If Tomorrow Never Comes
Chapter 25
Night is falling on me again
Harder and darker than I can't remember when
The light I thought would never fade
Is slipping away... You're slipping away
Luke Spencer wasn't a man prone to praying. Or hoping. Or wishing. Not since the hopes and prayers of a small ten-year-old boy had fallen on deaf ears. He believed in action. He believed that to get what you wanted you had to grab it. Never mind the consequences. Actions had gotten him everything in his life. Hopes and prayers left you with nothing.
But as his eyes took in his best friend's hunched shoulders as he bent to place a kiss on Carly's head and the state his beautiful, strong niece was in, Luke closed his eyes and did something he hadn't done in almost 40 years. He prayed. He prayed that God would give Sonny a break for once. He hoped that God proved that he was the kind, benevolent Father his mother had said he was and not the cruel vindictive bastard Luke believed him to be. He wished with all his might that Carly would open her eyes and make the world, as it should be.
Opening his own eyes slowly, he watched Sonny lean his face on his and Carly's joined hands. He glanced at the ceiling. "Don't you dare take her you son of bitch. Don't do it."
But something inside him dimmed and he as much as he wanted it to end differently, he believed that Carly's fate had already been decided. And there wasn't a damn thing he could do to change. He stared through the glass at Sonny again. /Except what Carly would want./ Luke waited a moment, finding his composure and inhaling deeply, he pushed the door open...
Is it my fault for starting to believe
A happy ending could come to me
That anything that beautiful could be true
When I know I only deserve a lie
But I played the fool, trying to hold on to
The sunset colors that paint the sky
The home I found in your eyes
The door behind him opened and closed with a soft wushing noise. Sonny heard the shuffling of feet, the scarping noise of a chair as it was dragged next to his own by the bed and from the corner of his eye, he saw Luke position himself by his side.
He didn't look away from Carly, afraid that breaking that bit of contact would cause him to lose her. Sonny could barely feel her presence anymore. Maybe it was the numbness that had taken over his heart and body since Taggert had found him.
/"Sonny... it's Carly."/
Three little words that had threatened everything he had.
/"Sonny... it's Carly."/
Three little words he had dreaded hearing.
/"Sonny... it's Carly."/
Three little words he knew one day would be spoken.
/"Sonny... it's Carly."/
Just three words...It amazed him how just three words could destroy his life. He could still hear them ringing in his head. Over and over and over/...Sonny... it's Carly...Sonny... it's Carly... Sonny... it's Carly.../
Three simple little words that had shattered his world.
If all the breath left my body
If the stars fell and left me blind
Somehow I would see again
I'd breathe again
With you here by my side
But if you were taken from me
I'd lose the life within my soul
If tomorrow comes without you
I'll never be whole
Luke studied Sonny quietly, offering what comfort he could with as little intrusion as possible. His eyes took in Sonny fingers as they traced Carly's features. As they gently pushed the hair that sprang out from under the bandages away from her face. He had to swallow back tears watching Sonny caress Carly's wedding band.
Sonny wasn't one to show his pain to the world but Luke could feel how deep his friend's despair and anguish ran. And guilt. He could see the guilt clearly on Sonny's face. Whoever had done this...would pay, he swore, regarding the way Sonny clutched Carly's hand.
Luke cleared his throat. "Hey. Son. Why don't you go stretch your legs and go get something to eat? You've been here non-stop for... awhile."
"No."
/Okay, that hadn't worked./ Luke placed his hand on Sonny's shoulder. "Sonny. You need to rest. You've been sitting here for days. I'll stay with her."
"What if she wakes up and I'm not here." Sonny shook his head, refusing to meet Luke's eyes. "No. I need to be here when she comes to. She'll need me."
"Sonny..."
"Don't say it, man."
Luke said nothing for a long moment, turning his head to stare out of the window. When he did speak it was almost a whisper. "You have to face it sometime Sonny."
The fear falls down and all around
You slip through my fingers without a sound
I didn't turn my back, so how did I lose you
I tried to hold you safe, so the world couldn't bruise you
Sonny concentrated on his wife's peaceful face, blocking out Luke's voice. He didn't want to hear what the other man had to say.
Everyone had passed through the room in the last few days, giving him condolences, telling him to be strong. They had all but given up hope. Oh, no one said it to him out loud but he could feel their pity. Tony was the only one to tell him that Carly's condition wasn't looking good. The fact that she hadn't woken up after 48 hours hadn't given Tony any confidence.
He knew they all believed that Carly was gone. That he should let it be. But none of them knew his wife. She was a fighter. She didn't give up. Never had and never will.
"There's nothing to face, Luke."
"Sonny it's been more than a week..."
"Oh well, let's just declare her dead then. God forbid her body and her spirit take the time to heal."
"That's not what I meant Sonny and you know it."
Sonny jerked his head around. "Why do you all want her gone?"
Luke shook his head sadly. "I don't Sonny. You know I don't. But it's not up to you or me. You have to face the possibility that Caroline isn't coming back."
I guess it's my fault for letting myself believe
A happy ending was meant for me
That anything so beautiful could really last
Why did I almost trust it this time
When it's never been true in the past
And your love was by far my most treasured prize
Warm like the home I found in your eyes
Sonny wanted to scream at him, tell him to get the hell out and leave them alone. But somewhere inside of him, he felt something break. If he let himself be honest, he'd admit he'd lost hope days ago. Heck, he might admit he'd never really had it because he'd known all along that it wasn't real.
The contentment he'd finally found was all a mirage. Hadn't he known that? Hadn't he known that he was unworthy of her love? Of having someone as beautiful and wondrous as Carly in his life.
/You knew it Sonny. You just let yourself believe in fairytales./
If all the breath left my body
If the stars fell and left me blind
Somehow I would see again
I'd breathe again
With you here by my side
But if you were taken from me
I'd lose the life within my soul
If tomorrow comes without you
I'll never be whole
Sonny looked down at the her one more time, arranging Carly's hand on the bed then he rose abruptly, heading towards the window.
Luke watched him silently.
"You know...when I was a little boy, usually after one of Deke's beatings when he'd leave for a couple of days, my Mama would let me sleep in her bed with her. She'd tuck me in and tell me a story. It was always the same story." Sonny voice cracked and he paused for a moment, clearing his throat. "You heard of Beauty and the Beast?" Sonny glanced at Luke who nodded.
"She'd always tell me about the cursed prince who was turned into a beast and the woman whom learned to love him. Who looked beyond what frightened everyone away and into what lay beneath. And loved him anyway." Sonny smiled sadly. "I never got that story but it always made Mama feel better to tell it so I always listened." His eyes moved to the bed. "I get it now."
"Sonny you're not cursed."
"I'm not? Huh. I think you're wrong there my friend."
Luke got up and stood in front of Sonny. "You listen to me. This isn't your fault."
"Save it Luke." Sonny spit out, disgusted.
"No." Luke blocked his path. "Sonny, Carly loved...loves you. She knew the risks in that. She accepted them and she lived without fear, man. She lived to love you and to cherish every second you had together." He glanced at his niece motionless body. "What would she be saying to you right now?"
Slipping away...
Oh I can feel you
Slipping away...
If I could heal you
I'd trade my life today
Don't you hear me calling
But this is still real
And you keep on falling
Sonny didn't answer, walking around him and back to the window.
"She'd tell you that you needed to stop sitting in here blaming yourself, man. That you needed to stop killing yourself little by little every day while you watch her get further and further away. That you needed to go home and take care of Michael, your son. He needs you, Sonny. Now more than ever."
Luke came to stand next to Sonny at the window. "You want to honor Caroline, Michael, then you do what she would do. You pick yourself up, take the pieces of your shattered life, and try to glue them back together and take care of the people that love you and that you love." He squeezed Sonny's shoulder. "That's what Caroline would do." Without another word, Luke turned and walked out the door.
Sonny stood rigidly by the window for what seemed a lifetime. He felt the tears gather and for the first time, he let then fall freely. He let out a heart wrenching sob and the force of his pain knocked the strength from his legs and he slid to the floor. He cried until no tears were left. Until his chest hurt and his throat was raw. And when he had no more left, he wiped his face and stood up, walking back to his wife's bedside.
If all the breath left my body
If the stars fell and left me blind
Somehow I would see again
I'd breathe again
With you here by my side
But if you were taken from me
I'd lose the life within my soul
If tomorrow comes without you
I'll never be whole
"Hey baby." He reached out to caress her face. "I guess you heard Luke and knowing you, you probably agree." Sonny sighed. "You know how I hate it when he's right, don't you?"
He smiled softly. "Yeah. You know." He sat down, taking her hand in his. "I have to go on I know that. I have to find the strength to take care of our son. And I guess in time..." he paused, wetting his dry lips before continuing, "I guess in time I will. I won't have to remind myself to wake up or to eat. To breathe in and out all day. But I tell you baby, I can't see that day."
One lone tear fell down his cheek.
"I will honor you, Caroline, like I promised I would. I will take care of our family and our son. I'll be the strong one now. But I refuse to let you go. I can't. I can't live without you. Without you I'll only be existing, remember? So you listen to me Carly Corinthos, you come back to me, you hear? You can't right now that's fine but I'll come back tomorrow and the tomorrow after that until you do."
Sonny leaned over and kissed her cheek, whispering softly. "Because I love you and you love me. Nothing will change that baby. Nothing."
He let her hand go, standing up and coming round to the other side of the bed. He gently climbed up and lay down next to her, his head resting on her shoulder. Taking her hand once more, he placed a small kiss on it and held it, closing his eyes and listening to the sound of her breathing.
He wanted one more night with her. Tomorrow he'd start gathering the pieces of his life together. Tonight he just wanted to be near her.
Night is falling on me again
Harder and darker than I can't remember when
And I can't remember a reason to seek out the dawn
And I don't know how the world goes on
But I close my crying eyes to see
And pray tomorrow never comes for me
Poem: If Tomorrow Never Comes by Aprilhope
The End