The Chain

People used to love to hear her laugh, see her smile,
That's how she got her name.
Since that sad affair, she lost her smile, changed her style,
Somehow she's not the same.

Jack Segal & Marvin Fisher

I had never known anything could hurt so much. I mean, apart from the horror of knowing that I was about to have my head cut off; but that hurt in a different way. It was a mental pain. I remember that I was thinking that it was all happening too quickly. I couldn't possibly be going to die yet, I was much too young. I said my goodbyes to Alfie and he - I don't know, it's still confused in my mind - he said goodbye to me. Was it horror I was feeling? Yes, but it was sorrow too. I loved my life, and I hated to leave it. I was already mourning myself.

That was the other thing - it was so pointless. Here we were in the Chelsea Barracks, where we should have been perfectly safe. The King's Guard was an elite regiment - everybody knew that. Only gentlemen from the very best schools could join it. How could this have happened? How could I be about to be killed because I'd told a few silly little fibs? How had it all got so far out of hand?

The nurse - I still didn't know her name - brought the sword down as hard as she could. The blade thrummed and whistled as it passed through the air. And then... and then, instead of the swift pain and the empty hollowness and the gush of blood I'd been expecting, I felt a terrific tearing at my scalp and my head was jerked even further back over the chair than it was already. It was like when Gerry used to pull on my pigtails when I was small, only ten times worse. No, make that a hundred times worse. I beat on the arms of the chair with my hands.

Then it happened again - the swoosh of the blade and the wrenching at my hair - and this time I couldn't help screaming. And then Alfie sprang into action. I could have cheered out aloud as he went for the hawk. But then, when the woman retaliated and it was our life or his and Alfie changed his form and seized her daemon... It was awful. I felt so exposed. I felt as if I had been stripped naked, flung over one of the sofas, and stretched out for all the men in the room to look at. They knew. Our enemies knew all about us, as hardly anybody had known before. Gerry, Mabel. I'd told them. Maybe one or two others had guessed; Captain Lowther for one.

And there we were. Alfie hanging on to the nurse's daemon and struggling to maintain his human form. The nurse and the two officers were frozen in place. I was the only person who could move, so I did. I stood up - more of my hair fell out and landed on the carpet - and picked up the sword. I walked over to where Alfie stood and put my hand on his shoulder. I kissed his cheek as I had so many times before when we had been special together The nurse found her breath at last. 'Filth, filth, filth,' she said over and over again, retching and heaving as if she were only keeping herself from vomiting by a terrific effort of will.

'Listen,' I said. 'We're going to leave now.' I lightly touched the hawk-daemon's wing-tips. The woman's lips were flecked with foam. She was bent over, with her hands on her knees, shuddering with disgust. She spoke, and her voice was strained and scarcely audible.

'Stop her. Please stop her, or let her go. Oh please, do something!'

The Major crossed himself. So he believed in the old ways, did he? That was useful to know.

'Alfie and I are going home now. We don't like it here. It smells nasty, and there are heretics about.' I looked straight at the Major and pointed the sword at him. I don't know how I kept so calm. I wasn't feeling calm, that was for sure. I was on the verge of disgracing myself as the nurse had done. But I was holding on to Alfie, and he to me, and we had her daemon in our power. 'Come on Alfie.' I turned to the door. 'You lot can stay here.'

Alfie led the way, still holding the hawk tightly. It was struggling less now and I warned Alfie not to slacken his grip. I followed him out of the room; that richly furnished, treacherous place. I pulled the door to behind me. There was no lock or key that we could see. We crossed the landing and made for the head of the stairs. Suddenly there came from behind the door a howl of intense, despairing pain.

'Sunny,' said Alfie. 'Do you want to murder her?' Oh. Oh, of course. We couldn't carry Oromanthin much further without causing the nurse even more distress than we had already.

'She bloody well deserves it.'

'Maybe she does. But nobody's been very badly hurt yet. Why kill her?'

'My hair! My face!'

'Your hair will grow back. Your face wasn't badly scratched. Are we going to take her life for that?'

Alfie's face was very beautiful. I know I don't have to say whom he looked like or whose voice I heard when he spoke.

'If we kill her or drive her mad there'll never be an end to it. Do you want to get us sucked into a feud - between our families, or between the King's Guard and the Ambulance Brigade? That's what'll happen if she dies or loses her mind. Do you want to help the Enemy by destroying our own forces? We'd be traitors if we did that.'

'But she... Oh Alfie. I suppose you're right.'

'I often am.'

'All right.' I raised my voice. 'You! Nurse! Out of there! You're coming with us!'

The door opened slowly and the woman, her pale face streaked with tears and her coat stained with bile, emerged onto the landing.

'You're our safe-conduct out of here. You can walk ten feet behind us. Come any closer or make any sound, and dear Oromanthin gets his neck squeezed. I suggest you keep up with us. And tell your brother and his friend to stay put until you get back.'

The nurse nodded. 'Good girl! Come along.' Slowly, so slowly, step by step, we descended the staircase. On the walls, armies did battle and stern-faced generals kept watch. I held the sword out straight and kept a look-out, swinging it from side to side. I wondered where the other officers who had left the mess had gone.

'Careful with that thing!' Alfie said.

'Same to you,' I replied.

We reached the bottom of the stairs and entered the passageway which led to the entrance. If it had seemed endless before it was doubly endless now. 'Come on! Faster!'I said to Alfie.

'Keep listening,' he replied. 'We're going quite fast enough already.'

The outstretched sword cast sweeping shadows as we passed the corridor lights, threatening to lop off the heads of the troopers who were pictured in the photograms to either side of us. I had a sudden thought and Alfie and I stopped and backed into an alcove. 'You,' I said to the nurse. You go first. Tell the man on the desk that everything is in order and that he is not to prevent us from leaving.' The woman, still shaking with terror, passed us. I smelled the puke on her clothes, like a child or a sick cat.

Only a little way further to go. The nurse reached the desk and leaned forward. We stood three or four yards behind her. She exchanged a few words with the sergeant and we heard his reply. 'Yes, m'lady, that'll be quite satisfactory.' He lifted the desk-flap and stood by the door. 'Come along now.' The exit was in sight. Alfie prepared to let go of the hawk-daemon and I tensed my muscles to make a dash for it. Only a few more yards. I could see the street-lights outside the door. We were safe - I'd run off to the left and try to find a late-running taxicab.

And then the orderly - the mute, noiseless orderly - stepped out from the shadows behind us and threw a chain of antique burnished iron over our heads. Alfie screamed and bright red welts appeared on his naked skin where the iron links touched it. I was startled. I didn't understand what was happening. Why was the chain hurting Alfie so much?

I didn't understand it, but I could see that we were trapped so long as Alfie remained man-formed. Change! Change form! I cried, but it was no use. Alfie was frozen, unable to move. The orderly looped the chain around us again. Alfie's paralysed hands released the hawk which flew, mewing with delight, to his mistress' arms.

My daemon was twisting and writhing in agony. His body, pulled next to mine by the chain, trembled and shook. His pain - our pain - was increasing by the second, rapidly becoming too much for us to bear. Tendrils of white vapour were rising from the chain's links and coils and my own clothes were starting to smoulder. The orderly flung another loop, and another, over our heads and pulled them tight. Alfie was wreathed in dense, evil-smelling smoke now. It caught in my throat, acrid and fierce. I could see the chain glowing red with heat, digging into him, branding him with slave-marks. Somewhere nearby a girl was screaming, her mouth dry and raw with panic, shackles of fire biting into her flesh.

Change, Alfie! Change! Change back! I cried again. But he couldn't change. He was bound with an iron chain and somehow it was keeping him locked into his man-form. He fell to his knees, and I fell with him. Overhead, the nurse stood looking down on us, gloating. The Major stood behind her. 'Damn incubus,' he said. 'Burn, you foul thing.'

Alfie and I tipped over onto our sides. He was moving only feebly now. The chain was deeply embedded in him, still burning, still glowing. The sword had become lodged between me and the floor but I was still clutching it in my frozen right hand.

I tried to speak to my daemon. Alfie, my love?

No reply.

Alfie!

Sunny. I could hardly hear him. My eyes were blurring over and my hearing had become indistinct.

Do you know why the chain is hurting you?

No.

We'll have to find out sometime.

That's a good idea. Yes. His voice faded away. A black cloud fell across my eyes for a brief moment.

'What the hell is going on here?' It was a new voice, loud and authoritative.

'Sir.' That was the major. 'We found this woman and her... daemon in the building.'

'I see. And why are you treating them like this?'

'Sir. They are unclean. Do you not see?'

'I see a girl whom you have bound with a chain and thrown to the floor. I see her daemon lying next to her. I see nothing unclean.'

'But sir...'

'Quiet, Hargreaves.' A hand reached down to me. I took hold of it and it helped me to my feet. The chain rattled to the ground. Alfie nestled in the crook of my arm, mink-formed again.

'What is your name, child?' The speaker was a man in middle age, with a silver moustache and grey eyes.

'Sunny... I mean Sonya Moon, sir.'

'And why are you here?'

'I was invited to a soiree by Major Clarke, sir.'

'Hmmm.' The man rested his hand in his chin. I could see a much younger man standing next to him; a junior officer. The orderly was nowhere to be seen. 'There is no Major Clarke in the King's Guard, Sonya. I fear that you are mistaken, or have been misled. Where do you live?' His voice was kindly, but firm.

'Ambulance Depot Number Twelve, sir. In Mornington.'

'Colonel,' the nurse's brother said. 'This woman was...'

'Silence! Do not say any more! It is enough, Howard, that I have been brought here at this hour to find two of my officers engaged in tormenting a young woman. Quite enough. Who is this other person?' He indicated the nurse.

'She is my sister, sir. She is a nurse at Lady Margaret's Hospital.'

'Is she, now? Well, Nurse Howard, your presence is no longer required here. My sergeant will order you a taxicab.' The man on the desk picked up his telephone and spoke into it.

'Hargreaves, Howard. I will speak to you in my quarters tomorrow morning at nine o'clock. Dismissed!' The two officers left, followed by the orderly and the younger man. The colonel turned to me and lowered his voice a little.

'As for you, my dear, I think that you had better leave. You must see that. There is something about you that I do not understand. Something... odd. I saw something just now - only for a fraction of a second, mind - which disturbed me very much. I do not think that you should come here again.'

'No, sir. Certainly not, sir!' Alfie was beginning to stir in my arms. I desperately wanted to talk to him.

'Then go. Go now!'

'Yes, sir.' I gathered my ruined party dress around myself and passed through the door into the street. It was dark. There was not a light to be seen, except for a yellow flare escaping from the barracks door; and that was quickly extinguished. It was very cold, and it was late at night, and I was many miles from home and all alone.

Or so I thought. 'What on earth have you done to your hair? What the bloody beggary bollocks have you been up to?' said Nancy.

'Don't talk like that!' said Mabel.

Dear Gerry,

I hardly know where to begin. God's Holy Spirit, but I've been such a fool! Such a stupid, idiotic fool.

Why didn't I see it? It was such an obvious trap. Alfie knew it. He tried to stop me. And he's been so hurt. We both have, but it was worse for him.

I've cut my hair off. I know, you used to like teasing me about it, and you pulled on it, you beast. But I've done it as a penance. Oh, all right, and because it was in the most unholy state after that Howard woman had hacked at it.

When I say off, I mean off. All of it. You wouldn't know me. My head looks tiny without it. Serves me bloody well right for being a silly little tart. Nobody'll look at me now. I'm perfectly safe.

Oh Gerry, he won't talk to me. Alfie. He doesn't say anything to me any more. Not a dicky bird.

He hates me. I know it. He hates me for what I did to him.

In despair,

Driver Moon

I still had the sword. I hadn't realised I was carrying it until Mabel pointed it out to me as we sat in the back of the horse-taxicab they had hired to rescue me from the Chelsea Barracks. 'You should return it,' she said.

'No! No! No! I'm not going back there!' The cab driver turned his head at my outburst. 'Now, miss,' he said. 'Don't frighten my Blossom.'

'Sorry,' I said. I held the sword up and looked at it. It was a beautiful thing, despite its deadliness. Polished steel and grained leather. Gerry had had one like it, but it was at the bottom of the German Ocean now. I turned to Mabel. 'It's mine. I deserve it, after... that.'

'What happened in there? Won't you tell us?' asked Nancy.

'I can't tell you. Not yet.' I was beginning to shake all over. Alfie lay, mute, in my lap.

'Mabel knows.' I couldn't say any more than that.

'Oh. Don't cry, Sunny. Please.'

'No, Mabel. Let her. It's better if she does.'

I returned my uniform cap and flak helmet to the stores and indented for new ones, a whole size smaller. My head felt infernally itchy when the hair tried to grow out again, so I went to the Camperdown branch of Timothy White's and bought a cutthroat razor. Every night before I went to bed, I rubbed the expensive scented soap I'd got from Floris into my scalp and shaved it as closely as I could. After a while I developed a rash and had to change to proper shaving soap. Sometimes one of the Three helped me.

When I wasn't on duty or eating or trying (in vain) to sleep I sat in the day room with the sword resting across my knees and held Alfie in both hands, looking into his eyes and talking to him. Physically - Miss Selborne would have said metaphysically - there was nothing wrong. The marks the chain had carved into his man-form were absent now that he was in his normal state. His lovely soft fur was unmarked. I stroked it over and over and whispered to him. Alfie. I love you. It's all right now. We're safe. But he didn't reply.

I told nobody about him. Not even Nancy and Mabel. They were worried about me, I could see. Nancy's face when she saw what I'd done to my hair! Mabel threatened to cut hers off as well, but I managed to stop her. 'You weren't such a bloody fool as I was,' I said.

'You mustn't say that,' said Nancy.

'Yes I must. I was a stupid idiot and I don't deserve friends like you, coming out in the middle of the night the way you did.'

'Sunny, Sunny.' Nancy glanced at Alfie who was clinging onto my right shoulder. Her Adolphus blinked his eyes at me. 'You can't go on punishing yourself like this.'

Is that what it is, Alfie? Are you punishing me?

I went to the library and asked for the Encyclopaedia. 'All of it?' asked the girl behind the counter. 'No. Just H to K.' They brought it over to me and I opened to to the Is. Here it was:

Incubus: In medieval European folklore, the incubus is an evil spirit who visits women in their sleep to lie with them in ghostly sexual intercourse. The woman who falls victim to an incubus will not awaken, although may experience it in a dream. Should she get pregnant the child will grow inside her as any normal child, except that it will possess supernatural capabilities. Usually the child grows into a person of evil intent or a powerful black theologian. Legend has it that the magician Merlyn was the result of the union of an incubus and a nun. A succubus is the female variety, and she concentrates herself on men. According to one legend, the incubus and the succubus were fallen angels. According to another an incubus is a deformed daemon, taking man-shape and defiling its human host or another woman.

Evil? Deformed? Was that Alfie? Was that me? And why had the iron chain affected him so drastically? It seemed that the Encyclopaedia didn't know all there was to be known. Or it wasn't telling.

Weeks passed. The lull continued. We concentrated on keeping ourselves in readiness for the next big push which, as it was March now, could not be far off. There were exercises to do, and maintenance, and repainting the depot walls and woodwork. I learned more about the workings of gas-engines. Now there was no chance of my locks getting caught in the mechanicals I was allowed into the workshops. I was permitted to do some of the easier tasks, like changing the oil or greasing the axle-bearings.

I even went out with the Three; to the pub or for a stroll up Primrose Hill. People stared at me, with my bald head, but there were stranger sights to be seen in wartime London and they soon looked away. One day we went to Hampstead Heath again and I looked around for the old man who had startled me by the Ponds, but he wasn't there.

I kept the sword with me constantly.

One day in April Captain Lowther ordered the garage to be cleared. We ran the vehicles out into the yard and lined them up. Two of the girls set up a podium at one end. I wondered what was going on. Surely not another party?

No, it was not. At three o'clock we were called into the empty garage, all twenty-five of us. We sat on three rows of chairs and sofas brought down from the day room. Captain Lowther stood on the podium, next to an easel. As the last girl entered the garage one of the mechanics bolted the door behind her. This was something serious, then, and we all looked up expectantly.

'Now,' said the Captain. 'I'm sure you're wondering why I've called you here. The quicker among you will have guessed that it is something to do with this big Push that the rumour-mongers have been talking about for the past month or so. Well,' and she turned to the easel which was displaying a map of the European mainland, 'You're right.

'This briefing is being delivered simultaneously at all the Ambulance Brigade depots in London. Ladies, the Push has begun! Clearly, I could not have told you of this in advance, for reasons of security. Our forces began moving towards Geneva at dawn this morning and initial reports say that they have met with only token opposition. We are on the way to liberating and securing the Holy City.

'I say; only token opposition. This happy state will, alas, not continue. We can expect that the Enemy will fight back, using all the means at his disposal. There will be casualties.'

My heart leapt in my chest. Alfie roused himself and pricked up his ears. We were going to join the battle!

'Ma'am?' I called out. 'Are we going to Frankland?' The other girls looked around and whispered to each other.

'Quiet! Wait until I have finished, Driver Moon. I, and the other depot commanders, have been warned to expect an influx of wounded men very soon now. Our recent period of preparation will stand us in very good stead when that happens. We will be stretched, ladies. Very stretched. But there is more. More has been asked of us. There will be a need for an advance Brigade, based abroad. This Brigade will be newly constituted and each of the depots has been asked to put forward the names of two or three of its best members to crew it.

'Let me make one thing perfectly clear to you. The work will be unpleasant and dangerous - far more so than anything you have experienced here in the comfort and relative safety of Mornington. I do not demand that any of you go to Frankland, or wherever the new Brigade may operate. I have compiled no list of crew-members to send. I am asking for volunteers only.

'Anyone who goes from here to the new Brigade will carry the name of the Twelfth with her. This is my Depot, ladies, and I am very proud of it. I am very proud of you. If you put your name forward for the advance unit it will do you great credit, but if you do not it will not be held against you. None of you signed up for foreign service when you joined us.

'But - I am also very jealous of our reputation. It does not automatically follow that if you put your name forward I will allow you to go. Some of you are essential to the running of the Depot and cannot be spared. Some of you are only recent arrivals and do not have enough experience of the Service to go abroad. Some of you, while performing well here in London, would not be suitable for overseas service.' Deuteronomy's eyes looked at us intently.

'That is all. If you wish to volunteer, please present yourself at my office at four o'clock today. In any event, prepare yourselves for action.'

I wasn't going to wait until four o'clock. I pulled out the sword from my belt and held it high above my head. It glinted and flashed in the arc-lights.

'Captain, ma'am!' I cried. 'Send me!' Yes! said Alfie.