XV "The Meaning of Sacrifice"

Late summer marked a pause in the torrent of activity surrounding the wedding plans—enough of which, at least, for Roy and Riza to quietly sneak out of town for a couple of days.

Roy had business in Central City, since it was his turn to do the formalities with the mining company headquarters and their yearly contract renewals. But he had other, more private business to attend to first.

"Here, that's all of them," he said aloud to the cold granite tombstone, dropping a packet of letters and a bouquet of yellow roses over the dedication plate. It felt better for some reason to talk, as if Maes was still there listening.

"I remember standing with you in my apartment talking about forbidden alchemy," he continued slowly, fighting for words. "Seeing all those letters people wanted me to bring, I think if I was guaranteed a single chance where I wouldn't screw up, it'd be you I brought back. I can't believe it's been two years since I've come out here. You've missed so much, things I know you'd appreciate for their joy and irony and tragedy, and all those other little things you were always going on about. But I see things more now like you did than I used to."

He knelt down in the damp grass so he could be eye-to-eye with Maes' name. It felt odd to stand over him, when he'd always been the shorter man. "I'm never going to be führer—there's a publicly-elected body now and I think that's for the best—but it's taken me a long time to come to terms with it. I want to go to everyone and anyone with what you found about the fifth laboratory but I still feel it would be ignored, that the corruption still runs so deep that it'd take bigger boots than I've got to get across. I've just witnessed too much…I've killed too many men, Maes, to see more suffering and keep my wits about me. I think it's true when they say every time you kill you lose a part of yourself. My eye was a partial punishment; Riza would never agree to my face but I know she feels that, too.

A sharp, painful breath, and the soft noise of the cool breezes stirring the grass.

"Alicia's growing up. She's going to be a very pretty young lady in a few years. Some of those letters are from her. I know…I told her you'd be proud of that. I've been taking care of her and Gracia as well as I can. It helps that they're close by, and I guess I still fell as though I owe it to you. They're strong women, though, and I wonder how much of a difference I make sometimes.

"And speaking of strong women, I'm getting married soon. I finally found the right moment to ask, and she said yes as if there was no other answer. 'Of course I will—' just like that! Do you have any idea how long I've wanted to hear that? All these wishes about an ordinary life, a family…they're all coming true and right now all I can think of is how you won't be around to see it. I keep wanting this tombstone to be an illusion so I can go back home and ask you to be my best man. I don't suppose that's possible, but I can't think of anyone else I'd rather have there beside me, saying 'I told you so' as I'm trying to remember my vows. I did the same thing to you after all, hoping one day I'd hear you say it back."

He sighed again, and stared at nothing for a while. The day was overcast, but it wasn't raining. It hadn't been raining at the funeral, though he'd said it was. He knew now that was stupid to make excuses for crying over his friend. He'd lost the only person with whom he'd had a long and close history. They'd grown up in the same sleepy little village, joined the military together and never truly went their separate ways…even when Maes had failed at alchemy and given up on the prospect. Maes had kept him alive during dark days, had helped him find a reason to keep going.

His memory still was.

Riza, having finished running whatever errand she'd needed to run, joined him without a word, not wanting to disturb his thoughts. He leaned his head against her hip and smiled. "See, here she is, my friend. Isn't she beautiful? You were always trying to get me to admit it, and now I can't stop saying it."

"Do you need a little longer?" she asked, running her fingernails lightly through his hair, ruffling it.

"No…any longer and I'd start to rust, I think," he said, and stood. As if trying to be funny, his knees creaked. "I was just giving him the report, you know? He still outranks us both."

He could tell Riza was relieved, even inclined to accept the joke. She glanced down at the grave, back up to his face. "No tears this time?"

"It gets easier."

She took his arm and squeezed it. "Lunch, then?"

"Yeah."