half months, watching and experiencing with our own eyes the horrors of Draco Malfoy and Harry Potter's most inner thoughts and how they really aren't as diabolical and sane as we thought. We watched as they somehow grew to love each other in a completely non-realistic and almost non-existent story plot. But most important of all, we have cried tears of laughter and killed our internal organs reading about the crazy happenings of this little fic called Simple and Clean. At least, that's what I hope. Well, all good things (or bad things) must come to an end. Friends, Romans, Italians, Americans, Britishans, Asians, Africans, whatever race you may be, countrymen, I give you the reviewer responses.

And then of course the song lyrics to Simple and Clean.

And then MAYBE the last chapter of this little fic, but only if you're good!

Kit: Don't we all love the thought of Lucius in a dress? Ok maybe not the IMAGE of him in a dress, that's just disturbing, but the idea of him wearing a dress is hella funny. Tehehe. BURN SEAN AND BRIT! BURN!!! ::cackling:: I need to ask my dad if he put rum in the tea ring cake...

D&G: Oooo awesome!!!! I kinda skimmed over the big text too, so no worries there tehehe. Hehe doesn't that theory work? I think it does. :D

Br Lr: Lol no worries there Bea, I still love you in a non-lesbian way. :D Ugh math hw. It sucks motza balls, it really does. Lol now now you two, no attacking each other, it's not good for you.

Harrypotter, move over: Tehehe I'm glad you think it's hilarious. I try, I really do. Hope you like this chapter too!

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::bla bla bla:: thoughts

:::Bla bla bla::: beginning song lyrics

bla bla bla ending song lyrics

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:::Hold me:::

:::Whatever lies beyond this morning:::

:::Is a little later on:::

:::Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all:::

:::Nothing's like before:::

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After running through the crowded halls of Hogwarts for a good 10 minutes, causing the entire student body to look at the two clinically insane yet hopelessly in love boys, Draco and Harry finally stopped their flight, after running smack dab into a wall. Leaning back against the floor beneath him, Harry managed to gasp out between unsteady breaths "Remind...me...to...never...EVER...go...to...your...house..." ::It be a scary scary place over there! Sccaaarrrryyyy.::

"Remind...me...to...never...go...to...MY...house...again" gasped Draco in return, panting as he leaned against the wall behind him. ::Hehe and I thought I sounded like a fish out of water right now.::

Harry giggled. "You sound like a fish out of water Blondie." ::And the world's speediest recovery of breath after running around a giant castle screaming like a little girl award goes to...drum roll...Harry Potter!! YAY!!!::

"How'd you regain your breath so fast?" ::Hehe that's for me to know and you to never find out. Cus you're just not special like that::

"That's for me to know and you to never find out. Cause you're just not special like that." ::Speakest thou thoughtests againest Harryest! Hehe. Ok enough being weird. Time to get pervy. Weee!!!::

"Awww...but I WANNA be special!" Draco whined, pouting. ::Awww...kawaii!!! Ok how come I'm randomly spouting Japanese words? And how do I know Japanese? Oh well. Guess that comes with the whole "Savior of the Wizarding World" deal. You get crazy stalkers, Dark Lords trying to kill you every year, and you learn Japanese. I'll never understand how this world works.::

"Oh don't worry Blondie, you're special. Just not special like THAT. Key word being that."

Draco sniffed. "You really mean that?"

Harry nodded. "You betcha cutie!"

The blond giggled. "No YOU'RE the cutie!"

Harry giggled along with the other boy as he plopped himself down onto the Slytherin's lap. "No, you are!"

Draco rubbed his nose against Harry's in a nice fluffy Eskimo kiss. "No, YOU are!"

"You are!"

"You are!"

"You are!"

Draco smirked. "Oh alright. I'm the cutie. But you're the kinky sex kitten who's about to start moaning again." ::Oro? Again with the Japanese! This part of the hero deal is really awesome, I should try it more often.::

"Oro? I mean huh?"

The blond smirked as he slipped his hands underneath the other boy's shirt, causing him to gasp in surprise. "You know what I mean."

"Mmm...no I don't..."

"Mmm yes you do Harry," Draco purred as he leaned in closer to Harry, whose emerald green eyes were half closed with pleasure.

"Mmm ok maybe I know a little bit...ah!" Harry yelped as the blond lightly bit down onto his pulse point.

"Now do you know what I mean?" asked Draco as he licked the bruising wound.

"Mmmm shut up and kiss me you tease!" replied Harry as he grabbed the blond locks in front of his eyes and pulled the Slytherin up into a passionate kiss.

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Thirty minutes later, Draco and Harry walked into the Great Hall hand in hand, big goofy grins practically plastered to their happy, sated faces. ::Ah today is a good day. The birds are singing, Hermione and Ron aren't at the Gryffindor Table, Snape's flying through the air, Draco just gave me one of the best blow jobs in the world. Ah yes. Nothing beats today. Wait a minute...::

"AAHH!!!" shrieked Harry ducking as the said Potions Master flew through the air almost crashing right into him. ::Note to self: never daydream about how good a day is when there are wild Snape's flying rampant in the Great Hall. I will get hit and suffer brain damage. Which would NOT be a good thing.::

Of course by now Draco was hiding behind Harry, quivering in fear as Snape picked himself off the ground, and started running towards the two boys. "Meeepppp I'm too young to be violated, I'm too young to be violated," whimpered the traumatized boy as the greasy monster came ever closer.

But it was only when the Potions Master reached out a pale, dirty hand towards them that the two boys hugged each other in fear and screamed like little girls. Again. Harry squeezed his eyes shut and buried his face into Draco's neck. "Well, it was nice loving you Blondie." ::Whhhaaaaaaaaaaa::

Draco's grip around Harry's waist tightened while he closed his eyes as well and replied, "Likewise lovely." ::Insert terrified and sad sniffing here!::

But the traumatizing molestation a la Snape never came.

After a minute of clinging onto each other, Harry lifted his head and warily opened his eyes to find that Snape was not in fact crouching on one of the tables ready to pounce on them, but was actually in the process of yanking off Oliver's shirt from his lean body. The raven-haired boy laughed. "Drakie!!! We're alive! And untouched!!" ::Happy dance time!!! Weeee! Everybody now! Do the happy dance!::

The blond opened his big silver eyes and blinked owlishly. "Huh?"

Harry jumped up and down with his hands on the other boy's shoulders. "Look!! Look!! He got bored with us so he decided to molest Oliver!!" ::MUHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!::

Draco's eyes got wide. "Oh my god. Harry DUCK!!!!"

Harry blinked. "Duck? Where?! I LOVE DUCKS!!! Come here ducky ducky!" ::Weee!! On top of not getting molested by Snape, I get to see duckys! Happy times, happy times.::

"I hate to say this love, but you're a bloody idiot. DUCK!!!!" shrieked Draco as he tackled Harry to the ground as Snape flew over their heads again to land with a sicken thud.

"Oh THAT kind of duck. I get it now."

Draco jumped up. "AMADEA!!!! STOP MAKING SNAPE FLY THROUGH THE AIR!! IT'S A VERY TRAUMATIZING EXPERIENCE FOR US!!"

Oliver got up and pulled his open button up shirt closed around his chest. "You try getting jumped by him!! That's MUCH more traumatizing. I mean, have you felt his HAIR?! I mean, just ewwww factor there."

"I WAS JUMPED BY HIM!!!!!!!" screamed a very banshee-like Draco. ::Eek he's scary when he's like this. I mean, his hair is practically standing straight up! I wonder if he's part cat...ooo that'd be awesome!! He could have a tail and fluffy ears and everything!!!::

"Blondie, Draco, whatever your name is, I know you had a very traumatizing experience, but could you please NOT ruin my eardrums with your horrendous racket!!!" yelled Amadea back. The Italian knelt down by her Scottish boyfriend. "Are you very hurt darling?" ::No, but his shirt is. Maybe you should be talking to the shirt.::

"Yes, I'm terribly hurt. Maybe a good game of bed rolling, kisses, and a massage afterwards would help me?" whimpered Oliver. ::Oh please, like she's going to fall for THAT.::

"Of course Ollie my love, anything you want," simpered Amadea as she pulled him from the ground and had him lean on her as they walked from the hall. ::Oh my god she fell for it. That's sad.::

Oliver winked at Harry just before the giant doors to the Great Hall closed. Harry began to pout. "That's just not fair."

"Hmm?" asked Draco as he sat down at the nearest seat, not caring that it was at the Hufflepuff table, and began pouring the jar of raspberry jam onto a poor, defenseless piece of toast.

"How come you never believe me when I say I'm seriously injured and in need of some bed therapy or else I'm going to be scarred for life?"

"Because for one thing, you've never tried that on me. Second, you haven't been seriously injured since we started going out. And third, I was the one who was almost raped by Snape, not you."

"Did you know that you just rhymed?"

"Huh?"

"Snape and raped. They rhyme!" giggled Harry as he sat down next to the blond.

"They don't rhyme! Jeez Harry, remind me to slap you then shag you silly if you ever say you want to be a poet." ::Oooo and the evilness of my mind begins to plot.::

"Ok. I want to be a poet."

Draco fell off his seat. ::Tehe.::

Harry looked around at the Gryffindor Table. "Hey how come Hermione and Ron aren't here?"

Draco pulled himself up onto his seat again, grumbling and rubbing the back of his head. "Ow that hurt. I don't know, probably molesting each other again. Either that or plotting some diabolical plan to kidnap us and keep us from shagging each other senseless at ever chance." ::Nooooooooo!!! Betrayed by my own friends!!! Insert sniff here. So sad.::

Suddenly the doors to the Great Hall swung open dramatically, and in stumbled Ron, dressed in an expensive-looking tuxedo, and Hermione, dressed in a beautiful white gown. ::AAAHHH!!!!!! They're coming to get meeee!!!!::

The Gryffindor buried his head into Draco's neck again. "Whhhaa Draco!!! Don't let them take me awwwaaayyy!!!!"

Draco snickered. "I don't think they're going to. They're too busy trying to figure out how to tell you that they're married."

Harry looked up. "Huh?"

Hermione and Ron walked over to the two lovers, looking very sheepish. "He...he...hey Harry," stuttered Ron.

"Um hi Ron, what's up? And how come you're dressed up like a circus penguin?" asked Harry, arms still wrapped around Draco's neck.

"Well...um...you see...we kinda...um..."

Hermione rolled her eyes. "We just got back from Hogsmeade Harry. You see after DADA class, we stole your invisibility cloak,"

"I KNEW you had one of those!!!" cried out Draco.

"Shh!!!" hissed Harry.

"Snuck down into the village using the secret passageway to Honeyduck's cellar,"

"So THAT'S how you got into the village third year!"

"Draco! Shh!"

"Went to the nearest church,"

"Wait aren't we pagans? Why would there be a church in a wizarding town?"

"Draco I'm going to kiss you so bad you won't be able to talk for a week if you don't be quiet!"

"Ooooo ok. Seriously, why is there a church in Hog...mmph!!!" was all Draco could say before Harry launched himself at him.

"And we got married. So basically we just made the biggest choice of our lives in about ten minutes and got married without our parents' permission and without telling anyone," stated Hermione, completing her story.

"Mmmm that's nice Hermione," said Harry mid-kiss.

"You...you mean you aren't mad at us for not telling you that we were going to run off and get married after DADA class?" asked Ron uneasily.

"Mmm nope. Mmm yummy raspberry flavored Draco," mumbled Harry in response.

"Oh this is so wonderful! Harry thank you so much for understanding! You know your opinion matters more to us than our own parents', even though that really doesn't make any sense, seeing as they could easily disown us for choosing to get married at the young ages of 17 and 18 and then we'd have to live out on the streets, and that just wouldn't be fun," said Hermione happily.

Behind the two newly weds came the sound of a throat being cleared. Turning around, Ron and Hermione found themselves face to face with none other than Dumbledore. "Miss Granger, Mr. Weasley, am I to assume that the two of you have broken about 5 school rules by running off after your Defense Against the Dark Arts class to leave school boundaries to get married at the tender ages of 17 and 18?" stated Dumbledore with a stern look on his face.

"Ye...yes sir," stuttered Ron.

"Oh good. Congratulations you two, I was wondering when you were going to elope and get married in the church down at Hogsmeade that really shouldn't be there seeing as we're pagans and Christians really don't like us all that much. Now, listen closely because this is very important. A private suite has been prepared for you on the third floor, look for a painting of Marilyn Monroe in a black dress. The password is 'bunny slippers'."

"There's a painting of Marilyn Monroe in Hogwarts?! Bunny slippers?"

"Who's Marilyn Monroe?" asked Ron innocently.

Dumbledore chuckled, eyes twinkling brighter than those 25-foot tall Christmas trees in New York City. "Now now children. Don't ask so many questions, they aren't good for you. Now off you go, have fun playing in your new quarters!"

"Thank you sir!" cried Ron as he pulled a giggling Hermione out of the hall.

The old man then turned his attention to Draco and Harry, who were still quite literally attached at the mouth. Only now Harry had somehow managed to land himself on top of Draco's lap again, and the blond was working at undoing the buttons on his sweater, not realizing that there were no buttons to be undone. Dumbledore sighed. "Ah young love. There's nothing in this world of ours that is as beautiful as it. Including a room full of every sweet ever invented, and that's saying a lot coming from me."

Suddenly the Great Hall doors burst open yet again, this time revealing a distraught Kanno who walked at top speed over to Dumbledore. The noise of the doors opening startled the two making out boys apart, who then decided to amuse themselves by watching the Japanese man speak his native tongue as fast as a speeding bullet and/or Superman, give or take one or the other, to Dumbledore. He even waved his arms around to emphasis whatever point he was trying to make. Once the vampire stopped talking, Dumbledore sighed again, only this time in sadness. "Oh dear. Mr. Malfoy, Mr. Potter, will you please accompany Professor Kanno and myself up to my office? There is something that the two of you need to know."

"Um...ok then," replied Harry as he pulled himself off of Draco's lap and stood up. They then left the hall behind Dumbledore and Kanno hand in hand. Little did they know that their simple lives were about to become much more complicated.

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Once the party had entered the chaotic room known as Dumbledore's office and were comfortably seated, Harry on Draco's lap again in a red plush chair, Dumbledore in his chair behind his desk, and Kanno in a red plush chair to the left of the other, Kanno spoke in a grave tone. "Young Masters Draco and Harry, I am afraid I have failed you."

Draco raised an eyebrow. "Say what?"

"I have failed to protect the one dearest to you when I vowed to myself that I would give my life to keep her from harm.

Harry blinked. "Umm...I'm sorry. We're not exactly following you here."

"Yeah, both of us are fine and besides, we never asked you to protect us anyway," agreed Draco.

Kanno rolled his eyes. "Not you two, you idiots. Topaz!"

"Huh?" stated Draco and Harry at the same time.

Dumbledore chose this moment to speak. "I'm afraid young Miss. Talers was taken hostage by Voldemort's forces sometime between her Defense Against the Dark Arts class and lunch today."

Draco's eyes widened. "Dad! He was sneaking around over by the classroom!" he exclaimed.

"We thought he was just trying to freak us out!" said Harry.

"It worked pretty well too..." muttered Draco.

"I still don't understand Professor. What does this have to do with us? I mean, yeah Topaz is Draco's cousin and she's a really cool girl, but why is Professor Kanno acting like we're going to kill him at any moment?"

Dumbledore shook his head sadly. "Harry, I'm afraid you do not understand how truly grave this situation is."

"Well duh, you guys aren't telling me anything!"

Dumbledore sighed. "Draco, I'm afraid Miss. Talers lied to you the first day you met her. She is not your cousin. In fact, her name is not Topaz Talers, and she is not from this time at all. She has not even been conceived yet."

"Wait...you're saying that she's from the future?!" cried out Draco.

"Yes, that is what I am saying Mr. Malfoy."

"But then why did she lie and say that she was related to me!?"

"Because she is. The reason why she does not look like a Malfoy is because she has glamour charms completely coating her being so that you nor anyone else would not see her for who she really is. It was her mission to come and help the relationship that has blossomed between you and Mr. Potter begin. It was also her mission to keep time from being altered," stated Dumbledore gravely.

"This still does not make any sense Professor. How does this relate to us?" asked Harry.

Dumbledore sighed again. "Harry, Draco. Topaz Talers is really Jinx Malfoy-Potter. She is your daughter."

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When you walk away

You don't hear me say

Please oh baby, don't go

Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight

It's hard to let it go

You're giving me too many things

Lately you're all I need

You smiled at me and said

Don't get me wrong I love you

But does that mean I have to meet your father?

When we are older you'll understand

What I meant when I said "No,

"I don't think life is quite that simple"

When you walk away

You don't hear me say

Please oh baby, don't go

Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight

It's hard to let it go

The daily things

That keep us all busy are confusing me

That's when you came to me and said,

"Wish I could prove I love you

"But does that mean I have to walk on water?

"When we are older you'll understand

"It's enough when I say so

"And maybe some things are that simple"

When you walk away

You don't hear me say

Please oh baby, don't go

Simple and clean is the way that you're making me feel tonight

It's hard to let it go

Hold me

Whatever lies beyond this morning

Is a little later on

Regardless of warnings the future doesn't scare me at all

Nothing's like before

-Simple and Clean by Utada Hikaru

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A/n: And that is the end everybody! Don't worry, this is not really the end of the story, just this one fic. There will be a sequel out as soon as I finish up the story plot of it, called A Not So Simple World (though this title may change). So if you liked this story, watch for that coming out soon. It's been fun people, it really has. I can't believe how much I loved writing this story, it may not be the best I've ever written, but I had a blast writing it. Hope you all enjoyed it as much as I did, and I hope to see everyone again with my sequel and my other fics. Until next time, DDC out.