A/N: Well, it's about time I updated, don't you think? Silence? Okay, I'll take that as a no. Oh well.

Disclaimer: Haven't you got the idea yet?

Chapter 9

You know what's a bad thing to do? Prank Death Eaters. It's really not a good idea. Most people wouldn't think so, would they? That it would be fun to pay them back for all of the deaths they caused? Stuff like that? That is total and utter bull. I mean, would you piss off a murderer, megalomaniac or psychopath deliberately? No, you wouldn't, and I wish I had thought of that before I actually did.

Now, you may be wondering what I did exactly. You may be wondering why it was such a bad idea, and why I'm regretting it. You may even be wondering why I'm telling you this. I can tell you the answer to all but the last one. Why I'm telling you this is a question I don't think Einstein could have answered. Or maybe he could have, but I'm not sure. I don't know if he was a psychiatrist, you see, but I do know I'm definitely not.

Right, time to get back on track. Just let me try and remember what that track was... I forgot... And why am I talking about train tracks? Oh, that's right, I'm not. Okay, back to the topic at hand.

Now, the reason for pranking a Death Eater (or, in my case, several Death Eaters) being a bad idea is that they're big on revenge. Oh, they wouldn't lay so much as a spell, curse, hex, charm, potion or finger on me without their precious master's permission, that much was for certain, and they would not be getting that anytime soon, but lets just say that around a large manor such as my father's 'house' accident's tend to happen a lot, especially to people that aren't liked by a large majority of the inhabitants. And what luck! I happen to fit that description! As well as being hated by a large amount of other people! Wonderful news, wouldn't you say?

Okay, so maybe I brought this on myself, what with pranking them, annoying the hell outta them, existing, you know the drill. But I still say I don't deserve this! What don't I deserve I hear you cry, or at least I'm pretending to right now. For the story's and my already doubtable and crumbling sanity's sake, you are asking what I don't think I deserve, understood? No? Well that's just too bad!

Now life has always detested me, I'm sure you would agree. It's always had something in store for me all the time. Now, I believe that this is just another kick in the teeth for me. For, you see (and I've spent about, oh I don't know, four hundred and fifty-ish words getting here) I am now laying at the bottom of a lesser used staircase in the manor, unable to move for some unknown reason, having fallen (pushed may be more accurate) from the top after tripping over something - still not quite sure what it was - pretty much hating the entire world I live in.

Now again I'm pretending to hear you ask, why I fell (tripped). That is really simply and it brings me back to where I started, so isn't that a nice little loop? Absolute spiffing. I, Harry James Potter, only son and heir of the Dark Lord Voldemort, pranked the Death Eaters. And they didn't like it. In fact, they despised it. And so they got their own back. Leading to my predicament. Top hole, wouldn't you say?

The prank I pulled wasn't even that good. It was boring really, not in the slightest bit humiliating. Come on, who would really be embarrased by fuchsia skin, maroon hair and aqua eyes? Oh, and inability to stop randomly bursting out laughing whenever someone more important than them spoke? Plus the fact I kinda sorta managed to get a few of them singing nursery rhymes? I know I wouldn't! Okay, maybe a little.

See? It wasn't that bad! And as revenge, they do this! They make it so I can't fucking move! That's just cruel man! I mean torturing baby animal in front of two heroes some super villain has made fight one another to the death in said super villain's sadistic, ironic humour cruel. Well, maybe I'm exaggerating just a little - but not much!

And so, because of that one little prank, Pansy Parkinson (the right little bitch) started walking with me around the manor, leading directly towards that bloody staircase! Oh, I should have seen something like this coming, you know. I mean, all the Death Eaters and their kids have always hated, especially after they found out the truth about my parentage, and as I was walking with Pansy she kept checking around her, as if expecting something to happen or for someone to follow her. I just dismissed it off as slight paranoia or something. I knew I should have paid closer attention.

And so that's how I ended up in my current predicament, hating the world more than ever and trying to determine whose fault this is. At this exact moment I have millions, literally, but narrowing it down to plausible possibilities, there's only like twenty left. So far I have three main suspects.

The first person I blame is (as always) my dear ol' dad! After all, I was told countless times during my sixth year when people were trying to rid me of my nonexistent guilt over Sirius' death that everything was always Voldemort's fault.

Next person is Dumbledore. He did always manipulate me and annoyed the hell out of me with those damned twinklies that he calls eyes.

Final person to blame is James Potter. I did hear about a prank he pulled what he was about my age, and that was wear I got my idea from, so it could be said that it's his fault.

Some people may say it's my fault. How is it my fault? All I did was play a harmless little prank on people that could kill me and not regret it. It's not like I have a death wish. Wait, that came out wrong... Oh well, I know what I meant, the rest of ya'll have ta deal!

Finally! I can hear footsteps coming along the hallway. It's about time too, I say! I've been laying here for ages! Like an entire twenty minutes waiting for someone to come! Took them long enough to find me!

Aw man! It's no one that'll help me! It's only Nagini! Stupid Snake! My dad won't even set her on the Dursley's... Stupid bassa. And now that snake is walking away, totally ignoring. Someone really needs to get that stick out of her arse...

Did I just say that she walked away? Dearie me, I'm going delirious. That is a problem, to which I really should be feeling bothered about.

Oh look, spiders... no, make that spider moneys... now sea monkeys... Odd. Very, very odd. I think I'll go sleep now. Nighty night.

A/N: That chapter was fun to write. I'm not sure why. It could be that I'm just very odd. Oh well...

HAZZAGRIFF: Lol, she did come close to worse in OotP when Vernon said effing. Just not close enough though.

Kage Mirai: Lol, that sounds like me on... uh... everyday!

BalrogMan65: I've got to have Fudge captured before I kill him. And I don't think there's anything banning Teletubbies, which is so wrong. We need to destroy them.

BLackhand THe DEstroyer: Thanks, and I didn't put your review because I couldn't find it. If I could have found it I would have put it.

Ciara: lol! Good to see you're learning! Harry didn't think about being worked to exhaustion before he agreed for one very good reason: when in both the books or in this fic has Harry ever thought about the consequences before he takes action? Hmmm... Force Lightning and Force Choke... Interesting... That could work. Magic does seem rather like the force, doesn't it? Always there and only certain people being able to control it?

NateP: HARRY WILL NOT BE USING THE KILLING CURSE OF BELLA OR VOLDY! Dumbledore... now that's a whole nother matter.

ChaosDream: You should know I rarely kill off my favourite characters, and Bella is definitely one of my favourites. Plus I am not going to kill her off in about the only story in which I have managed to get her insanity in at all, and to a level I'm satisfied with.

LadyRaven13: Hasn't the whole Barney thing proved that Voldemort is immensely, tremendously, vastly, immeasurably cruel?

Lord Ravenclaw: Ah, I live to make Harry annoy Voldemort. The fact that it's funny without me trying to make its funny is an added bonus.

Crouchintiger: Thanks!

Marvin the Depressed Robot(42: Whoa, okay... that sounds a lot like a line from certain book I'm reading at the minute... only I'm pretty sure EBay wasn't around when it was first written.

Lucasfsf: That's odd, considering it isn't even posted as a humour fic...

Spezlee: Yay! Interesting! Yayness! Yay!

HecateDeMort: Is there anyway I can get you to leave a review longer than one word, I wonder... I'll have to find out!

ironic-humour: You know what I'm finding weird? The face that people are finding this funny even though I never meant it to be funny. Maybe I should post this as a humour fic...