A/N: I know that it's been a couple of months since I posted anything, but I promise that this story will be finished eventually. My muse ran away when school started because she was afraid of being shanghaied into doing accounting homework. Oh, and by the way, I don't own anything.

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Chapter 6:

The healer greeted him warmly. "Ah, Legolas. So good to see you again. Please sit down and we will get started." But the prince didn't even hear him. With his elven senses, Legolas could hear a pin drop fifty miles away, but he had no idea what to make of the situation that he found himself in. Legolas briefly considered running away, but that seemed worse than just trying to act relaxed and play along with whatever the healer was doing.

When Aragorn saw the look on Legolas' face, he was afraid that the immortal elf might drop dead out of shock right on the spot. Aragorn assumed that Thranduil had sent his son here, but it dawned on him that the king might have failed to mention that Legolas would not be alone. Or did Thranduil not even know? Aragorn cast a furtive glace at the healer. He thought that the healer possessed great skill, but he was a little…odd.

Seeing the elf's continued bewilderment, the healer motioned gently at the single empty chair. "Would you like to take a seat?" Legolas did not want to call any more attention to himself, so he sat slowly, still dumbstruck. He looked around at all the familiar faces, wondering what they could possibly have in common.

Elladan and Elrohir were very eager to get started. A bit too eager, perhaps. As soon as Legolas sat, Elladan burst out, "Good! Now that Legolas is here, let's get down to business. I think my favorite story would have to be the time that my twin and I were on a journey between Rivendell and Lorien, and we came upon these two scantily-clad women…"

Elrohir was nodding in agreement, knowing exactly what was coming, but Aragorn quickly interrupted before the elf could get into too much detail. "Now, Elladan, that is not what this meeting is about."

The King of Gondor was such a kidder! With a dismissive wave, Elladan continued, "Nonsense! Now, these women had clearly been…taken advantage of, let's say, and…"

Haldir knew that they had all had experiences like that and he did not want to relive the pain of his own personal failures. He certainly wasn't proud of it! He yelled sharply, "Elladan!"

Elladan was shocked to hear an outburst like that from the usually reserved March Warden, but he did not want to be interrupted again. Aragorn placed a cautionary hand on the arm of his brother-in-law before the elf could say anything else. "My friend, this meeting is not about…ah… bragging."

The elf looked like he had just been slugged in the chest. "It's…it's not?" He looked at his brother, who was equally shocked at this statement.

The healer quickly got the group under control: "Now, everyone settle down. Each of you will get a chance to speak. In fact, let's start off again by just going around the circle. I want each of you to introduce yourselves and tell the group what brought you here today."

This caused the old friends to look at each other in confusion. The elves had known each other for thousands of years, and most of the group had formed deep bonds in the Fellowship of the Ring. Why did they need to introduce themselves? But, this was the healer's profession, so they yielded to the direction of the expert.

The healer was seated at the far end of the small room, closest to the door to his office. He looked to his right at Aragorn, who took a deep breath and began the introductions. "I am Elessar, King of Gondor, and I am here because I, too, have grappled with the problem that now plagues our elven friend. I have been able to resist successfully for three months now and I want to help Legolas reach that same goal." With he sigh, he continued, "It's a battle, but I take it one day at a time."

The rest of the group, except Legolas, who still didn't know what was going on, replied in unison, "Hello, King Elessar."

The introductions continued around the circle counter-clockwise. Elladan, still confused about the purpose of the meeting and embarrassed about volunteering his story so quickly, smiled sheepishly and continued, "I am Elladan, son of Elrond, and I am here because I was invited to come. And…ah…I suppose I was invited because I have been with quite a few women who I…ah…didn't really know."

"Hello, Elladan."

Elrohir wanted to have as little to do with the meeting as possible now that he had discovered that it was not a collection of friends getting together to share their success stories. "I'm Elrohir. Everything that my brother said."

"Hello, Elrohir."

Rumil had been fidgeting with the trim on his cloak, not sure of what he would say, and it was already his turn. Cautiously, he ventured, "I am Rumil of Lorien, and I suppose that I feel out of place because I haven't had any of the experiences that it appears all of you have had."

Unable to help himself, Elladan exclaimed, "Wow. You don't know what you're missing!" This earned him glares from everyone except his brother, and a sharp elbow in the side from Aragorn.

Rumil seemed confused by this outburst, but gesturing to his right, he added, "I am here because the March Warden told me that it was required. He said that it was for my own safety."

"Hello, Rumil."

Haldir nodded approvingly at his subordinate and said gravely, "Yes, this is a serious issue for all the males of Middle Earth. I am Haldir, March Warden of Lorien, and…and even I have succumbed to these dangerous women who roam our lands."

Legolas did not mean to be rude, but he let out a small gasp in spite of himself. Haldir! The prince could not believe that the calm and inscrutable March Warden could be a victim of these same women that had beleaguered him. He thought back to the previous evening's dinner and understood why Haldir had turned away without comment on Legolas' condition. Haldir was many things, but he was not a hypocrite.

Either Haldir did not hear Legolas gasp, or he chose to ignore it, because he paused briefly and then continued, "I am deeply concerned about the effect that my transgressions will have on the morale of my troops and my duty to serve Galadriel and Celeborn." Haldir surprised even himself that he had said this out loud, so he quickly sat down before he let slip the real reason he had attended. It concerned a certain other elf who was neither Galadriel, Celeborn, nor one of his troops. But he was definitely not ready to share that with the group.

"Hello, Haldir."

Finally, it was Legolas' turn. He took a deep breath, but his fast speech betrayed his nervousness. "I am Legolas, son of Thranduil, and I was sent here by my father to receive treatment for my uncontrollable attraction to the strange women that appear in my forest." He hung his head and looked at the floor as he continued, "I am sure that you could all tell at dinner last night that I have been unsuccessful thus far."

"Hello, Legolas."

Merry looked up sadly at Legolas while he spoke. Merry thought that Legolas had called this meeting to explain to his friends what was going on. But, by the elf's reactions, it was clear that he was not the one in charge. Merry hadn't realized that Legolas' problem had gotten this out of control. But, in any event, he cleared his throat, and said, as tactfully as he could, "I have had some experiences with these women myself, but not directly. You know, just in passing. Anyway, I know how much trouble they cause and I want to make sure that I stay far away from them! Also, Sam made me promise not to let Frodo out of my sight."

"Hello, Merry."

Pippin, as always, was right next to Merry physically, but his mind was altogether somewhere else. It was wandering between the previous night's banquet, the last Mary Sue he encountered in the Shire…All over the place, really. But he mostly thought about the Mary Sue. He had been walking with Frodo, and this very attractive human woman would just not leave them alone. And, would you believe it, she…

"Pippin!"

"What?"

"It's your turn to speak!" hissed Merry.

"Of course. I was just pausing for dramatic effect."

Merry rolled his eyes, but Pippin continued undaunted. "Everything that Merry said."

"Do you even know what I said?" interrupted Merry, clearly exasperated.

"Of course I do!" replied Pippin confidently.

"Then what did I say?"

"Well, you said how wonderful it was to be here in Mirkwood and how we're all really concerned about Legolas' well-being."

"No, that is NOT what I said. Although, I do agree with that," Merry added reluctantly.

"Of course you do." Pippin nodded in a commanding fashion, pleased that he had once again managed to extricate himself from a potentially embarrassing lack of attention.

The healer cleared his throat. "Pippin?"

Pippin realized then that their charming banter was apparently not sufficient for an introduction. But, honestly, everyone knew who he was, anyway!

But, he did not want to hold up the group any further, so he cut right to the chase. "Well, I expected that Legolas would explain to us what happened to his pants last night at dinner!"

Several group members looked at each other, not entirely sure what to make of this frank admission. Pippin could sense their unease, so he quickly followed up with, "But now I see that it really needs no explanation, so I just want to give Legolas my support." Pippin beamed at Merry, so proud he was of his excellent recovery, but Merry just responded by rolling his eyes.

"Hello, Pippin."

The final person in attendance was Frodo. He had been smiling at Merry and Pippin's antics, but fell deadly serious again when it was his turn to introduce himself. "I am Frodo Baggins, and I came here because I received a mysterious invitation, as I am sure that many of you did, as well. I did not know the reason for this gathering until just this morning, and it amazes me to see all of you here. I thought that women only fell out of the sky in the Shire!"

"Strange weather patterns in the Shire, you know," interjected Pippin.

Frodo seemed to consider this statement for a moment, but continued, "I am so relieved to know that I am not alone."

"Hello, Frodo."

Satisfied that they had made it through the introductions with only one outburst, the healer nodded and took out his notebook as he said, "That was very good, thank you. Now, before we begin the general discussion, I would like to make clear a couple of rules that I have for group sessions. First, we are here to help each other, so unsupportive comments will not be tolerated. Second, only one person may speak at a time." He reached into his bag and pulled out a small stuffed animal to emphasize this point. "Only the person who is holding Cupcake may speak." Naturally, Cupcake was a likeness of an orc. The healer smiled as he added, "And if you need to take some frustration out on Cupcake, that is fine, too. Now, who would like to start?"

Primarily, Aragorn had been directing the discussions, both in the group and outside of the healer's cottage. But Haldir was the first to stretch his hands out to hold the stuffed orc. The healer nodded and tossed Cupcake to the somber elf.

"I would like to start by saying how glad I am that Legolas has finally joined us. The prince and I have had our differences in the past, but in the matter of these female attackers, we are all in this together."

Haldir clapped his hand on Legolas' shoulder and said, "My friend, if you could resist the temptation of the Ring, then I am sure that you can resist these women."

Legolas was surprised by this outpouring of emotion on the part of Haldir. Haldir's facial expression had not actually changed while he was speaking, but it was easily the most heartfelt thing that Legolas had heard out of him for five or six thousand years. Legolas was so stunned that all he could do was nod his head in acknowledgement and swallow hard.

Haldir tossed the stuffed orc back to the healer, satisfied that he had done his part in being supportive and relieved that he could now go back to being aloof for several thousand more years before he would have to be nice to Legolas again. Although, he did feel more of a connection with the prince now that they had this embarrassing experience in common.

The healer caught the orc and said, "Thank you, Haldir. That was exactly the tone I wanted to set for this discussion. Now, as you all know, this is Legolas' first time with us, while some others of you have been grappling with this problem for quite some time. As usual, I want to leave the floor open for any relevant comments, but perhaps some of you would like to share experiences that would be helpful to Legolas' recovery?"

At the word "recovery", the healer glared at Elladan and Elrohir, who in turn looked at each other innocently and then back at the healer. Satisfied that he had gotten his point across, the healer leaned back in his overstuffed chair and looked at everyone in the circle. "Anyone?"

Aragorn hated doing most of the talking in a situation like this, but, then again, he was king. So he put out one hand and took the little orc from the healer. Aragorn turned it over and over in his hands as he spoke, wondering the whole time why women could not be more simple to figure out. He knew how to defeat orcs. What was it with these women?

"Well, I know that what made the difference for me was my wife." He looked at Legolas and sighed. "I know that does not help you in your struggle, but you have to find something that you care more about than instant gratification and physical pleasure."

Elladan and Elrohir started to interrupt in unison, "But what could be…"

Aragorn cut them off quickly. "Who has the orc, here?"

Elladan muttered under his breath something to the effect of, "Just because he's king and I'll never be king because my father is immortal."

Aragorn ignored them and continued, "Then, any time you are tempted, think about that instead of the situation at hand. Remind yourself of what you have to lose before it is lost."

Legolas was considering this advice while Aragorn handed the orc back to the healer. Frodo had already been leaning forward in his chair while Aragorn was speaking, but was better able to restrain himself than Elrond's sons. So the healer gave him the next chance to speak. But before Frodo could even open his mouth, there was a loud crash outside the door to the healer's cottage.

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A/N: Well, once again, I had more to say than I expected. So you'll have to wait (but not another two months) for the rest of the therapy session. I hope everyone had a great Thanksgiving!