Author's Notes: Okay so I sorta pulled Kat into this... This is her chapter.... Enjoy!! Hey Kat, if you ever choose to check these things, and I hope you do, you are such an amazing writer, thank you so much for giving me the chance to work with you, and learn from you!!! I love you!!!

Mists of smoke fly through the clear day. Voices screech and holler, as the blue-sky overhead provide a false sanctuary. The freedom and peace it represents doesn't exist here. Fear lies in the heart of every civilian, not knowing what tomorrow brings, hell, not knowing what the next hour brings. Little voices plead for everything to be all right. Their language once foreign is now familiar. They beg for life and peace, something no one can give them here.

Wrapping the leg of a small boy, I whisper to him that everything will be okay. A lie, he knows it, and so do I, but for a short second it gives us both some hope. Such simple words can be a sanctuary. I pull the tiny body close to my own, he couldn't be any older than four. His eyes are hollow and empty, they hold a sort of pain not even a middle-aged man has battled. I bring his shaking form close to my chest and hold him as the gun shots rip through the sky. I try to shush him, but it brings him no comfort. His mother soon appears, and takes him from me. She holds her son for, what could be, the last time. Her disease is slowly eating her alive. She doesn't show it, you would never know it… Unless you see the blood tests that is. I just stared at me, not believing, not caring… Sometimes I'm not sure. have, I've seen so many of the same sort in the last two years. I've told just as many people that they may not see the next day. A few cried, some stared blankly at me.

I stand up and greet his only family member. He asks her again about his father, the same father that was shot and killed a week ago. The same father he'll never get to see again. I watch as she kisses his rough cheek, and a tear threatens to fall down her own. Nodding, I excuse myself from the pair and walk to my tent, which has been my home for the last two years. I push the heavy cloth to the side, and look at the cluttered mess. Clothes are strewn all over the floor, the sheets on my bed have been tossed haphazardly to the end. I ignore all of this and look to my wall of pictures. Every time I get a small child it reminds me of my own. I pick up the picture of Nathan, the only one I have. I wonder what he looks like now, if he remembers me, if he could forgive me…

I couldn't.

Hell, I never forgave my own parents for leaving me emotionally. How is he ever suppose to forgive me for leaving him emotionally and physically? Double whammy. I'm sorry Nate. I toss the picture to the floor, watching as it tumbles down into the mass of dirty clothes. I just want to hold him one more time, let him know that I love him, that I was scared. It's too late for that… It's always too late.

Running my fingers through my hair, then down my face, I scratch my beard and run my fingers down over my chest. I was catching a dream, an allusion, I left my family to chase a family I never had. A feeling of shame watches over me, like it often does when I think about this. I can't go back, I can never go back. I'll lead my life not knowing my son and my other child. I don't even know the name of my child. I left before he or she was born.

"John-" A voice breaks my thoughts and I look up, "we're all heading out for dinner, you want to come?" I nod my affirmation to Debbie, and follow her out of the tent. I remember when Debbie and I dated, she was more like a fling… a rebound. I didn't meet someone I could love, someone I did love, till a month or two later. I shake my head freeing myself of any thoughts of her.

"Someone called for you today." Debbie states as she opens the door to the truck.

"Oh yeah?" I ask, seemingly uninterested.

"Yeah."

"Who?" She smiles before dipping into the truck.

"Some guy from some foundation." I shake my head, I swear I worked all that shit out. "Jack… Carter." She gives me a pointed look. Jack Carter, not just some guy. No he's more than some guy; he's the guy.

"My father called?" My voice breaks. Why would he call? I haven't talked to my father since… Hell since Kem, he hasn't been a part of my life for over six years.

"Yep, he said he wants you to call him as soon as possible." Yeah, I'll get right on that one. I'm not sure what the motives were behind the phone call, but I won't buy into what ever they were. I don't want to talk to him, I haven't talked to anyone from Chicago for years, and for some reason I don't think he should be the first person I talk too. I think I owe a call to someone else… A call I know I'll never make.

"Okay thanks."

"He also said something about lawyers…"

"What about lawyers?" Is this some sort of game of torture or something?

"Look John, I really think that's something you need to work out with your family. Besides he didn't say, I'm just the messenger." Fair enough I guess… I just might have to make that phone call. I have feeling this one could be important.

"Thanks." We make the rest of the drive in silence, as my thoughts eat away at me.

I've noticed that lately I've been worrying a lot more. Maybe because the reality of what I have done has suddenly sunk in. I can't hide the feelings I once smothered before. I have to be honest. I stare at the ceiling of my tent for the third night in a row, unable to sleep again. Dinner with others got my mind of my troubles a bit, but now they have resurfaced.

"John…" I look up seeing a head in my tent, Gillian this time. "Phone."

Review Responses:

iloveleo15: Carter was a jerk... Everything gets explained over the next few chapters, I promise!

ERdoctor15: Yup. Mia's 2 years old, and Nate's 4. And it is Carter we are talking about... Sorry I didn't make it clear!!