Thanks to those who have reviewed, sparse as though you are, know that I appreciate the input.
animeprincess1452 - Yeah, I guess there is a good reason why its so natural, but anyway, thanks for the review, and here's more since you asked for it.
Munka-JGSPTV - Yep, Truhan, yay! Well, I guess it's good I thought of this, and now you can read it because I am continuing it. I will also nicely ignore those plot bunnies…they are disturbing me…
Here you two go, don't say I didn't warn ya!
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Chapter 1: Confessions
I must be losing my mind, I can't tell you how I feel, it's going to ruin everything.
Trunks, I love you so much and yet you don't know that. You don't know that I would die for you and do die a little every day we are apart. That's why I wanted to tell you how I feel for you, how much I love you.
But I can't.
Because there is no way you feel the same way for me.
It's not a sure thing that you don't; it's not like my Saiya-jin senses can comprehend something that isn't as obvious as other things. But just the same I know that there is no way you feel for me the same way that I do.
You have Goten, you don't even need me. Besides, it's just a little boy thing to do what you do with him. I did it. Most other boys do too, except they grow up to be perfectly normal heterosexual people, just like I didn't. I know that eventually you and Goten will grow out of that, will stop your games and be normal.
So why do I try?
If there was even the tiniest miniscule chance that you are gay, Trunks, what in the world would make you want me?
I'm not a little boy like you, no matter how much I try to be like one. There is nothing you could find appealing in me, though I find everything appealing in you.
Everything.
My Kami you are so beautiful Trunks.
Every part of you is wonder to my eyes. Especially your eyes. I could get lost in your eyes, of that I am certain. You are the perfect example of a little boy, and perfect could not be more of an understatement in this case. Every time I set my eyes on you I smile; every time I hear your voice my heart melts away; every time I touch you in any way, even if it's just my arm brushing your shoulder I die from the feeling inside. I can't stand my life unless I am around you, because my only happiness is around you. I think again of that time you pulled down your pants in front of me, that thought literally makes me drool, shooting hormones all through my body and making me so aroused I can't think. At least I can't think of anything else but you, Trunks. You don't know how many times I sat next to you and looked at you, hungry for your soft flesh, desperately wanting to encircle your waist with my arms, pull you close and kiss the back of your neck gently, like lovers do.
I'm shaking Trunks, that thought makes me tremble with ecstasy, and more than once has been the one thought to push me over the edge when I play with myself. I imagine what you might do when I would do that, how you would moan softly and squirm around in my hold, trying playfully to get away and giggling in that adorable way you do when I run my tongue over your ears to your cheek. All sound would cease and my tongue would find its way to your mouth, enticed by pure desire to explore inside and I would kiss you deeply, passionately, our eyes closed, and you would arch your back to push closer to me. Our kiss would go on for hours, it would seem, and when we parted I would pull back a ways to look at your adorable smiling face. I know you would love it, if you only gave me the chance to show you how wonderful it could be. I would just lay there then, holding you as you rest your head on my chest and fall asleep, your arms wrapped around me.
Trunks, I know you would like it if you tried. I think that there must be some feeling you have for me, buried somewhere deep inside your body.
But, somehow, I just know there isn't.
I know I'm wasting my life by pining for you because you will never return my affections, because there is no reason for you to. There is no reason for you to ever be attracted to me, because there are no boys in the world who feel that way for older people. I think that maybe you are different, maybe you really do love me, but that's just another worthless excuse to cover up the fact that I know what you don't.
What good could one possibly see in me?
I'm not attractive, and there are people that say I am, but maybe they are just trying to make me feel better with their lies. All I know is that whenever I see myself in the mirror I don't like it. When I am naked and see myself it makes me sick. I'm so dammed ugly nobody in the world even knows it.
I wasn't always this way, you know. Once I was a prime example of a little boy, and when I was, I was wonderfully adorable. I wish I could look that way now. I wish I could turn back time and transform this disgusting body back to when it was small and every bit a perfect little boy like you. Just like you, Trunks. I look at pictures sometimes and wonder what happened, and I would give so much to get a time machine like Mirai you had and see chibi-me; I bet his sexiness would rival your own. Yes, I was unbelievably attractive then.
But look at me now. Grown up, mature, unattractive as could be. I hate myself now, I hate myself so much because I disgust myself when I look in the mirror. I don't want to be this way because I love the way little boys like you look, and I'm not that way anymore.
I just hate being like this.
I want to be a little boy again, I want to be attractive again so you might like me like I like you and everything would be fine.
Frankly, I wish my Piccolo had castrated me when I was a boy, at the same time he removed my tail. That way, I would have been a eunuch and never would have matured like I did. I might just be able to stand my appearance then.
I'm not like you, Trunks, I'm not small and cute and immature and beautiful anymore and because of that I can't see why you would ever want me. I once said there was a one in a billion chance you might, but do you even know what that means? That means that if there were a billion yous, Trunks, a billion of you that had all done the same things and all turned out a little different than you, one of them would love me as I love you.
But there aren't a billion of you, there is only one and I am grateful because this universe can only hold so much cute little boy and you are pushing the limit already. There is only one of you and that means that you will never, never love me, and I am going to waste my life loving you back.
What else can I do? What else can I do if I love you so much and no matter what I can't stop my feelings from consuming my life?
I love you little Trunks, but I know you don't love me.
I know what you are gonna say, Trunks, I know you are going to look at me like a freak and say you hate me, that I am sick and twisted and you don't want to be around me anymore. You might even tell your parents what I said, and they will tell my parents, and I will be put in a mental asylum where I will spend days in useless rehab as those dammed shrinks try to make me love you less and nights in my padded room moaning out your name and crying on the floor.
I cry a lot Trunks, I cry like a grown part Saiya-jin shouldn't, but I can't help it. I love you so much I can't explain it and I already know you don't love me. I'm depressed all the time, I'm falling behind in my classes and training, I'm probably getting weaker in body and mind, but I can't stop the pain because it hurts to know what I want so bad is something I can never have for as long as I live, except maybe in my dreams.
I know what you are gonna say Trunks...
Look at me like a freak...
Hate me...
Sick and twisted...
Don't want to be around me anymore...
It's going to ruin my life to tell you Trunks, so I can't figure out why I am going to do it. Why I am going to put us both through that.
Part of me says it's because I love you, and I don't want to lie to you by not telling you, so that is why I must, and why I will.
All I can do is love you, and even if you don't return the feelings, you gotta know that I do love you because it's only right.
I know what you will say...
. . .
I've made up my mind, I'm going to tell you no matter what happens. My mind has been ravaged thus far, as I sit on your bed and you at your computer. I'm just staring at you, and my mind has been running through this over and over, I have to do it.
I raise my head, clear my mind and steel my resolve. I look you dead in the eye and my heart flutters as you look back, it's now or never.
"Trunks," I say softly, "there is something I have to tell you..."
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A bit shorter than I might have liked, but I felt like making it a cliffhanger…evil laugh…see, now you have to review if you want more!