A/N: Sorry this took so long. It's hard to spend your nights writing when you spend your days trying to help kids write research papers. If one more kid asks me how you do an outline I'm going to scream so loud the entire country will hear me. I was hoping to be able to spend more time writing after the papers are in. I'm not sure that's going to happen now, my daughter has a soccer tournament coming up and one of my students got busted for possession at school. This could possibly result in his being expelled but since he's a sped kid it'll only happen if all my i's are dotted and t's are crossed. This means that I'm about to descend into the bowels of paperwork h***!

Notice that I've skipped ahead a few months. I thought about really sending them camping but since I've never been camping I didn't think I could write that. I have however spent lots of time on relatives' farms hence the trip to Grandma Sarah. Hazards of growing up in the mid-west, I suppose.

Thanks to everyone who stuck with me this long. It is much appreciated.

Mac's Car
0635 Hours
07/01/04

The sun is up but I think I've got another hour until the boys wake up. We're driving up to Grandma Sarah's for the long weekend. Actually, we're driving and flying up. The boys and I left at about 0300 hours to start the drive. I'm supposed to call Harm on his cell phone at 0700 to make sure he and Mattie are on their way to the airport to get Sarah and head up to the farm.

Harm asked me back in June what I wanted to do for vacation. I told him I didn't think what I wanted was possible and that we should probably just stay home. Harm, of course, pressed the issue until I told him what I wanted to do.

He did agree with me that we needed to wait until Jimmy was older before we went camping but he came up with this trip as an alternative. He decided to fly up with Mattie at the last minute so that Mattie could get some more flight time.

Harm actually had some very good reasons for picking the farm for our vacation. We'll have a roof over our heads and everything we could need to keep a 1 year old busy but we can still fish, hike, and sleep in a tent if we want to. He really put a lot of thought into our plans and I couldn't help but be touched by the effort.

It's been an interesting summer so far. I'm still going to therapy. I can tell that it's helping. Harm and I are slowly developing our relationship. I'm learning to trust him and I'm learning that I don't have to do everything by myself. I've always expected people to leave me and it's taken months of therapy for me to realize that no matter how much I push Harm away he's still there.

I'm not saying that we don't still have issues, we have lots of them, but I have something I haven't had since before Bud lost his leg, hope.
Mattie is still with us and it looks like she will be able to stay for at least a few more months. We had another court date last week and things went quite differently from what we expected. Both Harm and I figured, with Tom doing so well, the judge would order Mattie back with her father

That wasn't what happened. The judge had ordered an evaluation of the situation by both a psychologist and a social worker. They both reported Mattie still had large amounts of anger towards her father that she needed to work through. Both of the reports stated that returning Mattie to her father at this point would probably do more harm than good. They felt that if she returned to her father her anger would cause her focus to change from graduating high school and getting an academy appointment to doing whatever it took to get as far away from Tom as she possibly could.

As a result of these reports, the judge ruled Harm and Tom would have joint legal custody of Mattie with Harm having primary physical custody. Tom has very liberal visitation rights and voice in Mattie's life. The reason for the joint legal custody was due to Mattie trusting Harm more than Tom at this point. The judge felt that if they both had a say in Mattie's life, it would be easier for Mattie to learn to trust Tom as much as she does Harm.

Mattie hadn't expected Tom to give her permission to go on this trip. She was surprised when Tom's only request was that she come spend the weekend with him after we got back. Harm and I were both shocked when Mattie readily agreed. She later admitted she thought it was a small price to pay for getting to fly to Belleville for a week.

It's time to call Harm. I reach over and grab my phone out of its holder and hit the number 1 speed dial.

"Hello."

"Hey Mattie are you two on the road yet?"

"Yeah, we're in the McDonald's drive thru as we speak. You want to talk to Harm?" Mattie asks.

"Of course." I tell her.

"Hey, Mac."

"Harm, what's this I hear about McDonald's?" I can't help but tease him.

"I need coffee. You don't want me to fall asleep while flying do you?"

"Probably not, of course my answer might be different if I was flying with you. Our flight might end differently if you slept through it."

"I wouldn't count on that Mac." Harm chuckles. "I'll see you in a couple of hours okay?"

"Okay. Bye, Harm."

"Bye, Mac." Harm tells me. I can hear someone in the background offering Harm a spoon. Coffee my foot! I'll have to give him a bad time about that later.

Actually I probably shouldn't say anything. One of the side effects of this family is a change in everybody's eating habits. I'm eating less junk food, Harm's eating some junk food, and Mattie's expanding her horizons beyond just pizza.


Sarah Rabb's Farm
1130 hours
07/01/2004

As I pull into the driveway of the old farmhouse I see Harm sitting on the porch waiting for us. AJ also sees Harm and starts waving madly, while Roo, the puppy, starts yapping. I turn the car off and step out.

"Hey, Marine, you made it. I was getting worried." Harm calls as he moves across the yard to help me get the boys out of the car.

"Sorry, once the boys woke up we had to stop and grab some breakfast. Of course since I decided to try going through a drive-thru, I now need to vacuum out the car," I chuckle. "Where's Mattie?" I ask as we get the boys and Roo out of the car.

"She's inside explaining to Grams why she should leave the raisins out of the fruit salad."

"Yes, please. No raisins!" I shudder. Harm just laughs.

None of us eat raisins anymore. AJ had a small box of raisins for a snack a couple of Saturdays ago. Turns out he also had a stomach virus. Harm, Mattie, and I all had a hand in cleaning up that mess. Since then we can't stand the thought or smell of raisins. AJ also has no interest in eating them anymore.

We head into the house with the boys hoping that Mattie and Grams can watch them while Harm and I unpack the car.

Sarah Rabb's Bathroom
1505 Hours
07/01/2004

I lay back in the tub and close my eyes. This is so much better than the tub at home. Harm sent me up here to relax after we got Jimmy down for a nap. At first I couldn't understand why he insisted I use the upstairs bathroom, and then I got up here. The bathtub is the old claw foot type and Harm brought my favorite bubble bath and my favorite CD. When I thanked him he just laughed and told me to have fun and he didn't want to see me for at least an hour.

Lunch was simple but delicious, sandwiches and fruit salad. Grams just chuckled about our current aversion to raisins. She understood completely, she had the same problem when Harm was little but it was with hot dogs. I have to admit finding out Harm once got sick after eating five hot dogs made me a little more understanding of his eating habits.

After lunch we took the boys out to play in the horse tank. Grams doesn't have a wading pool but she does have a large water tank that used to be for watering the horses. She paid one of the neighbor kids to clean it out for her and now it's like having a giant wading pool. The boys had a blast. Heck even Mattie, Harm and I had fun. We're going to spend a day playing in the creek but we need to get the boys' life jackets unpacked before we do that, just to be on the safe side.

The water is starting to chill, when I check my internal clock I realize why, it's been one hour and three minutes since I came in here. I use my toes to pull the plug and reach for a towel, my clean shorts, and shirt.

Once dressed, I check to make sure Jimmy is still sleeping before heading downstairs to see what everyone else is up to. AJ is in the living room resting on the couch watching Robin Hood on Harm's laptop. Neither of us ever used our DVD rom drives until the boys came into our lives full-time. Mattie and Grams are in the kitchen cleaning sweet corn for dinner.

"Hey, you two, where's Harm?" I ask.

"Outside. He said to tell you he's around back by the barn. He's got something he wants to show you." Grams tells me.

"Okay, thanks. I guess I'll go find him." I head outside wondering what Harm's up to this time.

As I come around the corner of the barn I can't help but chuckle at what I see. I wonder how he got that up here without my noticing. Guess I'm going to get to do my camping after all.

"So what do you think, Mac?" Harm looks really nervous for some reason.

"I think I really want to know how you got that tent up here without my knowing." I smile at him.

"I ordered it off the net and just had them deliver it here instead of the house. I thought this way you could still kind of camp and spend time with the boys."

"Thanks, Harm. It was a wonderful idea. Are you going to stay out here with me?"

Oh my lord! Harmon Rabb Junior is blushing. If I didn't see it I'd never believe it.

"I thought I'd leave that decision up to you, Sarah. I'll admit I'd like to but it's your call."

That's one of the ways Harm's changed in the past year. He's much more open about his feelings. I'm not saying he comes right out and says what he's feeling but the lines you have to read between aren't nearly as wide. I used to feel like figuring out Harm required reading between the lines of an eight lane highway but now it's more like reading between the lines of narrow ruled paper.

"You okay, Mac?" Harm looks a little worried.

"Yeah, I'm fine. I guess my brain just took a little vacation. I think I'd like it if we both stayed out here." I smile at him.

"Then I guess it's a good thing I brought my sleeping bag." Harm smiles. " Shall we go check on everyone?"

"Probably." I take the hand Harm offers me and we turn and head towards the house.

Sarah Rabb's backyard.
0530 Hours
07/02/2004

I wake to the sound of birds chirping and singing. A check of my internal clock reveals that it's only 0530 so I snuggle up close to Harm and try to drift back to sleep.

I would imagine that anyone who knows us would be shocked to find us sharing a tent. It's not so much the fact that we're sharing a tent but the fact we're both still fully clothed and in our own sleeping bags.

Harm and I are trying to develop a relationship but we're not having sex. It's not that we don't want to, it's that I feel like sex would just complicate things at this point. We're having enough problems separating work and home without adding a sexual relationship to the mix.

Harm has told me repeatedly that I get to set the pace in this relationship and he's done everything in his power to back up that statement.

I check my internal clock and realize it's almost 0600, if I'm going to go run before the boys wake up, I need to head out now. I start to move away from Harm only to have him wrap his arms around me and pull me back next to him.

"Where you going, Sarah?"

"Go back to sleep. I'm just going to go run." I start to move away again.

"Give me a minute and I'll go with you."

"Harm, go back to sleep. I'm a big girl I can take care of myself." I turn to face him.

"I know you can take care of yourself, Mac. The thing is people tend to drive on these country roads really fast and it's not smart for either of us to run by ourselves. Last year a jogger was out by himself and was hit by a car that left the scene. The guy bled to death before anyone found him. I need to run. You need to run. It's safer for us to run together. Okay? Just because I worry about your safety doesn't mean I don't trust you. It does mean I don't trust some of the idiots that are out there." He looks me straight in the eye as he says this and I can tell he's telling me the truth.

"Okay. I'm sorry, Harm. I guess I got so used to having to prove myself that I tend to assume that's always what's going on when my choices are questioned."

"That's okay, Mac. Just promise me you'll try to learn to listen before you let me have it. I promise I'll try not to judge your choices if you promise you'll listen to my point of view."

"Fair enough." I give him a quick hug and get up and start getting ready to go.

Ten minutes later Harm and I are warmed up and on the road. We are only twenty minutes into our jog before I realize Harm was right. People have no concern for speed as they go up and down these roads. I'm sure that last car was going close to 100 mph.

Sarah Rabb's farm
0715 hours
07/02/2004

I come downstairs after my shower and find everyone in the kitchen. Grams is making pancakes. Harm is making scrambled eggs and Mattie is helping AJ clean strawberries.

"What can I do to help?" I ask.

"You want to set the table?" Grams asks.

"Sure." I grab Jimmy up from where he's playing on the floor and he and I go set the table for breakfast.

Once breakfast is over and the dishes are done we load up and head into town for the farmer's market. We bring back homemade jelly, apple butter, honey sticks, as well as fresh peas, carrots, lettuce and corn. AJ wanted to get some strawberries but Grams still has a strawberry patch and she promised him he could pick all he wanted as well as raspberries off her bushes.

Sarah Rabb's Farm
1556 Hours
07/03/2004

It's a very tired crew that walks across the yard and back to the house. Grams had a church dinner she had to get ready for so while she was doing that we took the kids, and a picnic lunch and hiked to the creek. We ate by the water's edge and then spent the afternoon playing in the water. We stayed longer than we should have but everyone had a great time. Jimmy is riding in a pack on my back and according to Mattie he's been asleep since we put him there. Harm's had to carry AJ most of the way back and I'd be shocked if he's not asleep too.

Grams sees us coming and opens the door for us.

"Take those two upstairs and put them down. You may want to lay down too. You three look exhausted. Did you have fun?"

"We had a blast, Grams, but you're right we're all tired." Harm tells her as he gives her a peck on the cheek. "What time is the dinner?"

"I need to leave in an hour but we don't start serving until 1830 hours." Grams tells us.

"Sounds good. We'll be there." I tell her.

Mattie takes the picnic stuff into the kitchen. Harm and I get the boys put to bed and then Harm goes to help Mattie put away the picnic supplies. I go sit on the couch with my feet up. It only takes five minutes for Harm to come join me.

"Where's Mattie?" I ask.

"She went to take a nap. Shall we stay here or do you want to go lay down in the tent?"

"I'd love to go lay down in the tent but I think I'm too tired to move."

"So I guess we'll stay here." Harm chuckles.

The next thing I know Harm's shaking me awake because it's time to leave for the church dinner.

Harm and Mac's tent
2333 Hours
07/04/2004

The boys and Mattie are in bed. Harm and I are laying on top of our sleeping bags watching the fireworks that are still going off in the distance.

"I love watching fireworks." I tell him.

"Really? Have you always liked watching fireworks?" Harm asks.

"I grew up in Arizona, Harm. We don't have a lot of fireworks out there. It's illegal to even possess fireworks in most of Arizona so other than official shows you can't see many out there."

"People don't break the law and shoot them off anyway?"

"Not when the penalty for having fireworks was $1000 fine and then if they started a wildfire it was even worse."

"How so?"

"The fine could be the cost of fighting the fire. A friend of Chris's got arrested for starting a wildfire by accident. He was looking at a $500,000 fine and it was a small fire."

"I can see why you didn't see a lot of fireworks as a kid. There were some illegal fireworks when we were in La Jolla but since I spent most of my summers here I always got to see lots of them."

"Must have been fun spending your summers here." I tell him.

"Most of the time it was. Sometimes I'd be out here because my mom just couldn't deal with me anymore and those weren't always that fun because I felt like I was being punished for what I felt."

"I can understand that." I tell Harm. I really can understand that. There have certainly been times in my life when I felt like I was being punished for what I felt.

We continue to watch the fireworks in companionable silence. Harm yawns and I shoot him a look.

"You ready to go to sleep?" I ask him.

"I'm tired but I'm also enjoying myself so I don't really want to go to sleep."

That is so like Harm. "Let's get some sleep, flyboy."

We both turn over and lay down on our sleeping bags. I scoot closer to Harm and snuggle up next to him. We lay there for a couple of minutes before I start caressing Harm's chest.

"Mac?"

"Yeah."

"What are you doing?"

"I would think you'd know, Harm. After all, according to Jordan you have done it before."

I get a throaty chuckle in response. "Are you sure about this, Mac?"

"Yes. I love you Harm and you've repeatedly shown me you love me too."

"I'm glad you noticed." He tells me.

"It's still nice to hear." I tell him as he rolls us so that I'm on my back and he's looming over me.

"I love you Mac." He tells me right before our lips meet in a kiss.

tbc.

Sorry folks, I'm not ready to try my hand at smut yet so use your imaginations. I do have plans for the next chapter and it's about 1/3 of the way written. How fast it gets done depends on how bad the paperwork situation is at work this next week.

I know that the chances of the judge making that kind of ruling regarding Mattie are non-existent but I decided to have the family court system work the way it should not the way it does.

1.