Summary: Risa reflects on her past and explains the way she feels.

PG, I guess. Its got a little depression. Enjoy and review please!

Disclaimer: must I? I mean come on........... who here does own ANY of these categories? Exactly.

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Risa's POV

Risa. Everyone knows who I am. A girl. Cute. Popular. And snobby by some people. Great, that's really how I want them to think of me......... not..

Yeah, I have done a couple things in my life that I'm not too proud of. And that's what High School does to you, it brings back all these 'memories.' I realized that freshman year. Daisuke. I regret what I did to him. I do. I feel horrible. I didn't realize how much he really cared for me. I didn't even listen to what he had to say. He is a great guy. Kind, responsible, thoughtful, and wonderful.

At that point of my life, all I thought about were looks. Looks were everything. Daisuke was cute, but to me, that's all he was. Not gorgeous. How could I? I was pretty selfish.

Dark Where do I even begin? The most gorgeous guy I had ever met in my life. Mysterious and criminal Every girl's definition of their dreams. But he didn't care for me, like he cared for my sister.

Everyone thinks that I get all the guys. Nope. Its her they want. Why? Because she's the one with her own mind. She sees things in people others could not. She sees straight into their personalities. And she is not selfish. She is what I am not. I'm the heartless, and she is the pure. But I need her. We're two sides of the same coin. Guys want a girl who follows their own heart. I didn't. I couldn't. I was too afraid of what people would think of me. That whole little incident back when I was fourteen, made me what I am now... depressed.

But now, they, Riku and Daisuke, have moved on, and so have I. I think..... She's a great sister, and I love her so much. And I'm happy for her. And for Daisuke. They're both serious about each other and love each other very much.

But my past really sucks. Everyone tells me to look for the future and leave the past behind me. Its not that easy. Some people think that I don't realize what I have done, but I do! And I'm sorry! Why can't they just drop it!? I'm sorry! This is why I can't let the past go! Because it comes back! Damn it!

I know that I hurt someone. And even though he forgives me now, I can't forgive myself. For the way I acted. For the way, I thought. The way I talked about people, hated little things, and wanted things to go my way or else. I never focused on more important things. And all of this hurts me. I can't just forget about all of this, I try to, and I do forget for a time, but then, it always comes back. And when its there, this selfish, competitive, jealous past, its there. And all of it horrible glory.

At least I can say I'm a changed person. What was me back then, is not me any more. It hurts too much. I never talk behind anyone's back, I don't judge. I think about other people's feelings, and I always see the good in people. Now, I'm strong for others, but not for myself. What I do now, makes me happy. But its still there. It will always be there and will never leave me alone.

No one knows how I feel. They only see my 'happy' side. My mask. Because when I'm alone, I take it off. The pressure I have on my heart pains me and I sometimes cry myself to sleep. Someday, it'll go away. But for now, its always there.

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This was my shot at how Risa feels. Its just that everyone bases her as some snobby, selfish, annoying girl, and I got sick of it. A lot of authors do that. I know. I don't know if I'll continue this, because I probably can give it story. But time is what I need.

Hehehe.....Well, yeah, I hope you guys liked it! Reviews are always welcome, even flames, I guess. So bye bye!

Love!

Europa