Disclaimer: I don't own anything you recognize, it all belongs to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros. And I don't own any of the songs that I put in.

I'm so tired of being here

suppressed by all my childish fears.

And if you have to leave,

I wish you would just leave,

because your presence still lingers here and it wont leave me alone.

These wounds wont seem to heal,

this pain is just to real,

there's just so much that time cannot erase.

When you cried I'd wipe away all your tears.

When you'd scream I'd fight away all your fears.

And I've held your hand through all of theses years,

but you still have all of me.

You used to captivate me,

by your resonating light,

but know I'm bound by the life you left behind.

Your face it haunts my once pleasant dreams.

Your voice, it chased away all the sanity in me.

-Evanescence

Chapter 17-New Beginnings

The next few days Emily didn't leave Remus' couch despite his protests. When Dumbledore was informed of her pregnancy by Remus he went to visit Em. Dumbledore gave her wise words and it almost made her feel better but she didn't care. All that mattered was that Sirius wasn't here. Emily did leave the house a week later when there was a Order meeting. They were finishing up the last of their business with the death eaters and then the Order would be discontinued. After the meeting Emily was sitting on the steps. People around her were saying good byes and leaving. Arthur Weasley sat next to Emily on the steps. Emily was really close to Arthur, he reminded her of Dan and they became friends instantly.

"How are you?" He asked.

"I don't know..." She answered unsure of herself. "Everyone says he did it but I don't believe it. But then I feel like I'm not respecting Lily and James" thinking of them brought tears to her eyes. "And what kills me is that if he did do it, It wouldn't make me love him any less. He could have murdered my best friend and I'd still love him."

"Don't feel bad about it, it's only natural to still love him." Arthur said while patting her back.

"And the worst part is I'm pregnant." Emily said looking up at Arthur. He looked at her shocked. "He's gone and I'm going to have his child."

Arthur smiled weakly at her. Her life wasn't easy. "See your thinking about it wrong. It's not that Sirius is gone and know you'll have to raise his baby alone. You just lost the love of you're life and know this child will keep a piece of him with you forever."

Emily never thought about it like that. She smiled at Arthur and said thank you. Arthur told her that he and Molly would be there for her if she needs anything. He was right she thought to herself, this was Sirius' child and she would love it like she loved Sirius.

Months flew by and she had the support of many people. She stayed in Sirius' flat and still worked as a healer. Remus came over daily to help her with stuff around the house and Emily would always cook him dinner. Sometimes Remus would spend the night just to make sure everything was okay. When Emily wasn't with Remus, she was at the Weasleys. They had children of their own and Emily would help watch them while learning mother tactics from Molly. Seeing Molly and Arthur together made her miss Sirius. Emily was close to Dumbledore too. He came over weekly to make sure everything was running smooth.

Despite all the love and help she was getting from her friends, she was still miserable. She constantly thought of Sirius and how much she loved him and missed him. More than once she thought about suicide but decided against it, she had a baby to take care of.

One day when she and Remus were at the Weasleys, she was just helping with the dishes when Fred and George ran by. They were only about four and as cute as a button. Emily laughed at their funny games. When they ran out of the room Emily turned to pick up the toys they left behind. When she bent over she felt a sharp pain in her stomach. She was only four months pregnant, why was her stomach hurting so bad? The pain got worse until she couldn't stand anymore, and then so bad that she fainted.

Molly dragged Fred and George into the kitchen, their fingers covered in mud. She was scolding them until she saw the sight on the kitchen floor. Molly dropped the boys' arms, and brought her hands to her mouth as she let out a terrible scream. Arthur and Remus ran towards the scream. When they entered the kitchen, they saw Molly looking in shock at the floor. When they looked upon the floor they saw Emily hurled over passed out. Remus ran over to her and tried to revive her.

Emily woke up in the hospital. The Weasleys and Remus around her bed.

"What happened?" Emily asked.

The doctor appeared and said "You passed out." Now I'd tell you the rest but its a bunch of boring doctor stuff. The summary of what he said was Emily was too stressed and all this mourning over Sirius was stressing the baby. The stress was unhealthy and if she didn't relax she could hurt herself and the baby. Since that day, everyone started treating her like glass. They wouldn't let her do anything in fear she might get hurt, and they constantly tried to get her to spill her emotions about Sirius.

They were around her every minute of everyday. The one day that Molly and Arthur had to go somewhere and Remus was working late, Emily decided to go for a walk to let off some steam. She didn't like them fussing over her all the time, but most of all she hated them telling her to stop thinking of Sirius. After she finished her walk, she started up the stairs heading to her flat. She felt good about the walk it loosened her up. But she was still angry about everyone's fussing and once again Sirius was on her mind. When she was walking up the steps her foot missed a step and she tripped, and then tumbled down the stairs. She stayed that way for a half hour until Remus discovered her at the bottom of the steps.

When Emily woke she recognized the room she was in, the hospital. She realized that Remus was sitting next to her bed with her hand in his. But what she realized more than anything was the hurt in her stomach and that it didn't feel so heavy anymore. She didn't look at her stomach, she just stared into Remus' eyes as hers filled with tears.

"I lost it? I lost my baby?" She asked starting to cry. Remus could only shake his head yes. The day went on with doctor speeches and Arthur and Molly trying to make her feel better. She couldn't feel better. This drew the line.

After Emily got out of the hospital she came to the realization that everything she loved or hoped for was gone. She made up her mind. Now that she had nothing to live for and she wouldn't be able to see Harry until he was older she figured why not leave since there's no other reason to stay. Emily went to Dumbledore and told him she was leaving and she didn't want him or anyone else to ever seek her out. It made Dumbledore upset about the way she felt but respected her wishes. Without saying good bye to Remus or the Weasleys, she left not knowing were she would go.

Okay that's all for this one! But I do have a part two to this story and I'll post it at the end of the week. Part two is only about ten chapters, stay tuned! And Review!