::Midnight Lily::

Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter – it belongs to J.K. Rowling.

Chapter Nine

It was funny how time seemed to past so quickly towards the end-of-year exams. Lily seemed to have to grit her teeth through the nauseating ride. Before she knew it, it was a week till the exams, and every one of the seventh years were in utter furore. Not only about the exams – but also on the Graduation Ball. It sounded as if everyone had gained a date for the spectacular event. Everyone that is except Lily and James. The ones everyone thought would have a date first were left with nothing.

Lily wasn't bothered. She'd just have to go alone, that's all. I mean, was a date really that important? It wasn't like choosing a husband/wife. This was an optional thing, not the person you'd spend the rest of your life with.

Five days before the exams (Saturday), everyone in the Gryffindor was kept in to study. But not everyone did. Charlie, for example, had a copy of the Daily Prophet propped up against her Transfiguration textbook and was solving the crosswords and puzzles located on page twenty-eight. The Marauders (okay, only Sirius and James) were lazily playing wizardry chess by the fire.

"Completely pathetic," Sabina muttered into Lily's ear as she watched Sirius take James's pawn. "As if the two of them don't have anything better to do, a.k.a. studying." She had her Charms textbook lying wide-open on her lap. Her wand was out and she was practicing the spells on a fat, dead fly she had found on the table.

Lily gave a sigh. "It's their loss," she replied. "Potter has completely lost it – ever since Gryffindor won the Quidditch Cup that is."

"You should have been there," Katie hissed from beside Wade. "Amber was so fantastic! You should have seen her incredible hit! The whole crowd went wild – and Professor Stebbins fell six flights down the benches!!"

Amber's face went beet red. "He fell two flights down – not six," she answered. "And I wasn't fantastic at all."

"No," Wade agreed, placing an arm around his girlfriend's shoulders. "She was beyond fantastic!"

Katie and Sabina took a quick glance at Amber's already red face and sniggered. Lily looked down at the notes she was revising then took another spare roll of parchment and began writing. "What is it?" Katie asked trying to peer at Lily's parchment.

"Just a letter – I completely forgot," Lily muttered back. Lily quickly folded the paper and slipped it into an empty envelope.

"For who?" Katie asked.

"My parents," Lily said sharply. "They wanted to know when my exams were going to be held." She stood up and walked out of the common room. The corridor outside was quiet, and for obvious reasons, Lily took a path to the owlery. She wasn't faking about the letter at all – if that's what you're thinking. She really had to send a letter to her parents. She just didn't like talking about them with her friends.

Her family had always been a secret from her friends. She didn't want them to know about how torn up she was from them. Lily had loving parents; they cared for her, which was good. But then there was her sister Petunia. It was hard to say whether they had a sisterly bond at all. Often when Lily went home for the summer she would barely talk to her sister. Sometimes she'd try to make conversation with her – but to no avail. Petunia had made it certain that she had no sister.

Lily turned left and continued through the corridors. Her footsteps were the only sound she could hear.

Lily used to be so strong with Petunia when they were ten. They'd always have loads of fun talking about going to college together and pursuing their careers hand-in-hand. Then they also wanted to raise their families close together and live on the same street with each other.

Lily wanted a small boy with brave heart, she didn't care if he was skinny and weak-looking, but he had to have a loyal soul. Petunia, on the other hand, wanted a fat and beefy boy who would bring her glory when he was older and work for some rich company. Their opposites of a son would be playmates when young and best friends when older.

But that was not to be, Lily knew that now. Petunia and she were different in every way possible. When Lily became a witch she had lost her sister's trust. She doubts that Petunia and she would even go to each other's weddings or funerals ...

Lily was too busy within thoughts that she walked straight through something iced cold. A ghost. She shrieked out in astonishment and turned around to see who she had walked through.

"I'm so sorry, Ms. Evans." It was Genteel Grace. A young woman ghost in her late twenties; she wore an elegant dress that swept down her feet and curls that were pinned elegantly to the top of her crown. She gave Lily a magnificent curtsy. "It was so foolish of me; I hadn't known you were there – I was just so preoccupied."

"It's okay," Lily replied, her brain rattling a little. She hugged her shoulders until the ice-cold feeling faded. "I was a bit careless myself."

"Oh no!" Genteel Grace exclaimed. "Never! Such a fine lady as you should be poised and polished for ever and a day."

"Oh," Lily answered, not knowing what to say. "Alright." She clutched the letter in her hand nervously. She had never been alright with ghosts. It had always sent this unearthly chill down her spine, that they shouldn't really be there but they are. "May I ask what you were preoccupied with?"

"I'm parting from this fair and gracious castle," Genteel Grace said with a polite smile. "I've found an exquisite home somewhere close to Devon – my Mother stays there and I wish to join her. It has been a fine job to be in service to such a magnificent estate, but sadly I wish to take care of a few mishaps in my life."

"Good for you," Lily said.

"Thank you, Ms. Evans," Genteel Grace nodded. With a regal flourish of her gown, she flew through the wall between two paintings of an elf and a flower. "It was nice talking to such a diligent student as yourself – unlike the man who walked past me a few seconds ago."

Lily stood frozen in bewilderment. Was it who she thought it was? But she shook the thought out of her mind. Instead she made her way to the owlery. She had delayed her time enough. Genteel Grace, rumor has it, had died when her lover had stabbed her when she was asleep. Lily couldn't imagine who would do that to a person he/she loved. But then again, the person could have faked it all. How could anyone fake love? But then there were a lot of people who moved from relationships to another – just to be noticed as someone who was loved by many. And then again, not a lover themselves.

Lily made her way up the stair to the owlery and tied her letter onto her own owl, a tawny brown owl she had named Herve. He was always eager to send letters for her but would have liked it even more to just stay where he was today. "Herve, please! Just this one letter to London," Lily begged. At the sound of the destination his eyes swiveled and he took a few totter steps away from her. "Please! I beg you! I need to send this letter to Mum and Dad."

It took a couple more tries before Herve finally caved in. Lily watched her owl fly off into the grey sky before descending down the stairs. On the way down she revised the notes she had written on Comparable Species Charms. She wanted to do it right this time. She didn't want to cheat. On the fourth time she repeated it Lily was completely satisfied. She made her way back to the Gryffindor common room in a cheerful mood.

On a final turn she bumped into someone (preoccupied as she was again.) It was James. Her mood took a swift descend.

"Hi there, Potter," Lily said shortly.

"Hello," James replied just as awkwardly. "Where did you go just then?"

"Owlery – none of your business really, though, Potter," Lily answered. She folded her arms in front of her chest trying to keep her feelings to herself. He wasn't what she wanted. He wasn't anybody at all. "Where are you off to?"

"Nowhere," James shrugged. "Just finished the game of wizardry chess – I won of course, and I was just thinking of strolling about."

"How about your exams?" Lily asked testily.

"Finished them all off last week," James said simply. Lily remembered that James hadn't done any studying at all last week. He was lying. He just wanted to get off easy so she could pass him by. "Surprised you're brain isn't rocketing off though."

"I like to be precise, unlike you," Lily replied, raising her nose in the air. "Doesn't matter if I die trying." She realized how stupid that sound and curse herself. James must have thought the same thing because he snorted. Lily couldn't help but break in a smile. "That didn't turn out how I wanted it to."

"I wouldn't have guessed," James said sarcastically. His right hand brushed against Lily's left and she felt her heart volt into the air.

"I better go – study some more," mumbled Lily faintly. She looked behind her then looked back.

"More?" James asked, raising an eyebrow. "You really do want to die." They both laughed together. Why was he doing this? James asked to himself. Why was he talking to Lily in this friendly way? It was as if he was trying to flirt with her – no that couldn't be right. "J-just go off – I want to just think by myself." He had taken the hard way.

"No," Lily said suddenly. "It doesn't matter. I don't feel much like studying really – I think I know enough." Why had she said that? Lily asked herself. It was that driven pressure she had felt when her friends joked at her routines. Now she didn't feel like studying at all. In fact, she just felt like talking to James.

"You can never know enough," James answered. "So what do you want to do?"

"Where are you going?" Lily asked curiously.

"About, walking through the corridors, pulling pranks at the paintings – the usual," James said casually.

"Then I'll do that," Lily said with a grin.

"Okay," James said slowly. "But I have to warn you, some of the paintings are real grumps, tattle-tales too."

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"Who's that?" Lily asked. She pointed to a midget wizard who was trying to serenade a tall beautiful woman in one of the paintings. "He looks like a great big oaf." They had gone through a few corridors, terrorizing the painting in the castle. "Look! The woman's walloped him in the head with her parasol!"

James and Lily laughed at the height-challenged wizard together.

"One time I hid below his painting and surprised him," James told Lily. "He had the biggest shock of his life – almost peed his pants." It was amazing how enjoyable it was to be in the company of James. The awkwardness of their kiss was completely wiped from her mind. It was back to being alright friends again.

"You were disappointed, weren't you?" Lily said out-of-the-blue. Why was she doing that? Why was she turning the conversation to them again? It's like she couldn't let go of it.

"Disappointed with what?" James asked.

"When we couldn't be together," Lily muttered into his ear. She didn't like this private conversation to linger into the paintings' ears.

"A little," James answered. "Not really disappointed, more heartbroken."

"That's practically the same thing," Lily said logically.

"No it isn't," James dissented. "Disappointed is when you failed to do what was expected; Heartbroken is – when you have a broken heart." James froze in his spot. "They're two completely different things."

"I've never been heartbroken," Lily said suddenly. "Sometimes I wonder how it feels."

"It's worst then daggers piercing into your body, because those can mend and you won't remember much about it," James explained. "But when you have a broken heart, it's your dignity and love that was hurt and you'll remember it for the rest of your life – sometimes it can never heal."

"I'm so sorry," Lily replied.

"No you're not," James said abruptly. "You just say you do, but I know you don't feel sorry for me at all. Just sympathetic. But I don't need your sympathy."

"No, I really do feel sorry, I should have thought first," Lily pressured on.

"You don't care for anyone but yourself," James replied haughtily. "And after all you've been through, it's expected."

"What?" Lily asked sharply. "All I've been through?"

"I know about how your friends always tell you what to do, you're parents tell you what to do – you should care for yourself," James answered.

"You don't know anything about me," Lily said stubbornly. "How could you know – I never told anyone."

"I can just tell," James said. He leaned against the wall behind him and gave Lily a grim smile.

"How?" Lily asked inquiringly.

"When we had kissed," James retorted barely. "The way it felt; you were insecure."

"Insecure?" asked Lily. "Of course I was – you can't just force your face into mine! I didn't even like it! That was completely inconsiderate. The last thing I needed was a kiss from you!" She walked a few steps closer to him, but then thought against it and turned, her back facing him.

"Just like that," he said idly, inside his stomach dropped a little. She hadn't liked it? Of course! Neither did he. "The way you just hide everything, you don't want to be hurt, you want your life to be perfect – well no one's life can be perfect."

"I'm just a perfectionist then," Lily said curtly.

"No," James answered. "You just want to make your friends and family proud. You don't seem to care about what you want."

"How would you know about what I want?" Lily asked him.

"That's just it," James replied. "You don't want anything; you just wish for it and yet never hope for it to happen." He looked outside the closest window and saw Ailsa talking with her friends. "Like how I want Ailsa to be my date – yet somehow I feel that I'll be going alone. It's the feeling of wanting and yearning yet never hoping."

"That's not true."

"Then what do you want?"

Lily didn't answer him. She was afraid to answer him. She couldn't tell him something so personal. Of course she wanted to scream out exactly what she wanted. But that would reveal everything and nothing at the same time. Lily wanted him. But she couldn't have him could she? He wasn't something anyone could just claim. "I'm not telling just anybody."

"I'm not anybody."

"I'm not telling you," Lily said firmly.

A/N: Was that chapter alright? It might have been a little boring. It was just a stepping stone for the next chapter. The next one will be a lot more interesting.