Kaworu-kun, how could you? How could you betray me like this? I placed all of my trust in you and you turned against me. And now you ask me to do this? How will I ever trust anyone again?
But now I suppose I should expect this. Everyone I care for betrays me in the end. It doesn't matter what I do.
Do I even deserve any of this respect and love I get? You told me you loved me and for the first time in my life I felt that you meant it. You really meant those words. Someone actually cared for me.
My father doesn't. To him I'm only a tool. That's why I live with Misato. So he doesn't have to feel anything towards me or get too attached. Misato just looks after me because she has to. Without me there isn't another person to pilot Eva which leaves me alone.
Sometime I wonder if it's best if I just die. Right here and now. Then I think of what you told me, and suddenly it felt that maybe, just maybe, I'm not meant to die.
Then you ask me to kill you! I can't! I don't want to! I've hurt so many others. I can't stand to hurt another person! Is that all I'm suppose to do in this life? Hurt others? Kaworu-kun?
I'm so lost…. I don't know what to do. I hear voices telling me I should do it. You're an angel. If you live you will destroy all of mankind and you don't want to. Why else would you be putting such a burden upon me? I don't want to. I really don't want to.
I'm sorry, Kaworu-kun. I'm sorry. I love you too.
This actually took me a while to write. There was just so much probably going though Shinji's head and I wanted to keep it somewhat short given that this is only something like 2 minutes. Probably felt like more to Shinji…. Such a hard life for him, and he is betrayed so much. Tell me how I did. I tried. It can be hard getting into some character's head and Shinji is one of them. So much going on….