Shadows and Dust Chapter 6 - A crisis of confidence
Commodus placed his head in his hands and surveyed the empty room around him. Alone.I'm always alone. He shook the niggling fear from the back of his mind annoyed at the absurdity of his fear - and grateful that it wasn't dark. He closed his eyes against the pounding in his head which seemed to intensify with every passing heartbeat. Once, his sister would have been there with a kind word and a tonic to take his pain away, but no more. Not since he had learned of her treachery. His curse was muffled by his hands as he thought about the betrayal. He had loved her, with his body and soul and yet she would not repay that love. It was Maximus, always Maximus that managed to outshine him. It was Maximus who his father had named as his son and heir. It was Maximus' name that the crowds chanted. It was Maximus to whom his sister had pledged her loyalty. And it was Maximus that Commodus vowed to kill.
Quintus stared at Maximus who had gingerly sat on the old mans bed, it was the first time he had given his general a thorough glance and he was worried about how pale and drawn he seemed, how he appeared to be a shadow of his former self. Slowly Maximus raised his face, staring Quintus in the eye. The older man was taken aback by how cold Maximus' glance was and he looked away.
"What's the matter Quintus? Why can you not look me in the eye? Do you not like what you see?" Maximus' voice was soft and low, holding a hint of danger.
Quintus kept his gaze on the floor.
"You are different Maximus. You have changed." Maximus' eyes grew angry, his tone harsh.
"Of course I've changed! Do you expect any man to live through what I have and remain unscathed? To remain unchanged? I have spent over a year killing innocent men.men whose only fault was to be born poor, a slave, a Gladiator. Perhaps to have suffered the misfortune of being captured in battle.there is no honour there Quintus. Before I killed men that chose to oppose Rome, to defend my Emperor, my friends, my family.they are all gone Quintus. What do I fight for now?" Maximus' tone grew soft once again "Who do I fight for now?"
Quintus stepped towards Maximus, and crouched down before him, he reached out a hand and lifted Maximus' chin so he could look in his eyes. Now there was only sadness in the Generals eyes.
"You still fight for those people Maximus, you fight to restore what is right. You are fighting for every man in the empire - to free them of Commodus. And you fight for yourself. You are a great man Maximus, you have a great spirit - do not let if fail you now. Remember who you are. You can do this - we can do this. Remember Marcus' dream Maximus. Do not let your loss be for nothing." He paused, reaching out a hand to clasp Maximus' shoulder "Strength and Honour my friend."
Maximus smiled softly, considering his friends words.
"We can do this Quintus." He said softly.
"Yes, we can. We will." Quintus spoke, his tone forceful trying to drive his conviction into Maximus.
"If we fail Quintus, we will die."
"We wont fail Maximus."
"We will die." Maximus continued, as if Quintus had never spoken. "You, me, the men who we command.and anyone that Commodus believed to have been involved in this. That's a lot of lives on the line Quintus. I have no fear of death, once I am dead I will return home to my family. My wife. My son.What of you Quintus? No good can come of your death." Quintus smiled, his hand was still resting on Maximus shoulder and he gave it a friendly squeeze.
"Maximus, I am dead anyway. If we don't do this Commodus will have me executed for desertion. As for the men - they are soldiers. Its is their duty to fight, and if necessary, die for the empire. You are a commander, a leader. Your men love you. They would follow you into Hades if you so asked it of them, and they would do it with a smile on their face. This is not the first time you have led me into battle, and I prey it will not be the last." He added with a smile.
Maximus smiled back, when Quintus looked in his eyes again, some of Maximus' old confidence was back there but Quintus could not help but feel that some part of Maximus had died the day he had been arrested, and it was not coming back. Maximus stood slowly, and placed his hand over Quintus' before placing it on Quintus' shoulder.
"Strength and Honour, my friend." Quintus smiled openly. "It has been too long since I have heard those words." He said softly before rising and enveloping Maximus in a hug. Maximus was taken aback for a moment, before returning the gesture in kind. And for the first time since entering the camp he believed that they would be victorious. We can do this! Slowly Maximus pulled away from the hug, he looked at Quintus and smiled, letting him know that his old strength was back.
"Quintus, rally the men. I want them in the parade ground within one hour. Do not tell them I am here." Quintus nodded, and turned to leave the tent. "Quintus." The older man paused, and looked at Maximus questioningly. "Thank you." He said softly. Quintus turned round and stood to his full height, at attention.
"For nothing, Maximus...and I.I would be grateful if you did not thank me again." Maximus stared at him confused.
"Quintus, I owe you my thanks."
"You owe me nothing!" Quintus spat. "If I had stood by you to begin with, none of this would have happened"
"Quintus, if you had stood by me to begin with, we would not be here. You are right in that respect. We would both be dead. Commodus would have had you executed by my side." Quintus looked at him, anger still evident on his face.
"Maximus, I am with you now. No matter what. You do understand that don't you? No matter what, I will not leave your side. I will not doubt you again."
"I know that Quintus, and I thank you." With those last two words, Quintus stared at the floor, before turning and leaving the tent.
Authors Note
Oh my god. Im so sorry for those of you that are still with me. Theres no excuse for not posting this chapter sooner. I have been so busy with my studies and work that this story just took the back burner for a while. I really enjoyed writing this chapter though, even though its short, and not brilliant it was nice to be back writing about old Max! LOL Im gonna try and get the next chapter written and posted before the end of the month so bear with me , theres quite a bit to go yet, and I still don't know where this story is going exactly, or how it will end. Anyway, once again Im more sorry than you could possibly ever imagine! Angie xxxxx
Commodus placed his head in his hands and surveyed the empty room around him. Alone.I'm always alone. He shook the niggling fear from the back of his mind annoyed at the absurdity of his fear - and grateful that it wasn't dark. He closed his eyes against the pounding in his head which seemed to intensify with every passing heartbeat. Once, his sister would have been there with a kind word and a tonic to take his pain away, but no more. Not since he had learned of her treachery. His curse was muffled by his hands as he thought about the betrayal. He had loved her, with his body and soul and yet she would not repay that love. It was Maximus, always Maximus that managed to outshine him. It was Maximus who his father had named as his son and heir. It was Maximus' name that the crowds chanted. It was Maximus to whom his sister had pledged her loyalty. And it was Maximus that Commodus vowed to kill.
Quintus stared at Maximus who had gingerly sat on the old mans bed, it was the first time he had given his general a thorough glance and he was worried about how pale and drawn he seemed, how he appeared to be a shadow of his former self. Slowly Maximus raised his face, staring Quintus in the eye. The older man was taken aback by how cold Maximus' glance was and he looked away.
"What's the matter Quintus? Why can you not look me in the eye? Do you not like what you see?" Maximus' voice was soft and low, holding a hint of danger.
Quintus kept his gaze on the floor.
"You are different Maximus. You have changed." Maximus' eyes grew angry, his tone harsh.
"Of course I've changed! Do you expect any man to live through what I have and remain unscathed? To remain unchanged? I have spent over a year killing innocent men.men whose only fault was to be born poor, a slave, a Gladiator. Perhaps to have suffered the misfortune of being captured in battle.there is no honour there Quintus. Before I killed men that chose to oppose Rome, to defend my Emperor, my friends, my family.they are all gone Quintus. What do I fight for now?" Maximus' tone grew soft once again "Who do I fight for now?"
Quintus stepped towards Maximus, and crouched down before him, he reached out a hand and lifted Maximus' chin so he could look in his eyes. Now there was only sadness in the Generals eyes.
"You still fight for those people Maximus, you fight to restore what is right. You are fighting for every man in the empire - to free them of Commodus. And you fight for yourself. You are a great man Maximus, you have a great spirit - do not let if fail you now. Remember who you are. You can do this - we can do this. Remember Marcus' dream Maximus. Do not let your loss be for nothing." He paused, reaching out a hand to clasp Maximus' shoulder "Strength and Honour my friend."
Maximus smiled softly, considering his friends words.
"We can do this Quintus." He said softly.
"Yes, we can. We will." Quintus spoke, his tone forceful trying to drive his conviction into Maximus.
"If we fail Quintus, we will die."
"We wont fail Maximus."
"We will die." Maximus continued, as if Quintus had never spoken. "You, me, the men who we command.and anyone that Commodus believed to have been involved in this. That's a lot of lives on the line Quintus. I have no fear of death, once I am dead I will return home to my family. My wife. My son.What of you Quintus? No good can come of your death." Quintus smiled, his hand was still resting on Maximus shoulder and he gave it a friendly squeeze.
"Maximus, I am dead anyway. If we don't do this Commodus will have me executed for desertion. As for the men - they are soldiers. Its is their duty to fight, and if necessary, die for the empire. You are a commander, a leader. Your men love you. They would follow you into Hades if you so asked it of them, and they would do it with a smile on their face. This is not the first time you have led me into battle, and I prey it will not be the last." He added with a smile.
Maximus smiled back, when Quintus looked in his eyes again, some of Maximus' old confidence was back there but Quintus could not help but feel that some part of Maximus had died the day he had been arrested, and it was not coming back. Maximus stood slowly, and placed his hand over Quintus' before placing it on Quintus' shoulder.
"Strength and Honour, my friend." Quintus smiled openly. "It has been too long since I have heard those words." He said softly before rising and enveloping Maximus in a hug. Maximus was taken aback for a moment, before returning the gesture in kind. And for the first time since entering the camp he believed that they would be victorious. We can do this! Slowly Maximus pulled away from the hug, he looked at Quintus and smiled, letting him know that his old strength was back.
"Quintus, rally the men. I want them in the parade ground within one hour. Do not tell them I am here." Quintus nodded, and turned to leave the tent. "Quintus." The older man paused, and looked at Maximus questioningly. "Thank you." He said softly. Quintus turned round and stood to his full height, at attention.
"For nothing, Maximus...and I.I would be grateful if you did not thank me again." Maximus stared at him confused.
"Quintus, I owe you my thanks."
"You owe me nothing!" Quintus spat. "If I had stood by you to begin with, none of this would have happened"
"Quintus, if you had stood by me to begin with, we would not be here. You are right in that respect. We would both be dead. Commodus would have had you executed by my side." Quintus looked at him, anger still evident on his face.
"Maximus, I am with you now. No matter what. You do understand that don't you? No matter what, I will not leave your side. I will not doubt you again."
"I know that Quintus, and I thank you." With those last two words, Quintus stared at the floor, before turning and leaving the tent.
Authors Note
Oh my god. Im so sorry for those of you that are still with me. Theres no excuse for not posting this chapter sooner. I have been so busy with my studies and work that this story just took the back burner for a while. I really enjoyed writing this chapter though, even though its short, and not brilliant it was nice to be back writing about old Max! LOL Im gonna try and get the next chapter written and posted before the end of the month so bear with me , theres quite a bit to go yet, and I still don't know where this story is going exactly, or how it will end. Anyway, once again Im more sorry than you could possibly ever imagine! Angie xxxxx