Chapter 10: Two sides to love
Title: A new beginning.
Author: Nikka
Author notes: Hi everyone, If you need to know about summary, rate and all the rest it's all in chapter 1 I'll just remind you that **English is not my native tongue** I want to thank Sarah for all the great works she's done, and to welcome aboard Kelly who from now on will be reproofing my fic. As it is you may still find some spelling & grammar mistakes. You're more than welcome to let me know about them but remember you may find them while you read the story. Have fun.
A special thank you to Kelly for reproofing my story. As of that the upload of the chapters may take longer.
Feedback: I love love love reviews and I'll be sure to mention it at the end of every chapter.
***
"Can I come in?" He asked while knocking softly on the door. She turned to see who it was.
"Sure." She replied and he walked in closing the door behind him.
"What you doing?" He asked and walked towards her.
"Writing a list of things to do." She kept writing not looking up.
"Anything important?" he took a few steps forward.
"What is this?" She raised her head and he stopped where he stood. "Is there something you want, or need, cause this being all nice and attentive, isn't working for me." She said in a snippy tune.
"So now I can't even be your friend?" He crossed his arms.
"We're co-workers, so lets try and act as ones." She said coldly.
"We're more than that, Cordy." He sat by her side, but keeping his distance.
"Are we Angel? Cause according to your ex you're fair-game, and she's going for the grand prize."
"What are you talking about?" he asked confused.
She put the pen down and got up. "I though Buffy would tell you by now."
"Tell me what?" He had no idea what she was talking about.
"I hit her, Angel." She turned around and walked towards the balcony doors. "Slapped her, actually." Cordy could hear his jaw dropping.
"How? Why?" He wasn't sure what to ask first.
"She said some nasty things about me, about all of us and I couldn't control myself. I did apologize later and she wasn't really hurt, given that she's the slayer, but what she said afterwards..." She stopped.
"What did she say?" Angel could only guess.
"She said that if there's any chance you two can get back together, she's going to take it, and she's not about to give you up." Cordy said.
"And don't I get a say in it? Or is it just between you two." Angel got up and walked towards her.
"First off mister I'm not part of miss-save-the-world competition." Cordy turned to face him, pointing her finger at him. "And secondly, you kissed her, what did you expect her to do? Let it be? Ignore it? She can't, she still loves you dumb-ass." She turned around staring out the balcony doors, her hands embracing her arms. He could see she was cold, it was winter, but her skin was all Goosebumps.
"You're cold." He said placing his hands on her shoulder, causing her body to shiver.
"I'm fine, it's probably..." Suddenly she felt a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. "Thank you." She said while turning her head to face him. There it was, that unbelievable smile, those penetrating eyes, and the warmth of his touch. Oh how she wanted to just turned around and dive into his arms. But she couldn't, she wouldn't do that to herself or her unborn child, **No deadened relationships Cordy** She thought, as she turned her head back.
"Cordy I..." He placed his hand on her shoulder just to see her flinch.
"Don't." She said as she took a step away from him. "Co-workers, remember."
"Uh." She could hear disappointment in his voice, which quickly enough changed to anger. "Be civil to one another, is that your brilliant solution Cordy? Ignore one another? Ignore our feelings?"
She could feel him reaching out to her and quickly she turned. "And what feelings with that be? Your feelings towards me, or the ones you have towards Buffy you're trying so hard to ignore?" She crossed her arms. "Just go Angel, I'm tired, busy and not in the mood. Besides you have someone else you need to talk to." She walked past him and sat down on the bed, returning to her list.
"Did you schedule a doctor's appointment yet?" He inquired.
"Yeah, tomorrow, Fred is going with me." She replied.
"I thought you wanted me to come?" He asked disappointed.
"I never said that, beside you're far to busy at the moment, with Connor and other stuff" She looked up at him. "You barely have time for anything else."
"Fine, you want to play it like this, we will." He walked to the door, and opened it still not leaving the room. "Don't forget to write it as a sick day, for the paycheck." He said and walked out angry.
***
"I just left Willow a message, apparently she's in a retreat sand won't be available for the next 24 hours." Xander said as he walked out of the office.
"A retreat?" Dawn asked surprised.
"Yeah, Kaia said she needed the cleansing." Xander said not sure what it meant.
"Kaia? Cleansing?" Dawn said. "Was sending her there really was the best idea?"
"We didn't send her anywhere, she sent herself. Besides, Giles's with her. Don't worry Dawn he'll take her off her." Buffy assured her.
"I'm more afraid of him able to control her." Dawn still wasn't over the escapade they had three months ago. Willow's attempt to hurt her, still stayed in her memory. The sight Of Tara's body on the bedroom floor still-hunted her dreams. Her thoughts were cut off by the sound of footsteps. She looked towards the staircase, to see Angel emerge from the shadows.
"Angel". Buffy leap from the counter, Spike watched from the side. He hated seeing her like this, hated that Angel could do that to her, turn a young independent self-reliance woman into a jabbering idiot.
"Have you seen Fred or Gunn?" He asked.
"I think they're in the garden. Do you want me to call them?" Dawn offered.
"No it's okay." He said and headed for the garden doors.
"Angel?" Buffy stopped him half way through, much to Spike's disliking. "I really think we should talk, about..." She whispered so the others won't hear, although Spike heard quite well. "You know, last night..."
"I know." a talk with Buffy was the next thing on his to-do-list, but he didn't know what to say to her. She has questions he can't answer, not yet at least. "But not right now, okay?" He said and without waiting for a reply walked out to the garden.
"What's wrong luv? Strike two." Spiked smirked.
"Shut up! Just shut up!" She snapped at him.
***
"Angel hi." Fred who was sitting in Gunn's lap noticed him storming into the garden and got up. "You look..."
"Angry." He completed the sentence. "That's because I am." He paced back and forth. "Co-workers she says. Now we can't even be friends. Am I going to pay for the rest of my life for one little kiss?" He asked not really expecting an answer.
"Well it's not so much the kiss, as what it symbolizes." Fred tried to explain.
"It symbolizes noting." Angel raised his voice.
"Hey, cool it man." Gunn who was protective of his girl steeped in.
"Sorry." He kept pacing. "Its just that... she's driving me crazy. She wants reassurances nothing bad will happen, she wants a promise we'll live happily ever after. How can I promise something like that? I don't even know if we'll make it through tomorrow."
"Angel, she has someone else to consider now." Fred tried explaining Cordy's behavior.
"Does she really think I'll hurt this child?"
"No one thinks that." Gunn tried to calm him down. "I don't think that a ticket to happy land is what she's looking for."
"Then what?" Angel stopped pacing and sat on the bench.
"Knowing she's the one, knowing you love only her." Fred continued where Gunn left off. She paused for a moment. That was the part where he was suppose to say, 'but she is the only one'. But he didn't and Buffy who couldn't help but overhear heard the whole thing. A huge smile spread across her face, which was the okay she was looking for, the knowledge that she's still there, that he hasn't forgotten all about her, like everyone wants to believe.
Fred looked up to see Buffy standing at the top of the stairs leading to the garden. "We have company." She whispered to the two men while smiling to Buffy. Angel turned quickly, his heart wished it was her, wished she came to her senses, that she wanted to make everything the way it was. But as he looked up and saw Buffy the little smile of hope that was forming on the edges of his lips vanished.
"Buffy?" He said surprised.
"Sorry to interrupt but Wesley just showed up and he wanted me to call Fred." She explained.
"Only Fred?" Gunn asked suspiciously. He knew Wesley never truly got over her, and the thought of him hanging around drove him mad.
"That's what he said." Buffy replied and Fred headed to the stairs followed by Gunn, who didn't seem to care he wasn't invited.
***
"I better go to." Angel said and followed the couple but Buffy who came down the stairs stopped him.
"It's just brainy stuff, if they need us, they know where we are." She took his hand and leaded him into the garden and onto the bench. "It's so beautiful out here." She said and she soaked up the night air.
"Yeah I think we covered that part, last time we were here." He said.
"Speaking of which" She turned to face him. "I think we should talk, about last night." That was the moment Angel dreaded, that was the part he wanted to run away and hide. But he knew he couldn't, she deserved more than that. She was at one time the big love of his not so short life, he owed her that much.
"I know, but I don't know what you want or expect..."
"You kissed me, not the other way around." She interrupted him.
"And I don't know why I did." His words were like knives.
"Maybe because you wanted to, maybe because you missed me."
"Maybe because I was angry at someone else." He finished off.
"Cordelia." Buffy nodded her head. "Cause she loved that guy?"
""I don't why, I just am. I know I have no reason to be..."
"But you are." She looked down avoiding eye contact. "Do you love her?" She asked still not looking up.
"Yes." His honesty was brutal.
"And me? Do you love me?"
"Always." She smiled, enjoying his every word. "Buffy, you're a part of my life, my history, that can never change, a part of me will always love you and wish we could be together."
"But what about the other part?" She asked knowing he wouldn't stop there.
"But we can't, and I moved on, just like you have. And part of that meant loving again. I won't apologize for that, you've done the same, more than once."
"I know, but you were always there, always in the background." She said.
"And that will never change, for neither of us." He touched her chin tilting her head up so he could see her face. "But that doesn't mean we have to put our lives on hold."
"But you kissed me." She said almost bagging for a reason. "I didn't come here searching for something, I was okay with us, and the moving on part. But then you kissed me..."
"And I shouldn't have..." He cut her off.
"Then why didn't you say she was the one and only?"
"What?" he asked confused.
"When Fred said Cordelia just wants to know she's the one and only, the proper answer was, 'She is', but you didn't say it or think it. You hesitated Angel, I can tell. And that hesitation makes me wonder..." She stopped and, took a big breath. "That makes me wonder if maybe life is giving us a second chance, now that we're older and wiser."
He looked at her eyes; the little spark of hope he used to know so well was there. Every time they were together, every time they touched, it was there, always wanting more. It never died, not even when she knew, when they both knew, there was nothing else to look forward to, to want everything and receive nothing in return. Even then when they said their goodbyes, even in the sewers where he broke her heart, he could still see it. And now more than 3 years later he and Buffy were together again, as if nothing has changed, as if they were in love as before. He placed his hand on her cheek, caressing it slowly, letting her long smooth hair fall on his arms, feeling her warmth, smelling her perfume. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to drown in his touch, to drift away. Her lips were prompted and ready, she could almost feel him kissing her. And then all of the sudden it stooped. His touch was gone. She opened her eyes to see him pulling away, shameful look on his face; he quickly looked down, not able to see the confusion and disappointment in her eyes.
"Angel I Don't..." Her voice cracked.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled.
"You can't do that?" She got up angry as he looked up. It wasn't disappointment he saw in her eyes it was anger. "You think you can say one thing and do another, you think if you keep apologizing it will go away? Well guess what? It won't." She raised her voice. "You can't love both of us, you can't have both of us." She paused for a moment took a big breath and calmed down a bit. "You're over two hundred years old, it's time you grow up." And with that she stormed out.
***
She opened the door and there he stood. "Connor! God you startled me." She said holding to her chest. "You are so much like your father."
"You're leaving?" He asked.
"Not leaving-leaving." She replied. "Hungry-leaving, there's a difference." She smiled. "Do you want to join me?" She offered.
"No." he said quickly.
"Okay then, do you want to come in, or standing in the corridor works for you?" He looked to his left and right, almost afraid someone might see him, and then he walked in.
"So." She said as she sat on the bad. Connor walked to the balcony and looked out through the window. "Don't get me wrong, I really like your little unexpected and sometimes freakishly startling visits, but why won't you see your father, or anyone else for that matter? Why just me?"
"You don't look at me funny, every time I enter the room." He said not looking at her.
"Lost me again." She was trying hard to understand him, to unlock the mystery that was Connor, but with no luck so far.
"They all look at me like I'm the beast from hell every time I come near them." He turned to face her. "You don't." he explained. "I don't why..."
"Cause you're not a monster or a beast." She interrupted him. "You're just confused. We've all been there. Me? I'm still there." She smiled. She could see a little smile on the edge of his mouth, but quick enough it was gone.
"You cried." He said and walked towards her.
"How could you...? Never mind." **He did resemble his father** she thought. "Yeah, but I'm okay now."
"No you're not. "He said to her surprise. "They're looking for you."
"Who's looking for me?" Cordy asked confused.
"Every demon in the city. They're scared of what's coming and they want to offer you in exchange for their protection." Connor explained.
"Oh god. We need to tell Angel." She got up and walked to the door. Then before she knew what happened he was right in front of her blocking the entrance. "Connor what are you doing?"
"Don't tell him who you got it from me." He said.
"He'll want to know where I got it from, I won't lie to him."
"Why not, he lied to you."
"What? From where do you get...?"
"I saw him with that girl outside." Connor explained.
"You mean last night?" Cordy asked.
"No now. A few minutes ago."
"You saw Angel and Buffy kissing?" Cordy's voice cracked.
"Not kissing but they looked close."
"Maybe you misunderstood Connor, this world is different..."
"I may be out of this world, but I'm not stupid." He cut her off.
"No one said you were."
"And I know what I saw." He kept on, ignoring Cordy's remark.
"Okay. I'm sorry. But it doesn't change the fact that I won't lie to him. You'll have to deal with your father someday and it's better you do it now."
"He won't believe me." Connor said.
"Yes he will Connor, just give him a chance."
"But their stares..." He turned around, his back facing her.
"Connor." She placed her hand on his shoulder. "Look at me." she asked as he turned to face her. "What you did was reckless and wrong, and I am sorry, and I do understand your reasons, but it doesn't change the fact that you hurt Angel, Fred and Gunn. You betrayed their trust. Although all ended well, it doesn't change the facts of your actions. Everything in life we do have repercussions you'll just have to live with yours." She paused for a moment, as he stepped away from the door. "Yes they will stare at you, and it may take awhile until they are able to trust you again, but that is something you have to earn back. Not something you're entitled to, not yet anyway." She opened the door and walked out. "So are you coming?"
***
Angel waddled into the lobby; all he wanted was to go up to his room and stay there, forever.
"Angel?" Fred called him. "I think we found something. "Angel?" She said again after he didn't respond.
"Sorry, what?" He turned to face her.
"We found something that might help." Angel followed her to the desk where Wesley was talking to Xander, Dawn and Gunn. Buffy was nowhere to be seen, neither was Spike.
"I found this ancient story about a Torikan." Wesley began to explain. "It is referred to as the saver of the doomed ones. Now, I haven't been able to decipher the entire transcript yet, and I am still vague on the details, but this is real progress." Wesley said in pride.
"Great so what's next, how long till you decipher it?" Angel asked trying to avoid the turmoil inside.
"Well..." Wesley hesitated.
"What?" angel had little patience at that point.
"We need help and fast." Fred said.
"Who do we call?" Xander sang with a smile. No one seemed amused. "Oh come on that was funny."
"Well?" Angel asked after no one replied to Xander's singing question.
"Giles." Fred said. We need Giles."
***
TBC
Hi ppl,
Thank you for reviewing. Updating is taken longer than I thought, but I'll try to speed it up.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. As usual I'm waiting to hear your thoughts, opinions and suggestions. So don't be shy, Send me a review. I promise you I read them all.
Thanks Nikka
Title: A new beginning.
Author: Nikka
Author notes: Hi everyone, If you need to know about summary, rate and all the rest it's all in chapter 1 I'll just remind you that **English is not my native tongue** I want to thank Sarah for all the great works she's done, and to welcome aboard Kelly who from now on will be reproofing my fic. As it is you may still find some spelling & grammar mistakes. You're more than welcome to let me know about them but remember you may find them while you read the story. Have fun.
A special thank you to Kelly for reproofing my story. As of that the upload of the chapters may take longer.
Feedback: I love love love reviews and I'll be sure to mention it at the end of every chapter.
***
"Can I come in?" He asked while knocking softly on the door. She turned to see who it was.
"Sure." She replied and he walked in closing the door behind him.
"What you doing?" He asked and walked towards her.
"Writing a list of things to do." She kept writing not looking up.
"Anything important?" he took a few steps forward.
"What is this?" She raised her head and he stopped where he stood. "Is there something you want, or need, cause this being all nice and attentive, isn't working for me." She said in a snippy tune.
"So now I can't even be your friend?" He crossed his arms.
"We're co-workers, so lets try and act as ones." She said coldly.
"We're more than that, Cordy." He sat by her side, but keeping his distance.
"Are we Angel? Cause according to your ex you're fair-game, and she's going for the grand prize."
"What are you talking about?" he asked confused.
She put the pen down and got up. "I though Buffy would tell you by now."
"Tell me what?" He had no idea what she was talking about.
"I hit her, Angel." She turned around and walked towards the balcony doors. "Slapped her, actually." Cordy could hear his jaw dropping.
"How? Why?" He wasn't sure what to ask first.
"She said some nasty things about me, about all of us and I couldn't control myself. I did apologize later and she wasn't really hurt, given that she's the slayer, but what she said afterwards..." She stopped.
"What did she say?" Angel could only guess.
"She said that if there's any chance you two can get back together, she's going to take it, and she's not about to give you up." Cordy said.
"And don't I get a say in it? Or is it just between you two." Angel got up and walked towards her.
"First off mister I'm not part of miss-save-the-world competition." Cordy turned to face him, pointing her finger at him. "And secondly, you kissed her, what did you expect her to do? Let it be? Ignore it? She can't, she still loves you dumb-ass." She turned around staring out the balcony doors, her hands embracing her arms. He could see she was cold, it was winter, but her skin was all Goosebumps.
"You're cold." He said placing his hands on her shoulder, causing her body to shiver.
"I'm fine, it's probably..." Suddenly she felt a blanket wrapped around her shoulders. "Thank you." She said while turning her head to face him. There it was, that unbelievable smile, those penetrating eyes, and the warmth of his touch. Oh how she wanted to just turned around and dive into his arms. But she couldn't, she wouldn't do that to herself or her unborn child, **No deadened relationships Cordy** She thought, as she turned her head back.
"Cordy I..." He placed his hand on her shoulder just to see her flinch.
"Don't." She said as she took a step away from him. "Co-workers, remember."
"Uh." She could hear disappointment in his voice, which quickly enough changed to anger. "Be civil to one another, is that your brilliant solution Cordy? Ignore one another? Ignore our feelings?"
She could feel him reaching out to her and quickly she turned. "And what feelings with that be? Your feelings towards me, or the ones you have towards Buffy you're trying so hard to ignore?" She crossed her arms. "Just go Angel, I'm tired, busy and not in the mood. Besides you have someone else you need to talk to." She walked past him and sat down on the bed, returning to her list.
"Did you schedule a doctor's appointment yet?" He inquired.
"Yeah, tomorrow, Fred is going with me." She replied.
"I thought you wanted me to come?" He asked disappointed.
"I never said that, beside you're far to busy at the moment, with Connor and other stuff" She looked up at him. "You barely have time for anything else."
"Fine, you want to play it like this, we will." He walked to the door, and opened it still not leaving the room. "Don't forget to write it as a sick day, for the paycheck." He said and walked out angry.
***
"I just left Willow a message, apparently she's in a retreat sand won't be available for the next 24 hours." Xander said as he walked out of the office.
"A retreat?" Dawn asked surprised.
"Yeah, Kaia said she needed the cleansing." Xander said not sure what it meant.
"Kaia? Cleansing?" Dawn said. "Was sending her there really was the best idea?"
"We didn't send her anywhere, she sent herself. Besides, Giles's with her. Don't worry Dawn he'll take her off her." Buffy assured her.
"I'm more afraid of him able to control her." Dawn still wasn't over the escapade they had three months ago. Willow's attempt to hurt her, still stayed in her memory. The sight Of Tara's body on the bedroom floor still-hunted her dreams. Her thoughts were cut off by the sound of footsteps. She looked towards the staircase, to see Angel emerge from the shadows.
"Angel". Buffy leap from the counter, Spike watched from the side. He hated seeing her like this, hated that Angel could do that to her, turn a young independent self-reliance woman into a jabbering idiot.
"Have you seen Fred or Gunn?" He asked.
"I think they're in the garden. Do you want me to call them?" Dawn offered.
"No it's okay." He said and headed for the garden doors.
"Angel?" Buffy stopped him half way through, much to Spike's disliking. "I really think we should talk, about..." She whispered so the others won't hear, although Spike heard quite well. "You know, last night..."
"I know." a talk with Buffy was the next thing on his to-do-list, but he didn't know what to say to her. She has questions he can't answer, not yet at least. "But not right now, okay?" He said and without waiting for a reply walked out to the garden.
"What's wrong luv? Strike two." Spiked smirked.
"Shut up! Just shut up!" She snapped at him.
***
"Angel hi." Fred who was sitting in Gunn's lap noticed him storming into the garden and got up. "You look..."
"Angry." He completed the sentence. "That's because I am." He paced back and forth. "Co-workers she says. Now we can't even be friends. Am I going to pay for the rest of my life for one little kiss?" He asked not really expecting an answer.
"Well it's not so much the kiss, as what it symbolizes." Fred tried to explain.
"It symbolizes noting." Angel raised his voice.
"Hey, cool it man." Gunn who was protective of his girl steeped in.
"Sorry." He kept pacing. "Its just that... she's driving me crazy. She wants reassurances nothing bad will happen, she wants a promise we'll live happily ever after. How can I promise something like that? I don't even know if we'll make it through tomorrow."
"Angel, she has someone else to consider now." Fred tried explaining Cordy's behavior.
"Does she really think I'll hurt this child?"
"No one thinks that." Gunn tried to calm him down. "I don't think that a ticket to happy land is what she's looking for."
"Then what?" Angel stopped pacing and sat on the bench.
"Knowing she's the one, knowing you love only her." Fred continued where Gunn left off. She paused for a moment. That was the part where he was suppose to say, 'but she is the only one'. But he didn't and Buffy who couldn't help but overhear heard the whole thing. A huge smile spread across her face, which was the okay she was looking for, the knowledge that she's still there, that he hasn't forgotten all about her, like everyone wants to believe.
Fred looked up to see Buffy standing at the top of the stairs leading to the garden. "We have company." She whispered to the two men while smiling to Buffy. Angel turned quickly, his heart wished it was her, wished she came to her senses, that she wanted to make everything the way it was. But as he looked up and saw Buffy the little smile of hope that was forming on the edges of his lips vanished.
"Buffy?" He said surprised.
"Sorry to interrupt but Wesley just showed up and he wanted me to call Fred." She explained.
"Only Fred?" Gunn asked suspiciously. He knew Wesley never truly got over her, and the thought of him hanging around drove him mad.
"That's what he said." Buffy replied and Fred headed to the stairs followed by Gunn, who didn't seem to care he wasn't invited.
***
"I better go to." Angel said and followed the couple but Buffy who came down the stairs stopped him.
"It's just brainy stuff, if they need us, they know where we are." She took his hand and leaded him into the garden and onto the bench. "It's so beautiful out here." She said and she soaked up the night air.
"Yeah I think we covered that part, last time we were here." He said.
"Speaking of which" She turned to face him. "I think we should talk, about last night." That was the moment Angel dreaded, that was the part he wanted to run away and hide. But he knew he couldn't, she deserved more than that. She was at one time the big love of his not so short life, he owed her that much.
"I know, but I don't know what you want or expect..."
"You kissed me, not the other way around." She interrupted him.
"And I don't know why I did." His words were like knives.
"Maybe because you wanted to, maybe because you missed me."
"Maybe because I was angry at someone else." He finished off.
"Cordelia." Buffy nodded her head. "Cause she loved that guy?"
""I don't why, I just am. I know I have no reason to be..."
"But you are." She looked down avoiding eye contact. "Do you love her?" She asked still not looking up.
"Yes." His honesty was brutal.
"And me? Do you love me?"
"Always." She smiled, enjoying his every word. "Buffy, you're a part of my life, my history, that can never change, a part of me will always love you and wish we could be together."
"But what about the other part?" She asked knowing he wouldn't stop there.
"But we can't, and I moved on, just like you have. And part of that meant loving again. I won't apologize for that, you've done the same, more than once."
"I know, but you were always there, always in the background." She said.
"And that will never change, for neither of us." He touched her chin tilting her head up so he could see her face. "But that doesn't mean we have to put our lives on hold."
"But you kissed me." She said almost bagging for a reason. "I didn't come here searching for something, I was okay with us, and the moving on part. But then you kissed me..."
"And I shouldn't have..." He cut her off.
"Then why didn't you say she was the one and only?"
"What?" he asked confused.
"When Fred said Cordelia just wants to know she's the one and only, the proper answer was, 'She is', but you didn't say it or think it. You hesitated Angel, I can tell. And that hesitation makes me wonder..." She stopped and, took a big breath. "That makes me wonder if maybe life is giving us a second chance, now that we're older and wiser."
He looked at her eyes; the little spark of hope he used to know so well was there. Every time they were together, every time they touched, it was there, always wanting more. It never died, not even when she knew, when they both knew, there was nothing else to look forward to, to want everything and receive nothing in return. Even then when they said their goodbyes, even in the sewers where he broke her heart, he could still see it. And now more than 3 years later he and Buffy were together again, as if nothing has changed, as if they were in love as before. He placed his hand on her cheek, caressing it slowly, letting her long smooth hair fall on his arms, feeling her warmth, smelling her perfume. She closed her eyes, allowing herself to drown in his touch, to drift away. Her lips were prompted and ready, she could almost feel him kissing her. And then all of the sudden it stooped. His touch was gone. She opened her eyes to see him pulling away, shameful look on his face; he quickly looked down, not able to see the confusion and disappointment in her eyes.
"Angel I Don't..." Her voice cracked.
"I'm sorry." He mumbled.
"You can't do that?" She got up angry as he looked up. It wasn't disappointment he saw in her eyes it was anger. "You think you can say one thing and do another, you think if you keep apologizing it will go away? Well guess what? It won't." She raised her voice. "You can't love both of us, you can't have both of us." She paused for a moment took a big breath and calmed down a bit. "You're over two hundred years old, it's time you grow up." And with that she stormed out.
***
She opened the door and there he stood. "Connor! God you startled me." She said holding to her chest. "You are so much like your father."
"You're leaving?" He asked.
"Not leaving-leaving." She replied. "Hungry-leaving, there's a difference." She smiled. "Do you want to join me?" She offered.
"No." he said quickly.
"Okay then, do you want to come in, or standing in the corridor works for you?" He looked to his left and right, almost afraid someone might see him, and then he walked in.
"So." She said as she sat on the bad. Connor walked to the balcony and looked out through the window. "Don't get me wrong, I really like your little unexpected and sometimes freakishly startling visits, but why won't you see your father, or anyone else for that matter? Why just me?"
"You don't look at me funny, every time I enter the room." He said not looking at her.
"Lost me again." She was trying hard to understand him, to unlock the mystery that was Connor, but with no luck so far.
"They all look at me like I'm the beast from hell every time I come near them." He turned to face her. "You don't." he explained. "I don't why..."
"Cause you're not a monster or a beast." She interrupted him. "You're just confused. We've all been there. Me? I'm still there." She smiled. She could see a little smile on the edge of his mouth, but quick enough it was gone.
"You cried." He said and walked towards her.
"How could you...? Never mind." **He did resemble his father** she thought. "Yeah, but I'm okay now."
"No you're not. "He said to her surprise. "They're looking for you."
"Who's looking for me?" Cordy asked confused.
"Every demon in the city. They're scared of what's coming and they want to offer you in exchange for their protection." Connor explained.
"Oh god. We need to tell Angel." She got up and walked to the door. Then before she knew what happened he was right in front of her blocking the entrance. "Connor what are you doing?"
"Don't tell him who you got it from me." He said.
"He'll want to know where I got it from, I won't lie to him."
"Why not, he lied to you."
"What? From where do you get...?"
"I saw him with that girl outside." Connor explained.
"You mean last night?" Cordy asked.
"No now. A few minutes ago."
"You saw Angel and Buffy kissing?" Cordy's voice cracked.
"Not kissing but they looked close."
"Maybe you misunderstood Connor, this world is different..."
"I may be out of this world, but I'm not stupid." He cut her off.
"No one said you were."
"And I know what I saw." He kept on, ignoring Cordy's remark.
"Okay. I'm sorry. But it doesn't change the fact that I won't lie to him. You'll have to deal with your father someday and it's better you do it now."
"He won't believe me." Connor said.
"Yes he will Connor, just give him a chance."
"But their stares..." He turned around, his back facing her.
"Connor." She placed her hand on his shoulder. "Look at me." she asked as he turned to face her. "What you did was reckless and wrong, and I am sorry, and I do understand your reasons, but it doesn't change the fact that you hurt Angel, Fred and Gunn. You betrayed their trust. Although all ended well, it doesn't change the facts of your actions. Everything in life we do have repercussions you'll just have to live with yours." She paused for a moment, as he stepped away from the door. "Yes they will stare at you, and it may take awhile until they are able to trust you again, but that is something you have to earn back. Not something you're entitled to, not yet anyway." She opened the door and walked out. "So are you coming?"
***
Angel waddled into the lobby; all he wanted was to go up to his room and stay there, forever.
"Angel?" Fred called him. "I think we found something. "Angel?" She said again after he didn't respond.
"Sorry, what?" He turned to face her.
"We found something that might help." Angel followed her to the desk where Wesley was talking to Xander, Dawn and Gunn. Buffy was nowhere to be seen, neither was Spike.
"I found this ancient story about a Torikan." Wesley began to explain. "It is referred to as the saver of the doomed ones. Now, I haven't been able to decipher the entire transcript yet, and I am still vague on the details, but this is real progress." Wesley said in pride.
"Great so what's next, how long till you decipher it?" Angel asked trying to avoid the turmoil inside.
"Well..." Wesley hesitated.
"What?" angel had little patience at that point.
"We need help and fast." Fred said.
"Who do we call?" Xander sang with a smile. No one seemed amused. "Oh come on that was funny."
"Well?" Angel asked after no one replied to Xander's singing question.
"Giles." Fred said. We need Giles."
***
TBC
Hi ppl,
Thank you for reviewing. Updating is taken longer than I thought, but I'll try to speed it up.
I hope you enjoyed this chapter. As usual I'm waiting to hear your thoughts, opinions and suggestions. So don't be shy, Send me a review. I promise you I read them all.
Thanks Nikka