If Tomorrow Never Comes
Chapter 24
White walls. White jackets. White shoes. He hated hospitals and he hated waiting. Lucky closed his eyes against the glare of the room. Images of red flashed in his mind. Fear crawled in his chest. Carly's face swam through his head, eyes shocked.
/Pain. So much pain./
He clutched the arm of his chair, fingers digging into the hard plastic. Images continued assaluting his mind. A man covered in shadows. Something familiar...
/Blood. Pain. The glint of a gun./
"Lucky?"
His body trembled with fear, a wave of pain overcoming all his senses. He could smell the stale air of the docks. He could hear his heartbeat racing. But it wasn't his. The pressure of hands on his shoulders fought to pull him out but he tightened his eyes more. He needed to know.
A flash of light. The smell of gunpowder.
/Oh god, please no.../
"Lucky!"
His eyes flew open, meeting Juan's frightened stare. He looked down at where he was being held. Juan shook him gently. Lucky stared at the floor, willing his heart to slow. He shivered slightly, the cold air of the room seeping into his skin.
"Lucky."
He met his friends gaze and a single tear fell. "Is she dead?"
Juan didn't bother to ask, not at all surprised that Lucky already knew. "I just know that she was brought in." He patted his friend on the back. "Gia's still in surgery. We could go down there and check if you want."
The need to see for himself that his cousin was alive fought with the need to be there for Gia. "I -"
"Okay. I'll go and check on Carly. You stay here until Gia's surgery is done. I promise to come back with any news." Without waiting for his reply, Juan walked to the elevator. As he pushed the button, he glanced at Lucky, sitting with his head bent, staring blankly at the floor. The doors closed on him and Juan leaned against the far wall, wondering if they'd ever wake up from this nightmare.
Johnny ran through the double doors, searching the room, finding Bobbie and Luke at the end of the hall. He rushed past doctors and nurses, shoving people out of his way. No one said a word as he joined them. Zander and Mike each came to him. They hugged him silently.
Emily watched from her seat as Zander comforted Bobbie then walked back to seat next to Mike. They hadn't said a word since he'd walked into the waiting area. She knew he was in pain and at any other time would have forced him to let her in. But he'd been the one to find Carly first...
Shari reached for Emily's hand, offering what little help she could. It was driving her mad feeling so completely useless. She watched Mike rub his eyes and look toward the entrance. She followed his gaze and saw the doors open silently. Sonny spotted them and mowed his way to them. Mike and Zander rose from their position.
Luke and Bobbie reached Sonny first and talked quietly to him for a few minutes. He seemed to try to get past them but Luke pushed him back. He nodded and looked at the gathered group. He found his father and walked slowly to him. Mike met him halfway and they embraced. The room fell silent and Shari wiped away the tears that spilled from her eyes.
Mike let go reluntantly and Sonny turned to Zander, reaching for him.
"I'm so sorry, Son." Zander said, hugging Sonny tightly.
"It okay, Zander. It's okay." Sonny reassured him. He met Emily's eyes over Zander's shoulder and she choked back a sob. Sonny dark eyes were empty. Empty and more lifeless than she'd ever seen them.
"Lucky."
He glanced up at the voice. "Mrs. Campbell."
"What happened? Is my baby okay?" Florence cried, sitting shakily next to him. She clasped the hand he offered her tightly.
"They wouldn't tell me anything."
"Did you come with her?"
Lucky nodded. Before he could say anything he caught sight of Taggert and Monica Quatermaine. He brought them to Florence's attention. Taggert greeted his mother with a hug, reassuring her that everything would work out.
"Marcus, if anything..."
"I know, Mom. I know."
Taggert glared in Lucky's direction, all his pain and anger bubbling beneath the surface. He felt his mother hands on his arm. He'd have enough time to warn Spencer away from his sister. He turned back to Monica. "What the news?"
"She came through the surgery with glowing colors. The bullets richoted off her ribs but no major organs were hit. What I am worried about is the swelling at the base of her spine."
"What does that mean, Dr. Quatermaine? I mean Gia's going to be okay right?"
"I can't make that promise, Lucky. The injuries she sustained are minor..."
"Minor?" Taggert replied incredously.
Monica looked at him sadly. "Compared to others, Taggert, you're sister is very lucky."
"But Gia's going to be okay, right?" Lucky's voice questioned, his voice catching at her name.
Monica squeezed his hand gently. "She's stable Lucky. We honestly won't know how much damage she sustained until she wakes up."
"How long does it take to wake up?" Taggert asked, glancing at his mother.
"The time varies for everyone. She could wake up in a few hours. Most likely the effects of the anstesia won't wear off until tomorrow." Monica's pager went off and she excused herself for a minute. Lucky studied the doctor speaking quietly into the phone at the end of the hall. She glanced at him a few times. She seemed to take a minute to gather herself , then turned, coming to stand on front of him.
"Lucky, I think it might be best if you join your family downstairs." She placed a hand on his shoulder. "They might need you."
Paitents and nurses passed the silent group that had claimed the small emergency waiting room as their own. They would stare fixedly at them. See the signs of grief and despair in the ashened faces sitting in the chairs. It radiated off of them in waves and many sped by, averting their gazes. They seemed to share the pain as one. At least it seemed that way to those outside the small group.
But those inside felt different. Shock had settled in and no one knew how to react. Juan and Shari sat side by side, not touching. Mike had stopped speaking completely and Zander had ceased trying to make him. Luke offered what comfort he could to his sister and Sonny. Emily watched helplessly, seeing the strongest people she'd ever met, unravel before her eyes.
She glanced across at Sonny. He sat alone, his eyes never leaving the operating room door. Doors continued to open and close. Doctors ran past them. New victims were still being brought in. In the distance she heard the sound of a child sobbing. She rose, rubbing at her grainy eyes, and walking to the wall. She leaned back against it, her head making a thud as it hit the plaster.
Lucky found her in that position. He touched her hair with his fingertips. "Hey."
"Hey." She tried to smile through the tears. She opened her eyes, regretting it almost immediately. She noted the circles under Lucky's eyes and the stress written across his face. He looked almost as bad as Sonny. /Only Lucky still has hope left.../
"How's Gia doing?"
"Best as could be expected. Carly?"
Emily shrugged. "Don't know yet." She jerked her head toward Sonny. "He's not doing so well, though."
"I see that." Lucky stared fixedly at Sonny. "But then how could he be."
"That's true. How could any of us?" Enily laughed bitterly. "I have to tell you they did a good job."
Lucky brought his attention back to her. "Good job?"
Emily sniffed back the tears, wiping at them angirly."Yeah. They managed to hurt us all simply by hurting the one person we all counted on. The one person that could get us through this. They took our Carly, Lucky."
"Don't say that, Em. Carly's not gone."
"You didn't see her Lucky." Emily met his eyes. "The bastards made sure that you couldn't even recognize her."
Tony Jones viewed them through the glass partition, skimming over the small group until he found who he was looking for. He pushed the door open and met Sonny's probing stare. "Sonny."
"Dr. Jones." Sonny pulled himself up to face the doctor. "How is she?"
"She made it through the operation."
Relieved laughs filled the room. Shari began to cry and Bobbie remained seated unsure that her legs would sustain her. Luke smiled over at Lucky and Emily moved across the room to Zander. Mike hugged Juan quicky.
"There's more." Tony held his hand up.
Sonny stared at him and waited. "Say it."
Tony sighed. "Carly's in a coma."
The sudden light that had filled their room left as quickly as it had come.
"Coma?" Luke asked sadly, keeping a close eye between his sister and Sonny.
Tony addressed the man in front of him. "Sonny, have a seat. Everyone please." He waved at them impatiently. "Let me just have a minute here." Tony stared down at the chart in his hands, collecting his thoughts as he took the seat next to Sonny. He eyed him contemplatively, remembering the other man's history with tragedy. He'd never been told but he suspected that Sonny didn't handle pain well.
"I can handle whatever it is, Tony." Sonny surprised him by voicing what he had been thinking. Tony took a moment to study him then nodded.
"I like to be straightforward Sonny. So I'm going to be honest with you." He waited until Sonny nodded. "Good. I want to get this out." He sighed and crossed his legs. "The damage Carly sustained in her attack should have killed her."
"Carly's a survivor." Sonny whispered.
"Yes. She is." Tony leaned forward meeting Sonny's eyes. "But she's not invincible. I want to be clear on everything with Carly, okay?" Tony noted the quick nod of Sonny's head. "She had several cracked ribs, a broken wrist, bruises and cuts, some damage to her face and a dislocated shoulder." He paused. "Do you want me to stop?"
"No." Sonny said hoarsely. "I want to know."
Tony took a moment, determining whether he should gloss over the rest but he knew that for Carly and Sonny's sake he had to be brutal. "Okay. That was the minor injuries. The bullets penetrated her lungs, causing internal bleeding and in turn doing damage to one of her kidneys. It's minimal damage but to be on the safe side, we will be keeping a close eye on that. I was able to stop the bleeding and so far she's doing fine breathing on her own. But...what worries me Sonny, most of all, is the head trauma." Tony covered his face for a second, sighing deeply. "She sustained some serious head injuries. From what I can tell there's a swelling in the right side of her brain. Now, I can't make an accurate assessment until the swelling goes down..."
"Say it Tony."
"There's a real possibility that Carly won't wake up from the coma."
Sonny's face crumbled momentarily. This wasn't happening. He felt Tony's hand on his shoulder and he found the strength to compose himself. He looked up with moist eyes. "I want to see her."
Tony nodded, and rising with Sonny, motioned to the doors. "Let's go."
Everything's so blurry
and everyone's so fake
and everybody's so empty
and everything is so messed up
"Luke." Laura said softly, bringing his attention away from the door that Sonny and Tony ahd disappeared into. He turned his head to stare at her. Reaching out, he held her face softly, not saying a word. After a moment, he pulled her to him.
"It'll be okay. Carly's a Spencer. You know us, Spencers. We don't give up."
He pulled back slightly, resting his hand at her waist comfortable. "We?"
"You heard me."
"Yeah, I did, sweetheart." He leaned down and kissed her mouth quickly. He glanced over his shoulder at Bobbie. She leaned her head on Mike's shoulder, talking quietly to him.
"I don't think Bobbie or Sonny could handle it if anything where to happen to that girl." Laura said, resting her forehead against Luke's. Luke closed his eyes.
"You love her, don't you?"
Sonny's eyes continued their perusal of Luke's things before coming back to meet the older man's gauging stare. "Yes." He got up from his seat, picking his coat up and shrugging into it. He met his uncle-in-law face to face. "I love Carly more than I ever thought I could love anyone." He saw the questions in Luke's eyes. "Even Brenda."
"Oh baby. I don' t think Sonny could survive if something happened to Carly." He looked into his wife's beautiful blue eyes. "I don't think he'd want to."
pre-occupied without you
I cannot live at all
My whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
Zander felt her before she spoke and he forced his eyes to remain closed.
"Are you doing okay?" Emily asked, taking the empty seat next to his. He cursed Mike for having moved to seat with Bobbie. Then, he smiled faintly. Carly would have thought the same thing. He heard her voice in the back of his head telling him he was crazy to be afraid. He opened his eyes, turning his head and seeing Lucky sitting with his aunt.
"Everything!" Lucky darted up from his chair, knocking it backwards. He placed his hands on the table and leaned over Zander. "She's been my best friend forever. I love her. Do you get that? So, I want to know. Are you jerking her around or do you actually feel something for her?" Zander stared silently back at him and Lucky let out a growl. " This isn't a game, Zander. You don't play with Emily like that."
"Oh, kind of the way you do with Gia?" Zander smiled as the accusation hit it's target. "What? You don't think I've got eyes. Or ears. Ever since I first met her all Gia can talk about is you. How you guys always fight. How you became close recently. The fact that you're always around her. Who's jerking who around here, huh?" Zander rose slowly from his chair, moving to the door leading back to his cell, he knocked on it loudly. "You want to know the truth. I love Emily. I know I shouldn't but I do.I don't make myself believe something that isn't true because I'm scared it'll turn out wrong. If I didn't love Emily I wouldn't be here." The door opened and a guard stepped out to lead Zander back. "At least I had the guts to face her and let her know how I felt. Can you say the same?"
He closed his eyes once more and slowly reached his hand over to Emily's, placing it softly in hers.
Emily stared down at their clasped hands, trying not to read too much into it. This wasn't the time nor the place to try to sort her complicated relationship with Zander. This was enough.
You could be my someone
you could be my sea
you know that i'll protect you
from all of the obscene
"I don't know what to do."
"There's nothing that you need to do, Aunt Bobbie." Lucky squeezed her hand tightly. "When Sonny's done, he'll come out and tell us what's going on."
Bobbie nodded, wiping at her eyes with her free hand. "Lucky, can I ask you something?"
"Anything."
"Do you still feel her? Carly, that is."
Lucky froze at the question. He'd been trying to push away the images and thoughts that keep filtering through his head. He knew they were coming from Carly. /Pain. So much pain. Blood. Pain. The glint of a gun./ He shook himself out of the trance.Looking over at his aunt, he smiled sadly. "I do still feel her. Why?"
Bobbie shook her head. "I just wanted to make sure I wasn't convincing myself that Carly was okay." She caressed his face softly. "Thank you."
I wonder what your doing
imagine where you are
there's oceans in between us
but that's not very far
Johnny rolled his neck, massaging gently at the tension building there. The waiting was killing him. He wanted to check up on Alexis' condition but he wanted to be here if Sonny needed him. It was killing his friend what had happened to Carly. They all knew the risks involved in this life. Carly had come into it with her eyes open but at times like this, that made no difference. He knew the guilt was eating at Sonny. And if he were to reflect on it, he knew it was getting to him too.
/Johnny moved closer, invading her space until she couldn't breath. "This life isn't an easy one, Ms. Davis. The actions we have to take aren't ones that we're proud of. We lose too much and sometimes we have to give up the things that we want most."/
Johnny sighed, knowing that one day he would regret this decision. He laughed mirthlessly. He already did.
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
explain again to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it my face
Mike raised his head from his hands, feeling the pressure of a hand on his back. He met Shari's eyes and smiled soflty. "How you holding up, honey?" He reached for her hand and squeezed it gently.
" I was going to ask you the same question."
Mike sighed. "I'm hanging in there...for Michael. And for Carly. She would want me to help him through this."
Shari looked away, focusing on Juan who was pacing next to Johnny. They seemed in a deep converation. "She loves him so much."
"And he loves her."
Shari watched Mike from her prepiheral. "Did you feel the same way for Sonny's mother?" Mike started at her question, surprised.
"I loved Adella very much." He watched the tension in Shari's shoulders sudside and studied the young woman intently. She turned to smile at him softly, pushing the wavy black hair behind her ears.
"Maybe you should tell Sonny that." She patted his hand and crossed the small hall to Juan's side. She took his hand in hers and smiled quickly, twin dimples flaring. Juan stroked her hair, placing a kiss on her forehead.
Mike nodded to himself, a strange feeling growing as he watched the young woman. "Maybe I should."
Everyone is changing
there's noone left that's real
to make up your ending
and let me know just how you feel
Tony paused outside the ICU room that held Carly. He turned to Sonny, meeting his eyes. "I think you need to prepare yourself, Sonny. She doesn't..." He made a motion with his hands, the words trailing off.
Sonny nodded, his eyes trained on the door that led to the room. "I'm ready."
He moved away from Tony, placing his shaking hand on the door he pushed it open firmly, his eyes falling on the figure on the bed. He stopped in his tracks.
"Oh God."
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
Sonny's stride was slow and cautious. His eyes roamed over the numerous machines that were attached to his wife . Reaching her side, he paused, letting his gaze fall on her face. He yearned to touch the silky blond hair that stuck out from under the bandages on her head. He felt the familar pull of grief and he fought it. The darkness swirled around him, calling him, taunting him. Carly's swollen and bruised face blurred, tears filling his eyes.
You could be my someone
you could be my sea
you know that i will save you
from all of the unclean
Everything seemed to be falling in around him. Images of their life flashed in through his head and he knew he couldn't do this. He wouldn't make it. Not without her.
"I was just standing here wondering what could make my husband smile like that, " she said as she made her way to him. She stopped to stand in front of him, her hands sliding up his chest coming to rest behind his neck as she played with the hair that always curled there.
"Oh. That's easy," he smiled, his hands settling on her waist. He looked down at her mouth, then back up to her eyes. "Your husband's wife." Her eyes widened and she searched his, trying to gauge his sincerity. It still surprised her when he said those things to her. Nobody ever had before. He saw the uncertainty in her eyes and suppressed a frustrated sigh. He could kill all the people that had made her feel so unworthy that any little compliment was met with doubt. Include yourself there, buddy. "Come here." He took her hand and walked to the bed. He sat down and pulled her down to sit on his lap. "I meant that, Carly. You know that, right? You make… you make me happy."
I wonder what your doing
I wonder where you are
There's oceans in between us
but that's not very far
His hand caressed her face, slowly tracing her lips, being careful of the cuts. Fingers brushed aside the stray hair on her face. He bent, placing a small kiss on her forehead. Pulling the chair closer to the bed, he sat down, leaning forward. He placed her smaller hand on his, staring intently at her face.
"I love you." Her whispered declaration hung in the air.
She smiled and closed her eyes as she fell into a dream filled sleep sometime later. When her breathing became even Sonny's eyes opened slightly, a smile coming to his lips. "I love you, too."
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
explain again to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it my face
Sonny placed soft kisses on her hand, clutching it to his cheek. Watched the rise and fall of her chest and listened to the labored sound of her breathing. Her face was swollen almost beyond recognition. But he could still see his Carly. His beautiful wife.
Carly stopped her pacing to look at Sonny. He was watching her with an intense expression. He reached his hand through the bars again. Carly glanced down at it, noticing how it shook slightly. Tears filled her eyes and she ran to the door, grabbing his hand. "It's okay, Son. I'm okay."
"When...when Johnny got that call I thought...I thought you were..." He wouldn't meet her eyes and she cursed the bars, wanting to wrap him in her arms. Sonny looked up, the tears shining in his eyes. "God, baby, I was so afraid." He reached his hand and clasped the back of her head. Their foreheads touched through the bars. "I can't lose you, Caroline."
"You won't. I promise."
The memories assaulted him savagely. The words they'd said to each other replaying in his mind.
"Nothing. I just want to make one thing clear to you." She waited until he looked at her. "Leaving is not an option."
Sonny stared at her dumbfounded that she could read him so well.
"Yeah. You heard me. I know you better than you know yourself, Corinthos. So, just get that thought out of your head. We are married. We are a family. You can't stop that. You can't hide from it." She walked up to him, placing her hands on his shoulders and massaging them slowly. " Sonny, I love you." Sonny froze, his mind screeching to a halt with her declaration.
Carly gave him a small smile. "I do. I love you. Nothing is going to change that. Nothing you say and nothing you do. I choose this life with you. This..." she gestued at the bruise on her face. "is not your fault. So don't think for a minute that it is. Maybe my life would be easier if you weren't in it. And I know yours would be if I weren't. But a life without you would merely be existing. You're my heart. You're my soul. You are my life. Remember that before you decide to do something stupid."
Sonny shifted his seat closer to Carly's head. He leaned in, his hand finding her bandaged head. "Baby."
Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
told you where to runaway
"Listen to me. I need you to fight, okay? Do you hear me Caroline? I need you. Here with me. With Michael." He placed a kiss on her cheek. "I can't...I can't do this. I don't want live this life without you."
nobody told you where to hide
nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you where to runaway
"You are my everything. Did I ever tell you that? My everything. You're the first thing I think about when I wake up and the last thing on my mind when I go to bed." He paused, looking at her face. "Before you came into my life, I felt like I was drowning. Like I couldn't breath. And I liked that feeling. That numbness that the darkness brought. But, then one day, there you were." He laughed wryly. "A blond, loud, crazy hurricane who filled up the room, who made the darkness fade, and pushed away the numbness. You made me... feel...again, baby."
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it in my face
explain again to me
Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
when ya shoved it my face
"And it drove me crazy, you know. You'd walk in a room and it was like I could breath and I could feel. God, I hated that. No matter how hard I tried you managed to get under my skin. No matter how hard I pushed, you'd stay standing. No matter what you saw of me, you'd still come back. You always came back"
Explain again to me
Sonny wiped at his eyes, the tears he's been holding back falling freely now. "I need you to come back to me now. I need you help me breath. I need to help me feel." He took her hand on his once more. "I love you, Caroline. I've never loved anyone as much. Tu eres mi vida, amor. Tu eres me todo." He placed his head next to hers, closing his eyes tightly. "Please, baby. Don't leave me alone. Please."
you take it all
you take it all away...
explain again to me
you take it all away
explain again to me
take it all away
explain again
Lyrics: Blurry by Puddle of Mudd
Translation: Tu eres mi vida amor ( You are my life, love.)
Tu eres mi todo (You are my everything.)