Once upon a time there was a little goblin named Tidbit Totto Angrymanlette (no relation to the famous singer for the band Rylomark Dee-dee-don-jor-don Angrymanlette). Tidbit was very sad because he had no gender. He sat day after day wondering if there was a purpose in his life. Then all of a sudden the ring his mother gave him before she died began to throb and it started to get bigger and bigger so he grabbed it off his finger and put it on the ground. Then with a flash of purple light and what sounded like the heavenly hymns of Jkpu a book appeared and the ring returned to it's normal size. He opened the book and on the inside cover was written a note. It said:

Dear Mr. Angrymanlette,

Alder has been tragically killed... It could not be helped... I mean I had nothing to do with it... anyway... I have been chosen as the next traveler seeing as I did not really die after all. I have chosen you as my Acolyte and I shall call you FIZGIG! Your duties are to read this for me. I will send more.

Sincerely yours,

Figgis

P.S. See one of the following men for more information because I am too lazy to tell you myself.

Mr. Darcy

Mr. Clean

or Mr. America Pants (last I heard he was a turquoise airplane but he might have returned to his true form)

Tidbit was amazed! This was the calling that he was waiting for. He ran to the authorities and immediately changed his name to FIZGIG! with no last name (no relation to Madonna). He then was ready to read the book. He picked it up and read the title The Merchant of Death what an odd name for a book. He read the book from cover to cover. He couldn't figure it out. How did Alder die? Why was the dead Figgis alive again? Why is he the new traveler? FIZGIG! decided that the only thing to do was to see one of the above stated men. He grasped his magical phone book, that listed just the people you wished to see, and opened it up. Mr. Darcy, Mr. Clean, or Mr. America Pants who might be an airplane? A hard decision! FIZGIG! didn't want to go against Figgis' orders, but he wondered if it wouldn't be more wise to talk to this Bobby Pendragon who had written a lot of this book. He found Bobby's address and went to his house.

When he got there he knocked on the nonexistent door to his nonexistent house and strangely a door appeared. It was a flume! He shouted "Bobby Pendragon!" figuring he didn't want to travel to Denduron and he was already on Second Earth so he shouted the first thing to come to his mind. The flume activated with the same flash of purple light and heavenly hymns of Jkpu and took him away on a flume ride.

When he got off the Flume he was standing right next to the traveler he had read so much about.

"Bobby!" FIZGIG! said.

"Who are you?" Bobby asked.

"I am FIZGIG!. I am here on behalf of Figgis who has informed me that he is the new traveler of Denduron because Alder has tragically passed. He has named me his Acolyte but I am unaware of what that involves, so I used my magical phone book to find your nonexistent house and knock on your nonexistent door and I shouted your name and here I am!" FIZGIG! replied.

"That's too weird because none of your story makes any sense but hey what is fan fiction for anyway!" Bobby remarked. "And did I mention how stunningly handsome you are? If I wasn't already in a relationship with Spader, Mark and Saint Dane I would totally be all over you."

FIZGIG! didn't know what to say. Being a little goblin not many people thought he was hott stuff. Also he was completely unaware of what gender he was, so how could he get into any relationship? Despite these distressing thoughts FIZGIG! was highly attracted to Bobby as he had been to no other person he had ever met.

All of a sudden Spader walked up. He didn't know that both FIZGIG! and Bobby knew that a relationship was impossible and were therefore not pursuing one. He only saw the two people (if you can call goblins people) staring seductively into each other's eyes. Spader's temper FLARED and before he knew it he found himself starring down at FIZGIG! from on top of him with blood on his fist and FIZGIG!'s nose bleeding. Even through the bloody nose Spader was extremely attracted to FIZGIG! and was beginning to be more attracted romantically to him then he was to Bobby his precious lover. Spader kindly got up and with loving care helped FIZGIG! to his feet.

"Who are you? You are the person of my dreams you little goblin you!" Spader said. "I apologize for beating you up but I thought you were attempting to steal Bobby's heart away from me. Now that I see you again I find that I care not for the affections of Bobby but only for your love! Please tell me you will love me as no one else can!"

Again FIZGIG! didn't know what to say. He was also attracted to Spader but he couldn't tell if he liked Bobby or Spader better! Spader looked impatient for an answer and FIZGIG! didn't want to risk getting beaten up again so he was about to babble an answer, but before he could make his thought a phrase, there appeared a man from a puff of haze, he said:

"What's up, Dane? My name is Hurb I'm your fairy godfather, you know it, word! Now I've came here with the main purpose of granting you your fondest wish."

Bobby took one look at this rapping fiend and said, "forget it Mark! Both Spader and I know that you are not Hurb and just because you can rhyme doesn't mean that FIZGIG! will ever love you more than he loves me!"

"Ahhhhh FIZGIG! the name of a stallion! A stallion that pierces my heart with the greatest love I can imagine! Ah, FIZGIG! And if and when I make it though or if my brain is stuck on glue! And when the world tries to forget all that I said you know I'll still remember you! Darling dumpling wonder of my life where have you been all this time????" said Spader.

"Wait so both you and Bobby are in love with this... this..." Mark looked into FIZGIG!'s eyes for a few seconds, "wonderfully perfect creature!"

Spader immediately grabbed Mark and began threatening him with all the gruesome things he would do to him if he dared to attempt to steal his "darling dumpling (potsticker)." Bobby's instinct kicked in and he attempted to push the too people apart, though it looked as if he was just joining the fight...

"They're all a bunch of fighting fools," a cool voice said from behind. FIZGIG! whirled around to find himself staring at Saint Dane himself. His cold blue eyes bearing into his own, "they've been practicing martial arts since they were... since they were..." FIZGIG!'s love spell took over Saint Danes good sense and he immediately grasped up FIZGIG! and began to kiss him. Luckily for FIZGIG! the three fighting boys immediately noticed and yanked Saint Dane away from their lovely FIZGIG!.

They all were shouting at Saint Dane in loud voices, and pushing and shoving each other. FIZGIG! only caught snippets of the conversation.

"He's my little goblin!"

"NO! I'm the one that the cute little goblin loves!"

"He's a wild Stallion of a Goblin not CUTE!"

Then the hymns of Jkpu began to play in the background and as the guys shouted louder and louder to get heard over the music, the hymns just got louder and louder until FIZGIG! couldn't take it any longer!

"STOP THE MUSIC" he shouted and it stopped, "well ain't I human? just like everybody else?" And as he said it he transformed from being a little goblin without a gender into a stunningly handsome, bald man of about six feet with a red beard. Everyone stared at him for about a minute and then realizing that they never had any real feelings for this strange FIZGIG! person they all went back to fawning over Bobby. Except Bobby of course who went back to striking stunningly handsome poses for them to fawn over. FIZGIG! was extremely confused! What had just happened? Why didn't they like him anymore now that he was stunningly handsome? Why did the hymns of Jkpu keep appearing?

Tidbit awoke with a start. He looked down at himself and he was the same old little goblin with no gender. The book called The Merchant of Death had mysteriously disappeared and the realization that the whole thing had been a dream crept over Tidbit. Although the dream had been more interesting than his normal life of shelling peanuts at the factory, he realized he didn't miss it. In fact it had inspired him to change his life for the better!

Tidbit ran out and changed his name to Rellin and then went to get plastic surgery from a little man in Tanzania so he could become the stunningly handsome, bald man with a red beard from his dream. He spent all the pennies he earned from his peanut shelling job on his makeover, but he was finally happy.

THE END