A/N
Man, I'm really happy for all your comments, especially for my first fic (first long text ever, except for shorter stories written in school in the past). Comments on your reviews have been moved to the end of the chapter, many other writers here do it that way and I think It's better for you to first read the chapter and then when feeling thirsty for more can read some comments. Enjoy :)

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The red flashes hit the Slytherin students one by one in that instant of a second and they all fell to the floor each with their distinct "bomp".

Through the door went Dumbledore, McGonagall, Pomfrey, Lupin, Flitwick and Moody, they all entered the room and started checking on the stunned as Pomfrey started checking on Harry.

"This was clumsy of you Dumbledore" Moody growled. "You knew these still lived here and that they were in contact with Death Eaters. You forget to have constant vigilance."

"On the contrary Moody" he answered. "I took a risk by only putting up warning wards, that is true. But I knew we could not have these running around all the time. These students are just the reason why Slytherin can not befriend themselves with the other Houses."

Harry himself didn't care about what was said around him, he tried reaching down to the dagger in his left leg to pull it out.

"No no Harry, don't pull it out "Pomfrey said. "It's stopping the bloodflow right now and keeping the wound under control."

"That's a Portkey to Voldemort damnit! I'm not letting that be in me and if I die by pulling it out here peacefully then that's just so much better."

Harry was able to reach it with his left hand while the arm hurt like hell and he felt how pain was pulsating with his heartbeat in the leg. He seized it, pull it out fast and let his head fall back to the pillows as the dagger was dropped on the floor and blood poured out of his leg in an alarming rate.

Panic struck around him as he felt dizzy and sleepy. He let sleep overcome him as he could see how the shadows around him started working.

"I probably won't die now, too many good Wizards and Witches around but it was worth a try anyway."

Everything went black.

Harry opened his eyes slowly, still in the Hospital Wing but day now. Morning or something, the sheets were still bloody around his left leg but there were no more Slytherins around his bed. Dumbledore was there though and had just noticed that Harry was awake. He looked really worried.

"Harry... I'm sorry" he said. "I knew it was risky to just have Warning Wards up but to tell you the truth I did not expect Voldemort to act so quickly. I did not want you to get hurt any more."

"Yeah so you said the last time too, and the times before that, I guess you thought so before sending me to the Dursleys too, just leave."

Harry looked up at Dumbledore's sad and worried face saw how he suddenly looked even more worried and confused. Without saying any more he just left the room. If Harry had seen himself there in that instant he would've been scared. What Dumbledore saw was a hatred in Harry's eyes much similar to Tom Riddle's when he looked upon him the last time.

Harry noticed after Dumbledore left that the wound on his left leg was totally healed, it didn't hurt a bit any more.

The day went on much as the previous day except there were no more visits. McGonagall came later during the day and Harry asked (wrote on his parchment) about what happened with Draco and his pals.

She told him that they were to be prosecuted and hopefully not saved by Voldemort's Death Eaters. Though she said You-Know-Who as many others still does. This would mean that the secret of Harry's return would not stay secret for much longer which troubled him. Enough to have mad people after him all the time and no life of his own but to be watched over by annoying medias again was disturbing to say the least.

Dobby of course returned again for breakfast and later for lunch. He was really aghasted about what had happened last night which someone of course had told him.

Later that same afternoon Ginny of course came again this time with the Daily Prophet.

"Hey again" she said and sat down. Her facial apperance wasn't as it was yesterday, today it looked more worried and a bit sad.

"I heard about what happened last night" she said and watched the wall.

"Oh great"

"And you should know that it leaked out somehow judging by how it appeared in the Daily Prophet this morning."

She unfolded the newspaper and started reading.

"Harry Potter, the Boy-Who-Lived still lives. They have written about how Draco and his "gang" were arrested for attacking you and that you was probably saved the other day from Voldemort. They still don't know how, neither do any of us but the fact is that soon it'll be swarming with journalists here and students who wants to see you."

She looked up and looked straight at him and smiled softly.

"There is one good thing about all this though, you know what that is?"

Harry shook his head.

"The Wizarding world has regain its sense of hope again though it's at the cost of your privacy, again."

Harry already knew this but hadn't given the posibility of a sense of hope one thought. He knew that the sense of hope was just an illusion.

"Oh Harry, can't you just tell me what's on you mind?" she asked as she reached for the parchment and quill. Harry just turned his head and watched the grounds through the window and stopped caring about Ginny who sat and watched him for maybe five more minutes before sighing and leaving.

Time went by and suddenly Pomfrey and McGonagall entered the room with the same wheelchair they got from that french hospital.

"Uhm" McGonagall said. "We have decided to move you from the Hospital Wing now when people knows about your state. We cannot keep people out of here for a long time and soon there is going to be other patients here. You need some peace and quiet to heal."

And as said was Harry soon was on the wheelchair again and taken through the castle's corridors with Moody and McGonagall as an escort while Pomfrey drove the wheelchair.

She told him how she had found a trace in the books and would probably soon have Counter Curses for Harry which actually made him feel a bit hope. He knew that being without all the casts and bandages would be a relief, a big one. To be able to move as he wished again. Something he hadn't done for soon two months.

He was soon lying in a bed in a room in the lower parts of the north tower. Watching the grounds through a window.

This was probably an unused teacher room he had been given, far away from where anyone else goes. Except those knowing that he was lying there alone of course. As Dobby who entered soon again and Harry wished that Pomfrey could hurry up with finding the cure. He was sick of being helpless all the time. Soon though as the sun sank deeper in the west Pomfrey returned. She almost slammed the door open and had a huge grin on her face.

"I got it!" she yelled. "You Mr. Potter are going to be healed once more by me and this time by a spell I had to mix together myself."

She dragged up a chair and sat down by Harry's bed while taking out her wand.

"All the Counter Curses I was able to find was all very painful and always left after effects but this one may be a bit painful of course but leaves no after effects and will feel really refreshing in the end."

She pulled up the arms of her robe and prepared to cast her spell.

"I did have to calculate a lot though to mix the right amount of every power and the healing spell I'm using."

She smiled down at Harry who felt a bit worried and thought on those times when his guard healed him after torture, always in a painful way. Pomfrey chanted something in Lathin and Greek which almost sounded like a poem for him and moved around her wand over him.

First he felt a warm sensation in his stomach where Pomfrey's Wand pointed. The sensation spred over his body and was more concentrated around his throat and broken bones. Then Suddenly it felt like a roaring fire which intensified. Harry groaned and twisted but Pomfrey held the spell on him. Always saying softly "Almost there, just a little more."

Then suddenly the heat stopped and it felt like he was cooling down. He felt relief and refreshed as he also noticed that a constant aching he'd had for a long time also disappeared.

"You should be able to talk now" Pomfrey said. "That nasty web of veins on your throat has disappeared anyway and your bones should be healed, let me run a few Scanning Spells over those first before removing any casts and bandages."

Harry looked up at Pomfrey but now when he at last could talk again he didn't know what to say. First he swallowed a lot of phlegm he had in his unused throat and mouth before trying anything.

"Thanks" he muttered and one of his lips curled upwards in a small smile. He could talk again at last.

"Now let's see" Pomfrey muttered as she moved her Wand over Harry's body. "Everything seems to have healed..."

She took out a sharp scissor and started cutting off the casts and then the bandages before removing the plasters one by one. When she had finished Harry tried moving his arms and leg again. He sat up and tried standing up too with the help of Pomfrey supporting him.

"There, look at you, almost as good as new" she said.

"Almost?"

"Well, I have to hurry off to report that I was successful to Professor Dumbledore. I'll be back in a few minutes to examine you more."

And soon Harry was standing in his room alone again. Wondering what would happen now. Would they return him to school again? Would he get special training to find his "secret power"? Or would they just hide him while they fought the Death Eaters themselves?

Harry looked towards the window again longing for another life as he had done so often the last months and noticed something lying on his bedside table. The long sharp scissor Pomfrey had used before and must have left there while helping him to stand up.

Harry grabbed the scissor and looked at the sharp point of it. He felt with his unused left hand on his chest and found a spot between two ribs infront of his heart. He took the scissor in both hands and pointed it at that point. Hesitating, wondeing about a world where he didn't live, thinking.

"What am I doing? Suicide? Is it really necessary? What will happen if I continue to live? Voldemort will probably just find me again somehow and will kill me straight on. Or will he? He'd had the chance twice already to kill me without anyone stopping him. Next time they capture me all the wounds are healed again and I'm as fresh as new. As mad as they are they will probably torture me into madness again before killing me painfully. I don't want that, I don't want my memories and I don't want my future."

Harry moved the scissor some more centimeters away from his chest and then thrust it straight in. It went on in, scraping the rib a little and went straight into his heart. It was painful to say the least and Harry fell down on his knees as he watched how blood pumped out from the wound. He released the scissor and watched his now bloody hands, a tear dropped from his chin and hit his hand, mixing itself with the blood. Everything went dark and he fell on his side.

"Mum, dad, here I come."

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Time it took the most of me
And left me with no key
To unlock the chest of remedy
Mother, the pain aint hurting me
But the love that I feel
When you hold me near

The hopes were high
The choirs were vast
Now my dreams are left to live through you

/From "Higher Than Hope" by Nightwish

Again Ginny woke up in her bed after a calm night. Not knowing what had happened in the north tower. It was the 19th of September now, a Thursday. The last two days seemed like they had passed in slow motion thanks to Harry being back though she'd had no success at all with opening him. If Pomfrey would just be able to make him talk again then it would probably be easier for him.

She was soon sitting in the Great Hall again and the mood was much happier than it had been any other day. The most evil Slytherins were gone and The-Boy-Who-Lived was hidden and safe somewhere in the castle. Healing from the past months of torment.

As Ginny left the Hall McGonagall came up to her and told her to follow her to Dumbledore's office again.

Ginny thought that he probably just wanted to ask her how her "psychology sessions" were going but never expected what he would say as she sat down infront of his desk.

"Yesterday was Madam Pomfrey successful with healing all Harry's wounds except the most grave scars" he said first.

"Oh? That's great!" Ginny answered enthusiaticly and wondered why Dumbledore was so serious.

"Well, that was great news for me too but when Pomfrey came to get me and we entered his room we..." he went quiet.

"Madam Pomfrey must have left the scissor she used to cut of the casts and bandages in the room." Ginny didn't like where this was heading. "He attempted to commit suicide with it but Pomfrey and I were lucky and were fast enough to enter his room just moments after he did it."

Ginny just sat there and watched Dumbledore as he talked. Harry had escaped Voldemort's fingers yet again, escaped certain death and now he tried to finish the work Voldemort started by himself?

"Apparently Harry's mental condition is much worser than we ever expected. I would appreciate if you went to him now. We were able to bring him back to life during the night but he refused to say anything. It was as if he was angry that we saved his life."

"But I think he trusts you more than anyone else, if you were able to confront him. To make him say why he does not want to live and then convince him that life is still worth living. Even for him. He must live on, all hangs on that."

Ginny nodded and understood clearly. They had just lived through his death once but to imagine the effects on the world if the newspapers said that he commited suicide then everything would collapse.

While walking through the corridors she thought about what strategy she should use. Time was not an issue today as she didn't have to go to any of her lessons but to sit there with a boy who wants to die more than anything in the world was nothing she looked forward to.

Ginny decided on attacking the issue straight on. Not walking around the question, not making him open himself slowly but to crash it on him. Suddenly she looked up and saw the door to his room.

She lifted her hand, hesitated and then knocked. Not a sound came from inside and she knocked again.

"Leave me alone!" someone yelled from the inside. At first Ginny didn't even recognise the voice but it was Harry she understood soon. She had just never heard his voice sounding like that, angry and sad at the same time. Heartbreaking.

She opened the door and entered. Harry was lying on his bed watching the roof and threw a glance at Ginny as she entered.

"So has Dumbledore sent you to talk with me again?" he asked.

"I actually came here by my own free will when he asked me if I wanted to" she answered.

Suddenly Harry sat up and stared at her. He was so thin and pale. His eyes looked haunted, mad, sad. He was wearing his old glasses "He just gotta buy new ones" and one of the Hospital Wing's pajamases.

"Your own free will?" he snorted. "Yeah right good one, free will, not everyone has that luxury."

"What is this rubbish he's talking about?"

"Of course everyone has a free will" she said.

Harry suddenly stood up and walked closer to her.

"Yeah? Then I happen to be either a nutter or the only one without free will on this whole bloody world, or I'm both! I can't even take own decisions in my own goddamn LIFE without someone stopping me, controlling me, taking my free will all the time!"

Ginny was feeling anger rising, she had never seen him this furious. Of course she heard him in the Grimmauld Place last summer but to confront him like this.

"Is this what everything is about?! You own free will?! Is that why you tried to commit suicide?!" She asked with a rising voice.

Harry fell silent and just stood still in front of her.

"No" he muttered.

"No? Then what is it? And you better tell me because I'm not leaving until you have said it!"

He looked up at her. Opening his mouth slowly and then closing it again.

"So he won't tell me without a fight, well then."

She went over to the door and locked it with a spell. She knew that Dumbledore had taken Harry's wand so he wouldn't try anything again and the only way out was now with Ginny's wand.

"All right, tell me or I won't open this door and the only way out of here is through me or that locked window" she pointed at the window.

Harry looked back and forth and then stared intently at Ginny.

"All right, you wanna know why I don't want to live anymore?"

"Right."

An evil and scary smile crept up on Harry's face.

"This is a long one" he snorted again. "And starts with how Voldemort killed my parents. How then Dumbledore didn't care about my wellfare in any way except that no one would be able to kill me while I was living with the Dursleys. He didn't care at all what a hell I went through. And then, ah yeah, Sirius came, a bit of family at last. Sure your family was nice and accepting me and everything I appreciate that but I wanted a family of my own. MY OWN PARENTS! But hell, my own mistake led to his death while I've just lived through a whole year of ridiculing! But that's not all, you know what Dumbledore told me in his office after that incident in the Department of Mysteries..." He suddenly went quiet as if he had said too much.

"What did he say?" Ginny asked.

"Nothing, nothing important except what that bloody Prophecy was all about! All you need to know is that with that prophecy I knew that I don't even have a future of my own. My childhood was stolen from me by Voldemort and Dumbledore! I don't have a future and the life I have now is just plain hell all the fucking time!"

Harry took a step towards Ginny, looking really aggressive, raising his hands and gesticulating wildly.

"And another thing, while being captured by Voldemort they tortured me into saying things, I tried to resist but once they went too far and I told them the whole Prophecy and now Sirius has died for no reason at all!"

"Don't you see? If I stay on living people around me are going to die one by one until he gets to me again, then he's going to torture me and in the end let his pet snake blow me full with her poison before disposing of me! If I die now then I at least has done something by my own goddamn free will! Against what everyone wants, against what the Prophecy says!"

"But it's not against Voldemort's will!" Ginny suddenly yelled, her eyes filling with tears and Harry laughed.

"Oh no, it's not, though he probably wants to kill me himself but maybe it's time I did something Voldemort wanted instead of what everyone else wants me to do."

"Dumbledore wants me alive because he wants me to defeat Voldemort" Ginny was stunned. "Everyone else wants me alive because they just wants me around but isn't it time THEY cared about what I WANT and not me caring about what everyone ELSE WANTS!"

"Don't you see that I!" he grabbed a vase on the table "HAVE!" He thrust it backwards "NOTHING!" He threw it towards the window "MORE!" It crashed against it "TO LIVE FOR!"

He suddenly sat down on his knees and put his face in his hands and started sobbing. He was sitting on the floor as a small ball, crying and Ginny just stood and watched him as feelings she didn't relly understand went through her mind.

She suddenly hurried over to him and sat down, holding him in a hug.

"You are wrong" she whispered.

"Wha's that?" he said through sobs.

"You're wrong about some things, and I at least don't want you to live just because I want you around or I want you to defeat V-Vo-Voldemort, and you do have something to live for because... I love you."

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A/N

rosiegirl – Thanks yet again :)

captuniv – The story has more important aspects to follow than those kids, maybe in a continuation of the fanfic, who knows. Would never have liked to write about them anyway, but it's true, no easy time is facing them now, assualt is no small offence, thanks for your comment too btw.

adrianne2 – You should just know how much love seeing that kind of comments :D

Pleione – And here it comes as promised.

Priscilla Ryu – It's always fun to write, gotta start on my next fanfic soon though. A bit dark too, a bit funny and from a new character whom I'll create but still in the hp-world. A great and vercatile world to write fanfics to.

Lady of Masbolle – It's Nightwish btw :D , and they are from Finland, I saw in your story "The Journal of Gwynonwyn" that you quoted Evanescence songs though, have a few from those though I'm not crazy about them as with many of the symphonic and goth metal groups I'm listening to.

Tricia-chan – Man, it's sure funny to see how I can arouse strong feelings for people. I've started liking this writing-and-getting-good-response experience.

James And Lily 4eva – Understood and soon done.

Englishgirl – Yeah, poor guy, at that point of that chapter I was myself wondering how to get him back again, inspiration struck and I wrote that down, hope you like it though. Three chapters left after this one.

kazumi – MOAHAHAAA, cliffies is teh evilness, or something, man now my computer-nerdy-gamer-sides are showing themselves, just you wait until I'm starting to talk with just physic-words.

Hmmm, one girl in a swedish-page wrote that she started crying in the end of this chapter, I wonder what you'll say. Poor boy, bottling everything up before the drop makes it pour over comes, just like me though I have a lot smaller bottle :D