Iorhael: Thank you for helping on this story. I really do appreciate it. :D
FrodoBaggins87: I know you didn't leave a review, but you told me online. Thanks! :) Hope you enjoy. I have another chapter after this.
Nimrodel of Meneltarma: Hm...does Sandy realize or not? You shall find out eventually as the story progresses. ;-)
InterstellarHobbit: Poor Frodo indeed. That's just his phrase...
A/N: It didn't take long at all, not at all. :) Kind of not obviously seen, but I put .. in one place and it has a note at the end. Enjoy!
March 21, 1420 S.R.
I do not understand it. I have been sleeping dreamlessly the past two nights, yet when I awake I feel as tired as when I'm asleep. It could not be the medicine, for it does not make me sleepy during the day in the least bit. I am restless in the day. I cannot escape to nothingness either, as I would like in order to pass the time.
Perhaps the medicine wears off during the night and the pain returns, causing me to toss and turn, but that does not explain the sudden lack of dreams. It is nice not to dream such dreams I have been having, almost like I am back to my old self, but, if having dreamless sleep causes fatigue now, I would rather have the dreams though they are horrible.
Why was I having such dreams anyhow? They – well, in a way, I am thankful for them, for they showed me what traitors my friends and cousins are. But, at the same time, I am glad the dreams are gone because I no longer fear sleep. They were…disturbing, to say the least. Sam delivering me to Saruman and a host of orcs. Pippin delivering me to a Ringwraith on our way to Crickhollow. Merry drowning me to get the Ring. Absurd, yet they helped me see the small acts of betrayal they did. F.B.
The journal and ink bottle were closed, the quill pen placed in its holder, and the book went inside the dark depth of Frodo's pocket. Frodo attempted to stretch, but it made his already aggravated back muscles burn. He yelped in pain, and his hand quickly met his back, rubbing gently at the aching muscles. Oh, how did I injure my back? he asked himself. I just remember the clearing, dragging to the road, and nothing else.
Frodo's face contorted with confusion. If only he could remember, then he could possibly guess how long he would be in Sandy's home. He wanted to be back at the Cotton's, somewhere he could feel somewhat safe from harm. How he longed to see Rosie's dainty face and fair smile again! He had no romantic thoughts toward her, but she was the closest he had to a friend.
He missed Bag End, but it was ruined now. He could not retreat there to suffer alone, to keep himself from becoming a burden to anyone. The confines of his home were where he longed to be. He supposed he would feel safer there, though it was not a surety. He could at least be alone, just as he felt inside. He felt as though his current surroundings were not his own for the fact that many came by, interrupting him from his solitude.
No one seemed to know he was at the doctor's, which relieved him. He absolutely did not want anybody to feel sorry for him and consider him a charity case. He was not. He would not ever be so long as he had food, clothing, a roof over his head…. How could they think him such when it was he who had set out on the perilous journey? He had seen poverty at its greatest extent as he knew on the Quest.
He wished he had never gone. He would not have so many friends to feel betrayed by; he would have the Ring for comfort. He would have a normal life again, a whole life – as whole as one could feel. He still longed for the Ring as a poor hobbit longed for crumbs of food. It had become his life, what it was about, and when It had been destroyed, so had life itself for the hobbit. How could I have let it become everything to me? A little gold band with the power to destroy the world…so precious, yet so treacherous, so betraying. First, Isildur…then Déagol…after him, Sméagol. My uncle It did not quite betray, but me? It was treacherous! Drawing that horrid creature Gollum to me at Mount Doom! It could have continued existing had it stayed with me.
Such thoughts filled Frodo's mind throughout each day. It was like Hosea's wife of whoredoms.., seeking one creature after another like Hosea's wife her lovers. Had it but realized he was the one who could have given it safety, as Hosea's wife realized her husband had been the provider of her needs, it would still be around, though it would have eventually betrayed him to reach its master. That always escaped Frodo's thoughts.
Now, life had no meaning to Frodo. No feelings but grief and despair – how could such a hobbit truly live? His scarred soul could never heal completely, but it could be restored almost in full if he would find the joy in living again. He could not do so, however, with the constant desire to die that he felt all too often.
On such thoughts, Frodo fell asleep again. This time, he was tormented with dreams again. So many fears he had been running from all along filled his dreams as he struggled greatly in his sleep.
TBC...
..Referring to the book of Hosea in the Bible
A/N: Don't forget to leave a review. :) Thanks for reading!