DISCLAIMER: guess what? No one reads this, but I don't own Harry Potter because JK Rowling wrote it.

A/N: I would first like to apologize for the tone of this chapter, it needs to happen, if it's going to happen like I have it planned that is... and second I would like to dedicate it to Microsoft Word, because I just realized how much I love it.

Remus boarded the train to return to Hogwarts after a very difficult holiday. He was sincerely hoping to get rid of all the resentment to was currently feeling before he ran into any of his friends. All his life Remus had been able to hide behind a mask of forced smiles and words meant to please the hearer, but today he was unable to even summon enough control to not look highly upset.

Lily walked on the train accompanied by Peter, she easily perceived Remus' feelings and with a quick explanation to Peter about how she needed to talk to him, as a prefect, she herded Remus into an empty compartment.

"Remus?" Lily said, once she shut the door.

"What do you want to talk about?" Remus said automatically, ignoring the little voice yelling at him to stop saying such bullshit.

"You. You're obviously upset, it's okay, but it seems like you need someone to talk to," Lily said.

"I'm fine, I'm just glad to be back here," Remus said, again ignoring that little voice in his head.

"No! Remus, please stop hiding from me. Who do you think I am? Mandy? She'd talk to someone and seem sympathetic just to get some gossip, but I find gossiping useless. You can talk to me, it's perfectly fine to not be perfect, do you think anyone is actually perfect? There's not one person who can claim to be perfect, Remus," Lily said.

"What do you want? To be some Muggle therapist? Do you actually think talking will do anything to help me?" Remus said, then sighed and added sadly, "I don't think I can honestly talk anymore, Lily."

"Try it, please, it'll help," Lily said.

"Fine. Let me tell you my life story, it'll explain me to you and then you can leave me alone again. You know about my condition?" Remus asked. When getting a nod from Lily he continued,

"I actually can't remember before I was bitten. My whole life, at full moon, I'd go to the forest behind my house into the cottage my father built me. He didn't trust his carpentry, however, and had a cage, silver-plated, brought in and bolted to the floor. Once a month that's where I would transform. I soon learned that biting the cage was very painful and bit myself instead. That was slightly less painful.

"I never had a friend growing up, my parents' friends thought I was 'adorable' and so I smiled and said things they wanted me to say just so someone would like me. I think it came from once a month turning into something so unlovable that my parents were ashamed of me.

"They never said they were, but I could tell, they were ashamed that their son turned into a monster. That made me ever more prone to smile and be perfect for them, so that they could love me when I was in my... well, human form.

"When I came to Hogwarts I was determined to not let anyone know about my transformations so they wouldn't be ashamed of knowing me either. I was again the smiling, laughing, perfect boy and somehow James, Sirius and Peter managed to decide I was worthy of joining their trio. When they found out about my condition, and still actually enjoyed my company, it was a relief. I was getting increasingly uncomfortable with their no knowing, and when they fit the clues together and confronted me, well, I was happy that they not only accepted me, but they also wanted to spend time with me in my other form.

"Now I enjoy my transformations. As long as they're there, that is. This year December 27th fell on a full moon. I completely forgot about it over Christmas, but on that day my dad was wearing his clothes that he always wore when taking me to my cottage. I suddenly realized it was full moon, and my friends wouldn't be there, they were just as clueless of it happening as I was. I didn't even think to owl them; perfect little Remus was just going to transform into a bloodthirsty monster on his own.

"I didn't actually have time, my dad dragged me to the cottage, he was afraid of me around the full moon and I wasn't about to explain that my friends are unregistered Animagus and like to accompany me in my transformations because they make me feel more human. "Alone to lose my human mind and body, memories of my transformations are the only link between the human and the monster. I will spare you of the details, but I returned to my house with tattered clothes hanging from my body, which was covered in fresh blood. My fingernails and teeth were stained red with my own blood. My mum screamed at the sight of me and my dad just looked disgusted with me. When my mum recovered she performed healing spells on me, she got trained in them when they found out about me being, well, not human anymore.

"James always told me after my transformations that I'm act wolfish for the day after. Just growling, nothing bloodthirsty. Apparently I walked into my house and snarled at my parents. I didn't even notice, but I was at that moment extremely upset at them for not reminding me, or letting me contact my friends, so the non-human side of me made that clear. I had never growled at them before.

"I tried to explain to my parents, but they thought it was a bad influence by my friends. So they grounded me. Not from my broomstick, but from the floo powder and my owl. They also didn't allow me to attend James and Sirius' New Years Eve party, with no explanation sent to them. "By this morning I was thoroughly upset with them. When my father left he didn't say goodbye or anything, just 'pick better friends, this time'. So here I am, feeling like I'm wearing a mask. The 'perfect student, prefect, sweet, laughs at jokes, finds time to smile at everyone' mask.

"I did realize one thing, Lily, I realized that my friends are the absolute best friends I could ever have. Not only did they accept me for who I am, but they also want to be with me when my deepest desire is to rip them apart.

"My parents never could stand that part of me. My father left me in my cottage while spending the little time possible there and my mother heals me the instant she sees me so that she can have her perfect son back.

"I'm not perfect, Lily. I can't be, I try, but it's just too hard to please everyone. Thank you for listening," Remus finally concluded.

"Please everyone? Remus, you couldn't please James and Snape at the same time. If you tried it would be the most hypocritical act imaginable. Just be yourself," Lily said, trying to lighten up the mood a little.

"That's exactly my problem, I don't know who I am anymore. All I can see is this mask that won't come off," Remus said.

"Then let me tell you who you are. You are Remus Lupin, a wizard attending Hogwarts who wants to make everyone happy. You hide from conflict and would rather let a slightly disagreeable situation remain that way than confront people. You also don't like being a bother, so you always seem happy. So continue to be who you are, Remus, you're a wonderful person," Lily said.

"Thank you, I-I think I'll go talk to James, Sirius and Peter now, if you don't mind," Remus said.

"Have fun, see you at Hogwarts," Lily said.

Remus stood up, then hesitated before hugging Lily, giving her an apologetic smile, and leaving to join the best friends he could imagine, other than, perhaps, Lily Evans.

A/N: I lied. What else can I say? I felt like writing today and I honestly didn't expect this chapter to be written before I left, but here it is! It also is short, but I couldn't continue this, I'd have to start another scene and that just didn't seem right... Other chapter would have an even slimmer chance of existing before I leave, but we'll see...