A/N: One thing everybody needs to keep in mind during this part is that I
don't like Webb. I have never really liked Webb. My dislike of Webb
influences how I write him. So consider this your warning that if you're a
Webbie that you might not like this part.
Disclaimer: If I owned JAG Clay would have stayed dead in "Webb of Lies."
Citronelle Restaurant 3000 M St. NW 12/30/2003 2025 hours
No sooner had the Sims left than Clay called me on my cell. He wanted to get together this afternoon. I declined but he pushed the issue because he's going out of the country on assignment tomorrow and won't be back for at least a month.
After talking to Harm for a few minutes I called Clay back and agreed to meet him for dinner. I told him I wanted a quiet evening someplace where we could talk. I'm thinking take-out at my place or his. What do I get? I get a four star restaurant in the lobby of a hotel that's packed to the gills with holiday travelers.
I couldn't believe Harm was so understanding. I asked him about it and he said he figured that Porter probably hadn't waited until the limo was out of the driveway to call Clay and tell him we were moving in together. He said if that was the case he figured Clay and I had a lot to work out. He's right but I'm still shocked he was so understanding. Harm's been doing that a lot lately, shocking me.
The maitre'd shows me to a table where Clay is already seated and has been for awhile, if his drink is any indication. Clay stands up to pull out my chair and kiss me on the cheek.
"Sarah, I'm so glad we could have dinner before I had to leave. I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of ordering for you. Have things settled down? Are you back at your apartment yet?" I do mind him ordering for me and I've told him that repeatedly. That's probably not important. I get the impression he hasn't talked to Porter.
"No, I'm not back in my apartment yet. Clay have you talked to your mother recently?"
"She called me yesterday but I was out. We haven't managed to connect. Why?"
"She was at the funeral and she found out some information that I thought she would have told you." Clay looks very confused.
"What sort of information?"
"Bud and Harriet's will named Harm and I guardians of the boys. We're going to move in together and share custody and responsibility." Now Clay looks really shocked but surprisingly enough he didn't choke on his drink.
"You're going to what?"
"Harm and I are going to move in together and raise the boys and Mattie."
"What about us?"
"What about us? There's no reason we can't continue to be friends."
"Is that all we are Sarah? I thought we were building something here."
"There's no reason we can't continue to see each other."
"Sarah, I'm not going to share you with a couple of kids that aren't mine or yours."
"Well I'm sorry you feel that way Clay. Bud and Harriet trusted me enough to name me guardian of the boys and I'm not going to let them down."
"What about your life Sarah?"
"What about my life? This is something I want to do. I've always wanted kids. I'm not sure I understand what the problem is Clay. It's not like Harm and I are going to be sharing a bed or anything. We are just going to live under the same roof for now to make things easier for everybody." I really don't understand what's going on with him.
"You don't see what the problem is!" At this point the waiter arrives with our meal. I wonder what Clay ordered for me. Oh, the duck. Yippee! Not. Clay waits for the waiter to leave before speaking.
"Let me explain what the problem is to you. I love you Sarah. I want to marry you at some point. I do not want my wife raising somebody else's kids. Yes I would like to have a child. Notice I said a child as in one. My wife will be a stay at home mom and a volunteer and important member of the community." Okay now I'm pissed. Why do I pick these men who want to plan my life without telling me about it!
"Clayton listen to me because I'm only going to say this once. I do care for you, a lot. You might even be able to call it love. Is it the marrying kind of love? I don't know. I do know that you and I would never work out. There are several reason we would never work out. The first being I want children. Notice my use of the plural. I have always wanted more than one child. I have no intention of giving up my career. Might I change directions and intensity? Yes, I probably will but I will always be a practicing lawyer. The third reason we wouldn't work out is I never heard you say anything about your job. I will not parent with somebody who's gone for months at a time and can't talk about what he does. If I wanted to be a single parent I would have gone to a sperm bank! The most important reason why we would never work out is you don't consult me about what I want. I've tried to change for other men and be what they wanted me to be and it made me miserable. I won't do it again!"
"I don't want you to change Sarah. I do consult you about our plans."
"You think you consult me. Let's look at it from my point of view. I wanted a quiet Christmas at home. I was thinking snuggled up by the fire in my pajamas while watching A Christmas Carol or some other sappy movie after attending church. What did I get? Well I had to go to church by myself and then I had to get dressed up and spend the evening at your mother's with a bunch of high society mucky-mucks. Then I spend the night in a guest room that's been decorated within an inch of it's life and have a formal breakfast the next morning. My idea of a Christmas breakfast is sweet rolls while opening presents. Then you tell me that you want to marry me but only want one child and you're wife WILL be a stay at home mom. Yet you don't want to change me? Right! Also you keep ordering my food for me. Don't trust me to make my own decisions Clay?"
"No, I'm just trying to be a gentleman."
"Well a gentleman would at least ask the lady what she wants. Let me tell you something Clay, I don't like duck. Clay I don't think we should see each other any more."
"Sarah after everything I went through for you in Paraguay....."
"Oh, no, no, no. You are not going to guilt trip me again. Yes, you were tortured for me in Paraguay and I feel for what you went through. However, you made that choice. Also you were the one who planned the mission without telling me everything. It's your fault we were in that position in the first place. I will not let you use that to guilt me into continuing the relationship. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home to my children."
I get up and leave without looking back. That was the hardest thing I've ever done but my heart feels lighter than it has in 6 months.
Disclaimer: If I owned JAG Clay would have stayed dead in "Webb of Lies."
Citronelle Restaurant 3000 M St. NW 12/30/2003 2025 hours
No sooner had the Sims left than Clay called me on my cell. He wanted to get together this afternoon. I declined but he pushed the issue because he's going out of the country on assignment tomorrow and won't be back for at least a month.
After talking to Harm for a few minutes I called Clay back and agreed to meet him for dinner. I told him I wanted a quiet evening someplace where we could talk. I'm thinking take-out at my place or his. What do I get? I get a four star restaurant in the lobby of a hotel that's packed to the gills with holiday travelers.
I couldn't believe Harm was so understanding. I asked him about it and he said he figured that Porter probably hadn't waited until the limo was out of the driveway to call Clay and tell him we were moving in together. He said if that was the case he figured Clay and I had a lot to work out. He's right but I'm still shocked he was so understanding. Harm's been doing that a lot lately, shocking me.
The maitre'd shows me to a table where Clay is already seated and has been for awhile, if his drink is any indication. Clay stands up to pull out my chair and kiss me on the cheek.
"Sarah, I'm so glad we could have dinner before I had to leave. I hope you don't mind but I took the liberty of ordering for you. Have things settled down? Are you back at your apartment yet?" I do mind him ordering for me and I've told him that repeatedly. That's probably not important. I get the impression he hasn't talked to Porter.
"No, I'm not back in my apartment yet. Clay have you talked to your mother recently?"
"She called me yesterday but I was out. We haven't managed to connect. Why?"
"She was at the funeral and she found out some information that I thought she would have told you." Clay looks very confused.
"What sort of information?"
"Bud and Harriet's will named Harm and I guardians of the boys. We're going to move in together and share custody and responsibility." Now Clay looks really shocked but surprisingly enough he didn't choke on his drink.
"You're going to what?"
"Harm and I are going to move in together and raise the boys and Mattie."
"What about us?"
"What about us? There's no reason we can't continue to be friends."
"Is that all we are Sarah? I thought we were building something here."
"There's no reason we can't continue to see each other."
"Sarah, I'm not going to share you with a couple of kids that aren't mine or yours."
"Well I'm sorry you feel that way Clay. Bud and Harriet trusted me enough to name me guardian of the boys and I'm not going to let them down."
"What about your life Sarah?"
"What about my life? This is something I want to do. I've always wanted kids. I'm not sure I understand what the problem is Clay. It's not like Harm and I are going to be sharing a bed or anything. We are just going to live under the same roof for now to make things easier for everybody." I really don't understand what's going on with him.
"You don't see what the problem is!" At this point the waiter arrives with our meal. I wonder what Clay ordered for me. Oh, the duck. Yippee! Not. Clay waits for the waiter to leave before speaking.
"Let me explain what the problem is to you. I love you Sarah. I want to marry you at some point. I do not want my wife raising somebody else's kids. Yes I would like to have a child. Notice I said a child as in one. My wife will be a stay at home mom and a volunteer and important member of the community." Okay now I'm pissed. Why do I pick these men who want to plan my life without telling me about it!
"Clayton listen to me because I'm only going to say this once. I do care for you, a lot. You might even be able to call it love. Is it the marrying kind of love? I don't know. I do know that you and I would never work out. There are several reason we would never work out. The first being I want children. Notice my use of the plural. I have always wanted more than one child. I have no intention of giving up my career. Might I change directions and intensity? Yes, I probably will but I will always be a practicing lawyer. The third reason we wouldn't work out is I never heard you say anything about your job. I will not parent with somebody who's gone for months at a time and can't talk about what he does. If I wanted to be a single parent I would have gone to a sperm bank! The most important reason why we would never work out is you don't consult me about what I want. I've tried to change for other men and be what they wanted me to be and it made me miserable. I won't do it again!"
"I don't want you to change Sarah. I do consult you about our plans."
"You think you consult me. Let's look at it from my point of view. I wanted a quiet Christmas at home. I was thinking snuggled up by the fire in my pajamas while watching A Christmas Carol or some other sappy movie after attending church. What did I get? Well I had to go to church by myself and then I had to get dressed up and spend the evening at your mother's with a bunch of high society mucky-mucks. Then I spend the night in a guest room that's been decorated within an inch of it's life and have a formal breakfast the next morning. My idea of a Christmas breakfast is sweet rolls while opening presents. Then you tell me that you want to marry me but only want one child and you're wife WILL be a stay at home mom. Yet you don't want to change me? Right! Also you keep ordering my food for me. Don't trust me to make my own decisions Clay?"
"No, I'm just trying to be a gentleman."
"Well a gentleman would at least ask the lady what she wants. Let me tell you something Clay, I don't like duck. Clay I don't think we should see each other any more."
"Sarah after everything I went through for you in Paraguay....."
"Oh, no, no, no. You are not going to guilt trip me again. Yes, you were tortured for me in Paraguay and I feel for what you went through. However, you made that choice. Also you were the one who planned the mission without telling me everything. It's your fault we were in that position in the first place. I will not let you use that to guilt me into continuing the relationship. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go home to my children."
I get up and leave without looking back. That was the hardest thing I've ever done but my heart feels lighter than it has in 6 months.