In this chapter : Hwoarang's POV in Reiko's appartment... dark, angsty, suicidal themes.
A/N : As I'm writing this, I have 29 reviews XD. All good ones! ((smiles happily)). The bad thing is that my computer seems to be a virus laboratory X.x. This chapter is quite short, but I was running out of ideas. Next chapter might be about the same length hehe... Well, enjoy!
Reminiscence
Chapter 14 : Mistake Part 1
When I woke up, I had no idea of the time I'd been sleeping for. My head's hurting like it's been pounded with a hammer for hours. I feel like shit right now. And now what... he's gonna go for Xiaoyu? I'm sure she set everything up. I've never, NEVER had sex with Ran. And with nobody for that matter. For my own reasons that you'll learn later, if I feel like it.
Anyways... I still don't understand how Jin didn't see that coming. I didn't either, not in that form and not that far, but I knew she'd take other ways to get him. To the point of inventing a story that I'd been with someone else than Jin, and having pictures to prove it... that's going far. TOO far. So that would explain all those flashes I saw yesterday while I was having dinner with Ran... NOW I GET IT! She took pictures while we were hugging. And having dinner. She intended Jin to misinterpret those! It's a fucking conspiracy!!
NO THIS TIME I'M NOT PARANOID!. It's the truth! She... does she hate me this much? Because I took away her love? And what if they WERE together before... Jin said that they weren't though. I don't get this...
Now I know what some people are going to do for love. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, telling someone over and over again. It's normal. I'm in love, I did the same with Jin. Doesn't seems he loves me back now. Alright, I'm also the one who hated him. And I'm going to live with that fact. Can't go back to the past, it's over. That time where I hated him is over. I'm still in love. I'm going to show him how much.
And what if he rejetcs me? I'll be feeling sooooo much better... my ass. I need him... more than anything in this world. If he's not there, I don't know what I'll be living for. That's why I want to die. There's nothing else left for me if he isn't there. You're going to say "What about the others?". As far as I know, they can live without me. I have no family anymore, Baek is dead, I'm way too old to go back to the orphanage. I wouldn't go there anyway.
I refuse to escape reality by taking drugs, yet I want to run away from everything by killing myself. What a joke.
But who the hell am I kidding... why am I still alive? I should've died 16 years ago with my parents. This way I wouldn't be causing so much pain. Jin wouldn't be sad because him and Xiaoyu would be the perfect, happy couple. Reiko wouldn't worry about me so much. Ran wouldn't be in some deep shit if he encounters Jin someday. Seung and Jang would probably live here instead of me. They'd be a happy couple too. Baek would still be alive because I wouldn't have challenged Jin and maybe someone else would've been there to help him.
Everybody would be so fucking happy without me messing up their lives.
Guess it's time for me to end it all...
Not now though. I need to talk to Jin first. Call him. Need to tell him that I'm not guilty. I get up from the bed, walk to the kitchen and grab the phone.
"Moshi moshi?"
"Jin?"
"Hwoarang?!"
"... yeah. Look, it's all a big mistake -"
"Hang up now."
"Jin LISTEN to me, just a sec.... Jin..." I hate that hang-up tone. But I won't give up so easily. "Jin please listen, then you can say everything, or just hang up and I won't go back. Just listen to me..." Nothing on the other end. Why doesn't he at least listens?! I'm gonna try again, one last time... "Jin -"
"It's Xiaoyu. What do you want?"
"What I want? MY LIFE BACK! Tell Jin to listen to me please...."
"And why would I?"
"Xiaoyu, please....."
"Jin doesn't want you anymore. I'll be there for him... Leave us alone, Hwoarang."
She hung up. She fuckin' hung up! How the hell can she.... she's playing on him! She tricked us both! Jin into hating me, and me into leaving the place... For fuck's sake, why can't she just get over it! Not agree with it, just accept that we're.... we were.... in love. Now I have no idea of what I'm going to do...
For once I had everything I ever wanted. A loving boyfriend, a nice place to live, maybe I could've followed courses in something I'd like. I could've got a job... anything I wanted, Jin told me I could do it. He promised to take care of me... And now that he isn't there anymore... I just feel like letting myself go. Yes the guys are still there for me, they're not going to let me kill myself. Especially Reiko.
"He'll realize he's wrong, Hwoarang." Reiko whispers me. "He's bound to see that he's been tricked by that girl."
"But what if he doesn't? What if he still hates me..."
"If he really loves you, he'll see that he's wrong. Give him a day or two to check on the pictures, he'll notice that they're fake. I hope."
"I regret not spending time to know him more... now I could anticipate the things he'd do.... but I can't. Anymore." I'm so unlucky... why do that stuff keep happening yo me? What have I done...
I'm not worthy of being alive. But I want to talk to Jin, if he wanted to listen to me first. What is he doing right now? Is he with Xiaoyu? Could they be together? I don't even want to think about it... my life's such a mess. I could end it all right away. But what if Reiko was right? I love Jin. That's why I just can't do it. For once, I'm right and he's wrong... I want to be with him! If I hadn't gone for that walk, if I hadn't met up with Ran, I wonder if everything would've happened this way. Maybe I'd be sleeping beside Jin, instead of deciding when I'm gonna kill myself. Maybe... maybe it's fate. I'm probably doomed for that kind of events.
Or maybe I should go back to sleep. And never wake up if possible...
To be continued...
A/N 2 : Getting depressing hehe... no worries though :). Next chapter will be Jin's POV. Thanks for all the reviews!
A/N : As I'm writing this, I have 29 reviews XD. All good ones! ((smiles happily)). The bad thing is that my computer seems to be a virus laboratory X.x. This chapter is quite short, but I was running out of ideas. Next chapter might be about the same length hehe... Well, enjoy!
Chapter 14 : Mistake Part 1
When I woke up, I had no idea of the time I'd been sleeping for. My head's hurting like it's been pounded with a hammer for hours. I feel like shit right now. And now what... he's gonna go for Xiaoyu? I'm sure she set everything up. I've never, NEVER had sex with Ran. And with nobody for that matter. For my own reasons that you'll learn later, if I feel like it.
Anyways... I still don't understand how Jin didn't see that coming. I didn't either, not in that form and not that far, but I knew she'd take other ways to get him. To the point of inventing a story that I'd been with someone else than Jin, and having pictures to prove it... that's going far. TOO far. So that would explain all those flashes I saw yesterday while I was having dinner with Ran... NOW I GET IT! She took pictures while we were hugging. And having dinner. She intended Jin to misinterpret those! It's a fucking conspiracy!!
NO THIS TIME I'M NOT PARANOID!. It's the truth! She... does she hate me this much? Because I took away her love? And what if they WERE together before... Jin said that they weren't though. I don't get this...
Now I know what some people are going to do for love. I'm not saying it's a bad thing, telling someone over and over again. It's normal. I'm in love, I did the same with Jin. Doesn't seems he loves me back now. Alright, I'm also the one who hated him. And I'm going to live with that fact. Can't go back to the past, it's over. That time where I hated him is over. I'm still in love. I'm going to show him how much.
And what if he rejetcs me? I'll be feeling sooooo much better... my ass. I need him... more than anything in this world. If he's not there, I don't know what I'll be living for. That's why I want to die. There's nothing else left for me if he isn't there. You're going to say "What about the others?". As far as I know, they can live without me. I have no family anymore, Baek is dead, I'm way too old to go back to the orphanage. I wouldn't go there anyway.
I refuse to escape reality by taking drugs, yet I want to run away from everything by killing myself. What a joke.
But who the hell am I kidding... why am I still alive? I should've died 16 years ago with my parents. This way I wouldn't be causing so much pain. Jin wouldn't be sad because him and Xiaoyu would be the perfect, happy couple. Reiko wouldn't worry about me so much. Ran wouldn't be in some deep shit if he encounters Jin someday. Seung and Jang would probably live here instead of me. They'd be a happy couple too. Baek would still be alive because I wouldn't have challenged Jin and maybe someone else would've been there to help him.
Everybody would be so fucking happy without me messing up their lives.
Guess it's time for me to end it all...
Not now though. I need to talk to Jin first. Call him. Need to tell him that I'm not guilty. I get up from the bed, walk to the kitchen and grab the phone.
"Moshi moshi?"
"Jin?"
"Hwoarang?!"
"... yeah. Look, it's all a big mistake -"
"Hang up now."
"Jin LISTEN to me, just a sec.... Jin..." I hate that hang-up tone. But I won't give up so easily. "Jin please listen, then you can say everything, or just hang up and I won't go back. Just listen to me..." Nothing on the other end. Why doesn't he at least listens?! I'm gonna try again, one last time... "Jin -"
"It's Xiaoyu. What do you want?"
"What I want? MY LIFE BACK! Tell Jin to listen to me please...."
"And why would I?"
"Xiaoyu, please....."
"Jin doesn't want you anymore. I'll be there for him... Leave us alone, Hwoarang."
She hung up. She fuckin' hung up! How the hell can she.... she's playing on him! She tricked us both! Jin into hating me, and me into leaving the place... For fuck's sake, why can't she just get over it! Not agree with it, just accept that we're.... we were.... in love. Now I have no idea of what I'm going to do...
For once I had everything I ever wanted. A loving boyfriend, a nice place to live, maybe I could've followed courses in something I'd like. I could've got a job... anything I wanted, Jin told me I could do it. He promised to take care of me... And now that he isn't there anymore... I just feel like letting myself go. Yes the guys are still there for me, they're not going to let me kill myself. Especially Reiko.
"He'll realize he's wrong, Hwoarang." Reiko whispers me. "He's bound to see that he's been tricked by that girl."
"But what if he doesn't? What if he still hates me..."
"If he really loves you, he'll see that he's wrong. Give him a day or two to check on the pictures, he'll notice that they're fake. I hope."
"I regret not spending time to know him more... now I could anticipate the things he'd do.... but I can't. Anymore." I'm so unlucky... why do that stuff keep happening yo me? What have I done...
I'm not worthy of being alive. But I want to talk to Jin, if he wanted to listen to me first. What is he doing right now? Is he with Xiaoyu? Could they be together? I don't even want to think about it... my life's such a mess. I could end it all right away. But what if Reiko was right? I love Jin. That's why I just can't do it. For once, I'm right and he's wrong... I want to be with him! If I hadn't gone for that walk, if I hadn't met up with Ran, I wonder if everything would've happened this way. Maybe I'd be sleeping beside Jin, instead of deciding when I'm gonna kill myself. Maybe... maybe it's fate. I'm probably doomed for that kind of events.
Or maybe I should go back to sleep. And never wake up if possible...
To be continued...
A/N 2 : Getting depressing hehe... no worries though :). Next chapter will be Jin's POV. Thanks for all the reviews!