"How have you been?" Jack typed into the Instant Messinging service. He
used their standard protocol, logging on at 3 in the afternoon LA time.
"Well. You're missed. Will you be visiting soon?" Irina replied quickly. She was logged on under her usual handle.
"Things are uncertain at present." Jack typed, but paused before entering the text. "How are things going for you?" He finished, and hit enter. He regretted how he'd put it immediately.
"Things?" Irina replied, just as he'd expected. He'd chosen the wrong word, and now he was going to pay for it. "You've been gone too long if that's how you're referring to our situation." Irina typed, he could hear her harsh tone echoing in his head.
"Forgive me. It is hard when we're not talking in person." Jack said, hoping she would understand.
She left him hoping for a long moment before responding.
"Everything here is going well. It's hard." Irina replied, her tone obviously softening. "How is Sydney?"
"I'm afraid that is where the uncertainty lies." Jack typed.
"What happened?" Irina asked quickly.
"I'll know more later. I must go now. Talk to you soon. Love." Jack typed hastily, before signing off.
They both knew that he really didn't have to go. Irina sighed, as did Jack. He always regretted ending a conversation with her. Or maybe it was that he could see her face to face and talk to her, that he regretted. Either way he left the conversation feeling unfulfilled and worried.
He closed the lid to his laptop unceremoniously, and started his car. He drove quickly, without thinking. His mind was still on where he'd left the conversation with Irina. He went over it again in his mind. Should he have told her? Should he have let her know what he'd done? It pained him to keep this from her, especially when so much was at stake; Especially when she was so involved. Sydney was her daughter too, and what she'd just learned was something with which both Jack and Irina would have to handle the repercussions of.
As he drove he kept seeing her eyes. Tear filled, and angry her stare bore into him like nothing he'd ever felt before. It was as if the waves of guilt and grief growing inside of him all came crashing down at once, focused in the anguish of her eyes. He'd seen this before; her reaction to his actions. And when he'd played it out in his head this was one of the logical conclusions. He hated that it had ended up this way. He hated that it had started in the first place.
But the time for anger and hatred had just begun.
Truth be told, he needed Irina's counsel. She was, in fact, the only person who could give him the valuable advice he so desperately needed. In truth, she was the only one who could "fix" things, as they stood now. Or at least, that is what Jack prayed.
A thought crossed his mind. Maybe there was someone else who could help him. An avenue to Sydney's heart, and ear. She had refused to see him, talk to him, listen to his messages. She'd been a stone wall ever since he'd dragged her kicking and screaming out of the Wittenberg bank. She'd cried. She'd demanded explanations and apologies. But he could give none. He wanted to, desperately. But he could not. His shock was still too great. He had not yet prepared himself for this. He wasn't ready.
Changing gears, Jack kicked himself for his own self pity. Yes, he was saddened, angry, guilty, but it was all nothing compared to what she was going through. He pictured her sitting in her living room, alone, crying. Wondering what it all meant, and how he could have kept it all from her. But then he remembered, she wouldn't be alone. Michael Vaughn would be there with her. And the thought crossed his mind again. Maybe he could help. Maybe Vaughn was the key to helping Sydney understand, to helping Sydney's fresh wounds heal, and build a new bridge with Jack.
Yes, Jack nodded to no one but himself. He would enlist the help of Michael Vaughn. But first, he had to make Vaughn understand, and that, wasn't going to be easy.
"Well. You're missed. Will you be visiting soon?" Irina replied quickly. She was logged on under her usual handle.
"Things are uncertain at present." Jack typed, but paused before entering the text. "How are things going for you?" He finished, and hit enter. He regretted how he'd put it immediately.
"Things?" Irina replied, just as he'd expected. He'd chosen the wrong word, and now he was going to pay for it. "You've been gone too long if that's how you're referring to our situation." Irina typed, he could hear her harsh tone echoing in his head.
"Forgive me. It is hard when we're not talking in person." Jack said, hoping she would understand.
She left him hoping for a long moment before responding.
"Everything here is going well. It's hard." Irina replied, her tone obviously softening. "How is Sydney?"
"I'm afraid that is where the uncertainty lies." Jack typed.
"What happened?" Irina asked quickly.
"I'll know more later. I must go now. Talk to you soon. Love." Jack typed hastily, before signing off.
They both knew that he really didn't have to go. Irina sighed, as did Jack. He always regretted ending a conversation with her. Or maybe it was that he could see her face to face and talk to her, that he regretted. Either way he left the conversation feeling unfulfilled and worried.
He closed the lid to his laptop unceremoniously, and started his car. He drove quickly, without thinking. His mind was still on where he'd left the conversation with Irina. He went over it again in his mind. Should he have told her? Should he have let her know what he'd done? It pained him to keep this from her, especially when so much was at stake; Especially when she was so involved. Sydney was her daughter too, and what she'd just learned was something with which both Jack and Irina would have to handle the repercussions of.
As he drove he kept seeing her eyes. Tear filled, and angry her stare bore into him like nothing he'd ever felt before. It was as if the waves of guilt and grief growing inside of him all came crashing down at once, focused in the anguish of her eyes. He'd seen this before; her reaction to his actions. And when he'd played it out in his head this was one of the logical conclusions. He hated that it had ended up this way. He hated that it had started in the first place.
But the time for anger and hatred had just begun.
Truth be told, he needed Irina's counsel. She was, in fact, the only person who could give him the valuable advice he so desperately needed. In truth, she was the only one who could "fix" things, as they stood now. Or at least, that is what Jack prayed.
A thought crossed his mind. Maybe there was someone else who could help him. An avenue to Sydney's heart, and ear. She had refused to see him, talk to him, listen to his messages. She'd been a stone wall ever since he'd dragged her kicking and screaming out of the Wittenberg bank. She'd cried. She'd demanded explanations and apologies. But he could give none. He wanted to, desperately. But he could not. His shock was still too great. He had not yet prepared himself for this. He wasn't ready.
Changing gears, Jack kicked himself for his own self pity. Yes, he was saddened, angry, guilty, but it was all nothing compared to what she was going through. He pictured her sitting in her living room, alone, crying. Wondering what it all meant, and how he could have kept it all from her. But then he remembered, she wouldn't be alone. Michael Vaughn would be there with her. And the thought crossed his mind again. Maybe he could help. Maybe Vaughn was the key to helping Sydney understand, to helping Sydney's fresh wounds heal, and build a new bridge with Jack.
Yes, Jack nodded to no one but himself. He would enlist the help of Michael Vaughn. But first, he had to make Vaughn understand, and that, wasn't going to be easy.