Author's Note: Hi!!! (Everyone else glares at her) Ok, ok I KNOW I've been away for a long time but things like these don't just pop in my head! Ok, sometimes they DO, but those happen on rare occasions. :) Anyway, I hope to finish this whole series pretty soon! As this one is done, I'm already working on my other one!! Next comes...Saitou!! Enjoy this overly long awaited chapter!! :)
Disclaimers: It shall be the year 2005 in about a month and I STILL do not own Rurouni Kenshin. :(
Chapter 3: Kenshin
BEEP Hello, this is Kenshin Himura. Please be so kind as to leave me a message and I shall get back to you as soon as I can, that I will. BEEP
BEEP Battousai. (glare) We will meet again. (Aoshi falls over from lack of food; a scream is heard in the background). BEEP
BEEP Kenshin, hi! You don't know how bad I need to talk to you! Everyone thinks that I like Megumi!! Help me!! They don't believe me when I say that I don't!! Call me back as soon as you can!! By the way. . . you don't happen to have any sake on you, do you? BEEP
BEEP Ah. Battousai. This is Shishio. I--(he catches on fire) DAMMIT. Hold that thought, I shall get back to you. BEEP
BEEP (Triple glare) Kenshin, how many times have I told you not to wash the lights and the darks together?! GRRR!! I'm going out shopping for new clothes now!!!BEEP
BEEP KENSHIN?! Dammit!! I need a doctor! Do you happen to know Dr. Gensai's phone number?!(a sniffle is heard) Aoshi collapsed!! WHAT A CRUEL WORLD WE LIVE IN!!!! This is Misao by the way . . .BEEP
BEEP Kenshin? Ok, I need to confess something to you. What I am about to say will shock and amaze you. Hold on to your tatami mat. I, Sanosuke Sagara, am in like with Megumi. Love is too strong a word. BEEP
BEEP Do you have a strawberry daifuku? Misao says I'm fat and that I need to loose weight. She won't even take me to the sweet shop anymore! If you have one, please drop it by the Aoiya under code O-K-I-N-A. I'd appreciate it.BEEP
BEEP You got the goods? I know you do. I shall meet you by the--(a whisper is heard in the background) WHAT?! You mean this isn't Koishin Hii-mura? DAMMIT!! Uhhh, heh, this is the, um, we're the telemarketers for . . .wasabi. Yes, we telemarket wasabi. We have a strange way of doing it, no? (nervous laugh) Erm call us back if you need erm wasabi. BEEP
BEEP Hi, this is the Kyoto chicken service, you ordered a total of three boxes and I expect you to pay for them. I believe you have a yellow jacket on and black hair. I'll track you down it you don't pay. BEEP
BEEP Kenshin! This is Yahiko!! Please help me, I kinda bought chicken from this place in your name and didn't pay. Ummm bail me out . . .please? BEEP
BEEP Kenshin? Alright, I confess. I'm in love with Megumi. I know because I've started writing her a love letter. (laughter is hear in the background) SHUT UP KATSU!!! It's not funny!! Ok, Kenshin, I'm trying to send a letter to Megumi, wooing her. How does it sound so far?
"Dear Megumi,
I am your greatest admirer. You were annoying once, but you grew on me as if you were a colony of E. coli and I was room-temperature Canadian beef. I enjoy hearing you laugh because you have a deep, throaty, genuine laugh, like that sound a dog makes just before it throws up. You move, you move like a . . .breeze. I can't get you out of my dreams. When you speak, I hear bells, as if you were a ship backing up into a dock.
From your Greatest admirer."
(A great thunder of laughter is heard before a 'thump' echoes) Obviously, Katsu can't handle my poetic spirit. BEEP
BEEP K-kenshin? Umm, I was wondering, could you help me with my poem? I'm writing one for Aoshi . . .(coughs) Well, here goes:
Your kodachis are sharp,
Green tea keeps you warm.
You have pierced my heart,
And I hope I don't fart.
Well, how did that sound? (a pause) I knew it, I should have put something about Sakura petals in there shouldn't I? BEEP
BEEP This is a warning. Get your damn rooster-headed friend out of the bar or I'm taking him to jail. By the way, could you spare a cigarette? BEEP
BEEP Ah, Kenshin. This is Katsu. I have the painting you requested. I made it out to Kaoru-dono as you asked. Maybe this will keep her from being mad at you. As for the money. (sighs) Could you please go contribute it to the "Help Sanosuke Fund"? It's a charity I've made to help my moron of a best friend to get out of his debt at the Akabeko. The charity's headquarters are right next to the Tenrai inn. Just say that "Purple Monkey from the Mountain" sent you. They'll know what to do with the money. Thanks. BEEP
BEEP Please relay a message to Sanosuke if you see him. Tell him, "You damn bastard! The next time you escape from jail, at least have the decency not to take my last cigarettes and sake!!!" Thank you. BEEP
BEEP Hello, Kenshin? This is Okina again. I managed to sneak some sweets past Misao. She's not such a tough nut after all!! Ahem, anyway, do you happen to have any Playboy magazines or any Maxims lying around? I'm sure you do from your 'naughty' Battousai days. (wink, wink) BEEP
BEEP You IDIOT!! Where are you when I need you?! This is your master, Hiko, and I need your help you twit! My sword 'fell' off of the waterfall. And NO, I wasn't drunk. (glares) Get back to me as soon as you can. I need someone else's eyes to help me search for it.BEEP
BEEP Hey Kenshin. Don't worry, I solved my sake-less problem. (grin) But I can't seem to write the perfect anonymous love letter to Megumi. Could you please call me back with some ideas? Katsu can't stop laughing to tell me any. BEEP
BEEP Keeennnnshiiiin. (hic) This is Hikooooo. I just ran away from an occiffer. Or was it officer? Oh, whatsowhatever. (a clang is heard as he drops something heavy on his foot) Lord Ichigoyshamkikjiyohiddo may you be cursed three times!!! pause Oh look, a pretty flower . . .BEEP
BEEP (glare) Battousai. Today of all days--(a screeching voice is heard from the background, "AOSHIII!!! Are you making intimidating messages to Kenshin, AGAIN?!!") Oh, no -- It's Misao. (turns around and glares at the answering machine) I shall get you another day, since not today, or yesterday . . .or even the day before that seemed to work out. I need to run from Misao now. BEEP
Well?! What did you think? After such a long time away do you think I still have my humourous touch? I'd love to hear from you. Please be so kind as to leave a review.