A/N: I like not going to school. It gives me time to type. Yay!
Disclaimer: Do you really think that I own it? If you do I'm going to have to worry about your sanity.
Mokuba's Diary
He read this! I can't believe it. I'm more worried than mad I guess. I ran out but after I had calmed myself down all I could think about was what he had read, had he read all of it? What did he think? What will he do? I have no idea what to do.I need to go. I don't know where, anywhere just get me away from here. Away from this life that no longer seems worth the hassle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mokuba's POV
I watch him leave; walking away to what is presumably his bedroom.
How could he? I thought that he trusted me. Not that he should whispered a cruel part of my brain that I found myself agreeing with. Seto knows that now. He knows what a horrible person I am. At least I don't have to worry about his reaction to me being gay.
I snort then I start to giggle and soon I'm laughing hysterically, all of my emotions overwhelming me until I just can't control myself. I'm laughing so hard that I'm lying on the couch curled up in a ball with tears streaming down my face. I don't know why I can't stop; it's not funny. But I can't and my breath is coming in sharp gasps now.
A hand gently touches my shoulder and I look up into Ryou's concerned and slightly scared eyes. Then I cry. Sobbing as hysterically as I had been laughing.
"Fuck. Life isn't worth this hell." I try to wipe away my tears but they just keep coming. "Seto knows what a terrible person I am. He must be so ashamed to have me as a brother."
"That's not true Mokuba." He wraps his arms around me, stroking my hair gently as his shirt gets soaked with my tears. It figures that when he finally holds me I'm in no position to enjoy it. " He's really worried, that's why he called me."
"What?" I pull away quickly and grab my stuff. "I have to go."
Ryou grasps my shirtsleeve holding me back "I didn't tell him. I didn't think you'd want to see him right away. Don't worry."
I push back a strand of hair from my face "You didn't?" I can't believe that Ryou would keep something from Seto.
"No I didn't." He takes my journal from my hands and sets it back on the table. "He shouldn't have read your journal but you should have trusted him when you were depressed. He would have been sympathetic." I'm not surprised that he knows what happened but I wonder if he knows how I feel about him or did Seto decide to keep that to himself? "No he wouldn't have. He believes hat we should endure any pain that comes our way and not succumb to it. He would never do what I did. I know Seto, he could never understand what I did."
Ryou looks at me for a long while; brown eyes searching my face. Finally he sighs, "Perhaps not. But I can." He rolls up one of his sleeves. His pale flesh is crisscrossed with scars, some deeper than others but no recent ones.
I feel my mouth form a small o and I reach out, gently tracing the lines. "Ryou." I barely notice my slip as my eyes fill with tears.
He takes my hand and pushes my sleeve up revealing the puckered scars that always remind me of how easily life can slip away. Newer, still red marks complement them, their blood barely dry. "Sometimes it's easier to deal with physical pain than emotional pain."
I nod mutely still shocked that Ryou, my beautiful Ryou, did this to himself.
"Let me see it." I don't have to ask what he's talking about. I fish around in my jeans finally grasping my quarry. I hold the pocketknife out to him. He takes it, puts it in his pocket and says "You're not getting this back."
I shrug, suddenly rebellious "I have more." Mentally adding, so there.
"Of course you do but you're not going to use them." Is his sure reply.
Defiance flares up in me, they can't take them away. I need them. "I need them. You can't make me." Just because this is Ryou, just because he knows how it feels to need the blade doesn't mean I'll let him take them away.
His hand moves to trace the deep wounds I never meant to make. "Do you want that to happen again, Mokuba? Because it will, whether you want it to or not. I know." With that he rolls up his other sleeve revealing several deep slashes across his wrist. "Things will get bad, you won't realize how hard you're cutting; stop before that happens again."
I feel my arm, the raised lines pressing against my fingers. I remember how I felt that day. I was so scared as the blood left my veins. Only twelve, I didn't want to die I realized in those minutes. "No I don't want that to happen. But it won't, I'm in control."
For a moment I think of Seto, how he always seems so sure of himself and I realize that I sound like him saying that. But I know that deep down Seto isn't as in control as everyone believes him to be.
Ryou looks sad as he says "I wish I could believe that Mokuba. But we know it's not true. As soon as you accept that you'll be able to understand what I'm saying." He runs his fingers through his hair. He pulls his sleeves down and looks at me again " If you need me you know where I am. Now why don't you call Seto, he deserves at least some knowledge of where you are." He looks tired as he hands me the phone.
As I dial I think but I do need you Ryou. Don't you see that? Don't you see that I have found someone I can love in you? Those thoughts leave as my brother answers his phone.
"Kaiba."
A/N: Wheee! I'm very happy with this chapter. It's my favorite so far. Of course now I have really no idea where to go from now. -_- Anyways please do review.
Cookie: It rhymes!
.*shakes head*
Disclaimer: Do you really think that I own it? If you do I'm going to have to worry about your sanity.
Mokuba's Diary
He read this! I can't believe it. I'm more worried than mad I guess. I ran out but after I had calmed myself down all I could think about was what he had read, had he read all of it? What did he think? What will he do? I have no idea what to do.I need to go. I don't know where, anywhere just get me away from here. Away from this life that no longer seems worth the hassle.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Mokuba's POV
I watch him leave; walking away to what is presumably his bedroom.
How could he? I thought that he trusted me. Not that he should whispered a cruel part of my brain that I found myself agreeing with. Seto knows that now. He knows what a horrible person I am. At least I don't have to worry about his reaction to me being gay.
I snort then I start to giggle and soon I'm laughing hysterically, all of my emotions overwhelming me until I just can't control myself. I'm laughing so hard that I'm lying on the couch curled up in a ball with tears streaming down my face. I don't know why I can't stop; it's not funny. But I can't and my breath is coming in sharp gasps now.
A hand gently touches my shoulder and I look up into Ryou's concerned and slightly scared eyes. Then I cry. Sobbing as hysterically as I had been laughing.
"Fuck. Life isn't worth this hell." I try to wipe away my tears but they just keep coming. "Seto knows what a terrible person I am. He must be so ashamed to have me as a brother."
"That's not true Mokuba." He wraps his arms around me, stroking my hair gently as his shirt gets soaked with my tears. It figures that when he finally holds me I'm in no position to enjoy it. " He's really worried, that's why he called me."
"What?" I pull away quickly and grab my stuff. "I have to go."
Ryou grasps my shirtsleeve holding me back "I didn't tell him. I didn't think you'd want to see him right away. Don't worry."
I push back a strand of hair from my face "You didn't?" I can't believe that Ryou would keep something from Seto.
"No I didn't." He takes my journal from my hands and sets it back on the table. "He shouldn't have read your journal but you should have trusted him when you were depressed. He would have been sympathetic." I'm not surprised that he knows what happened but I wonder if he knows how I feel about him or did Seto decide to keep that to himself? "No he wouldn't have. He believes hat we should endure any pain that comes our way and not succumb to it. He would never do what I did. I know Seto, he could never understand what I did."
Ryou looks at me for a long while; brown eyes searching my face. Finally he sighs, "Perhaps not. But I can." He rolls up one of his sleeves. His pale flesh is crisscrossed with scars, some deeper than others but no recent ones.
I feel my mouth form a small o and I reach out, gently tracing the lines. "Ryou." I barely notice my slip as my eyes fill with tears.
He takes my hand and pushes my sleeve up revealing the puckered scars that always remind me of how easily life can slip away. Newer, still red marks complement them, their blood barely dry. "Sometimes it's easier to deal with physical pain than emotional pain."
I nod mutely still shocked that Ryou, my beautiful Ryou, did this to himself.
"Let me see it." I don't have to ask what he's talking about. I fish around in my jeans finally grasping my quarry. I hold the pocketknife out to him. He takes it, puts it in his pocket and says "You're not getting this back."
I shrug, suddenly rebellious "I have more." Mentally adding, so there.
"Of course you do but you're not going to use them." Is his sure reply.
Defiance flares up in me, they can't take them away. I need them. "I need them. You can't make me." Just because this is Ryou, just because he knows how it feels to need the blade doesn't mean I'll let him take them away.
His hand moves to trace the deep wounds I never meant to make. "Do you want that to happen again, Mokuba? Because it will, whether you want it to or not. I know." With that he rolls up his other sleeve revealing several deep slashes across his wrist. "Things will get bad, you won't realize how hard you're cutting; stop before that happens again."
I feel my arm, the raised lines pressing against my fingers. I remember how I felt that day. I was so scared as the blood left my veins. Only twelve, I didn't want to die I realized in those minutes. "No I don't want that to happen. But it won't, I'm in control."
For a moment I think of Seto, how he always seems so sure of himself and I realize that I sound like him saying that. But I know that deep down Seto isn't as in control as everyone believes him to be.
Ryou looks sad as he says "I wish I could believe that Mokuba. But we know it's not true. As soon as you accept that you'll be able to understand what I'm saying." He runs his fingers through his hair. He pulls his sleeves down and looks at me again " If you need me you know where I am. Now why don't you call Seto, he deserves at least some knowledge of where you are." He looks tired as he hands me the phone.
As I dial I think but I do need you Ryou. Don't you see that? Don't you see that I have found someone I can love in you? Those thoughts leave as my brother answers his phone.
"Kaiba."
A/N: Wheee! I'm very happy with this chapter. It's my favorite so far. Of course now I have really no idea where to go from now. -_- Anyways please do review.
Cookie: It rhymes!
.*shakes head*