AN: Welcome back everyone! Sorry we took so long, real life sucks, espically for three 15 year old girls. That's right THREE. This episode was thought up and generally written by my good friend, Babylon for Life. Together, along with Amber whom you've met before, we compiled this wonderful little episode for you! Here it is: The Marauders' Episode!

Disclaimer: We don't own Harry Potter or anything related to it, nor do we claim right to the Maury Polvich Show. (We are just playing with them for a little while to amuse ourselves and others!)

Back at Hogwarts:

When Dumbledore called Harry, Ron, Hermoine, Draco, and Snape into his office, they knew it was about the show. It had been a roaring success since they had been added, with ratings through the roof. When they all sat down, Dumbledore said, "Okay, you guys are off for the week, but you all will be coming to see the show. We are going to have five special guests join the cast for the next episode."

"Who's filling in for us, Professor?" Hermione asked.

Dumbledore smiled at Harry when he answered. "The teenage versions of Severus Snape, Remus Lupin, Sirius Black, and James and Lily Potter."

Harry gasped, "How???", while Severus screamed, "WHY? LIKE HELL WITH THIS HAIR! I WOULD COERCE MY TEENAGE SELF INTO SUICIDE!!!" Draco, Hermione, and Ron laughed.

"A very complex, little known spell," Dumbledore replied, ignoring Severus's statement, "that will enable them to come to our time, but only for a short while. I will cast the spell when you are not here, so I can just explain everything simply to them."

One Day Later

They were all called back to Dumbledore's office the next day, and they were met with the bewildered stares of teenage Severus, Sirius, James, Remus, and Lily. When teenage Severus saw his future self walk into the room, he screamed, "WHAT HAPPENED TO MY HAIR?" Everyone in the room laughed save teenage and adult Severus, and Dumbledore, whose lips were twitching at the corners, though.

Adult Severus sighed, and sat down in a chair gloomily.

"Well, I have explained to our guests about the show and what is expected of them. They are...er...still a little...bewildered..., so give them a few minutes. You will be leaving by portkey--" holds up an empty bottle of rum--"in two minutes time. In the meanwhile, Harry, Ron, Hermione, Draco, and Severus...er...Severus?"

Adult Severus was banging his head on the wall screaming, "WHY ME? WHY ME?"

"Um, well, just introduce yourselves," Dumbledore finished.

"Hi," Harry said sheepishly, "I'm Harry."

"Wow, Prongs!" Sirius said, "He looks just like you, mate! Except for his eyes. He has really familiar eyes though. He might be related to you in the future...maybe your son! And...WOW! That is a wicked scar, mate! How did ya get it?"

"Long story," Harry replied.

"Yeah, famous Scarhead," Draco said sarcastically. "I'm Draco Malfoy, and I don't want to shake your filthy hand," he said to Lily's outstretched hand.

Lily looked hurt. James clenched his fists at Draco. Draco cowered back immediately.

"I'm Ron Weasley."

"And I'm Hermione Granger. We all know who you are."

Remus said, "I'm sort of nervous about this. What if they don't laugh or like us?"

"HA!" Harry laughed, "If they can laugh at Snape being a nudist, they'll laugh at just about anything!"

"Snape was a nudist?" James asked while laughing. Teenage Snape walked over to the same wall his future self was on and joined in with the banging.

"Yeah, well it was sort of like this--"

"Everyone put a finger on the bottle, please. Ready? Three, two, one..."

Harry felt a jerk at his navel, and then his feet landed firmly on the ground of the backstage set.

They had a few hours before the show started, so Ron and Harry began working on the pile of homework they had let slip past them, while Hermione supervised them. They were all amused when adult Severus picked up the empty rum bottle and cried, "Why is the rum gone?" (AN: that's for all you POTC fans out there...hehe!), and when Draco was sampling a joint of pot he found laying around in a dressing room. The teenagers from the past were all sitting around watching a delightful program called "CNN". When 5 minutes was called, they took their seats in the audience, excited about the show they were about to see. Then the music started.

Lily: Welcome to "Whose Line is it Anyway?" the show where everything is made up and the points don't matter, just like Jame's sex drive. It doesn't mean a thing!

James: HEY!

Lily: Bark for me, my sex puppy! SPEAK!

James: Woof, woof!!!

Sirius: Woof! Woo-- wait, sorry! I heard you say speak, and I--nevermind...

Lily: Okay, well, whatever. Today is a special episode. It is Marauders' Style! So, today, we have five very special guests in the audience. Can we get a big round of applause for our "Whose Line" patrons, Ronald Weasley, Hermione Granger, Harry Potter, Draco Malfoy, and Severus Snape? each stand up in turn, except Severus and Draco, who is missing Where's Severus and Draco?

Hermione: Well, I think Severus is trying to drown himself in a toilet, and Draco is passed out backstage. Or he might just be a little high. Who knows?

Audience laughs

Lily: Well, okay, um...Let's introduce today's cast. Marauder James Potter, Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin, and their archrival, Severus Snape in his teenage self. And I am your host, Lily Evans.

James: LILY! I WANT TO HAVE WILD MONKEY SEX WITH YOU!!!

Harry: screams and covers his eyes, embarrassed

Ron: Wow, Harry! We know where your dad's mind is in!

Hermione: slaps Ron So is yours, so shut up!

Lily: James, if you do not behave and quit your outbursts, I will have to curse you. Now, let's play a game! This is for everyone. Conference, folks! Your goal will be "Settling the Middle East Conflict". James will be playing President George W. Bush, whose favorite saying is "Weapons of mass destruction", Remus will be playing Prime Minister Tony Blair, who is obsessed with Winston Churchill and nuclear warfare, Sirius will be playing Yasar Arafat, who thinks EVERYTHING is "f#ked up", and Severus will playing that son-of-a-bi#!h Saddam Hussein, who loves to shoot people.

Sirius: HA! He can play the role of a son-of-a-bi#!h perfectly!

Severus: At least I HAD my own country, unlike you!

Sirius: Look at you now! Enjoying life in a high security prison!

Lily: buzz buzz Okay! ENOUGH! Let's start! buzz

James: I know that Hussein was harboring weapons of mass destruction. We are now setting up a democracy in Iraq.

Remus: Nuke em' all! Nuke em' all! I love you Winston Churchill!

Severus: You vote against me, I shoot you! BANG! BANG!

Sirius: I am a changed man of peace! The PLO had NOTHING to do with those f#ked up bombings in Israel, which should belong to me in ANY CASE!

Severus: BANG! You ate my piece of cake!

Remus: Cake? I love cake! I think we should feed Iraq cake with radioactive materials inside! Churchill would have done that!

James: Blair, get a grip! Not cake, but hydrogen bombs! Weapons of mass destruction is the solution to everything!

Sirius: Hey, that's f#ked up! Bombing is BAD!

Severus: HEY! YOU'RE UGLY!! BANG!

Remus: I think I am the best looking Prime Minister since Church--

Severus: HEY! IT'S THE DARK LORD! BANG! BANG! BANG? Uh-oh... he's not dying!

Lily: buzz buzz Good job everybody! Good--

Severus: BANG!

Lily: SEVERUS! THE GAME IS OVER! Next game, please! Talk show! audience cheers Okay, so your theme is "Who's my Baby's Father?", where you will be re-enacting a scene from the "Maury Polvich Show". Severus, you will be playing the distressed and confused mother, 400 lb. black Shaniqua, and you, Remus, will be playing her faithful husband Roy, who knows about the affair and sticks by her. Sirius, you will be playing her gangsta lover Big Joe. James, you will have the honor of being our host Maury, whose favorite line is "THAT'S STUPID!". Okay, let's start! Buzz

James: Welcome to today's show, "Fathers Revealed". Here we have Shaniqua and her husband Roy-- indicates Remus and Severus -- Now, Roy, I understand you know that Shaniqua had a sexual relationship with someone around the time the child who calls you "Daddy" was conceived, correct?

Remus: with a country accent Yes, sir, Maury, but I stayed with her. It was a tough time for both of us, but-- takes Severus's hand-- I believed in her.

James: THAT'S STUPID! She cheated on you for God's sakes and you are staying with the ho! THAT'S STUPID!!!

Severus: Uh-uh, Maury! You did not just call me a ho! I am gonna kick yo ass, boi!

Remus: No, dear, no! restraining Severus I love her Maury!

James: I don't think you'll love her once we bring out her signifigant other! Come on out, Big Joe!

Crowd boos

Sirius: thick black slang Yo, yo, yo! 'Sups, G's? Hey Shaniqua. baby! Whatchoo been up to, dawlin?

Remus: Don't talk to her, mutherf#ker!

Sirius and Remus pretend to duke it out and then separated by James

James: THAT'S STUPID!!! You guys put your testosterone away!

Severus: Roy, sugah, you sit down. You, Big Joe, you sit the f#k over there.

James: Okay, back to business. Big Joe, Roy, you both were doing the hokey-pokey with Shaniqua around the time the baby was conceived. Now we--

Remus: I have no doubt that the baby is mine! He even looks like me for Christ's sake!

Sirius: Whatchoo talkin about? That baby is blacka than my gangsta black azz!

James: THAT'S STUPID! I have the results in my hand right now! Pretends to remove card from envelope Wait a minute...Neither of you are the father?! THAT'S STUPID!

Draco: Stands up in the audience Shaniqua, baby, I love you! Let me help you raise our child together!

Severus: Lil' Thuggy? Is that you? buzz buzz

Lily: Dying with laughter Alright, alright, you guys, that was great. Is everyone ready for that hat game?

Audience cheers loudly

Lily: That's what I thought! Okay, this is for everyone. You'll pull a hat of the box and put it on and assume a character from the theme "World's Worst Dating Video". Everyone understand? Okay, let's play. buzz

James: picks up Two-horned Viking hat Baby, you make me very horny! buzz

Sirius: picks up straw hat and a country accent I's usually pink apples, but I's like to pick cherries har' and thar'! buzz

Remus: picks up wizard hat Hi! My name is Albus Dumbledore, and I am looking for a lady that can keep up with my speed winks and can make my world more magical than it already is! buzz

Sirius: picks up Smokey the Bear mask Don't start forest fires, ladies. You can light mine! buzz

James: picks up vampire mask I vont to suck your blood, and then you'll suck my--

Lily: JAMES! buzz

Severus: picks up police hat I am going to have to arrest you, ma'am, because you've stolen my heart! I can see you in handcuffs right now! buzz

Remus: picks up baseball hat All the gals like my the big piece of wood I play with! buzz

James: picks up cheesehead hat I'd like to wedge my cheese in you--

Lily: JAMES! I AM WARNING YOU! buzz

Sirius: picks up mime baret I won't say what my hands want to do to you! buzz

Remus: picks up captain's hat All aboard this love boat, ladies! buzz

Severus: picks up gorilla mask If you think I am wild now, you should see me in bed! buzz

James: picks up hat with beer cans on both sides and sucks through straw This could be you in another place!

Lily: JAMES! ENOUGH! buzz Remind me to kill you later, James. James's eyes widen in fear We're going to play "If You Know What I Mean" for our last game. Which means, every comment has to end in "If you know what I mean". You are going camping... Muggle style! This is for James, Sirius, and Remus.

Severus: Oh, I see how it is. gives Lily the "talk to the hand"

Lily: Um...okay...Well, yeah...whatever.

James: Dude, Snivellus, you are such a retard.

Lily: James, shut up. Even though I agree, shut up. Can we start now? buzz

Sirius: I'm going to pitch up the tent, if you know what I mean!

James: Time to light this fire, if you know that I mean!

Remus: How bout a dip in the lake, if you know what I mean!

Sirius: Let's roast some weenies, if you know what I mean! Audience and Lily dies laughing. James and Remus pale a few shades What? attempts to put innocent look on his face

James and Remus: NO! We DON'T wanna know what you mean!

James: Let's play a game of cards, if you know what I mean!

Sirius: yells STRIP POKER!

Remus: looks horrified Let's make some smores, if you know what I'm saying!

Sirius: Let's frolic in the woods, if you know what I mean! James and Remus run away from Sirius

Lily: buzz buzz Er.... Sirius? Are you SURE you are secure with your sexuality?

Sirius: I don't know! Ask James!

Lily: Er.... Stares murderously at James and Sirius

Harry: MY GODFATHER AND MY FATHER ARE GAY??? faints

James: Nonono! Sirius, you jackass! Lily, he is just kidding!!! We are NOT gay!

Lily: Yeah, you better not be or you'll be missing a body part after this is over!

Severus: Weenies, anyone?

Lily: That threat can go for you too, Snivellus. Severus cowers in fear Good! That's all for tonight! Thanks everybody for watching us! Night, folks!

End music

After the show, Adult Severus staggered onto the stage, drunk, and walked up to Lily, and planted a firm kiss on the teen. Harry, who had just recovered from fainting after he believed his father figures to be gay, saw the kiss, and once again fainted. Lily pushed Severus away from her and asked, "What the HELL are you doing?"

"Lily... I never told you...but...hiccup...I LOVE YOU!" Severus screamed out.

Lily looked quite shocked, and didn't say anything. James, however, ran up to the older man and screamed, "WHAT? SHE IS MINE!"

Severus looked at the young James, and got a twisted look on his face. "I couldn't ever take you when we were in school, but now I think I can manage it!" He pounced on the teen and started throwing punches.

Sirius, Remus, and teenage Snape started placing bets on the brawl. Lily, however, was sobbing and wiping her mouth drastically.

Harry, once again, recovered and stood up. Draco came stumbling up the stairs to where the Gryffindor Trio was sitting and took a seat beside them. "Did I miss something?"

Harry nodded his head. "Yeah, a lot. My godfather and my father are gay, I think."

Draco looked mildly surprised. "And?"

Harry replied angrily, "THEY'RE GAY!"

Draco looked a little annoyed. "What is the matter with being gay?"

Harry looked up at the blonde in utter disbelief. Hermione, however, spoke. "Draco, are you sure you're not a little high?"

Draco gave the famous Malfoy smirk. "I might be high, but I still know what I want."

And with that, Draco leaned over and kissed Harry passionately.

And, once again, for the third time that night, Harry fainted onto the floor.

AN: Don't you just love slash!? Anyway, normal episode next time! And then, after that, why not a little Death Eater episode with our favorite Dark Lord! Until next time!