A/N: The Japanese DVDs are such a great inspiration for this fic. The
relationship between Seto and Mokuba is so much more touching than in the
American version.
What I Want Chapter two~
Mokuba's Journal
Last night I couldn't sleep. I had a weird urge to draw something. While I drew I could hear Seto typing in his office. He's always worked so hard to protect me and provide for me. So why do I want do I want Ryou? I feel like such a traitor. He's always trusted me. When he went away he left me with the company's key. And now I'm betraying that trust.
When I realized what I was drawing I was aghast. I had drawn a rough sketch of Ryou and he was embracing someone. me?
It was too much. I pushed the paper away and began to cry. I hate myself. I hate everything so much. I even find myself hating Seto sometimes because he has Ryou. I think I hate that most of all.
How can I hate Seto? How can I hate him who has done so much for me? He always kept me safe, from bullies at the orphanage, from Gozaburo, everybody who ever threatened me. So how can I hate him just because of Ryou? Everything is so messed up right now. I have to stop thinking this way. I feel like I'm losing control of myself and soon I don't know what I'll do to make things better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seto's POV
"Mokuba? Mokuba?" I call as I walk into his bedroom. I glace around to see if he's anywhere maybe hiding from me. When he was younger he used to hide and then jump out and tackle me. I smile it's been a long time since he's done that. My little brother is growing up I guess.
As I turn to leave and continue my search an open notebook catches my attention. Is this the assignment he was talking about? Picking it up I flip to the front and begin to read.
Today Seto left. I don't know why. He left but I think it's Yugi's fault. I'll make him pay for making Seto leave. He'll pay and then I'll find Seto and give him the keys to the company's information.
I pause, is this a diary? Mokuba's diary? I skim the rest of the entries thinking that I should stop. I should stop right now before Mokuba sees me but I continue on.
I think I might be gay. There I've admitted it. I can't help it. I just don't know what to do. I hate this, not being normal like everyone else. I've never been normal but this is worse. Knowing that when I look at my best friend I'm thinking how cute he is and not the normal blank that guys are supposed to feel when the see each other. Why am I this way? Why?
My mouth drops open, my little brother is gay? I never realized.. My thoughts trail off as I read.
How can I like him? He's my best friend. He would be sick if he knew what I feel when I think about him. It's all just so hopeless. I bet he wouldn't even be sad if I died. I would never know if I did. I hope no one ever finds out about what I'm doing. If they saw the scars they might have me taken away from my big brother. And then there would be nobody to cry for me.
I remember thoughts like these. I always hated it when I liked someone within my class. I knew they would hate me for it and while that didn't bother me the thought that I might loose some of my power did. But Mokuba was cutting himself? Is he still doing it? I need to know.
I flip a couple months ahead and find something that scares me. The pages have blood on them.
I shouldn't have done his. I shouldn't have cut so deeply. And now I can barley write this, it hurts so badly. I'm in my bathroom so there will be no stains on the carpet. Seto's not at home he's on that business trip to America. I'll have time to clean everything up so he'll never know. I won't do this again. I won't at least for him I won't. Seto told me to be careful and stay safe because he wouldn't know what to do without me. I know he was joking when he said it but I know it's true. So for him I'll live this life no matter how horrible it gets and I'll try to always seem happy. I think I will go to bed now. Things are getting fuzzy.
Kami-sama, Mokuba was that close to death and I never knew? I feel cold and my hands begin to tremble slightly. Did he really quit? My little brother is always trying to pretend for me. That's my job not his.
I think I might be in love. No that's stupid, I barely know him. I don't think anybody really knows him. He's so quiet, he almost never talks. But he seems so sad. I just want to help him. I know what it's like to be sad. Whenever I think of him I look at my scars and I know I could never let him do that to himself. He's much too beautiful for that. He reminds me of the first days of winter when it's cold and it snows for the first time but the air seems to hold regret for ever changing and killing the plants. Ryou would never kill; he's too gentle for that. But he would never love me because I'm too young for him. Not even his compassion could make him love me.
Ryou? My Ryou? Mokuba loves Ryou? Shit.
"Seto? Hey Seto what are you doing.?" His eyes are wide as I jump away from the desk. It's too late to hide now.
"Mokuba I" His eyes are filled with an anger that I rarely see from him.
"What have you read?" He spits out angrily. He grabs the book from my hands and realizes what I was just reading. He looks at me on second longer and then he runs.
A/N: Well what do you all think? I like this much better than the first chapter but that may be the fever talking. Yup I'm sick but at least I got to stay home today. Joy. Anyways please review and tell me if you like this so far.
What I Want Chapter two~
Mokuba's Journal
Last night I couldn't sleep. I had a weird urge to draw something. While I drew I could hear Seto typing in his office. He's always worked so hard to protect me and provide for me. So why do I want do I want Ryou? I feel like such a traitor. He's always trusted me. When he went away he left me with the company's key. And now I'm betraying that trust.
When I realized what I was drawing I was aghast. I had drawn a rough sketch of Ryou and he was embracing someone. me?
It was too much. I pushed the paper away and began to cry. I hate myself. I hate everything so much. I even find myself hating Seto sometimes because he has Ryou. I think I hate that most of all.
How can I hate Seto? How can I hate him who has done so much for me? He always kept me safe, from bullies at the orphanage, from Gozaburo, everybody who ever threatened me. So how can I hate him just because of Ryou? Everything is so messed up right now. I have to stop thinking this way. I feel like I'm losing control of myself and soon I don't know what I'll do to make things better.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Seto's POV
"Mokuba? Mokuba?" I call as I walk into his bedroom. I glace around to see if he's anywhere maybe hiding from me. When he was younger he used to hide and then jump out and tackle me. I smile it's been a long time since he's done that. My little brother is growing up I guess.
As I turn to leave and continue my search an open notebook catches my attention. Is this the assignment he was talking about? Picking it up I flip to the front and begin to read.
Today Seto left. I don't know why. He left but I think it's Yugi's fault. I'll make him pay for making Seto leave. He'll pay and then I'll find Seto and give him the keys to the company's information.
I pause, is this a diary? Mokuba's diary? I skim the rest of the entries thinking that I should stop. I should stop right now before Mokuba sees me but I continue on.
I think I might be gay. There I've admitted it. I can't help it. I just don't know what to do. I hate this, not being normal like everyone else. I've never been normal but this is worse. Knowing that when I look at my best friend I'm thinking how cute he is and not the normal blank that guys are supposed to feel when the see each other. Why am I this way? Why?
My mouth drops open, my little brother is gay? I never realized.. My thoughts trail off as I read.
How can I like him? He's my best friend. He would be sick if he knew what I feel when I think about him. It's all just so hopeless. I bet he wouldn't even be sad if I died. I would never know if I did. I hope no one ever finds out about what I'm doing. If they saw the scars they might have me taken away from my big brother. And then there would be nobody to cry for me.
I remember thoughts like these. I always hated it when I liked someone within my class. I knew they would hate me for it and while that didn't bother me the thought that I might loose some of my power did. But Mokuba was cutting himself? Is he still doing it? I need to know.
I flip a couple months ahead and find something that scares me. The pages have blood on them.
I shouldn't have done his. I shouldn't have cut so deeply. And now I can barley write this, it hurts so badly. I'm in my bathroom so there will be no stains on the carpet. Seto's not at home he's on that business trip to America. I'll have time to clean everything up so he'll never know. I won't do this again. I won't at least for him I won't. Seto told me to be careful and stay safe because he wouldn't know what to do without me. I know he was joking when he said it but I know it's true. So for him I'll live this life no matter how horrible it gets and I'll try to always seem happy. I think I will go to bed now. Things are getting fuzzy.
Kami-sama, Mokuba was that close to death and I never knew? I feel cold and my hands begin to tremble slightly. Did he really quit? My little brother is always trying to pretend for me. That's my job not his.
I think I might be in love. No that's stupid, I barely know him. I don't think anybody really knows him. He's so quiet, he almost never talks. But he seems so sad. I just want to help him. I know what it's like to be sad. Whenever I think of him I look at my scars and I know I could never let him do that to himself. He's much too beautiful for that. He reminds me of the first days of winter when it's cold and it snows for the first time but the air seems to hold regret for ever changing and killing the plants. Ryou would never kill; he's too gentle for that. But he would never love me because I'm too young for him. Not even his compassion could make him love me.
Ryou? My Ryou? Mokuba loves Ryou? Shit.
"Seto? Hey Seto what are you doing.?" His eyes are wide as I jump away from the desk. It's too late to hide now.
"Mokuba I" His eyes are filled with an anger that I rarely see from him.
"What have you read?" He spits out angrily. He grabs the book from my hands and realizes what I was just reading. He looks at me on second longer and then he runs.
A/N: Well what do you all think? I like this much better than the first chapter but that may be the fever talking. Yup I'm sick but at least I got to stay home today. Joy. Anyways please review and tell me if you like this so far.